How To Lose Friends And Alienate People


Trump went from the protective bosom of autocracies where protests are banned, women are oppressed, and tyrants dance with swords, to liberal democracies where they don’t buy bullshit.

Trump’s Eurotrip included a summit with our NATO allies and the G7 Summit. Trump was antisocial and stood alone in corners while the rest of world leaders talked to each other. He was the party guest nobody wanted at the party, which is like every party Ted Cruz has ever attended.

Trump scolded the member states of NATO about how they weren’t spending enough on their military, which is easy to say when your nation has 20 aircraft carriers. Trump broke the tradition set by Harry Truman in 1949 and continued by every president since of publicly supporting Article 5. This article affirms that every member of NATO will come to the defense of any member that is under attack. The ironic thing is that the only time Article 5 has been used was after 9/11 when NATO supported the United States in its fight against terrorism.

Also, during the summit it was revealed that British police are withholding classified information from the United States after leaks to the media about the Manchester bombing. This just weeks after Trump shared classified information, from an ally, with the Russians.

And while in Brussels, Belgium Trump said Germany was “very bad, very bad” for the amount of cars it sells in the U.S. Never mind the fact most of the cars are actually built in the U.S. Along with that, Trump still hasn’t learned that he can’t negotiate individually with members of the European Union.

The most memorable moment occurred when Trump physically shoved Dusko Markovic, Prime Minister of Montenegro out of his way so he could be in the front for a group photo. Roughing people up is apparently cool for Republicans this week, whether in Brussels or Montana. Maybe Trump mistook him for a journalist.

During the G7 Summit Trump refused to make a decision on whether or not the United States will stay in the Paris Climate Agreement. Each of the other members, the United Kingdom, Germany, Italy, Canada, France, and Japan reaffirmed their commitment to the agreement and to combat climate change. Trump said he’ll make a decision later in the week when he won’t have to look the other leaders in the eye when he says he’s abandoning the United States’ commitment.

The G7 Summit was held in Sicily and at one point the leaders took a 700 yard walk through Taormina to take a photo together at a piazza. Not Trump. He waited to get a golf cart as his orange skinny legs couldn’t handle the exertion of physically walking. The other members had to wait for the “high energy” Trump before the photo could be taken.

Before the two summits, European leaders and diplomats were coached to keep details to the minimum for Trump’s short attention span, compliment him on his electoral victory, and compare him favorably to President Obama. Trump still had to assert himself as an alpha male bully.

Later, German Chancellor Angela Merkel stated that Europe can’t rely on the United States anymore. German magazine Der Spiegel published a highly-read article titled “It’s time to get rid of Donald Trump.” The article says that Trump is transforming the U.S. into a laughingstock, is a danger to the world, and must be removed from the Oval Office before he does more harm. It also called him a “liar,” a “racist,” and a “cheat,” among other things.

When your dog poops in a friend’s house you apologize, clean it up, and die of embarrassment. Europe, We’re sorry. We’re trying to clean it. We’re embarrassed.

Creative notes: I teased this cartoon on social media by stating I was doing serious research for it. My readers probably assumed I was doing some intensive investigating. I was actually looking up the photos of the G7 members and insults in their native languages…and to spell them correctly. OK, it was kinda intense.

I think I did everything correctly but if not, sorry. I checked each insult with more than one source. I had to ditch a few that I couldn’t be sure of by my sources.

Since you’re probably curious, I’ll run down each insult for you (and to save you from Googling).

Justin Trudeau, Canada:Hoser.” That’s an easy one. It means you’re foolish and uncultivated.

Emmanuel Macron, France:Vous avez le cervau d’un sandwich au fromage,” which means “you have the brains of a cheese sandwich.”

Angela Merkel, Germany: “Arsch mit ohren,” which means “ass with ears.”

Paolo Gentiloni, Italy: “Li mortacci tua,” which is an insult to your dead relatives. It’s really bad if you’re Italian.

Shinzo Abe, Japan: “Sekai de ichiban daikirai,” which means “I hate you more than anyone.”

Theresa May, United Kingdom: “Wanker” is just the best way to finish any political cartoon. I don’t think I have to tell you what it means.

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