The Little Mermaid

Fish Girl Fury


cjones07122019

White conservatives, the most victimized group in the history of victimization and creators of the term “snowflake,” are livid that a black girl has been cast as Ariel in Disney’s upcoming live-action remake of The Little Mermaid.

White scorn and condemnation were heaped upon Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry over the casting choice. She hadn’t received this much crap since 2004 when she was cast to play Catwoman. Perhaps the most unfortunate thing about that is Halle Berry was NOT cast to play Ariel in the Disney remake. Nope. That honor goes to Halle Bailey, an up and coming actress and one half of R&B duo Chloe X Halle, a group she’s in with her sister (in case you’re one of those white conservatives, her sister’s name is Chloe).

My first thought when I heard Berry had been cast wasn’t about her skin tone. I was confused because of her age. I thought maybe they were reanimating it or something. It boggled my mind. I mean, Halle Berry is beautiful but at age 52, she’s a little old to be defying her father’s orders about socializing with land dwellers (though she’s always welcome to socialize with me). Bailey, at age 19, does seem like a good choice for a disobedient teenage fish girl.

Usually, I’m more annoyed about there being a remake than I am about who’s starring in it. It seems Hollywood has run out of ideas. Ironically, the most original ideas that have been coming out of Hollywood over the past couple of decades have been animations. With Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King coming out later this year, and now The Little Mermaid, Disney seems hellbent on making live actions of all their animated classics. Personally, I’m looking forward to the outrage over the casting choice in Steamboat Willie.

I think white conservatives troll the internet looking for issues to get upset over. Back in 2013 when mixed-race couples were fairly new to commercials, they were livid over a black man married to a white woman in a Cheerios commercial. Now, almost every commercial features a mixed-race couple which seems smarts if you want to market your product to everyone. Now, they get upset over stuff like there not being an American flag on Nike shoes or “Merry Christmas” not being displayed on Starbucks cups, or someone pointed out that their racist president is a racist.

The funny thing is, the hypocrisy goes way back and extends to today over white casting choices. No white people were upset when Katherine Hepburn was cast in an Asian role in 1944 or a white guy as Charlie Chan in 1935. Hell, even John Wayne was once cast as an Asian. JOHN WAYNE! In recent history, actresses Emma Stone and Scarlett Johansson have been cast to play Asians. 2018’s Crazy Rich Asians was historic in that it was a Hollywood film that actually cast Asians for Asian roles.

The people upset over Bailey’s casting point out that The Little Mermaid is from a Danish fairy tale (if you’re a Republicans, Danish is Denmark). Obviously, Scandinavia is one of the whitest places in the world (which came as news to former Trump Homeland Security Director Kirstjen Nielsen, but she’s a Republican), so Hans Christian Andersen’s little mermaid was white. But, it should be pointed out, especially if you’re a Republican, that mermaids are fictional. Also, according to folklore, mermaids want to kill you. If you come up to me about a mermaid trying to kill you after luring you in with a siren love song, my first question isn’t going to be “what color was it?” My first question will be, “did it look like Daryl Hannah?”

Do we still care about stories and the talent of those telling them? Maybe we should hold judgment until we see the movie. Michael Keaton wasn’t taken seriously as the choice for 1989’s Batman until everyone saw it. Now, every new Batman is compared to Keaton. After being criticized for his casting, people were pleasantly surprised that Tom Cruise didn’t Top Gun it in that vampire movie with Brad Pitt.

Jason Momoa didn’t get much heat for playing Aquaman, despite playing the whitest superhero ever and him being of Native Hawaiian ancestry. But maybe people were mostly relieved he wouldn’t be splashing around wear a green and orange leotard. The lesson I’m trying to apply here is that race wasn’t a factor in that movie because there was nothing that could have saved Aquaman from being major suckage. I mean, it’s Aquaman for God’s sake. As for anger at movies, shouldn’t all that energy be reserved for anything new that Adam Sandler makes? Don’t we suspend believability over him always getting the hot girl or the fact people keep giving him money to make the same movie over and over?

Hopefully, Baily does better than Momoa did as Aquaman and Berry did as Catwoman. If you’re still upset about a black girl playing a fictional fish girl, then don’t see the movie, but let your kids go. Black Jesus will be very upset if you raise them to be as racist as you are.

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