Tax The Rich

Boats Boats Boats


Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I kinda suspect my editor picked this solely on “SS Harumph.” Oddly enough, I think I only heard one reader say anything about that.

Go read my editor’s column.

Music Note: I listened to Billy Joel while drawing this cartoon. Don’t ask me why.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Musk You Mansplain?


CjonesRGB12192021

Kids, class is in session. Today, I’m going to educate you on the use of a specific slur. Now, not all of you need to be schooled on this but there are quite a few of you who are ignorant motherfuckers, so you’re the ones I’m really talking to.

The slur we’re going to address today is “Karen.” Everybody has heard this used before but some of you aren’t using it correctly. Wait, there’s a question from the class. Is it always sexist to use the slur “Karen?” The best answer I can give you is, probably. But, there are times when it’s definitely sexist.

A few days ago, one of my cartooning colleagues used “Karen” in a tweet. Even though nobody knew who he was tweeting to or what he was talking about, he got screamed at a lot for being sexist. He apologized and promised never to use it again. Even though nobody knew how he was using it except it was supposed to be an insult directed at someone, it was decided it was sexist. It probably was.

Another question? Yes? What is a Karen? Good question.

First off, a Karen has to be white and female. Now, if you call a dude “Karen,” then you are being sexist. Some men are called “Kens.” And since there is a “Ken” maybe that means “Karen” isn’t always sexist. But, the true meaning of Karen means an entitled and demanding white woman. Now if you want to call a black woman a Karen…never mind. Just do it. I dare you.

Remember that lady in Central Park who called the cops because she saw a black guy? Remember that other time when a white lady called the cops because she saw a black family having a picnic? Remember when Donald Trump asked a black reporter to set up a meeting between him and black members of Congress because all black people must know each other (for the part for a minute where that’s NOT a reporter’s job)? Remember the white St. Louis couple who pulled out and pointed guns because black people were walking in front of their house? Ever see a white person ask to see the manager? Ever see a white person screaming they shouldn’t have to wear a face mask during the pandemic? Those are classic Karen moments.

The pandemic has been ripe for Karens.

A few months ago, I was at my favorite sushi place in town and I was standing in line behind a white woman. She was dressed very nicely as if she came from money, but I wasn’t judging…yet. The wait was taking a couple minutes and as a younger lady walked near us, the nicely-dressed woman, I guess she was tired of standing in line, stopped the younger woman and said she just wanted to get a table and if the young woman could take her to one. The young girl told her, “I don’t work here.” The young girl was Asian. And then I said very loudly, “Good job, Karen.”

I lied. I didn’t say that. I only thought it. I was afraid if I did say that, then the older woman would’ve clocked me, or at the very least, I’d still have to stand in line next to her for a few more minutes. I’m not letting no Karen get between me and my spicy tuna roll. But, I think that would have been the proper use of “Karen.” The older white woman was entitled, believing she shouldn’t have to wait in line, and she assumed the younger woman worked at the sushi restaurant because she was Asian.

What is not a proper use of “Karen” is when you hurl it at a female just because she disagrees with you. Basically, if you’re a Republican, you shouldn’t use it at all. If you’re rich, yeah, just don’t. That word doesn’t belong to you. It’s kinda like when liberals called Don Jr “Fredo,” and then Trumpers started using it for Hunter Biden and Chris Cuomo. The “Let’s Go Brandon” morons can’t create good insults. Case in point “Let’s go Brandon.” Also, “snowflake,” and “libtard.”

Billionaire Elon Musk used “Karen” incorrectly. Earlier this week, after being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, he called Senator Elizabeth Warren, “Senator Karen,” for saying Billionaire Elon, who’s worth $297 billion dollars, needs to pay taxes.

Elon tweeted at the Senator, “Stop projecting.” What is she projecting? Is that another word you don’t know how to use, Elon? In 2018, Elizabeth Warren and her husband paid $302,227 on $913,000 of income. Between 2015 to 2017, Elon paid $70,000 for those years combined. In 2018, he paid nothing. So, Elon…what is Elizabeth Warren projecting? And that’s when he called Elizabeth Warren “Senator Karen.”

He continued tweeting and said, “You remind me of when I was a kid and my friend’s angry Mom would just randomly yell at everyone for no reason. Please don’t call the manager on me, Senator Karen.” Can anyone make sense of that? Who’s the manager in this situation? Was the friend’s mom in a grocery store while screaming for no reason? Also, how is Senator Warren a “Karen”? Did Elon just skip through a few right-wing memes?

Let me point something out to you, Elon: Senator Warren has a very good reason to scream at you. Every American taxpayer has a very good reason to scream at you. And you don’t know how to use the term “Karen.”

Another person who doesn’t know how to use the slur is Joe Battenfield of the Boston Herald.

Battenfield wrote that Elon used the term “perfectly,” in that Warren is a “rich, privileged, older white woman used to getting her way and bullying people around.” Battenfield claims the “richest man in the world wins this round” and then uses Elon Musk’s slur in calling Warren “Senator Karen.” Battenfield copied it from Elon Musk because again, conservatives suck at coming up with their own slang and nicknames, even the ones who are writers, like Joe Butthole (It’s cool that I call you “Butthole” since we’re making up nicknames for people now, right?). It’s like how they always use Donald Trump’s juvenile insults like, “Pocahontas.” Oh, yeah. Elon sent a tweet with a link to that too. So, not only are Elon and Joe “Butthole” Battenfield being sexist here, they’re both racists.

Also, what’s funnier than “Senator Karen” is “Space Karen.” You’d think Elon wouldn’t want to bring “Karen” back. “Space Karen” is catchy.

But, Joe Butthole…how is Elizabeth Warren bullying Elon Musk? Leave it to a conservative to say a man worth $297 billion is being bullied by a woman. That’s pretty Karenish right there, Butthole.

When you receive billions in government subsidies and then campaign against other billionaires receiving government subsidies, that’s when you lose all rights to accuse others of being entitled, Space Karen. When you spread misinformation on a pandemic and vaccines, that’s when you lose the right to call anyone a “Karen,” Space Karen. When you buy spaceships just for fun and as a novelty, that’s when you lose all rights to call anyone a “Karen,” Space Karen.

Note: I apologize to all the Karens I know, and those I don’t, who definitely are NOT Karens in this sense. I especially apologize to Karen Black, who is one of my very best friends (even though she won’t even try sushi and puts ketchup on everything), is about as liberal as I am, is a huge advocate for saving the environment, and is part Jamaican. Hell, even her last name is “Black.” So, my favorite Karen, and one of my favorite people (even though I once caught her putting ketchup on a hot dog on America’s birthday), is not a Karen. The Karens are making it really bad for the Karens. I propose we drop “Karen” and replace it with “Ivanka.” Who the hell knows an Ivanka?

Music note: I listened to the Rolling Stones again while drawing today’s cartoon. Maybe I should have listened to some David Bowie.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Stab Back Better


Cjones09262021

President Joe Biden’s agenda is ambitious. In fact, his Build Back Better Act is historic. It doesn’t just take the country into a more liberal direction. He’s trying to take the nation into a progressive one. And I don’t mean progressive as in liberal, I mean progressive as in progress. He’s trying to move the nation forward. Actually, improving this nation and looking toward the future is liberal, like facts and science. Hey, we didn’t make those things liberal. Republicans did.

This $3.5 trillion spending plan invests in green technology. That’s sensible…which has become liberal. Fossil fuels will not last forever. And here’s a fun fact: We are not going to be here forever. How about we leave something for the coming generations? Burning the planet down now for political expediency and profit is selfish.

This spending plan includes universal pre-K, paid family leave, price controls on prescription drugs, a child allowance, and at-home care for the elderly. It increases taxes (not enough) on the rich. And, it cuts taxes for the bottom 90 percent. Republicans won’t tell you that. In fact, Republicans are saying he’s increasing everyone’s taxes while also banning cheeseburgers. This is because Republicans lie.

The Build Back Better Act is divided into three parts. The first, The American Rescue Plan, has already been passed. What, you didn’t know that? You should because you cashed your check. The first part was a $1.9 trillion COVID relief package. Biden’s approval is currently at 43 percent which proves we forget shit quickly.

The next part is the American Jobs Plan, but that’s being pushed aside, even with a Senate compromise having been reached, because Democrats in the House want to pass the American Families Plan first.

This is wonky stuff and a lot of it’s hard to understand. I’m not including all of it because, dammit, it’s hard and I want to go outside and play. But, I did do a lot of reading for you, so buckle up and let’s go.

Two environmental groups released a study saying this plan will generate 7.7 million jobs over the next decade in clean energy, create $907 billion in economic growth, and provide over $154 billion in tax revenue to local and state governments. That’s liberal and conservative. It’s saving the planet and increasing revenue for the government which may balance budgets and never mind. Republicans don’t actually care about increasing government revenue and balancing budgets, so this part is all liberal. Republicans would rather go all Thanos and snap fingers and destroy shit.

The $3.5 trillion won’t be spent in one night, or even in one year. You don’t hear this part a lot, do you? It’ll be spent over the next decade and only accounts to a five percent increase in the federal budget. You probably weren’t told that part either. But, this bill isn’t going to make it intact to Biden’s desk for his signature. It’ll probably be a trillion cheaper. That means we get less stuff. This is thanks to assholes.

The blocks to passing this don’t just include Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema. There are at least a dozen House Democrats in the way. They objected to President Biden’s proposal to raise the top tax rate on capital gains to 39.6 percent. They also refused to close loopholes that allow hedge-fund managers to pay less in taxes than teachers. These are Democrats? Trust me on this: None of these rich people will be sent to the poor house over this. They pay people to figure out how they can get out of paying higher taxes. They’ll just have pretend poor houses.

The same Democrats who are obstructing this bill have removed a provision that would allow Medicare to negotiate prescription drug prices, something that even 77 percent of Republicans support. Hell, Donald Trump even pretended to support it for a minute. How does anyone run and get elected on making prescription drugs more expensive?

Seventeen Nobel Prize winners in economics have come out in support of the $3.5 trillion package. They think it’s a great idea to help pay for it by increasing taxes on the rich by $2.9 trillion.

Joe Manchin, being the buzz-killing wet sponge that he is, is blocking passage of this unless it’s scraped down to $1.5 trillion. Kyrsten Sinema is also refusing on the price. Why are they Democrats if they don’t want to tax the rich? Let’s look at some of the good stuff they’re preventing with their obstruction.

They are stopping an annual tax credit of $3,600 for every child under 6 and $3,000 for every child age 6-18, half of it paid in advance to assist low-income families. And unlike tax cuts for billionaire assholes, these tax credits will expire in a decade.

They’re stopping the largest anti-poverty program in a half century that is likely to reduce child poverty in the United States by 40 percent-50 percent. Maybe someone should tell West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin which states have the most poverty. Twelve of the top 13 states in poverty are red states. Go figure.

They’re stopping two years of Universal Pre-K for 3- and 4-year-old children, a program that will serve five million children. They’re stopping feeding these children. Free child care puts more women into the workforce. This fact is so factual, you don’t even need a study to prove. It’s like Trump and a small penis. You don’t need to see it to know it.

They’re stopping free tuition for all students at community colleges. Free tuition will increase enrollment in community colleges by 26 percent, and graduation by 20 percent, which Republicans don’t like because educated people don’t vote for racist morons. Look at those poverty red states. You would think that being in poverty would make a person stop voting for politicians who give bailouts to rich assholes and assholes who give themselves bailouts, but they’re uneducated. I’m a huge fan of free community college.

They’re stopping dental, vision, and hearing benefits to Medicare recipients. I ask again, how do you campaign and elected by hating on Medicare? At least Republicans are quiet about it while taking money from it to give to the rich and build racist border walls.

They’re stopping twelve weeks of paid family and medical leave for working men and women. Think of paid-family leave as bailouts for businesses, because that’s who’s benefitting the most from this. Maybe every Republican in Congress should go back to community college for two years.

They’re stopping a plan that cuts carbon emissions in half within a decade through alternative energy and electric vehicle tax credits; a methane gas fee; funds for rural electricity corporations and agriculture and forestry carbon capture initiatives; payments to utilities that substantially reduce greenhouse gas-emitting electricity sources; and electrification of federal government vehicles and buildings.

Again, to help pay for this, President Biden and AOC’s dress are proposing tax hikes on the rich and corporations. This plan, if it remains intact, will increase capital gains taxes from 20 percent to 25 percent, less than they were between 1945 and 2017. It will define the top bracket as $450,000 for joint filers (your taxes are NOT increasing. Rich people don’t read this blog). It will reduce the exemption for estates to $6,020,000; impose a 26.5 percent tax on corporate income over $5 million; and increase the top bracket personal income tax rate to the pre-2017 rate of 39.6 percent. Does that sound like your taxes are being raised?

Why do Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema want you to continue to pay more taxes than Amazon? Last year, Amazon paid a tax rate of 1.2 percent. What rate were you taxed? In 2018, Amazon had profits of 11 billion, yet paid…wait for it…zero in federal taxes. How much did you pay in 2018? Why do Manchin and Sinema want this to continue?

Biden’s plan would raise about $2.1 trillion in revenues between 2022 and 2031 (the period covered by Build Back Better). Experts say tax credits will boost the income of the bottom quintile of income earners by 14.5 percent in 2022; the top one percent will experience a five percent decline in after-tax income.

And yes, I copied and pasted a lot of that. You think I know what “quintile” means? I just looked it up. I still don’t know what it means.

No Republican in Congress supports this plan but three out of four Americans do. Unfortunately, there are too many Democrats in Congress who don’t.

Joe Biden has spent his first year in his presidency advancing legislation that will actually benefit Americans. By comparison, Donald Trump’s first major legislative act was to give himself a tax cut.

Democrats like Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema need to be more like President Joe Biden and less like Donald Trump.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Heimlich and Harpies


Cjones09232021

No, I don’t really think Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a harpy. I just liked that title for the blog. I’m a huge fan of hers.

This is the AOC dress idea I almost passed over. I didn’t need to do another cartoon on this issue, but I really liked this idea. Still, I was aiming to cover a different subject but I fell back on this one because I went to bed last night without a new cartoon idea. I had an allergic reaction to something while taking a walk through the college campus. I came home, took some generic Benadryl, and crashed around 9:00 PM.

I’m still kinda in the generic Benadryl haze so you’re not getting a real blog from me today. Yeah, I’m fine. No worries. I’ll rebound and come out swinging tomorrow.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Republican Fashionistas


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I did a cartoon last week on AOC and her Met Gala dress. It was the same concept as this one, with a different message on a dress. I didn’t even think about what other cartoonists were doing on it, but the next day, I saw at least three (thanks to Mike Peterson’s “Cartoon of the Day” always featured at the Daily Cartoonist). And I didn’t care. I’m usually bothered when I do the same concept as other cartoonists, but I felt I did it differently enough. In fact, there were comments at GoComics at how I “schooled” the conversatives on how to do it. Ha.

So yeah, I used the concept again here, but I felt it was different enough. I stand by it. Now, I actually have a third idea on this issue but it doesn’t use the dress. I don’t know if I can do it since I’ve already covered the subject. I don’t think it’s one of those that needs to be repeated over and over…even though I think the idea (you have not seen yet) is hilarious. I’m thinking about it.

Oh yeah. When my editor saw the rough, he said he knew the “Gilligan” line would make it into the official cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Horrifying Fashion


Cjones09172021

I read comments by right-wing morons (I know…redundant) saying it was hypocritical for Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to attend a $35,000-per-ticket event in a very expensive dress with the words, “Tax the rich” on it. Republicans are very bad at comprehension and getting points.

Actor Michael Rapaport tweeted, “Custom TAX THE RICH dress while at the most elitist event in the world. @AOC will soon be rich with a ginormous production deal from somewhere & done with Politics, guarantee it. Stop treating ANY of these people like celebrities they are public servants and work for us.” I’m so glad Phoebe ditched his ass on Friends for shooting that bird. I’m also glad that shark ate him in Deep Blue Sea, which killed another bird.

Sean Hannity wrote on his blog, “BACKLASH: AOC Under Fire for Wearing ‘Tax the Rich’ Gown to NYC’s Ultra-Elite Met Gala.”

Sure, this event costs $35,000 to attend, and up to $300,000 if you wanted to sit down. Yeah, it was attended by Rihanna, Channing Tatum, Zoe Kravitz, Iman, Megan Fox, and Lil Nax X (I know who a couple of those people are).

Talking to The Washington Post, Ocasio-Cortez said, “I mean, I think I’m kind of at the point where no matter what I do, if I wake up in the morning, there’s going to be someone who has something to say about that.”

The event at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is for charity and is one of the most photographed events of the year. Kim Kardashian wore a head-to-toe black Balenciaga haute couture outfit. I don’t know what that is and I still don’t know why Kim Kardashian is famous. Is she the one with the big butt?

Anyway, it’s impressive to attend an event Kim Kardashian is also attending, and everyone ends up talking about your butt. On AOC’s booty, it was, “Tax the rich.”

The dress’ designer is Ghanaian Canadian Aurora James who accompanied AOC to the gala. She is the founder and creative director of Brother Vellies, a luxury accessories brand centered on keeping traditional African design techniques alive, as well as founder of the 15 Percent Pledge, a nonprofit that boosts Black brands.

James started her business just three years ago with $3,000, selling her designs at the Brooklyn flea market. She went from a flea market to the Met Gala in a span of three years. Ocasio-Cortez said, “That’s really the story of our city. It’s the story of we should be centered, especially as a Black woman immigrant designer in an industry where that is severely underrepresented.”

I don’t see a reason to criticize the congresswoman for attending this event. It’s for charity and she was invited, which I think means as an elected official, she didn’t pay. There were also several other elected officials at the event, but none of them were Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez so they escaped unscathed from criticism.

The major point being missed is that Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wore a dress saying, “Tax the rich” to an event full of millionaires and billionaires. Jesus preached to prostitutes. And from the looks of this event, AOC preached to a bunch of whores too.

For the record, I wrote this blog at 1:30 A.M. while wearing slip-on Skechers (no socks), Calvin Klein shorts (which I just realized), and a plain grey T-Shirt.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trickle Clowns


Cjones06132021

Trickle down economics used to be a theory. I say “used to be” because it’s been debunked.

The theory was that lowering taxes on the richest would stimulate the economy. All those savings for the rich would gradually “trickle down” to the poor and middle class. The rich would be all like, “What do we do with all this increased income? I know….let’s invest it in our employees and community, and not spend it on swanky Manhattan penthouses, yachts, and robot dogs.” It’s a theory that was made into an economic policy. The only problem with it as an economic policy is that it relied on greedy rich assholes not being greedy rich assholes. Did the rich hire more people and increase salaries? No. They bought robot dogs.

Ronald Reagan was the first president to implement this policy but it didn’t work. I mean, it did work in that it made rich assholes even richer assholes, but it never trickled down unless the trickle was yellow. But, leave it to Republicans to double down on the trickle down. George W. Bush relied on it with major tax cuts for the rich…while paying for two wars, and Donald Trump gave major tax cuts to the rich arguing it would trickle down. It’s also a shell game when they do these tax cuts because they always lower them for the middle class at the same time…while giving the larger cuts to the rich. In Donald Trump’s case, to himself.

Republicans rely on you being too distracted and stupid from your extra $300 not to notice the rich’s extra $300 million. And in most cases, they’re right. You, as in all of us, are too stupid. I was once talking to the graphic artist at my last newspaper about us having to pay for Bush’s two wars, and his reply was, “So what? I got $300.”

It’s been over 40 years and it’s been proven trickle down economics doesn’t work. Take Jeff Bezos for example. That guy is worth close to $190 billion (with a “B”), yet his tax rate is less than one percent (with a “1”). Warren Buffett has argued for years that taxes on the rich should increase, but between 2014 to 2018, he paid right under $24 million (with an “M”) in taxes on a wealth of over $24 billion (with a “B”).

The typical middle class taxpayer pays a higher rate than billionaires like Bezos, Buffett, Elon Musk, and Michael Bloomberg. A report by ProPublica has revealed these billionaires pay very little in taxes, and sometimes none at all (none, with a “zero”).

The thing is, the United States taxes income, not wealth. Some people, like Senator Elizabeth Warren want to change that. I’m with her. Let’s tax the rich’s wealth. Let’s tax those Manhattan penthouses for mistresses. Let’s tax those yachts. Let’s tax those robot dogs. There should even be a tax for naming your snooty daughter “Ivanka.” If you give me time, I can come up with a list of names that should be taxed. We can start with “Ivanka, Tiffany, and Barron.” We should also increases taxes for boob jobs, face lifts, and rhinoplasty (with an “R”).

Much of the rich’s wealth are in things like shares in companies they run, vacation homes, yachts and other investments, which are not considered “taxable income” unless those assets are sold and a gain is realized. For example, when Derek Jeter sold his penthouse in Trump World Tower for $16 million after buying it for $13 million (both with “Ms”), there would be a tax on that (he was trying to sell it for $20 million, but it took two years to dump it. Even though it had a great view of Manhattan overlooking the Chrysler Building, Empire State Building, and One World Tower, it was still in Trump World Tower). Even then, there are loopholes in the tax code that can limit or erase all tax liability. If you are a billionaire, you pay for the best tax accountants.

President Biden wants to increase taxes on everyone with an “income” over $453,000 a year by two percent. If you’re a couple making $800,000, then you might pay an additional $5,200 a year in taxes That’s a joke, yet Republicans are fighting it. It would reverse the deductions Trump gave to the rich, including himself. But what will raising the income tax by two percent on the 25 richest Americans, who pay less than 16 percent, do other than make them chortle through their teeth? Maybe buy smaller robot dogs? Republicans act as though that two percent increase is aggressive. I’m surprised one of them hasn’t compared it to the Holocaust yet. But in all honesty, it’s still rewarding the rich for being rich.

If you’re rich, congratulations. I’m sure you worked hard to get there. OK, some of you worked hard to get there. OK, maybe fewer than some. A lot of you inherited what you have. And a whole bunch of you screwed people over to get where you are. Donald Trump, for example, did both. This is a guy who inherited his fortune, and refused to pay people building his towers and casinos. Some years, he only paid $700 in income tax…if any at all. If you make $50,000 a year, hell, $30,000, good luck getting away with only paying $700…legally. And I promise that you feel the pinch of paying $700 a lot more than Donald Trump does.

Senator Warren wants to raise taxes on the rich by two percent also…but not on income. She wants to place a two percent tax on wealth over $50 million (with an “M”). This would include stocks, gifts, homes, yachts, apartments for mistresses, towers that have to be bailed out by Saudis, stock in Grey Poupon, robot dogs (I’m not over robot dogs yet), etc. We can call it the “Asshole tax” (with an “A”).

The rich will always be able to find loopholes. They could spread their property out through their children, who may not be worth $50 million yet. And, those kids would still be tax deductions. Can a robot dog own an apartment? Can you deduct a robot dog? I bet one of these rich jerks has tried.

Over the past few decades, the income gap has increased. The rich have gotten richer while the poor and middle class have not. Wages have remained stagnant. And even when they do increase salaries, they pass it to the consumers who will have to pay 36 cents more for a burrito at Chipotle (I don’t get why everyone love Chipotle? What’s up with that? The food’s dull and boring. They can’t even make a decent taco). When companies raise salaries, they don’t plan for it to cut into their profits or wealth. They plan for you to pay it. It’s why some places charge you for ranch dipping sauce. Don’t believe me? Go to Little Caesars. Their pizza pizza can be a rip-off rip-off.

Republicans have always championed the rich and demonized the poor. Even Ronald Reagan went after welfare recipients, often fictionalizing them and describing one as a “welfare queen” (guess what color she was), while we spend double of social welfare on corporate welfare. We want to piss test people trying to feed their children but we’re not making corporate executives being paid millions of dollars, while their companies are collecting welfare, pee in cups. Hell, if an executive can increase the welfare his company receives, it’s probably another bonus where he can buy a new yacht…that won’t be taxed. Senator Warren…put it in your bill that they have to pee in cups.

If we are depending on this nation to prosper only from the generosity of the rich, we’re fucked….with a capital “F.”

Hopefully, after this column and cartoon is published, no rich asshole sends his robot dog to bite me.

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