Supreme Court

Digging Morbid Holes


cjones09022019

In 2009, after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Senator Jim Bunning said, “Even though she was operated on, usually nine months is the longest that anybody would live.” Bunning was openly licking his chops at the opportunity to get rid of a Supreme Court justice as liberal as Ginsburg. Today, Bunning is dead and Ginsburg is still very much alive. Most Republicans salivating at the opportunity of her seat being filled by Donald Trump aren’t open about it. Others, not so much.

Last January, during a segment on Fox & Friends, a graphic aired showing Ginsburg’s photo along with “1933 – 2019.” They’re not very subtle over there at Fox & Friends.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has openly stated that if an opening occurs on the court in 2020, that he’d fill it, despite blocking President Obama’s nominee in 2016 with the argument it would be a cardinal sin to fill a seat during an election year. McConnell wasn’t just asked at a forum about an opening, the question was if a justice “dies.”

Last January, on the racist, alt-right podcast that you didn’t even know existed, Fash the Nation, hosts Jazzhands McFeels and Marcus Halberstram (is his name really “Jazzhands”?), were giddy over another Ginsburg cancer scare and said they “have the champagne on ice and the crab dance [meme] ready to go” when she dies. The crab dance is a reference to the 2018 celebratory “Crab Rave” song and they posted memes on Twitter of a crab lurking behind the Justice. Other racists joined in sharing memes of Ginsburg and crabs and once again, making liberals wonder what the hell they’re talking about. Republicans suck at humor and metaphors.

I think conservatives should take a lesson from Jim Bunning and think twice before speculating on the health of Ginsburg, or they may be the ones looking over their shoulders in fear of getting the pinch (see what I did there, conservatives? That’s how you do it).

There’s little doubt Republicans were feeling giddy upon hearing news this weekend that Ginsburg underwent another procedure to remove cancer. I’m also certain every liberal in the nation had heart fluctuations.

It’s not just morbid to speculate on and hope for ill health for Ginsburg. It’s cruel and disgusting. It’s also disgusting to hope the economy goes south to help your chances of winning an election. But, it’s not morbid to speculate on the economy. We’re always speculating on the economy.

Donald Trump faces a tough re-election in 2020 for reasons outside the economy. Mostly because he’s a vile, disgusting, racist, stupid human being who’s doing a lousy job as president and is an international embarrassment to the United States. But, if the economy goes down, so does Trump. I feel safe in saying there’s no way Donald Trump’s presidency can survive an economic downturn. If a recession hits before the election (and it will eventually hit), other Republicans will wish they had jumped into the presidential race.

The real questions about a recession are: When will it hit and how hard? I don’t want a recession and I think Trump can be defeated without one. Trust me on this; we don’t need an even bigger mess left by Trump for a Democrat to clean up.

I also hope Ginsburg stays in her seat as long as she wants, even after a Democrat enters the Oval Office. It’s not just her seat that’s so important, it’s her.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an American hero and whoever is nominated, whether by a Republican or Democrat, has huge shoes to fill.

It’s tough to make predictions on the economy or vacancies on the Supreme Court, but one call easy to make with bullseye accuracy is that Republicans will continue to be heartless troglodytes.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

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Extreme Supremes


cjones08022019

Take heart, America. The Supreme Court’s decision, which they came out of their summer break to render, isn’t as bad as you think. Oh, it’s bad. It’s a terrible, rotten, stupid, partisan decision delivered by five extreme supremes, but there’s more context to it than the headlines are delivering. Since I’m a simple-minded political cartoonist who often forgets how to tie his shoes, I may be the one to break it down in an easy and concise way that even a Trump cultist would understand. OK, probably not. But you’ll get it.

The headlines are screaming that the Supreme Court, on a 5-4 vote, rules Trump can use military funds for border wall construction. The issue is over Donald Trump taking money that was appropriated by Congress for the military, and using it for something else that Congress did not authorize. The only way Trump can break what’s in the Constitution and decide all by himself what to spend taxpayer money on is to declare a national emergency (this is the same guy who thinks our national security is threatened by Canadian cheese. Maybe we should build a wall on that border out of crackers). From the headlines, you get the impression the Supreme Court has ruled that Trump can do that, even if it’s not really a national emergency. The fear liberals have is that the court will allow Trump to do whatever the hell Trump wants. Screw Congress. We may be headed in that direction but the court didn’t rule on any of that yesterday.

The chicanery of Trump stealing money from the military has been challenged by the Sierra Club and the Southern Borders Communities Coalition, argued for them by the American Civil Liberties Union. A federal district judge in California prohibited the government from using the Pentagon funds to build the border wall. Trump’s legal team then went to the U.S. Court of Appeals in the 9th Circuit, who blocked the spending pending an appeal.

Trump’s people argued to the Supremes that they should be allowed to use the Pentagon money to build the border wall while it appeals the court’s ruling in the 9th Circuit. They argued they needed the court to act on its request by July 26 because if construction contracts are not finalized by September 30 when the fiscal year ends, they will no longer be available. That’s a very stupid argument but five of the nine justices bought it. At the very most, the court could have allowed the government to grant the contracts but not authorize the start of construction. Or, better yet, don’t negotiate contracts when you don’t have the money.  How the hell was that a winning argument?

What the supremes decided was that the Trump can go ahead and use the money while the appeal is pending and…get this…that the challengers “may” not be the right plaintiffs to challenge the reallocation of the funds. I can’t find why the court believes they “may” not be the right challengers.

Now, even if the courts later say Trump can’t do this, the construction will have already started and it can’t be stopped. Trump will be barking all the way to election day that he’s keeping his promise and building the wall. He won’t mention to his cultists that they’re the ones paying for it, and not Mexico. It also won’t be detected by any of them that Trump, who claims he’s done more for the military than any other president, just stole money from the military. It also won’t be noticed by them that even though it was argued to the supremes that the wall is needed to “staunch the flow of illegal narcotics across the southern border,” that the majority of illegal narcotics enter this nation through legal entry points, not humped on someone’s back through the desert. That also means that this is NOT a national emergency. A wall on the southern border will be about as effective at keeping out drugs as the Maginot Line was at keeping out Nazis (maybe a poor analogy as the Trump administration is very favorable to Nazis).

Here’s the part that may ease your distress the most. These funds ARE NOT BUILDING ANY NEW WALL. Nope. They’re still replacing existing fencing. “Build the wall” is a lot catchier than “steal money from the military to replace already existing fencing.” The money totals $2.5 billion and it will cover just 100 miles along the border. This is not the entire wall. If that ever gets started, it will be held up for years in courts by private property owners along the border. Donald Trump will never get his border wall.

It would be smarter to spend $2.5 billion on free college educations so more Americans in the future won’t be dumb enough to spend $2.5 billion dollars on a useless border wall.

But, these kinds of decisions are causing damage to the country that may be irreversible. Congress may now take away the right of the president (who in the future, may not be an imbecilic, narcissistic, treasonous muppet with bad hair) to declare a national emergency which would suck in the event of an actual national emergency…like the Candian cheese attacking us gets moldy. Or, in the future, another president will make up some hokey reason to declare a national emergency to steal money from government programs to appease a political base to help his or her reelection.

If the Supreme Court allows Trump to take whatever tax money he wants for his pet racist vanity projects, they will be ruling that there are no longer checks and balances and we don’t even need a Congress. At that point, we’ll be down to two branches of government and a near dictatorship. The next step will be the Supreme Court ruling that this nation doesn’t need a Supreme Court and the Trump family will just own the White House for all eternity like the Kim family owns North Korea, where Kim il-Sung is still the president despite dying in 1994 and is currently kept on ice. Seriously.

This decision by the Supreme Court makes Trump supporters happy. They don’t want checks and balances, a free press, three branches of government, or even free and fair elections. They want a fascist government led by a charlatan who steals from charities, grabs vaginas, bankrupts casinos, and is a crappy game show host. Trump cultists don’t love America or democracy. Just like lower deficits and family values, patriotism is just something they pretend to believe in.

It’s a national disgrace that so many Americans fall for the lies from a guy who wouldn’t cut it as a used car salesman when reality when the facts are in their faces. It’s a bigger disgrace that five of them are on the Supreme Court.

Support the cartoonist

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Disenfranchise Now, Take Names Later


cjones07022019

The Supreme Court ruled today that courts have no business deciding gerrymandering cases. Irony.

Writing the majority opinion, which was 5-4 and decided entirely by Republican-nominated justices, Roberts wrote that courts should stay out of politics. Keep in mind, they would not have won this decision if Mitch McConnell and the Republicans had not practiced cheap and dirty politics in stealing a seat from a Democratic president, and had squished him and another judge through by lowering the number of votes needed for confirmation. Again, irony.

What the Supreme Court just did was pave the way for continued partisanship and political bedlam. Gerrymandering has been utilized by both parties in the past, but more recently by Republican legislatures. This is a huge win for Republicans who need gerrymandering to win huge majorities while the majority of American voters reject them. Even in places like North Carolina where Republicans win over 50%, the GOP-led legislature uses gerrymandering to win over 70% of seats.

The court also gave liberals a win in the battle but not the war in the census question. The Trump administration wants to include a citizenship question in the 2020 census in order to dilute Democratic representation. Once again, Roberts voted with the majority but this time with the liberals.

It’s been proven that the Trump administration was using this politically. Now, Trump, acting like a fascist tyrant, is trying to delay the census in order to have the question included. Never mind the fact that the Constitution demands that there is to be no delay in the census.

While the court gave liberals a victory on the question, they left an opening for conservatives. Basically, the court decided the Trump administration’s argument was weak. What they told them was to return to the court later with better bullshit.

The court decided they should stay out of politics, even if those politics disenfranchise minorities, and left open a window for further disenfranchisement, not just of minorities but of Democratic voters.

I think the conservatives on the Supreme Court need to work on their bullshit.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Appeal Of Gerrymandering


cjones06222019

The majority of Americans do not vote Republican anymore. The Republican party is outdated, racist, for the rich and corporations, and stuck in the past. Most Americans have moved forward. As evidenced by the 2016 presidential election, they can’t win the presidency by getting the majority of votes.

The GOP knows this which is why they cling to power through voter suppression, dirty tricks, fear, disinformation, and help from Russian troll farms. But, one of their greatest tools in winning and retaining congressional and legislative seats is gerrymandering. The gerrymandering isn’t coordinated to shift voters politically, but racially, which is illegal.

Even in states that do vote majority Republicans, the Republicans cheat with racial gerrymandering. North Carolina is currently being sued for racial gerrymandering.

In Virginia, my home state, Republicans in the House of Delegates redrew 11 districts, each having at least 55 percent black residents of voting age. The Democrats sued and won. It was appealed to the Supreme Court where the lower court’s ruling was upheld.

Basically, Democrats argued that these eleven districts were unlawful because they featured too many black voters, diminishing their power across the state and in other districts. That’s a trick Republicans have been using for decades. They group as many black voters into a district as possible, give themselves a medal for allowing black voters to elect one of their own while diluting their vote across the rest of the state, thus creating more conservative and white representation. It’s a shell game.

It’s the job of the state Attorney General to fight for Virginia in court. Currently, Virginia’s AG is Mark Herring, a Democrat. He did his job in fighting for the gerrymandered districts but he refused to appeal. Then, Republicans took over and spent millions of taxpayer dollars taking it to the highest court in the land…where they lost.

The majority opinion was written by Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and she was joined by Justices Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayer. What was surprising is that they were joined by conservative Justices Clarence Thomas and Trump appointee and owner of Merrick Garland’s seat, Neil Gorsuch. But, don’t feel jubilant that these two justices voted for what was right racially. They voted on procedure.

They ruled that the House of Delegates did not have the legal authority to appeal the case and that the only one who did was the state Attorney General.

Ginsburg wrote for the majority, “The House, we hold, lacks authority to displace Virginia’s Attorney General as representative of the state. We further hold that the House, as a single chamber of a bicameral legislature, has no standing to appeal the invalidation of the redistricting plan separately from the state of which it is a part.” That’s what we call an RGB mic drop. Basically, they were speaking for their party, not the state. They didn’t even include the Senate side of the General Assembly.

Virginia AG Mark Herring said, “It is unfortunate that the House Republicans wasted millions of taxpayer dollars and months of litigation in a futile effort to protect racially gerrymandered districts.” Basically, Virginia Republicans used millions of taxpayer dollars to fight for racism.

Last year, there was a huge turnout of Democratic voters, not just nationwide, but also in Virginia. The GOP holds the state House by only one vote, and that’s because they won a coin toss. Seriously. Now, there’s another statewide election this year and the new racially neutral districts will stand. When the deck is even, Republicans lose.

Democrats are in a strong position to win more seats. If they can continue the enthusiasm and momentum from 2018, election day will be huge for them. What they have going against them is it’s an off-year election and that entire blackface thing with the governor and the rape charges against the Lieutenant Governor.

Republicans didn’t have the right to appeal this case. And, much like Donald Trump, they don’t have much appeal to the majority of Virginia’s voters…even when they’re not wearing their hoods.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Impeach! Impeach! Impeach!


cjones04292019

There is a long list of things Donald Trump doesn’t understand. During his very first visit to the White House while he was president-elect, he asked Obama if all the West Wing staffers were staying. Obama, to his credit, did not reply, “We’re totally fucked because the nation elected an idiot.” Nope. Obama educated Trump that he had to hire an all-new staff for the West Wing to fill all 400 plus positions. Unfortunately for the nation, everyone Trump knows is an idiot, criminal, or a psychopath. Trump is all three.

Trump also did not know that he shouldn’t hire Michael Flynn. Obama gave Trump two pieces of advice. One was that North Korea would be his biggest problem (which was wrong but who could have guessed that Trump would work so hard on creating even larger problems) and do not hire Michael Flynn. Then, Trump hired Michael Flynn.

Trump doesn’t understand nuclear triad. When asked during a GOP debate in 2015 about modernizing the arsenal in the United State’s nuclear triad, he tossed out some word salad about Obama and global warming, Syria, how he opposed the war in Iraq, and that devastation is “very important to him.” Either he doesn’t know the nuclear triad is a system of being prepared to respond with nuclear missiles from land, sea, and air, or he doesn’t know triangles have three sides.

He doesn’t understand tariffs and they’ve been explained to him time and time again. He doesn’t get that tariffs are basically taxes on consumers. He claims Mexico will pay for his stupid racist border wall by his increasing tariffs on their products, not understanding that U.S. consumers will pay those higher tariffs. He also doesn’t understand that Congress appropriates spending and would be the body that decides how to spend money from increased tariffs.

And while we’re on the topic of the stupid racist border wall and funding for it, his stupid racist sycophants who started a GoFundMe to finance the wall don’t understand appropriations either. You can’t decide how money is spent that you give to the U.S. government. Congress decides. So, those GoFundMe idiots would have been giving all their money to Congress. Who controls the House? Democrats, who could have taken that money and given it to undocumented transgender atheist immigrants in need of abortions if they wanted to. That would have been a swift kick in their stupid racist crotches.

Trump doesn’t understand how people buy groceries because he thinks an ID is required. Seriously. If you can’t find any Frankenberry in your local grocery store, blame an immigrant. That’s why the caravans are coming here.

Despite this “genius” claiming to be a great negotiator, he doesn’t understand that either. Trump was given an offer on border funding and negotiated it down to where he got nothing. Usually, in a negotiation, both sides have a number and they meet somewhere in between. It would be like going to a car dealership and giving them all your money and leaving without a car. At this point, we’re lucky North Korea doesn’t own Hawaii.

He didn’t understand islands because it took a hurricane for him to discover Puerto Rico is surrounded by water.

He doesn’t understand that the highest elected official in a territory is the governor and not the president. He’s the president of Puerto Rico, but he doesn’t know it. I wish I didn’t know it.

He didn’t understand that if you stop paying people then they can’t pay their bills, which was exhibited by the month-long government shutdown. Who knew?

He doesn’t understand you’re not supposed to publicly lust after your daughter…or even privately. He should at least conceal that pervy shit instead of telling all of us that if they weren’t related that they’d be dating and that they’re both obsessed with sex. How does he know they’re both obsessed with sex? That’s a rhetorical question because I really don’t want the answer.

This is getting to be a long list so we’re gonna have to cut a LOT of stuff out, but we’ll finish with…Trump doesn’t understand impeachment.

Trump tweeted that he can’t be impeached because a president can only be impeached if he’s committed “high crimes and misdemeanors,” and he hasn’t been convicted of a crime. What he doesn’t get is, Congress can be the one who decides he committed a crime, such as obstruction. Also, the term “high crimes and misdemeanors” also covers the president’s misconduct, even if it doesn’t involve an actual crime. If Congress believes a president is a threat to national security but he hasn’t committed any crimes, they can impeach him. It’d be very hard, but they can do it.

Trump also said he would use the Supreme Court to stop impeachment. It doesn’t work that way. Impeachment is a political issue, not judicial. The court has ruled over a case involving an impeached judge on a lower court and decided they have no role in it. The only involvement with impeachment is the Chief Justice presiding over the Senate trial, which is after impeachment.

You would have more luck saying “Beetlejuice” three times to stop an impeachment than calling the Supreme Court. And trust me. Nobody calls Brett Kavanaugh or Clarence Thomas more than once.

All the stuff above, I have to know to be a political cartoonist (and everyone should know about lusting after your daughter. It’s wrong). Well, at least a liberal political cartoonist. The conservative ones need a lot of educating. But, don’t you think if a cartoonist has to know all this stuff then the president does too? I’m no genius. Knowing all the information above doesn’t make me smart or super informed. It’s all basic stuff I had a fair grasp of by middle school (we called them “junior highs” back then). I sucked at math but I knew history and civics. History and civics aren’t hard. All you have to do is read….ooooooooooooh. That’s the problem.

Donald Trump needs a civics lesson and I can’t think of a better education than impeaching him. If nothing else, maybe it’ll educate his stupid racist followers.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Stressing RBG


cjones01182019

Writer Morgan Jerkins recently wrote for The Washington Post that obsessing over the health of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is bad for democracy, bad for her, and bad for us. I totally agree with that, but what is also bad for us is the presidency of one Donald J. Trump.

After having a Supreme Court seat stolen from a Democratic president and given to a racist nincompoop installed by a hostile foreign power, then watching Senate Republicans change the vote requirements for confirming two staunch conservatives, liberals, moderates, and anyone else who cares about the direction of this nation has every right to worry about the Notorious RBG. As understandable as it is, it’s also morbid.

It’s not just morbid that Republicans and Trump sycophants are wishing for her demise, it’s morbid that our hope for her health is less about her and more about the bench. It’s like you’re picking up ice cream on the way home, and your family hopes you’re not in an accident because they really want ice cream.

It will be truly damaging for our nation if Trump gets a third SCOTUS pick when he rightfully never should have gotten one. But, liberals need to take the court as seriously as Republicans. Republicans are always obsessing about the court and hoping to overturn Roe v. Wade in the future. Democrats are complacent because they have the law in place they want, ignoring that there is a real possibility it can be taken away. Republicans are much better at turning out the vote over the Supreme Court. Liberals need to catch up.

RBG has received much attention lately. There has been a recent documentary, a movie of her life starring Felicity Jones, and even her workout routine has been documented. Ginsburg has survived both colorectal and pancreatic cancers. This month, she missed her first oral argument in 25 years while recovering from surgery for lung cancer.

While she is 85 and we worry about her health, she can probably climb more stairs than 72-year-old Donald Trump.

I try not to be as morbid about RBG, and I hope she outlives the Trump presidency/disaster and has a long and healthy retirement. But honestly, I’m the people in my cartoon. My heart jumps into my throat every time some news anchor starts a report on her. They need to start their reports with, “She is just fine so don’t panic. Today Ruth Bader Ginsburg, blah blah blah.” Stop giving me micro heart attacks, media.

I’ve had this cartoon idea for a couple months because that’s how long the news has been freaking me out over RBG (I have a large file of cartoon ideas, most of which I’ll never draw). So, if you stumble upon a wish, a shooting star, a lucky penny, a well, wishbones, a genie in a bottle, don’t be selfish. Wish for the health of RBG.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Boofing


cjones10042018

Yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I referred to “boofing” as a sex term. Maybe it is and was for Brett Kavanaugh when he was a young man groping women in high school and college, but there’s a much more commonly accepted definition. We’ll get to that.

I don’t know what kind of parent you are, but if your child asks you, “what’s boofing?” you’re probably going to make something up. Maybe you won’t say it’s for flatulence, as Kavanaugh claimed, but maybe something even milder, like…Hell, I don’t know. What else could it mean?

When you intentionally give your child an incorrect answer to protect them, you’re assuming their mind isn’t developed enough to know Mom and Dad is full of it. When you answer this way to another adult, you’re assuming they’re stupid and if they know you’re lying, that they expect you to be stupid enough to believe it.

You probably wouldn’t do this with another adult, less enough a United States Senator. You would think the last person who would try to make that work would be a federal judge.

Brett Kavanaugh is hoping we’re stupid and that we think the same of him while we give him a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. It will be the first time the drunk choir boy defense won over an entire political party. This is what happens when a stupid person nominates another stupid person.

It’s bad enough that Kavanaugh channeled 4chan to defend himself by blaming people bitter over Donald Trump’s stolen election and Hillary Clinton supporters. It’s totally shucking responsibility by blaming the staff of the high school yearbook for all the dumb things about you, like the clubs you’re in.

But, you can’t expect a United States Senator to swallow obviously stupid and lying answers unless that Senator is a Republican, particularly Lindsey Graham.

No one in their right mind will believe “Devil’s Triangle” is a drinking game and not a sex term for two guys and one girl. It’s called “Devil’s Triangle” because of the danger it poses to heterosexual homophobic males that their penises might accidentally touch each other. Truly, the work of Satan. I only know this because I read and I’ve had conversations in bars. The name does not have any connotation to any danger posed to the female. I’m going to guess a guy came up with it.

The “Renate Alumni” is not the name of a group of guys who respect a girl named “Renate.” It’s used to describe Kavanaugh and each of his friends, including Mark Judge, who claimed they had slept with the same girl, who is named “Renate.”  There are 14 references to the woman, now named Renate Dolphin, in the Georgetown Prep yearbook from 1983. One of the “alumni” members even wrote the line, “You need a date / and it’s getting late / so don’t hesitate / to call Renate.” Respectful sounding, indeed.

This brings us back to boofing. In the same yearbook, “Beach Week Ralph Club-Biggest Contributor,” is applied to Kavanaugh. He claims he earned the distinction, not from vomiting from excessive drinking, but from his queasy stomach and spicy food. Sure, Delaware is known for tamales. Kavanaugh wrote in the yearbook to Mark Judge, the witness named by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, “Judge—Have You Boofed Yet?” Kavanaugh told a Senator that it’s a reference to flatulence. Apparently, Judge didn’t just have a drinking problem, but he was extremely gassy. You’d think Mark Judge would testify against him just for that. I’d kick my best friend’s ass if he defended himself by telling the entire nation I was a farter.

So, the line, “have you boofed yet?” is supposed to be about farting” who would ask that? Or, is it about vomiting? Or, is it about sex? No. It’s worse. Much, much worse.

Kavanaugh admitted he liked beer and that there have been times when he had too much. He even deflected a couple of times by asking Senator Amy Klobuchar if she’s ever blacked out from drinking (that’s the same kind of respect he gave Renate), and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse if he likes beer, and he wanted to know “what he likes to drink.” That’s why you were there, Brett. To take drink orders from senators. Usually, people this defensive about drinking still have a drinking problem.

As he freely admits, Kavanaugh likes beer. After looking up the definition in Urban Dictionary, (don’t click that link) Oh my God, he really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally likes beer. My dad was a massive beer drinker and alcoholic to the day he died. He started and ended each day with a beer and went through a case daily, and I know he didn’t like beer this much. I have never heard of or thought of such a thing. Who would?

In case you didn’t click the link, I’ll put it this way; he likes beer to the point that he feels the need to administer it the way people administer hemorrhoids cream. Sounds like a good time, right?

Thankfully, Senator Jeff Flake was pressured to flake on Kavanaugh and demand an investigation into the charges against the alcoholic nominee of sexual harassment. The FBI, ordered by Trump, now has a week to look in on it. There were reports that they were attempting to interview people as early as late last night in California.

Hopefully, the information the FBI reports back keeps Kavanaugh off the Supreme Court and the Republicans in the United States Senate from giving us all a good boofing.

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