Super Bowl Halftime Show

Heifer Halftime Show

I’m old. I know less and less about pop culture the older I get even though I need a healthy enough knowledge of it for my work.

Let’s use Rihana as an example. I know who she is. I know she’s a singer with a great voice. I know the song “Shut Up and Drive” is hers because I heard it in “Wreck-It Ralph” which I’ve seen at least a dozen times. I like it. I also recognized a couple other of her tunes during her performance in the Superbowl Halftime Show. I didn’t know she had a baby or that she had taken several years off. Don’t ask me who ASAP Rocky is. I’m old and white.

First off, girl…how can you perform levitated in the air while pregnant? I can’t even climb a ladder without getting violent shakes.

So, I was watching the Super Bowl down the street from my apartment at a local bar which unfortunately closes at 9 P.M. every Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday be damned, which meant I had to leave near the end of the third quarter and race home in time to catch that shitty ending. Great game, shitty ending thanks to the refs. But, I digress.

During Rihanna’s performances, I noticed the bulge. The girl next to me whose boyfriend didn’t appreciate me talking to her until 9 P.M. said it was Rihanna’s post-baby bump. I didn’t even know Rihanna had a baby, but I thought it was really cool that she wasn’t hiding it. I found out later that it’s NOT a post-baby bump but a pregnancy…her second. And, this was a pregnancy reveal. I should call that girl to make sure she knows since I got her number. Anyways…

You know what? I think Rihanna is a badass. She performed the Super Bowl Halftime show on a levitating platform that was high enough to collide with Chinese spy balloons, she kicked ass, she exhibited confidence throughout, and she used the Super Bowl Halftime show for a pregnancy reveal. To everyone who watched her performance who said, “Meh,” go screw yourself. You get your ass up there on that platform and pull it off as well as Rihanna.

And, yes. There were critics. Not surprisingly, they’re old and white too.

Donald Trump “truthed,” “EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history — This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her “Stylist!”

Keep in mind that the entertainment at his inauguration was Three Doors Down while the parade consisted of tractors and bagpipes. Also, keep in mind that Donald Trump has insulted at least half of our nation.

Ronny Jackson, a Republican congressman from Texas who’s literally been up Trump’s ass, was upset even before her performance accusing her of making “a career of spewing degenerate filth while badmouthing America every chance she gets.” He asked, “Why is the NFL showcasing this crap? Rihanna SHOULD NOT be the halftime performer!!” 

How are Republican congressmen supposed to be fixing the border, economy, inflation, and everything else they howled about if they’re too busy fixated on Rihanna and the Super Bowl halftime show?

I don’t know what Rihanna said that “badmouthed” America, but maybe he was referencing the time she tweeted, “Fuck Trump,” or that time she said Trump is the “most mentally ill man in America.” Well, shit. I’ve said worse… much much worse about the pussy grabbing grifting bleached tangerine shitweasel with shit for brains.

Maybe Ronny “Fingers” Jackson was referencing the time Rihanna rejected the NFL’s invitation to play the Super Bowl Halftime show, citing solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and his protests for racial justice.

Other conservatives, like Ted Cruz, were too busy being outraged and flabbergasted from seeing Satan at the Grammys. He’s never had deviled ham in his life.

But just as conservatives are trying to force women to be birthing factories,and be barefoot in the kitchen, Rihanna’s doing the Super Bowl Halftime show. Maybe now they’ll try to outlaw pregnant women from showing pregnant belly bumps during football games.

What they should do is pass a law that bars can’t close during the Super Bowl.

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