Stimulus Checks

Who’s A Good Boy?


cjones03142021

President Joe Biden has brought dogs back into the White House. One of the dogs, Major, is the first rescue dog to occupy the White House. Having a dog shows that a person has empathy, care, and love for something other than himself. It’s why Donald Trump never owned a dog.

Earlier this week, someone spooked Major and he bit that individual. According to reports, Major “nipped” a Secret Service agent. A nip is when it is a bite but skin is not broken.

Major and co-first dog, Champ, were both returned to the Biden home in Delaware while First Lady Jill Biden was traveling. They’ll return to the White House soon enough. The White House is still a new environment and for now, it probably will be better for their mom to be there with them. Major and Champ are on the very short list of who can walk into the Oval Office at any time. And I don’t see any issues with them getting on the furniture after Donald Trump let Kellyanne Conway put her feet on the couch.

These are big dogs. During the transition, Major actually caused Joe Biden to fracture his foot while they were playing together. A grown man in his 70s playing with his dogs is a man you want to be friends with. Since these are large dogs, it’s not surprising there are occasional bumps and bruises. Even small dogs can throw a person down stairs. Dachshunds can be brutal. Don’t get me started on cats which are natural terrorists constantly plotting your impending murder.

It’s too bad Major bit a Secret Service Agent…and not a Republican.

It’s too bad Major didn’t bite Roger Wicker for boasting about the money restaurants will receive from the stimulus, yet not voting for the stimulus.

It’s too bad Major didn’t bite Tom Cotton who went off the rails over inmates receiving $1,400 checks…and not losing his shit over inmates receiving checks from the first two stimulus packages when Trump was president. There are also a few retroactive bites Tom Cotton deserves, like for that time when sent a letter to Iran trying to undermine President Obama’s negotiations over a nuclear agreement.

Maybe Major can bite Tucker Carlson. What for? A lot of things actually but let’s start over Tucker’s comments on women in the military. During one of his stupid shows this week, Tucker criticized the military for having women in it while also praising China for building more ships. He called China’s move “more masculine,” while saying about women, “So we’ve got new hairstyles and maternity flight suits — pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It’s a mockery of the U.S. military.” Tucker Carlson is a mockery of journalism and he deserves a few bites.

There are other people in Washington Major can bite. He can start with Ted Cruz just for being Ted Cruz. And if Major can get that awful taste out of his mouth, perhaps he can go after Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan, Lindsey Graham, Josh Hawley, and Ron Johnson?

Aw, screw it. Go for it, Major. Bite every single Republican in Congress who didn’t vote for the stimulus. Since every single Republican voted against it, you’re gonna need back-up. Is Champ in a biting mood?

What sort of treats and Scooby Snacks do you give a dog for biting Republicans? We might be talking steaks here.

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