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Sunday Sycophants


cjones05262020

I’m not a religious person. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in religious freedom. Religious freedom means you’re free not to have any religion. Religious freedom means you’re free to be an atheist. Religious freedom is just as important to those without faith and religion as it is to those who worship a god. It also means you have the freedom to designate Donald Trump as your god.

If you actually buy into Donald Trump’s bullshit about opening churches, then Donald Trump is your god. It also means you’re stupid. If you’re ever walking along the street and run into someone playing the shell game (that’s where a guy has three shells, moves them around, and you guess which one has a pea in it), don’t play. You will suck at the shell game. For example: Donald Trump donates his salary while raking in emoluments and charging the government each time he visits one of his golf resorts. That is a shell game. You suck.

Donald Trump is a conman. He’s not even a good conman. Only stupid people fall for Donald Trump’s con. He runs multiple cons simultaneously (in case you’re a Republican, that means at the same time). But his most recent con is his demand for all the governors to allow churches to reopen. If they defy his order (in case you’re a Republican, that “defy” means they don’t do what he says), he claims he’ll override the governors and force them to open churches.

How exactly is Donald Trump going to override governors and force churches to reopen? By sending in the National Guard? Oops, no he won’t. He just called for their deployment to end one day before they’re eligible for benefits (in case you’re a Republican, “eligible” means having the right to get something). Anyway, I’d love to see the Army storming into churches and apprehending grandmas. That would make a great Madea movie. This is also another example that Donald Trump doesn’t really support the military.

Here’s the thing though: Donald Trump does NOT have the authority to force governors to reopen churches. But he won’t have to anyway. No governor is going to send state police into churches to arrest parishioners. There will be no posses sent out to wrangle choirs.

This is also another example of Donald Trump not caring about people. He doesn’t care if you go to church any more than he cares if you die from the coronavirus, or if you die from taking medication prescribed by a quack wearing a yellow ferret on his head. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to be in church on Sunday defying social distancing guidelines. No. He’s going to be in the White House on Sunday morning watching Fox News, tweeting stupid crap while eating Quarter Pounders with cheese.

This is kinda like Trump Wine. He says he doesn’t drink wine but can vouch his wine is the best wine. How would he know if it’s the best wine if he doesn’t drink wine? How would he know churches are essential when he’s never been to one? He claims he’s been to church but I don’t know if anything really sunk in when the only impression he got was from the “little crackers.”

A lot of people say Donald Trump is playing to his base because he’s down in the polls. He is playing to his base but not for their votes. He already has those. If you’re a white religious zealot, he didn’t win your vote yesterday. He had your vote when he called Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” What is Donald Trump doing? He’s being divisive. He’s making religion partisan, just like he did with science.

Do you know why Donald Trump keeps pimping Hydroxychloroquine? It’s not because he’s making money on it. It’s not because he’s saving face. It’s not because he actually believes in it. He’s advocating it because it defies science. He’s promoting it because he made it a wedge issue. He likes to divide and fight and his base is dumb enough to buy into it because they’re all horrible and vile people. Donald Trump says to take it so his supporters swear by it…even though most of them have never taken it or read a scientific paper on it. In fact, his own administration urges you NOT to take it while he’s saying “take it” and asking “what have you got to lose?”. You have everything to lose. And if you ignore social distancing guidelines and go to a crowded church, you have everything to lose.

Here’s another thing, kiddos: You and your religion are not being persecuted because you’re denied the right to infect other people. If one person with Covid-19 is in your church, with loud singing, loud chanting, loud hallelujahs, and everyone’s in close proximity, then your church is a cesspool. Multiple people have caught the coronavirus in church.

Nobody is telling you not to have faith. No governor has outlawed praying. If your religion requires you to pray with specific company and in a specific building, then you don’t have any faith at all. You physically being in a church isn’t essential at all. That doesn’t mean your faith isn’t essential, but you being there…nuh-uh.

What is religious persecution is denying a mosque the right to exist in a certain location which Donald Trump did to a mosque in New York City in 2010. Religious persecution is calling for surveillance on all mosques which Donald Trump did as a presidential candidate. Religious persecution is calling for a ban on all Muslims entering the nation which Donald Trump did as a presidential candidate. Religious persecution is enacting that ban which Donald Trump did as president (sic).

Also, Donald Trump is demanding all churches reopen while the coronavirus is still rampaging through the south and midwest. Donald Trump is encouraging you to put yourself, your family, and your neighbors in danger. Donald Trump does not care if you die.

If you really buy into the idea that Donald Trump, Mr. Two Corinthians…Mr. Porn-Star shagging really cares about your religion, then I have a piece of toast with Jesus’ image in it I’ll sell to you for a great price.

As I said, I’m not religious but growing up in Southern Baptist churches, in addition to a few Catholic churches, and even attending a private Baptist school for a year, I’m quite familiar with religions. And I know using religion as a political prop is sinful.

Another sin is worshipping a false deity. And Donald Trump is as false as it gets.

And in case you’re a Republican, see you in Hell.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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Michigan Freeedumb


cjones05062020

OK, kids. Let’s go over it one more time. Flying a Confederate flag isn’t about your heritage, especially if you’re in Michigan. Unless…maybe you consider hate your heritage. If you’re at a rally supposedly to protest lockdown orders in your state, and your brought Swastikas, hate is your heritage. Your parents taught it to you and you’re probably teaching it to your kids.

Greg Gutfeld, one of the idiots at Fox News and an example of conservative humor was being serious when he argued…you’re gonna love this…that just because someone’s waving a flag with a Swastika on it, doesn’t mean they’re a Nazi.

I always thought that if you wave a flag, you believed in what it stood for. When a flag is waved, you look to see who salutes. Apparently, Republicans salute Swastikas. What’s the deal with Republicans apologizing and defending Nazis?

When you see a sticker for a sports team on a vehicle, say the Dallas Cowboys, then you’re probably pretty safe to assume the owner of the vehicle is a Cowboys fan and someone to avoid. If I see you flying Hitler’s flag, I’m going to assume you’re a Nazi. From my experience, most people who aren’t Nazis don’t want to be associated with or mistaken for Nazis…or the Dallas Cowboys.

Donald Trump defended the Michigan protesters by saying there were “very good people” among them. When Nazis marched in Charlottesville chanting “Jews will not replace us,” and “Blood and soil,” he said there were “very fine people” among them.

These people in Michigan protesting for their rights to go outside, wave guns, eat at the Cheesecake Factory, are faking it. Their rights aren’t being violated. It’s not about those rights when you wave Confederate and Nazis flags. It’s not about your rights when you bring a noose made for lynching. It’s not about your rights when you bring Trump signs. And, it’s not about your rights when you bring guns. There’s been a larger effort to take away Cheesecake than your guns. You still have a constitutional right to own guns compensating for your tiny laughable excuse for a penis.

Seriously, what do Confederate flags, Swastikas, Trump signs, and nooses have to do with being told to stay home so we can protect each other from the coronavirus? There are some things that aren’t just about you. This is one of them and it’s pretty important. Get over yourself, you tiny-dicked Nazis.

These people are all about respecting the police and law enforcement…until you see a picture of an armed protester in Michigan’s capitol building shouting and spraying spittle in the face of a police officer. They’re all about your right to protest unless you’re a black football player kneeling during the national anthem. Colin Kaepernick never endangered anyone’s life by protesting. He only endangered his career.

Not only are these people hypocrites and haters, they’re selfish. They don’t believe the virus is as bad as the doctors, who work for Donald Trump, say it is. They believe the death count, that’s currently over 64,000, is embellished. And they don’t believe we need to abide by the guidelines the White House has put out…so they protest these stay-at-home guidelines endorsed by Donald Trump while waving signs supporting Donald Trump.

If you think this all-white crowd of Trump cultists and Nazis (I know. Redundant) are idiots, their “freeedom” sign confirms it. They didn’t just wave it at the protest. They hung it on the capitol building in Lansing above the protest. Was Mein Kampf full of typos? I don’t know because I never read it but I do know that American Nazis can’t spell. Have you seen Trump’s twitter account?

Maybe Gutfeld is right that waving a flag doesn’t mean you actually believe in what it stands for. These guys keep waving American flags but I don’t see anything American about them.

I hate Michigan Nazis.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.