Stable Genius

Savvy Stable


Tucker Carlson asked himself, rhetorically, on his show this week, “Why do I hate Putin?” His whole deal is that we shouldn’t hate Vladimir Putin or support Ukraine during this war. Yes, it’s a war now. Vladimir Putin has invaded Ukraine.

Tucker claims Ukraine isn’t a sovereign nation and the entire situation is over a border dispute. Vladimir Putin is a liar and he has Russian state media to help push his lies. He also has Fox News and Tucker Carlson. This is not a border dispute and yes, Ukraine is a sovereign nation.

Tucker rhetorically asked, “It may be worth asking yourself since it is getting pretty serious, what is this really about? Why do I hate Putin so much? Has Putin ever called me a racist? Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him?”

Tucker asked whether Putin had promoted “racial discrimination” in schools, made fentanyl, attempted “to snuff out Christianity” or eaten dogs. He answered his own stupid questions with, “These are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is ‘no.’ Vladimir Putin didn’t do any of that. So, why does permanent Washington hate him so much?”

Oh, Tucker, you sniveling lying white-privileged boarding schooled trust-fund baby, you. Typically, when someone criticizes Putin in Russia, they don’t get fired from their jobs. They get thrown off buildings. Why should you hate Putin? I’ll tell you why…you racist.

Vladimir Putin is an authoritarian strongman. He doesn’t rule Russia because he won a fair election. He’s ruled Russia for over two decades. And his attacking Ukraine is an attack on a democratic nation that has fair elections. You know, those things you hate.

Putin has attacked democracy before. He’s attacked elections and the infrastructure through hacks and meddling on social media in France, Estonia, Lithuania, the United Kingdom, Germany, Georgia, Kyrgyzstan, South Korea, Poland, Ukraine, Venezuela, and…wait for it…the United States of America. Call me crazy, but attacking a presidential election, or any election, in our nation is a damn good reason to hate Vladimir Putin. You shouldn’t even have to ask, “Why should I hate Putin?”

If Tucker Carlson was around during World War II, I’m sure he would have done a show asking, “Why should I hate Hitler?” “Why should I hate Mussolini?” Why should I hate Hirohito?”

Even if Putin’s meddling installed the candidate you voted for, you should still be angry over his meddling. You should be angry because he attacked the United States of America, and you’re an American…right?

It’s not just stupid and bewildering to support Vladimir Putin over an American president, even one you don’t like, but it’s unAmerican. You don’t own the libs by being unAmerican. Republicans have totally lost their humanity in their lust to politicize and tribalize everything. You’re rooting for the enemy. Russia is NOT our friend.

Tucker’s not alone. Former secretary of state, who can’t find Ukraine on a map, Mike Pompeo, threw support Putin’s way. Pompeo said Putin is “very shrewd. Very capable. I have enormous respect for him.” He also called him a “very talented statesman.” He then accused President Joe Biden of being weak and of giving Putin a “green light” to invade Ukraine by not imposing sanctions. Keep in mind, these are the same diplomatic geniuses who took us out of a treaty that prevented Iran from building nuclear weapons. These are the same diplomated geniuses that gave Kim Jong Un credibility and a treaty that said nothing. Quick! What terms were in that treaty? What commitments did North Korea give us?

And then there’s Donald Trump. You know, the former president (sic) of the United States. Donald Trump can’t get over his man-crush on Vladimir Putin much like he can’t get over the fact that President Obama was a better president than he was and like he can’t get over the fact Hillary Clinton won the 2016 popular vote.

Trump said, “Putin declares a big portion of the Ukraine…of Ukraine…Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful. ‘I said, ‘How smart is that?’ And he’s gonna go in and be a peacekeeper. … We could use that on our southern border. That’s the strongest peace force I’ve ever seen. There were more army tanks than I’ve ever seen. They’re gonna keep peace all right. No, but think of it. Here’s a guy who’s very savvy.”

Trump went on to romanticize his relationship with Putin saying, “He liked me. I liked him.” He described Putin as someone who has a lot of “charm and a lot of pride” who “loves his country.” Now I’m thinking Putin was the Moscow hooker in that hotel room.

Trump says Putin’s invasion of Ukraine “never would have happened with us,” meaning during his administration (sic).

Some MAGAt tweeted, “I’m convinced that Putin would be a lot, LOT more hesitant to invade if Trump was President. Biden simply does not evoke any sense of strength or danger to our enemies.”

Mike Pompeo said it’s “unfathomable” to believe Putin would have invaded Ukraine during a Trump presidency (sic).

And you know what? They’re right. Putin never would have invaded Ukraine during Trump’s presidency (sic)…or at least not during his first term (sic).

The thing is, kids…Putin didn’t need to invade Ukraine during the Trump presidency (sic). Donald Trump, who was NEVER tough on Putin, was giving him everything he wanted.

Donald Trump was heavily criticizing NATO. He questioned the need for NATO. He ordered the withdrawal of thousands of U.S. troops from Germany. If Donald Trump had won a second term, I’m convinced he would have pulled the United States out of NATO. Without the United States, NATO would have fallen apart.

So, if Putin had invaded Ukraine during Trump’s first term, that would have strengthened NATO. That would have reinforced the need for NATO. An invasion of Ukraine is proof that Europe needs NATO, just like it’s proving it now. Putin would not have given NATO that while having Trump in the White House, who was going to destroy it for him. So, yeah. It’s “unfathomable” to think that Putin would have invaded Ukraine during Trump’s first term (sic)…but not his second.

After a NATO collapse, Putin would have been free to invade Ukraine…and Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia, Georgia, etc. Donald Trump, who NEVER admitted that Russia meddled in our elections, would have done nothing to stop Vladimir Putin.

While standing next to Vladimir Putin, Trump took his side over our national security saying he didn’t see a reason why Putin would have meddled in our elections. He gave Russians classified information while they were visiting the Oval Office. He even defended Putin when Bill O’Reilly called him a “killer.”

His first national security adviser had been paid to speak at a Putin party. He was removed from his post less than 30 days after his appointment for lying about his connections to Russia.

Donald Trump filled his campaign with Russian stooges.

Donald Trump invited Russians to his campaign headquarters at Trump Tower to give him propaganda for his campaign.

Jared Kushner, Trump’s idiot goon of a son-in-law, even tried to establish a backchannel to communicate with Russia so that U.S. intelligence, during the Trump presidency (sic), wouldn’t hear what they were discussing. It was an idea so stupid, even the Russians turned it down.

Donald Trump even parroted Putin’s lie that the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in 1979 was over the Soviet Union being invaded by Afghanistan.

Donald Trump removed our ambassador, Marie Yovanovitch, from her post in Ukraine because he deemed she wasn’t loyal enough to him. His first impeachment was over his attempt to extort the president of Ukraine by denying him U.S. military weapons, to defend his nation against Russia, which had been approved by Congress unless he gave Trump pretend dirt on Joe Biden. Yes, it was a quid-pro-quo.

Donald Trump is Putin’s puppet. He is Putin’s poodle.

It’s unfathomable to believe Donald Trump was EVER tough on Putin because he wasn’t.

Music Note: I listened to Weezer while drawing today.

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Stable Cognitive Genius


cjones07242020

I read a column yesterday by someone working for a media company who elected to take a cognitive test. In writing about it, his two concerns were his employer might freak out and he may have scored lower than Donald Trump had on his cognitive test.

The writer was concerned his concentration and focus had decreased and at times while speaking, he’d say a word in place of a word he really meant, like “guitar” for “cartoon.” I’m using those two examples because I’ve done that. To pass a cognitive test, you need to score a 26 to be considered “normal” with the highest score being 30. He was concerned because he messed up two questions and Trump claims he had a perfect score. Who wants to be less cognitive than Trump? If that’s the case, you may want to seek serious medical attention.

Of course, we’re talking about what Trump claims. Trump claims he had a perfect score on a test performed in front of several doctors, many who said, “We’ve never seen anybody do what you just did.” I’m thinking he crapped himself while taking the test because I’m sure those doctors have seen people answer every question successfully. It’s an easy test, or at least it’s supposed to be.

The thing is, the test isn’t meant to be difficult. It’s designed to see if you’re “cognitive,” as in, not showing signs of dementia or other mental impairments. The most difficult part of the test is counting down from 100 by sevens, spelling the word “world” backward, and remembering a series of four simple words minutes later. I went over the test myself and the only thing I saw that would challenge is that counting backward thing. Cartoonists don’t do math, at least this one doesn’t. But even then, math would be substituted with spelling a word backward hcihw I nac od.

The other thing about the test is, it’s not meant to prove you’re smart or dumb. Stating the time, date, and the city you’re in doesn’t prove either. A lot of dumb people know where they are. Drawing a clock at ten past eleven doesn’t prove you’re smart because it doesn’t take a genius to draw a circle, count to 12, and know the differences between the big hand and the little hand. Bragging about passing one of these tests is like celebrating you won a game of checkers you played against yourself. If you fail the test, it’s less of a “ha-ha” and more of an “uh-oh.”

And still, Donald Trump said it was hard. Those last five questions, ooh, what a doozy. Donald Trump admitted to Chris Wallace he has a mental impairment. He’s not just a stupid asshole. He has a serious mental defect…in addition to being a stupid asshole.

Donald Trump is boasting about taking the cognitive test as a way of attacking Joe Biden’s mental status. But by boasting you took a test that’s only suggested when there are fears you’re losing your mind, he’s telling us there’s a lot of people around him worried he’s losing his mind. Donald Trump claims he “aced” a test where nobody calls you “Ace” if you ace it. He said Joe Biden “couldn’t answer those questions.” You know, questions like identifying a picture of a camel.

Donald Trump told Fox News’ Chris Wallace during an interview, “Let’s take a test right now. Let’s go down, Joe and I will take a test. Let him take the same test that I took.” Keep in mind, we have not seen the results of Donald Trump’s test. I’m sure if Donald Trump wasn’t stupid enough to tell us he took the test, that we never would have found out.

Wallace said to Trump, “Well it’s not the hardest test. There’s a picture and it says, ‘What’s that?’ And it’s an elephant.” That irritated Trump because he did find it hard to spot that elephant. Trump said to Wallace, “That’s all misrepresentation,” and “I’ll bet you couldn’t even answer the last five questions,” even though Wallace had just told him he had taken the test and it wasn’t hard. I’m guessing Wallace answered those last five questions.

What we need to know is…why? Why did Donald Trump take this test? Who suggested it? Did many people suggest it? What action or statement inspired someone in his orbit to say, “Hey, take this test for dementia.”? How many doctors were in that room? And, can we see the test?

Again, the test is not supposed to be hard…for people who are not suffering any mental impairment. If Donald Trump found the one-page ten-minute test difficult, he’s suffering from mental impairments, and while the test doesn’t prove smarts or dumbness…Donald Trump is dumb enough to announce to the world he’s suffering from dementia.

It has nothing to do with whether he’s suffering from dementia or another ailment that affects how intelligent he is. Donald Trump is a fucking moron. He’s also racist, narcissistic, mean, and a conman lacking empathy. He has the worst personality traits anyone could have on top of having dementia.

Joe Biden does not have a mental impairment. Joe Biden stutters. If you think stuttering is a sign of dementia or has anything to do with how smart a person is, that’s your ignorance and shame on you for thinking it is. Stuttering is a speech disorder that does not indicate any cognitive dysfunction. Boasting you took a cognitive test and “aced” it is an indication of cognitive dysfunction.

And voting for Donald Trump, putting the nuclear codes in his tiny hands, and leaving the security of this nation to a racist, narcissistic, reality TV host who’s a fucking moron with dementia is another sign of a cognitive dysfunction.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Vouching For The Stable Genius


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Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I am very happy CNN chose this cartoon out of the ten or so ideas I had sent them. In fact, it may be the last idea I sent their way. I think the story progressed throughout the day on Friday, making the cartoon even more relevant.

I spent Thursday sitting in a hotel in Raleigh sending ideas to CNN. I had an event that night, which I was two hours late for. But, that’s OK because I like being fashionably late. After it was approved, I went to join several of my cartoonist colleagues in paying our respects to a departed cartoonist. The next morning, I drew this on the train but you probably already read that horror story in the previous blog.

I like bringing back “stable genius.” If you have to tell people you’re smart, you’re probably not. If you ask people to tell others how smart you are, people who work for you, you’re not smart. Donald Trump is neither smart, stable or a genius.

Today, Donald Trump tweeted that Kim Jong Un called Joe Biden a “low IQ individual, & worse.” We don’t have actual proof of that, but what do have is proof that Kim Jong Un called Trump a “dotard.” Trump’s IQ is so high, that he had to look up the definition of “dotard.” Spoiler alert, it doesn’t mean “stable genius.”

A genius doesn’t negotiate himself into a deal where he receives nothing, which is what Trump did with Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi has Trump’s number and she proved it during the government shutdown Trump created. Now, he’s having tantrums and saying he won’t work with Congress on anything as long as there are investigations into his corruption. What he’s saying is, he won’t work with a Congress that invokes oversight.

Trump is upset that Pelosi accused him of a coverup, something his own Justice Department has accused him of. Trump says he doesn’t do coverups, yet he’s lied about paying off pornstars and Playmates, lied and hid his negotiations to erect a Trump Tower in Moscow, lied and hid his attempt to bribe Vladimir Putin, lied about Trump University and his fake charity which he stole from, and is preventing people from testifying to Congress about a report that he claims exonerates him. On top of all this, he won’t release his taxes. But other than all that, he doesn’t do coverups.

The best Trump can do to convince people he’s stable or smart is to have other people say it, even if those people are those he pays to say it.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Drawing On A Train


train

I’m posting this here in case you don’t follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or in general like a stalker.

On Wednesday, I took an Amtrak to Raleigh, North Carolina. I planned to draw a cartoon in my hotel room that night, work on ideas with CNN on Thursday, attend an event Thursday night, then return Friday morning and draw the CNN cartoon on a train.

I got the idea for drawing on the train Wednesday when I saw people on their laptops in the dining car. There was WiFi, air conditioning, and $10.00 sandwiches that looked like feet. I thought, other than the foot sandwiches, this is nice. I’ll draw my cartoon here Friday morning. With a five-hour train ride, it should be done by the time I get back home in Virginia. I did it but it wasn’t easy.

As soon as the train started rolling, they announced that the WiFi was out. What the? Mother mother effer effer hell hell. Fine. I don’t need WiFi to draw and I could use the 4G service in my phone to email back and forth if I had to. I just couldn’t send the cartoon.

So, I went back to the dining car where the air conditioning was also out. On top of that, there was a constant ringing sound. I asked other people if they could hear it too. They did so it wasn’t just me…thank God. There were also people with crying babies who thought it would be better to annoy the people in the dining car instead of the people in the coach section.

As for the actual drawing, it was very difficult. It was in the nearly-impossible department. The train itself was shaking, but so was the screen on my Surface Pro. Amanda later sent me this article that a lot of users, though rare, are experiencing shaking screens on their Surfaces when they get hot. I’ve had mine for three years and it just started doing this a few months ago.

So, I’m on this train, dripping sweat on a screen that won’t stop shaking with a constant “NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!!!!” and crying babies in my ears. It was like being in India without the smell…until for some reason, that showed up too. So, I drew this cartoon just to have some fun with my readers. I took a photo with my phone and tweeted/Facebooked/Instagrammed it out. People loved it. I also sent it to my editors as a joke but they didn’t respond to it. Fortunately, they got a real cartoon shortly before the train got to Fredericksburg, where I didn’t.

The WiFi and air came back in Richmond, so I had about 50 minutes of some comfort. For some reason, my heated-up Surface stopped shaking and I barrelled through with the cartoon. A lot of people standing in line for food were looking over my shoulder, but only one person started a conversation. As it turns out, he is a journalism professor in North Carolina and we became Facebook and real-time friends right there.

And…then I missed my stop.

How’d I miss my stop? The train was running fifteen minutes behind schedule and they were making up for lost time. Usually, when the train stops in Fredericksburg, it takes about five to ten minutes. I was packing my stuff up while a line of people got in front of my table…for food. Why are they jamming the aisles during a stop? I couldn’t get past those people and the train started rolling after only stopping for what I swear was six seconds. At first, I thought it was just moving up a few feet to accommodate people, but then it increased speed and I knew I was going to Quantico…or New York City if I kept missing stops.

Looking back, I shouldn’t have even bothered telling one of the Amtrak guys but I did. He gave me a lecture on how to get off a train and said I needed to tell this other Amtrak guy. The other Amtrak guy then gave me another lecture on how to get off a train. They were extremely defensive and expressed vehemently how missing my stop was my fault and I’m probably an idiot who deserves capital punishment for doing so. Sure. Fine. Build my gallows high, but their lectures weren’t resolving my situation. The second Amtrak dude suggested I get off at Quantico and take an Uber home. I said to the first Amtrak idiot, “Why did you want me to talk to him? He’s less help than you are.” A few minutes later, one of them sought me out to give me another lecture on how to get off a train, and I said, “you need to stop talking to me.” I did not need to get a $50 Uber in Quantico. I bought a $5.00 ticket on the VRE and head south, back to Fredericksburg about ten minutes after getting off the Amtrak.

From there, I went to a bar because I needed a beer. They sell beer on Amtrak, but a Bud Light will cost you about ten dollars.

I drew this cartoon in about two minutes. There is not a video for it. Maybe I should have made one. It would have been about ten seconds long.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Stable Genius


cjones01082018

When people think of crooked presidents, they think of Richard Nixon (for now). When they think of philandering presidents, they think of Bill Clinton (who replaced JFK). When they think of insane, mentally unstable, looney toons, mentally deranged, crazy, out-of-his-gourd, off-his-rocker, three-fries-short-of-a-happy-meal, and fucking nutzoid presidents, they’re going to think of Donald Trump.

They won’t think of Donald Trump as insane on the mere fact everyone on the freaking planet thinks he’s mentally unstable, including people who work for him. They’ll think he’s lost his mind because he’s reassuring us he’s mentally stable. In fact, he’s telling us he’s a “stable genius,” that he’s “like a smart person.” If you look at his track record of everything he’s sold us, or assured us (believe me), this too is total and complete horse shit.

It has gone beyond Trump telling us he hasn’t lost his mind and sending surrogates out to tell us there’s enough cheese on his crackers. Even our allies are being asked if he’s nuts.

British Prime Minister Theresa May was asked if Trump was mentally unstable. How often were our allies asked that about Obama, Bush, or Clinton? This is like the question “are you still beating your wife?” Maybe the candidate never even considered smacking his wife around, but once the candidate has to confront the question, that toothpaste isn’t going back in the tube.

It’s bad enough our president is mentally unstable. What compounds the problems are that he’s also stupid, insecure, narcissistic, corrupt, totally uninterested in doing the job he was elected to do, and to top it all off, he’s a grade-A asshole.

A genius would know running a successful reality television show isn’t a qualification for president. Snooki had a reality television show.

We normally compare presidents to presidents. We compare JFK to Lincoln, Reagan to Teddy Roosevelt, and Obama to Jefferson.

We’re comparing Donald Trump to Honey Boo Boo.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude