Spongebob Squarepants

Cartoon Bully


Ron De Santis is a bully. Republicans LOVE bullies. It’s why they love Donald Trump so much. Republicans believe bullying people weaker than you is a sign of strength. It’s also why they love Putin. But, bullying is just like it was in school. The bullies are cowards. They only pick on whom they believe they can beat up.

Remember when Donald Trump tried to bully Nancy Pelosi? Remember him crawling up his own bunghole when they were in the same room together and then Pelosi walked out of the White House putting on her shades like a boss? Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government until Congress would fund his racist border wall? Remember when Pelosi kicked his ass so hard that he reopened the government and the great dealmaker walked away with less than he started with? Remember when he tried to bully Hillary Clinton at the debate and she called him “Putin’s puppet” and his only retort was that of a child, repeating her attack? Remember when the entire Republicans Party bullied Hillary Clinton on Benghazi, but she showed up for the hearing and answered questions for 11 hours without the GOP landing a finger on her?

Bullies eventually get what’s coming to them. Mickey Mouse is going to kick Ron DeSantis’ ass.

Republicans will believe that DeSantis beat up the mouse…while they’re paying higher taxes to cover the fees DeSantis and the Florida legislature saved Disney from paying. According to Florida law, the state has to pick up the tab on public debt before it can revoke a self-governing status as it did with Disney last week. The law doesn’t take effect for a year but if they don’t back down, dumbass DeSantis and the stupid Republican Party of Florida will cost the state’s taxpayers over a billion dollars. Remember when conservatives were supposed to be fiscal? They haven’t been fiscal since Eisenhower.

Obviously, Ron DeSantis isn’t actually doing anything to benefit Florida. All he’s doing is throwing red meat at the base. He’s lied and gaslighted over COVID, vaccines, and face masks. He’s bullied students for wearing face masks. He’s banning teachers from teaching kids about homosexuality and transgenders, a thing that’s not actually happening. He’s banned math books that he claims are anti-white (learn how to read the dog whistles). He’s even signed legislation making it legal to run over people protesting for Black Lives Matter. None of this helps Florida. What DeSantis is doing is building his profile to run for president. To do that, he’ll have to beat the fattest cartoon character of all time, Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is a cartoon. He’s fat and dumb like Homer. He paints himself like Crusty the Clown. His hair’s crazier than Marge Simpson’s. His fingers are tinier than Maggie Simpson’s. He’s as evil as Mr. Burns. And he eats more hamburgers than Wimpy while also wanting other people to pay for them (sorry, I lost The Simpons’ theme). He’s gropier than Pepe le Pew. And, he’s more racist than all those old Tom and Jerry cartoons (Mammy Two Shoes with her dice and straight razor). My biggest challenge with cartooning the guy was that he’s already a cartoon. Ron DeSantis is on his way to becoming one as well.

DeSantis became governor by joining the Trump cult. He promised his state he’d govern just as stupidly as Trump governed as president (sic). DeSantis kept his promise. In his campaign commercials, DeSantis was teaching his child how to “build the wall” with Legos. His message was: Vote for me. I’m a bad father teaching my child how to be a racist. Florida made him its governor.

As we’ve seen from Republicans, they’re worms. DeSantis used Trump to get what he wanted. Now that he has it, he’s going to turn on Trump. We have a few questions.

Who will attack who first? Trump will attack DeSantis as the governor becomes a larger threat. DeSantis will avoid going after Trump directly, then he’ll start to tip-toe around it until eventually, he opens fire and war is declared.

Who will voters choose? That depends on if you want the cult or the guy who was really effective with the stupid racist bullshit. Donald Trump never did build his wall. He never got Mexico to pay for it. He never truly got his ban on Muslims entering the nation. He never successfully “sent them back.” DeSantis has made it harder for black people to vote. He’s gerrymandered his state so Republicans may increase their congressional representation by at least four. DeSantis has enacted laws against gays, blacks, Hispanics, trans people, math books, COVID, and cartoon mice. He’s making Florida a place racists throughout the nation want to move to. Voters will see these as accomplishments. To dog whistle that you hate minorities is one thing. Putting the screws to them is another. DeSantis is more effective than Donald Trump. But, Donald Trump is a better salesman for the bullshit.

Who will win? Trump will be older and slower but he still has the base. DeSantis is probably quicker and lighter on his feet, though not by much. I believe DeSantis is smarter and more manipulative than Donald Trump, but he doesn’t have the gameshow host shine. DeSantis hasn’t spent the past 40 years marketing himself to stupid people. They’re both bullies and cowards so they may be afraid of each other once they’re in the same room. I want to hear your prediction and your reasonings for it.

Who do I predict to win? It’s hard to choose because it’ll be so much fun to see either one lose. Personally, I hope Trump wins as we know Biden can beat him as he’s already done it. I think DeSantis will be a much more difficult opponent because DeSantis can learn. Trump does not learn. I just hope that on the way to the general election, these two really beat the shit out of each other.

How much popcorn will we need for the fight? Lots. You may have to get one of those Amazon subscriptions for popcorn so you don’t even have to get out of your chair and it just keeps coming.

Music Note: B-52’s, but I never listen to “Love Shack.” I hate “Love Shack.”

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A Danish Denial


cjones08292019

Donald Trump was invited to Denmark by that nation’s queen. Despite saying that the idea of purchasing Greenland, the world’s largest island near the Arctic that’s controlled by Denmark, was “not number one on the burner,” Trump has now canceled his visit after being denied and mocked by the Danish prime minister.

Trump’s visit was seen as an offbeat thank-you to Denmark for being a stalwart NATO member that’s supported U.S. involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan. But his postponing the trip shows that his only intention was to make a crappy offer for the island.

Denmark is smart not to make a land deal with a grifter who doesn’t pay his bills and ruins everything he touches. Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen said that she wouldn’t even have “interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland.”

Af first, Denmark considered it a joke. After discovering he was serious, they took it as an insult. Frederiksen had visited Greenland over the weekend and told reporters that Trump’s idea of buying the island was “absurd.” Welcome to our reality, Mrs. Prime Minister. Every day here just gets more absurd. Example: Trump wants to buy Greenland.

Since Trump claimed the purchase of Greenland was not related to his visit to Denmark, why did he abruptly cancel his trip? It’s because he’s a big baby.

Trump was never to entitled Greenland though he’s in the habit of everyone bending over backward and kissing his ass. What sort of tantrum would he have had thrown if he had lost the election? We’ve seen his tantrums over losing the popular vote and having the smallest inauguration. What will his tantrum be like when he’s defeated in 2020? I’m looking forward to finding that out.

When we purchased Alaska and the Louisiana territory, they were for sale (in case you’re a Republican, Alaska was sold by Russia and Louisiana by France). When we took Hawaii, we stole it (in case you’re a Republican, we stole it from Hawaiians). We stole and bought the American southwest. Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Philippines were ceded to us by Spain after the Spanish-American War. American Samoa was annexed. Spain ceded Florida to us in 1821 as a prank. The days of taking, buying, and selling territory without any consideration given to the native inhabitants are pretty much over. There are two people apparently unaware of that; Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump.

The United States has never had a claim on Greenland. Donald Trump is a big baby to be insulted by Denmark’s refusal to discuss selling it to him. He’s the one who insulted them first. How would he feel if Denmark offered to purchase Montana, then got a hair up their ass when we told them the idea was “absurd.”

Donald Trump is absurd and once again, we’re being laughed at on the world stage. Trump is confused that having a little orange snit and tempter tantrum is viewed as being strong. It’s not. When a baby screams its head off in the grocery store because the parents won’t buy it a candy bar, nobody sees that baby as being strong. They see it as being a baby and everyone in close proximity really dislikes that baby and the parents spend the rest of their time in the store apologizing for it.

Screaming and crying works for babies…sometimes. It doesn’t work for adults or even people like Trump who are supposed to be adults.

The world sees Donald Trump as being a baby. Nobody outside the U.S. likes that baby and we’re going to be apologizing for it for a really long time. Thanks to Donald Trump, we can’t even give Canada grief for Bryan Adams or Justin Beiber anymore. Maybe Nickelback.

Denmark is the big winner here. Not only did they get to deny Trump and mock him on the world stage, but now they don’t have to put up with an obnoxious Trump visit. I am now officially jealous of Denmark.

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