Spidermanhomecoming

Repeal, Replace, Reboot, Reweb


cjones07162017

What if Jared Kushner is Spiderman? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? No? Well, we can all at least agree that it’s not Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump is not Batman. If anything, all three of these guys would be super villains….if super villains were really, really stupid and crashed into a lot of shit.

The Republicans keep rewriting their health-care plan, and each time it gets worse. It’s like those Incredible Hulk solo films (comic book theme today. Yes, we’re doing this). Even Edward Norton, acting in and writing the film, didn’t help much (Mark Ruffalo kicks ass though). Now they’ve let Ted Cruz (bwahahaha) sink his fangs into it. That would be like trying to improve that Lone Ranger movie by having Kevin Smith rewrite it (The Clerks guy has made a couple of movies you can laugh at, but he really hasn’t ever made a good movie. Ever. Discuss).

The new plan already has GOP defectors, moderates like Maine’s Susan Collins (hero) and scary conservatives like Kentucky’s Rand Paul (villain). The new plan still has massive cuts to Medicare in addition to allowing insurance companies to deny coverage for preexisting conditions. Who in the Hell thinks that improves coverage? Oh yeah. Ted Cruz. Who let Cruz, Shitweaselman, get involved? Mitch McConnell, Turtleman!!!!

Deceit not only comes in ugly packages like Ted Cruz. It can come in a pretty wrapper, like Jared Kushner.

Kushner, Donald Trump’s son-in-law has a security clearance as senior advisor to the president. Having a security clearance is serious business as it allows you access to classified intelligence (Stuff like, Ted Cruz is an alien reptilian). Lying on the application can send a person to prison. Jared has had to amend his at least twice. He forgot to mention he met with the Russian ambassador and the chairman of a Russian government-owned bank. Apparently, during his chats with the Russian ambassador, Kushner asked for a “secret and secure communications channel” with the Kremlin using Russian diplomatic facilities, in an attempt for the transition team to communicate with Russia without the U.S. government’s knowledge.

He has had to amend his application a second time after someone leaked that he, Trump campaign manager (at the time) Paul Manafort, and his idiot brother-in-law, Donald Trump Jr., met with a Russian lawyer who was promising dirt on Hillary Clinton.

Some people are speculating that it was Jared who leaked the meeting with the lawyer so that maybe it would be old news by the time he testifies before the United States Senate. Other say that’s crazy as it puts him in legal hot water. Plus, why would he sell out his wife’s brother? But then we remember, he’s the son of a man, Charles Kushner, who hired a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law, recorded the entire ordeal, and then sent the tapes to his brother-in-law’s wife, Charles Kushner’s sister. That’s some shady shit right there. That’s the sort of devious stuff that will land a guy in prison, which is where Charles went.

How many more times will Jared be rebooting his clearance application? And why is Ted Cruz so icky?

The GOP health-care plan and Kushy’s clearance has had as many reboots as Spiderman. I liked Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman. That third movie went a little off the rails, but it was still a good trilogy. Then they rebooted it which seemed pointless. Now they’re rebooting it again, but this time Spidey is still in high school (Spider-man: Homecoming) and getting all tangled up in the MCU, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which has him swinging around with the Avengers.

I will be checking out the new Spiderman though I’m not sure how I feel about it. Everyone says it’s great but the entire Avengers thing is starting to look like a club that’s not very exclusive. They’ll let anyone join. Plus, Marisa Tomei is Aunt May? Aunt May is supposed to be old and frail, not the wise-cracking Italian hairdressing mechanic from My Cousin Vinny, or the stripper from The Wrestler. If nothing else, I’ll enjoy watching Robert Downey Jr. play Tony Stark again.

I have an idea. Can we reboot the presidency?

Creative notes: I started with another idea and the bulk of it was drawn. I had this idea and was just going to tweet it out as a smart-ass comment, but then I thought it would change things up a bit and make a decent cartoon. I still like the first cartoon I was working on and may finish it this weekend.

I occasionally tweet out smart-ass comments on Twitter that amuse me, but not enough to create a cartoon out of. You should definitely follow me there if you don’t have enough sarcasm in your life.

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