Special Counsel

Subpoena Fly

Former vice president (sic) and never-gonna-be-president (yay) Mike Pence got a subpoena from Special Counsel Jack Smith and in typical Mike Pence worm-like behavior, he’s trying to worm out of it.

First off, have you seen a photo of Jack Smith? I’ve never heard the guy talk but just from his photo, he looks like a take-no-bullshit kinda dude. He kinda looks like actor/director Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Cowboys and Aliens, Mandalorian, Elf). I hope it’s true he doesn’t take any bullshit because that’s exactly what Mike Pence and his lawyers are trying to give him.

Smith is investigating Donald Trump’s attempt to steal the election, his role in the Jan 6 white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol, and his theft of classified documents. Pence is at least a witness to the attempted theft of the election and coup attempt.

A lot of people praise Mike Pence for doing the right thing on January 6, 2021, and that was certifying the electoral college, which was his duty. Quite frankly, he’s being praised for not breaking the law. For his service, he got Trumpers with nooses after him. But his patriotism stopped there as he is refusing to cooperate with an investigation looking into an attempt to destroy our democracy.

What happened to being a member of the Law and Order Party? What happened to being constitutionalists? What happened to their love of democracy? What happened to Mike Pence’s patriotism?

A true patriot would want to cooperate with an investigation of an attempt to destroy our democracy. Mike Pence is no patriot. He’s a worm. He’s a goon.

Pence’s argument that he can’t cooperate is that he was acting as President of the Senate and is protected under the “speech or debate” clause of the Constitution. The clause he’s placing all his chips in says that “for any Speech or Debate in either House,” senators and representatives, “shall not be questioned in any other Place.”

Well here’s an idea. Why don’t you testify in the chamber of the Senate? Problem solved.

But he’s not actually protected by this because when Donald Trump asked him face to face to deny the certification, they were in the Oval Office and the last time I checked, the Oval Office is in the White House, NOT the United States Capitol building. Pence is a member of the executive branch, not the legislative. He is NOT a senator.

Other than certifying the electoral college, a vice president’s only job in the Senate is to cast tie-breaking votes. They do not engage in debates or speeches in the Senate. They don’t sit on committees.

Pence told reporters, “My fight is on the separation of powers. My fight against the DOJ subpoena, very simply, is on defending the prerogatives I had as president of the Senate to preside over the Joint Session of Congress on January 6.” I’m sure Jack Smith also has a lot of questions about the days leading up to January 6.

Even if Pence’s argument is legitimate, then it only applies for when he was physically in the Senate chamber on January 6. Was he acting as president of the Senate when Trump asked him to break the law? Was he acting as president of the Senate when he was running for his life from a noose-carrying mob chanting, “Hang Mike Pence?”

As Sarah Marshall said in the incredible film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

This stance takes gall, especially since his argument for refusing to testify before the House committee investigating the insurrection is that he’s a member of the executive branch. He said it would set “a terrible precedent for the Congress to summon a vice president of the United States to speak about deliberations that took place at the White House.”

So basically he can’t testify before the Special Counsel about stuff that happened in Congress, and he can’t testify to Congress about stuff that happened in the White House. I told you he’s a worm.

The biggest problem for Pence and his lawyers when they take this argument to court is that the clause they’re relying on only mentions “senators” and “representatives.” Mike Pence was neither at the time in question. He better hope he gets a sycophantic Trumper judge which he may as he plans to argue this all the way to the Supreme Court.

It would be a lot easier and quicker if he’d cooperate and testify. But the real reason Mike Pence is refusing to testify is that he doesn’t want to piss off the MAGA base while he runs against that base’s cult leader.

Every presidential candidate is going to straddle the line of running against Donald Trump while trying to appeal to his base. I don’t see that working. And that base has already made nooses and chanted, “Hang Mike Pence.” The MAGA base literally tried to murder Mike Pence. Now, the thinks he can win their votes.

Pence is praised for putting the nation before political power on January 6, but now he’s putting political ambition before the country.

I think even the Pence Fly can see the flaws in Pence’s argument.

Music note: I listened to Collective Soul.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Orange Ya Glad For Special Counsel?

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday

I didn’t know if I wanted to give this cartoon to CNN Opinion or my newspaper clients when I wrote it last Thursday. The reason for that is, I was antsy and wanted to publish it soon because I really liked it. If I was to draw it for my clients, then I could go ahead and post it Friday but for CNN, it’d have to wait until Sunday before my readers could see it. But, I do like to show my editor at CNN everything I come up with. So what I did was draw nine more ideas and sent them to him with those.

He didn’t waste much time because he selected this one within minutes of seeing it. Some of the ideas from the other nine were pretty good, but this truly was the best and it was meant for CNN all along.

Since this was selected Thursday afternoon, that meant I could draw it Friday and maybe relax a bit. Nope. Since my editor took this one, which was the only good one on the documents scandal, that meant I didn’t have anything else on the subject. So I spent most of Friday morning working on a new idea for my newspapers (ignoring the previous nine). After finishing that cartoon and then spending hours drawing oranges for this one, I was a tired boy.

Yes, I know a few other cartoonists drew their own “apples and oranges” cartoons, but none of them did this. Like Gronk, I’m special.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Bonesaw Dreams

Mohammed bin Salman, the Crown Prince and now Prime Minister of Saudi Arabia may receive legal immunity from a lawsuit over the murder of Saudi dissident and Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi. As a candidate, Joe Biden promised to isolate MBS and turn the man into an international pariah over his role in the murder of Khashoggi, which our national intelligence believes he ordered. As president, Biden has visited MBS in Saudi Arabia and gave the guy a fist bump. Now, instead of making the murderer a pariah, he’s legitimized him… and he still hasn’t helped us out with rising gas prices.

Donald Trump, who made excuses for MBS’s murder and has hosted his golf tournaments while his son-in-law, Jared, has been gifted $2 billion from the Crown Prince, is more likely to see the inside of an American prison before the Saudi ever will. Perhaps Trump is sympathetic toward MBS because he can relate to killing people. Because of Trump’s ineptitude, mismanagement, lies, downplaying, and politicizing of the coronavirus pandemic, tens of thousands of Americans died who shouldn’t have. There is blood on both of these men’s hands.

And while MBS is being shielded from an American lawsuit over the murder of Khashoggi, Trump will now be investigated by a Special Counsel appointed by Attorney General Merrick Garland.

I thought the appointment of a Special Counsel was a bad move until I saw Trump and Republicans’ reaction to it. Trump has called it “unfair” and says he won’t “partake” in it, at least not in the way he partakes with a KFC bucket.

Trump said, “For six years I have been going through this, and I am not going to go through it anymore.” The reason Trump has been “going through this” for six years is that he’s been a criminal for over six years. And guess what. He will be going through it again. And not “partake?” He barely partaked (partooked?) with the Mueller investigation and refused to sit down for an interview. I hope this Special Counsel doesn’t eat that bullshit and is tougher than Robert Mueller.

After “going through this” and being optimistic about the Mueller investigation, I’m going to withhold my enthusiasm for this one until I see something to be hopeful about.

Trump and his goons have been claiming all these investigations are political anyway, so I’d ignore all the noise they’re making now. Like MBS, Donald Trump is a criminal. Let’s at least make one of these bad guys receive justice.

Creative note: I’m leaving town tomorrow so I planned out my next three cartoons… and then Merrick Garland had to fuck all that up yesterday.

Music note: I listened to Zebra’s first album.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Manafort Flips

cjones09212018

Last August, Donald Trump tweeted, “I feel very badly for Paul Manafort and his wonderful family. ‘Justice’ took a 12 year old tax case, among other things, applied tremendous pressure on him and, unlike Michael Cohen, he refused to ‘break’ – make up stories in order to get a ‘deal.’ Such respect for a brave man!” And, right on cue, Manafort “broke.”

Manafort, who has already been convicted in a Virginia court and was set to face trial in Washington, has flipped and will now cooperate with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation on Russia’s interference in the 2016 presidential election. In doing so, Manafort has admitted guilt to all the things he and his lawyers previously said he was innocent of.

In addition to all the dirt he can provide to Mueller, he also kills one of the GOP’s arguments against the investigation, and that’s the cost of it. So far, the investigation has cost the U.S. government $7 million. Now, with Manafort surrendering property as well as the contents of three bank accounts, the investigation has made money. The New York real estate the government has acquired is estimated to be worth $22 million.

Manafort is giving up a home in the Hamptons, a Brooklyn townhouse, and three Manhattan apartments, including one in Trump Tower. The Justice Department now owns a chunk of Trump Tower and may be the only tenant not using the building for money laundering. Now, if anyone sees Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein sporting an ostrich jacket, can you please let me know?

Now, the fun begins. Manafort knows all the details of the Trump Tower meeting with Russians which not only puts pressure on Donald Trump, but also on egghead son number one, Donald Trump Jr., and son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Manafort can also reveal the reasons why the Trump campaign removed language from the GOP’s platform concerning arms for Ukraine.

Manafort was a tool for Ukraine’s former president, who was a puppet for Putin (like Trump). He’s also indebted to Russian oligarchs (also like Trump).

Manafort joins the other Trump flippers, Michael Cohen, George Papadopoulos, Michael Flynn, Rick Gates, and the publisher of the National Enquirer. For a witch hunt, that’s a lot of witches. Surely, between them, Mueller is going to discover where the bodies are buried.

The one thing that is for certain is Mueller isn’t going away empty-handed from the Manafort flip. There will be more indictments, but who? Don Junior and Jared? I believe so. They will probably receive the pardons Manafort gave up on. If Junior gets indicted, his father’s hissy fit will be of epic proportions. I will need lots of popcorn.

There is another certainty. Donald Trump is going to be impeached. What’s uncertain is if he’ll be convicted and tossed from office by the cowardly Republican and Trump sycophant Senate.

In the meantime, we can look forward to Trump and Rudy Giuliani telling us how horrible of a person Manafort is and that he never could be trusted. Why won’t they? They said the same thing about Cohen after boasting what a wonderful person and great lawyer he was.

They do have a point though. All these flippers are vile, horrible, and disgusting people. After all, They did work for Donald Trump.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

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Trump Testimony

cjones01272018

You would think every high-profile and esteemed lawyer in Washington would be lining up to represent the president of the United States, especially one who is a supposed billionaire who can pay exorbitant legal fees. But every lawyer worth a crap has rejected his requests for legal representation. That’s what happens when, A.) you don’t pay your legal fees, B.) you’re the client from Hell who doesn’t know when to shut up, and C.) you continue to display your guilt in interviews and tweets.

It’s so bad that Trump had to settle for legal representation from the Quaker Oats guy. Wait, that’s not the Quaker Oats guy. That’s Ty Cobb…the racist, dead baseball player. My bad. That’s a different Ty Cobb. He’s not Wilford Brimley or the dead baseball guy, and I don’t know if he’s racist, but he has one as a client.

As Special Counsel Robert Mueller gets closer and closer to Trump, his defense team is attempting to negotiate how the Idiot in Chief will provide testimony. First, they’ll present a low-ball offer, like Trump answering in written testimony drawn with Crayolas. What they’re trying to avoid is a face-to-face confrontation, on tape, or in front of a grand jury. Their first proposal definitely won’t be volunteering Trump’s testimony under oath.

Wednesday, Trump told a crowd of reporters in the White House that he’s willing to testify under oath. Seconds later, Ty Cobb crapped himself. Trump’s comments took the swirl out of his mustache. Cobb wrote a statement shortly after saying, “are you freaking kidding me? I thought he was on a plane to Europe? Jesus Christ for the love of…why? Why? Why?” Then he threw that statement into a garbage can, started over, and issued a new one which said, “Seriously. I thought he was going to Europe.” No, it actually said, “Mr. Trump was speaking hurriedly and intended only to say that he was willing to meet. He’s ready to meet with them, but he’ll be guided by the advice of his personal counsel.” Whatever Trump is not paying his legal team, it’s not enough.

Trump says a lot of things “hurriedly.” He hurriedly asked James Comey for his loyalty. He hurriedly asked Comey to drop the investigation into Michael Flynn after he found out Flynn lied to the FBI. He hurriedly told Lester Holt that he fired James Comey as FBI director because he wanted to kill the Russia investigation. He hurriedly asked Andrew McCabe, while he was considering him to be Comey’s replacement, who he had voted for. He hurriedly complained about his Attorney General’s decision to recuse himself and that he wasn’t loyal enough. He hurriedly put pressure on his new FBI Director to get rid of his deputy. He hurriedly stated that he’s trying to purge the FBI and Justice Department and rebuild them into his own personal protection service.

Trump even hurriedly tweeted that he fired Flynn for lying to the vice president and…for lying to the FBI. That was an admittance that he knew Flynn had lied to the FBI when he asked Comey to drop the investigation. It’s an admittance of obstruction of justice. Later, his other stupid lawyer, John Dowd, said that Trump didn’t issue the tweet and that he was the twitter machine operator for that particular tweet. Lying for the president makes that lawyer complicit in obstruction. I think the Quaker Oats guy would have been smarter than that.

Trump’s lawyers are not excited for him to testify. Normally, you’d be eager for him to talk because that would mean the investigation is wrapping up and you’ll be cleared and able to move on with your life. Not with Trump. Trump lies.

Trump has gone through several depositions in the past for civil suits, and he has lied his way through all of them. The lawyers for those depositions were probably very good, but they’re not Robert Mueller and the team he has put together. Trump is in trouble. Even if Trump is innocent of collusion and obstruction of justice, he’s in trouble.

When telling the press he’d testify under oath, he brought up Hillary Clinton, again. He’s probably thinking about her in his sleep at this point. She’s gotta be popping up in there between cheeseburger dreams and shark nightmares. Trump informed the press, who already knew, that Clinton didn’t testify under oath to the FBI. That is true. But, Trump should know from Michael Flynn’s predicament that the FBI doesn’t need you to be under oath when they talk to you. Lying to the FBI is illegal.

Clinton did testify to Congress under oath and for several hours. Trump would never be able to sit through hours of Congressional testimony. I hope Mueller grills Trump for hours, as he doesn’t have the energy for long debates, stairs, or golf courses. You know the Special Counsel’s team is going to have a lot of questions for him. From his statements admitting obstruction, to his businesses, to money laundering, to collusion, to paying off porn stars, etc.

The thought of Trump testifying before Robert Mueller is exciting and sad at the same time. Exciting that Trump is no match for Mueller. Sad that it won’t be broadcast live. That would be more exciting than the Super Bowl, World Series, Stanley Cup, and Wrestlemania combined. I would need a lot of popcorn and chicken wings. I hope they release it on DVD.

You couldn’t play a drinking game for Trump’s lies as you’d die from alcohol poisoning, but you could make a pool with friends placing bets on how soon Trump will lie. I’ll put a wager on within the first ten seconds.

One great thing about stupid people is that they don’t know they’re stupid. Kinda like racist people don’t know they’re racist. Trump believes everyone believes his lies. He’s been taught that he can get away with lies in the business and political worlds. He refers to actual facts as “fake news.” Dogma and conspiracies will not save him from Mueller. Trump believes he’s smarter than everyone when he’s really only smarter than his sycophants. If you’ve talked to one of his sycophants, you know that’s a low bar.

Trump is in trouble and his legal team is no match for Mueller or Trump’s stupid mouth. They should find out if the Quaker Oats guy is available.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Skeletons And Then Some

cjones07252017

Donald Trump says that if Special Counsel Robert Mueller looks into his or his family’s finances that aren’t related to Russia, then that’ll be going too far. He’s hinting that he may fire Mueller.

Our president is a man who doesn’t understand a lot of things. We can add investigations to that ever-expanding list. You can’t tell investigators not to look where you don’t want them to look. It doesn’t work that way. Trump is having a hard time casting an image of an innocent man. While declaring all the coverage of collusion with Russia as “fake news,” he’s talking about issuing a pardon for himself and firing Mueller. On top of all that, he’s putting together a smear campaign against everyone in the Special Counsel’s office. I’m half expecting him to write a book like O.J. did, titled “If I did it.” Though, like all of Trump’s other books, he’ll hire someone else to write it because Trump is barely literate.

Trump believes Hillary Clinton and James Comey committed crimes, even though there’s no evidence to hold that belief. He thinks President Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He’s created a commission to investigate non-existent voter fraud from the 2016 presidential election. In the past, he claimed Obama wasn’t born in his country and that he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating 9/11. I’m not sure his feeble mind is able to understand what about his finances are connected to Russia or not.

What is known is that Trump has millions in loans from Deutsche Bank, who continued to loan him money after he sued them. Deutsche Bank, who also has Ivanka and Jared as clients, has been accused of laundering money out of Eastern Europe. Trump sold a house in Florida that he bought for $41 million to a Russian oligarch who paid The Donald $95 million (five years later the property was valued at $60 million and the oligarch only visited once before having it demolished).

The conservative media and Trump sycophants keep telling us to stop talking about Russia, even though Trump himself can’t stop talking about it. Thankfully, the press, the FBI, the Special Counsel, and Congress disagrees with the sycophants and find treason to be a very serious matter.

And please, Mr. Mueller. Look in the bank accounts, the closet, under the bed, the car trunk, the piggy bank, under the floor, etc.

Creative Note: I’m really hoping there aren’t any law enforcement agencies tracking all my Google searches. I had to look up a lot of creepy stuff for this cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Smearing Mueller

cjones06192017

If you get caught cheating on your significant other, your defense might be to blame the informer with “you’re going to believe her? She’s a big fat slut!”. The “big fat slut” defense may work if your significant other is stupid, but it doesn’t change the fact you’re guilty.

President Trump informed us, several times, that former FBI director James Comey told him three times that he was not under investigation. New reports inform us that Trump is NOW under investigation by the Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Trump is totally freaking out.

Sources close to Trump have informed the press that the president is obsessed with the investigation into his ties with Russia. They tell us he can’t stop talking about it and even TiVos morning news shows so he can watch them at night. His Twitter usage doesn’t dispel the idea that he’s a man is obsessed. Now the Trump team has taken to smearing Robert Mueller.

Yesterday, Trump tweeted “You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history — led by some very bad and conflicted people!”. This morning he tweeted “After 7 months of investigations & committee hearings about my “collusion with the Russians,” nobody has been able to show any proof. Sad!” Yes, Donald. When your henchman stonewall during Senate testimony it’s tough to find evidence.

The Special Counsel is loading for bear. He’s hired at least 12 lawyers, many with experience as prosecutors, investigators, and members of the FBI and Justice Department. They have opened the investigation into Jared Kushner’s business dealings and contacts with Russia (hard to see how going to a Russian bank has anything to do with diplomacy), and now Mike Pence is “lawyering up.”

Trump, who can barely conceal his cards, is obviously afraid of what the investigation will find. At some point, they will look at his tax returns and find out who loans him money since American banks don’t trust the Trump brand.

When Mueller was appointed as Special Counsel, Newt Gingrich praised the selection. He said Mueller was a “superb choice” and declared that “his reputation is impeccable for honesty and integrity.” Now he says it’s a “rigged game.” Newt is upset that Mueller, a Republican, has hired attorneys who have donated to Democrats in the past. He wants Mueller to hire just as many “pro-Trump” attorneys. This isn’t a bipartisan Congressional baseball game, Newt. Let’s not forget the fact that Newt is hoping his wife receives an ambassadorship from Trump.

Newt, who forgets a lot (like he’s married and probably shouldn’t stick his penis in some strange), has forgotten that the Special Counsel has to abide by Justice Department rules when hiring, and that is they can’t take political or ideological affiliation into account when hiring.

Trump’s personal legal team, led by Marc Kasowitz has issued talking points and the president’s sycophants are following them to the letter.

First, they’re upset about the leaks to The Washington Post that Trump is being investigated. They’re blaming the Special Counsel and the FBI. Trump was considering firing Mueller two days ago, so that’s when he probably found out he was under investigation, thus the leaks probably came from his staff. They’re also upset that the news of the investigation came out on Trump’s birthday. Can you think of a better gift for a lying piece of crap who has everything?

Kasowitz started off the attacks by decrying the “illegal” leaks. Remember, this guy is a lawyer and that the leaks really are not illegal.

The Republican National Committee is decrying the leaks and arguing that there isn’t a reason to investigate obstruction of justice toward Trump, who has admitted more than once that he fired Comey to end the FBI’s investigation. Sean Hannity has also called for an end to the investigation. These are people who are afraid of what will be found.

Previously, Trump has called several people to ask them to make public statements that there isn’t an investigation into him. He made the request to Comey and then fired him after he didn’t do it. Last night, a very odd statement was released from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein downplaying the investigation and warning of leaks. It sounds very much like the sort of statement Trump was asking others to make. Rosenstein should be aware that Trump funk may not completely ever wash out.

Just as Trump will face great difficulty having his word believed over James Comey’s, he will experience trouble smearing Mueller.

Mueller is the second-longest serving director of the FBI. He’s the longest-serving director who was not a crossdresser. Trump was interested in installing Mueller into that post again.

Mueller has served as a U.S. Attorney, a U.S. Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division, and as Acting-Deputing Attorney General. When his term expired as FBI director, President Obama asked him to stay on for two more years. He has served a Republican and a Democratic president (being appointed by both). He served in Vietnam and was awarded a Bronze Star, two Commendation Medals, the Purple Heart, and the Republic of Vietnam Cross of Gallantry. In comparison, Trump has said his “Vietnam” was the risk of acquiring a venereal disease while he was screwing around.

If Trump didn’t have anything to fear, he’d shut up and let Mueller go about his job of not finding anything. The problem for Trump is that Mueller is finding things.

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Perjury Happens

cjones06122017

Other than playing poker with Donald Trump, I really wanna start farming. I’m going to start a popcorn farm. How do you grow popcorn? I don’t know much about farming. I know you need things like seeds, and dirt and probably a tractor, and you have to wear overalls and live in Iowa with a scarecrow to ward off ghost baseball players, and that’s about all I know about farming. I thought pineapples grew on trees until I moved to Hawaii.

The reason I want to start farming popcorn is that if Donald Trump testifies in a court or a deposition, and they televise that shit, people are going to be eating a lot of popcorn. I could be something Donald Trump isn’t, and that’s an actual billionaire.

Donald Trump and his team say James Comey is a liar. Well, there’s our first lie. The second one came from Sarah Huckabee-Sanders who said: “the president is not a liar.” You might want to be careful with the moment you’re trying to swallow the popcorn as there’s a very real danger of choking if you try to swallow while Trump or one of his sycophants is dropping a whopper. Eat with a friend who knows the Heimlich or is really good at tickling. Does tickling prevent choking? Don’t choke while around me. You will die.

Most of Trump’s problems are his own creation. He fired Comey and then boasted he did it because of the Russia investigation. He then trolled Comey by threatening that their conversations may have been taped, which led to Comey dropping his memos to the press, which led to a special counsel being appointed. It’s like Trump is taking a crap while walking backward.

On Friday, Trump said he’d be willing to testify under oath to give his version of his conversations with Comey. That had to make his lawyer drop a load. Trump is going to testify that he never asked Comey about dropping the Flynn investigation, or that he never asked for his loyalty? Oh goody.

Trump argued that he would never ask Comey for his loyalty because you don’t do that with a stranger. I suppose he knew every attendee on a first name basis at this Vermont rally, or perhaps at this rally in Orlando. Trump didn’t mention anything about the independence of the FBI director from the president, just that he wouldn’t ask loyalty from someone he barely knows. That must mean Trump requires a loyalty oath from everyone he associates with. And seriously, if you’re the type of person who pledges an oath to a guy who eats burnt steak with ketchup, then you’re going to remain hopeless and lost.

Trump would not reveal if he actually has tapes or not, but he did promise that he would let us know “over a short period of time.” He also said we’ll be very “disappointed” which may inadvertently be true because he’ll probably reveal it like he revealed his taxes, or proof that Obama wasn’t born here, or that press conference Melania was going to hold to prove her citizenship.

There are no tapes, and if there are then they don’t support Trump’s version of events or he’d have released them already. They would have come out at 3:00 a.m. without his staff or lawyers receiving an advance notice. “The president is not a liar and there are no tapes…what’s that you’re listening to…aw crap.”

At this point, it almost doesn’t matter if there’s any collusion between the Trump and the Russians, or even his campaign. That’s because a special counsel can indict on anything he finds connected to his investigation that’s illegal. If Trump testifies he’s committing perjury. If you build it, he will lie.

Trump is one of those people who can’t not lie. If Trump talks in his sleep, then every word of that would be a lie. It’s part of a condition when you speak without thinking or speak without knowing anything, but his real problem is that he’s insane. He’s also a narcissist so he believes anything he says has to be true, just because he’s infallible. If it’s not true before he said it then it’s true because he said it. Trump lies about stuff that’s not even important, like how many times he’s been on the cover of Time Magazine or that it wasn’t raining during his inauguration speech. Trump lies so much that he’s having a hard time finding a decent lawyer to represent him (the fact he often doesn’t pay them hurts too).

It doesn’t matter to Trump or the GOP that his approval rating is at 34% as long as his base believes his lies, and they do. They believe Obama was born in Kenya and he wiretapped the phones in Trump Tower. They believe Trump had the largest electoral victory since Reagan. They believe Trump had the largest inauguration crowd in American history. They believe Trump is more honest than Hillary Clinton. They believe the NFL sent him a letter objecting to him debating while a game was on. They believe he opposed the Iraq war. They believe he never mocked a New York Times reporter. But believing something doesn’t make it true. Trump sycophants’ beliefs don’t change the fact that Obama was born in Honolulu, or that more people (legally) voted against Donald Trump than for him.

Now Trump has bullshitted his lying ass into testifying, which is something no lawyer wants their client, especially a narcissistic lying client, to do. And if Trump testifies, it’s not going to be “if”, it’s going to be “when” he commits perjury. In a 2007 deposition, Trump was caught lying 30 times. If Trump testifies under oath before the special counsel, he will commit perjury. He is incapable of telling the truth.

Get the popcorn ready.

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Schnooked By A Crook

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Trump supporters constantly defend their man from accusations he colluded with Russia and their efforts to elect him, hacking into the Clinton campaign and spreading false information. They tell us it’s all a conspiracy or “fake news.” That’s exactly what their golden-showered idol says.

What they don’t do is offer a coherent argument consisting of evidence or even reasons why it’s a conspiracy or “fake news.” Their best defense is to bring up Hillary Clinton’s email server or something Obama did. Hey, that’s the Trump defense too.

Now the dam finally broke and a Special Counsel has been appointed. Trump broke the dam himself as the Assistant Attorney General made the decision yesterday to make the appointment after news broke that fired FBI Director James Comey wrote a memo that Trump wanted him to drop the agency’s own investigation.

The assistant AG made the appointment because Jeff Sessions, the Attorney General, claims he’s recused himself from anything to do with investigating Trump, though he was in on firing Comey and is helping select the replacement.

Former FBI Director Robert Mueller has been named to lead the special investigation. After saying there was no need for a Special Counsel just a few days ago, Trump issued a statement welcoming the investigation as it will clear all this up. The statement was coherent which means someone other than Trump wrote it. Other than the statement, Trump has been strangely quiet on Twitter.

News also came out yesterday that former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn informed the Trump transition team that he was under investigation and yet they still hired him. I don’t think the theory that Trump is hung up on Flynn because he’s Putin’s guy is any less logical than the theory that Trump is loyal.

Republicans have fought against the idea of a Special Counsel yet there seems to be relief from them that it’s finally happened. “Finally” after just four months into the Trump presidency. These guys have been putting party over country for a long time now. Yesterday The Washington Post released a story that Kevin McCarthy, the number two guy in the House, said he believed Trump was being paid by Putin. On top of that juicy nugget, Paul Ryan told everyone present not to leak that information. This happened over a year ago and McCarthy and Ryan both denied it took place until they were informed it was on tape. Then they came clean and said it was a joke. It might have been a half joke.

Trump is close to Putin. He’s hired several people with connections to Putin. They range from Paul Manafort, to Michael Flynn, to Jeff Sessions, to his own son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Trump asked Putin from the campaign trail to help him win the election. He’s fired everyone who was investigating him. He fired Comey after he asked for his loyalty and for him to drop the investigation. He threatened Comey if he dared talk about his meetings with Trump. Trump gave classified intel to Russians in the Oval Office. Now Trump needs to hire a personal lawyer. Since there seems to be a lot of people in the Trump administration with links to Russia, now is a good time to be a white collar lawyer in Washington.

While Donald Trump may be saying he welcomes the Special Counsel, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t fire him. Trump can fire Rod Rosentein, the man who appointed the counsel. Maybe Trump won’t be implicated in the investigation. Maybe it won’t find anything on anyone. Maybe it’ll go after people but leave Trump alone. And maybe it’ll make a case against Trump for colluding with Russia or for his attempts to obstruct justice. If Trump is innocent then he doesn’t have anything to worry about. Does anyone believe Trump is actually innocent?

His supporters don’t believe he’s innocent or they’d make a better case than “Hillary’s emails.” If you’re a Trump supporter you’re either a schnook or a traitor to your country.

Which is it? Schnook or crook?

Update: Trump tweeted this morning. What did he do? He deflected by bringing up Obama and Clinton. See?

 

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.