Special Counsel

Skeletons And Then Some


cjones07252017

Donald Trump says that if Special Counsel Robert Mueller looks into his or his family’s finances that aren’t related to Russia, then that’ll be going too far. He’s hinting that he may fire Mueller.

Our president is a man who doesn’t understand a lot of things. We can add investigations to that ever-expanding list. You can’t tell investigators not to look where you don’t want them to look. It doesn’t work that way. Trump is having a hard time casting an image of an innocent man. While declaring all the coverage of collusion with Russia as “fake news,” he’s talking about issuing a pardon for himself and firing Mueller. On top of all that, he’s putting together a smear campaign against everyone in the Special Counsel’s office. I’m half expecting him to write a book like O.J. did, titled “If I did it.” Though, like all of Trump’s other books, he’ll hire someone else to write it because Trump is barely literate.

Trump believes Hillary Clinton and James Comey committed crimes, even though there’s no evidence to hold that belief. He thinks President Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He’s created a commission to investigate non-existent voter fraud from the 2016 presidential election. In the past, he claimed Obama wasn’t born in his country and that he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating 9/11. I’m not sure his feeble mind is able to understand what about his finances are connected to Russia or not.

What is known is that Trump has millions in loans from Deutsche Bank, who continued to loan him money after he sued them. Deutsche Bank, who also has Ivanka and Jared as clients, has been accused of laundering money out of Eastern Europe. Trump sold a house in Florida that he bought for $41 million to a Russian oligarch who paid The Donald $95 million (five years later the property was valued at $60 million and the oligarch only visited once before having it demolished).

The conservative media and Trump sycophants keep telling us to stop talking about Russia, even though Trump himself can’t stop talking about it. Thankfully, the press, the FBI, the Special Counsel, and Congress disagrees with the sycophants and find treason to be a very serious matter.

And please, Mr. Mueller. Look in the bank accounts, the closet, under the bed, the car trunk, the piggy bank, under the floor, etc.

Creative Note: I’m really hoping there aren’t any law enforcement agencies tracking all my Google searches. I had to look up a lot of creepy stuff for this cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Smearing Mueller


cjones06192017

If you get caught cheating on your significant other, your defense might be to blame the informer with “you’re going to believe her? She’s a big fat slut!”. The “big fat slut” defense may work if your significant other is stupid, but it doesn’t change the fact you’re guilty.

President Trump informed us, several times, that former FBI director James Comey told him three times that he was not under investigation. New reports inform us that Trump is NOW under investigation by the Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Trump is totally freaking out.

Sources close to Trump have informed the press that the president is obsessed with the investigation into his ties with Russia. They tell us he can’t stop talking about it and even TiVos morning news shows so he can watch them at night. His Twitter usage doesn’t dispel the idea that he’s a man is obsessed. Now the Trump team has taken to smearing Robert Mueller.

Yesterday, Trump tweeted “You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history — led by some very bad and conflicted people!”. This morning he tweeted “After 7 months of investigations & committee hearings about my “collusion with the Russians,” nobody has been able to show any proof. Sad!” Yes, Donald. When your henchman stonewall during Senate testimony it’s tough to find evidence.

The Special Counsel is loading for bear. He’s hired at least 12 lawyers, many with experience as prosecutors, investigators, and members of the FBI and Justice Department. They have opened the investigation into Jared Kushner’s business dealings and contacts with Russia (hard to see how going to a Russian bank has anything to do with diplomacy), and now Mike Pence is “lawyering up.”

Trump, who can barely conceal his cards, is obviously afraid of what the investigation will find. At some point, they will look at his tax returns and find out who loans him money since American banks don’t trust the Trump brand.

When Mueller was appointed as Special Counsel, Newt Gingrich praised the selection. He said Mueller was a “superb choice” and declared that “his reputation is impeccable for honesty and integrity.” Now he says it’s a “rigged game.” Newt is upset that Mueller, a Republican, has hired attorneys who have donated to Democrats in the past. He wants Mueller to hire just as many “pro-Trump” attorneys. This isn’t a bipartisan Congressional baseball game, Newt. Let’s not forget the fact that Newt is hoping his wife receives an ambassadorship from Trump.

Newt, who forgets a lot (like he’s married and probably shouldn’t stick his penis in some strange), has forgotten that the Special Counsel has to abide by Justice Department rules when hiring, and that is they can’t take political or ideological affiliation into account when hiring.

Trump’s personal legal team, led by Marc Kasowitz has issued talking points and the president’s sycophants are following them to the letter.

First, they’re upset about the leaks to The Washington Post that Trump is being investigated. They’re blaming the Special Counsel and the FBI. Trump was considering firing Mueller two days ago, so that’s when he probably found out he was under investigation, thus the leaks probably came from his staff. They’re also upset that the news of the investigation came out on Trump’s birthday. Can you think of a better gift for a lying piece of crap who has everything?

Kasowitz started off the attacks by decrying the “illegal” leaks. Remember, this guy is a lawyer and that the leaks really are not illegal.

The Republican National Committee is decrying the leaks and arguing that there isn’t a reason to investigate obstruction of justice toward Trump, who has admitted more than once that he fired Comey to end the FBI’s investigation. Sean Hannity has also called for an end to the investigation. These are people who are afraid of what will be found.

Previously, Trump has called several people to ask them to make public statements that there isn’t an investigation into him. He made the request to Comey and then fired him after he didn’t do it. Last night, a very odd statement was released from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein downplaying the investigation and warning of leaks. It sounds very much like the sort of statement Trump was asking others to make. Rosenstein should be aware that Trump funk may not completely ever wash out.

Just as Trump will face great difficulty having his word believed over James Comey’s, he will experience trouble smearing Mueller.

Mueller is the second-longest serving director of the FBI. He’s the longest-serving director who was not a crossdresser. Trump was interested in installing Mueller into that post again.

Mueller has served as a U.S. Attorney, a U.S. Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division, and as Acting-Deputing Attorney General. When his term expired as FBI director, President Obama asked him to stay on for two more years. He has served a Republican and a Democratic president (being appointed by both). He served in Vietnam and was awarded a Bronze Star, two Commendation Medals, the Purple Heart, and the Republic of Vietnam Cross of Gallantry. In comparison, Trump has said his “Vietnam” was the risk of acquiring a venereal disease while he was screwing around.

If Trump didn’t have anything to fear, he’d shut up and let Mueller go about his job of not finding anything. The problem for Trump is that Mueller is finding things.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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Perjury Happens


cjones06122017

Other than playing poker with Donald Trump, I really wanna start farming. I’m going to start a popcorn farm. How do you grow popcorn? I don’t know much about farming. I know you need things like seeds, and dirt and probably a tractor, and you have to wear overalls and live in Iowa with a scarecrow to ward off ghost baseball players, and that’s about all I know about farming. I thought pineapples grew on trees until I moved to Hawaii.

The reason I want to start farming popcorn is that if Donald Trump testifies in a court or a deposition, and they televise that shit, people are going to be eating a lot of popcorn. I could be something Donald Trump isn’t, and that’s an actual billionaire.

Donald Trump and his team say James Comey is a liar. Well, there’s our first lie. The second one came from Sarah Huckabee-Sanders who said: “the president is not a liar.” You might want to be careful with the moment you’re trying to swallow the popcorn as there’s a very real danger of choking if you try to swallow while Trump or one of his sycophants is dropping a whopper. Eat with a friend who knows the Heimlich or is really good at tickling. Does tickling prevent choking? Don’t choke while around me. You will die.

Most of Trump’s problems are his own creation. He fired Comey and then boasted he did it because of the Russia investigation. He then trolled Comey by threatening that their conversations may have been taped, which led to Comey dropping his memos to the press, which led to a special counsel being appointed. It’s like Trump is taking a crap while walking backward.

On Friday, Trump said he’d be willing to testify under oath to give his version of his conversations with Comey. That had to make his lawyer drop a load. Trump is going to testify that he never asked Comey about dropping the Flynn investigation, or that he never asked for his loyalty? Oh goody.

Trump argued that he would never ask Comey for his loyalty because you don’t do that with a stranger. I suppose he knew every attendee on a first name basis at this Vermont rally, or perhaps at this rally in Orlando. Trump didn’t mention anything about the independence of the FBI director from the president, just that he wouldn’t ask loyalty from someone he barely knows. That must mean Trump requires a loyalty oath from everyone he associates with. And seriously, if you’re the type of person who pledges an oath to a guy who eats burnt steak with ketchup, then you’re going to remain hopeless and lost.

Trump would not reveal if he actually has tapes or not, but he did promise that he would let us know “over a short period of time.” He also said we’ll be very “disappointed” which may inadvertently be true because he’ll probably reveal it like he revealed his taxes, or proof that Obama wasn’t born here, or that press conference Melania was going to hold to prove her citizenship.

There are no tapes, and if there are then they don’t support Trump’s version of events or he’d have released them already. They would have come out at 3:00 a.m. without his staff or lawyers receiving an advance notice. “The president is not a liar and there are no tapes…what’s that you’re listening to…aw crap.”

At this point, it almost doesn’t matter if there’s any collusion between the Trump and the Russians, or even his campaign. That’s because a special counsel can indict on anything he finds connected to his investigation that’s illegal. If Trump testifies he’s committing perjury. If you build it, he will lie.

Trump is one of those people who can’t not lie. If Trump talks in his sleep, then every word of that would be a lie. It’s part of a condition when you speak without thinking or speak without knowing anything, but his real problem is that he’s insane. He’s also a narcissist so he believes anything he says has to be true, just because he’s infallible. If it’s not true before he said it then it’s true because he said it. Trump lies about stuff that’s not even important, like how many times he’s been on the cover of Time Magazine or that it wasn’t raining during his inauguration speech. Trump lies so much that he’s having a hard time finding a decent lawyer to represent him (the fact he often doesn’t pay them hurts too).

It doesn’t matter to Trump or the GOP that his approval rating is at 34% as long as his base believes his lies, and they do. They believe Obama was born in Kenya and he wiretapped the phones in Trump Tower. They believe Trump had the largest electoral victory since Reagan. They believe Trump had the largest inauguration crowd in American history. They believe Trump is more honest than Hillary Clinton. They believe the NFL sent him a letter objecting to him debating while a game was on. They believe he opposed the Iraq war. They believe he never mocked a New York Times reporter. But believing something doesn’t make it true. Trump sycophants’ beliefs don’t change the fact that Obama was born in Honolulu, or that more people (legally) voted against Donald Trump than for him.

Now Trump has bullshitted his lying ass into testifying, which is something no lawyer wants their client, especially a narcissistic lying client, to do. And if Trump testifies, it’s not going to be “if”, it’s going to be “when” he commits perjury. In a 2007 deposition, Trump was caught lying 30 times. If Trump testifies under oath before the special counsel, he will commit perjury. He is incapable of telling the truth.

Get the popcorn ready.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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Schnooked By A Crook


cjones05222017

Trump supporters constantly defend their man from accusations he colluded with Russia and their efforts to elect him, hacking into the Clinton campaign and spreading false information. They tell us it’s all a conspiracy or “fake news.” That’s exactly what their golden-showered idol says.

What they don’t do is offer a coherent argument consisting of evidence or even reasons why it’s a conspiracy or “fake news.” Their best defense is to bring up Hillary Clinton’s email server or something Obama did. Hey, that’s the Trump defense too.

Now the dam finally broke and a Special Counsel has been appointed. Trump broke the dam himself as the Assistant Attorney General made the decision yesterday to make the appointment after news broke that fired FBI Director James Comey wrote a memo that Trump wanted him to drop the agency’s own investigation.

The assistant AG made the appointment because Jeff Sessions, the Attorney General, claims he’s recused himself from anything to do with investigating Trump, though he was in on firing Comey and is helping select the replacement.

Former FBI Director Robert Mueller has been named to lead the special investigation. After saying there was no need for a Special Counsel just a few days ago, Trump issued a statement welcoming the investigation as it will clear all this up. The statement was coherent which means someone other than Trump wrote it. Other than the statement, Trump has been strangely quiet on Twitter.

News also came out yesterday that former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn informed the Trump transition team that he was under investigation and yet they still hired him. I don’t think the theory that Trump is hung up on Flynn because he’s Putin’s guy is any less logical than the theory that Trump is loyal.

Republicans have fought against the idea of a Special Counsel yet there seems to be relief from them that it’s finally happened. “Finally” after just four months into the Trump presidency. These guys have been putting party over country for a long time now. Yesterday The Washington Post released a story that Kevin McCarthy, the number two guy in the House, said he believed Trump was being paid by Putin. On top of that juicy nugget, Paul Ryan told everyone present not to leak that information. This happened over a year ago and McCarthy and Ryan both denied it took place until they were informed it was on tape. Then they came clean and said it was a joke. It might have been a half joke.

Trump is close to Putin. He’s hired several people with connections to Putin. They range from Paul Manafort, to Michael Flynn, to Jeff Sessions, to his own son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Trump asked Putin from the campaign trail to help him win the election. He’s fired everyone who was investigating him. He fired Comey after he asked for his loyalty and for him to drop the investigation. He threatened Comey if he dared talk about his meetings with Trump. Trump gave classified intel to Russians in the Oval Office. Now Trump needs to hire a personal lawyer. Since there seems to be a lot of people in the Trump administration with links to Russia, now is a good time to be a white collar lawyer in Washington.

While Donald Trump may be saying he welcomes the Special Counsel, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t fire him. Trump can fire Rod Rosentein, the man who appointed the counsel. Maybe Trump won’t be implicated in the investigation. Maybe it won’t find anything on anyone. Maybe it’ll go after people but leave Trump alone. And maybe it’ll make a case against Trump for colluding with Russia or for his attempts to obstruct justice. If Trump is innocent then he doesn’t have anything to worry about. Does anyone believe Trump is actually innocent?

His supporters don’t believe he’s innocent or they’d make a better case than “Hillary’s emails.” If you’re a Trump supporter you’re either a schnook or a traitor to your country.

Which is it? Schnook or crook?

Update: Trump tweeted this morning. What did he do? He deflected by bringing up Obama and Clinton. See?

 

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.