South Korea

Fartsy Foreign Meddling

cjones02282020

I have this belief that if Donald Trump wins reelection, he’ll pull the United States out of NATO, he’ll invite Vladimir Putin to the White House, and he’ll withdraw all American forces off the Korean peninsula.

I don’t have this belief because I’m suffering from imaginary Trump Derangement Syndrome. I believe this because there are reports he’s voiced out loud about doing all three. In regards to Korea, he now has another reason. A film from South Korea won an Oscar for best picture. For some reason, that really pisses Donald Trump off.

At a racist fucknut rally yesterday, Donald Trump stood up to defend the American film industry from foreign attacks. I don’t really get it. He railed against the film “Parasite,” a South Korean production that you would have to watch with subtitles unless you speak Korean. “Parasite” is the first foreign-language film to win Best Picture.

Trump said to the adoring racist masses, “And the winner is a movie from South Korea, what the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of it, they give them the best movie of the year? Was it good? I don’t know.” He then asked, “Can we get ‘Gone With the Wind’ back, please?” and also name-checked “Sunset Boulevard.” What’s next? Complain that James Woods has never won an Oscar? I haven’t actually looked that up but I am that confident he hasn’t won one.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand how anything works. “Gone With the Wind” won an Oscar for Best Picture in 1940, thus it’s not eligible to win one in 2020. “Sunset Boulevard” came out in 1950. But if Trump’s going to campaign for any movie, perhaps he should look into “Dumb and Dumber.”

Neon, the U.S. film production and distribution company backing “Parasite,” replied with, “Understandable. He can’t read,” referencing the film’s subtitles. The Democratic National Committee took the same tack with, “‘Parasite’ is a foreign movie about how oblivious the ultrarich are about the struggles of the working class, and it requires two hours of reading subtitles. Of course, Trump hates it.” And he hates it without even having seen it. But then again, he has an opinion about everything he doesn’t know anything about. I bet he has a lot of them on the G spot.

I’m not sure why he’s going after a foreign film winning an Oscar since he’s not a big fan of recent U.S. films either. But at least he’s trying to protect something American. When it comes to Russian meddling in our elections, past and present, he doesn’t care. A foreign power attacking our democratic process, he goes four years without mentioning. South Koreans winning an Oscar, that he mentions.

After acting-Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire briefed Congress on Russia interfering in the 2020 election to help Trump, Donald Trump got upset and viewed Maguire as disloyal. Trump is afraid Democrats will use the information against him in the election. For Trump, using the fact he’s accepting foreign help is worse than him using foreign help, and the Director of National Intelligence is supposed to be more loyal to him than to America.

Donald Trump, who has told his minions that he wants to remove people from government who are not loyal to him, is now removing Maguire and replacing him with a loyal Trump goon. Maguire is a career official who is respected by the intelligence rank and file. Trump is replacing him with Richard Grennell, who is the current ambassador to Germany (was disappointed to find out the Nazis are gone) and has zero experience with intelligence. In fact, he’s more fond of carrying water for Trump’s conspiracy theories. There’s also talk of eventually making Congressman Doug Collins the permanent Director, who is also a bigger proponent of Trump conspiracy theories than facts.

In fact, during the briefing to Congress delivered by Shelby Pierson, the American intelligence community’s top election security official, Republicans accused the briefers of trying to sabotage Trump. Then, Devin Nunes went running to Donald Trump to tell him about it and warn him that Adam Schiff, lead impeachment manager and Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, was in the room. Reportedly, Trump went off the rails at Maguire before firing him. Now there are reports that Pierson may be leaving also. Maybe Nunes is also the one to tell Trump about “Parasite.”

Donald Trump is worried this information will be used against him, which would be legal. But we don’t need this briefing to know Russia is helping Donald Trump win reelection. We already knew this. Trump’s supporters may always use the defense of “Russia, Russia, Russia” while rolling their eyes, but the rest of the nation takes our security seriously. The rest of us are more loyal to our country than to an orange cult leader. Also, Vladimir Putin already told us he wanted Trump to win in 2016, so duh.

Donald Trump doesn’t like “Parasite,” because it’s about a family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong. But the most ironic thing is, he is a parasite. Personally, I don’t mind reading for two hours so I’m going to watch “Parasite.”

A family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong? I really need to know how it ends.

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On Thin Ice

cjones01202018

I was watching Morning Joe this morning, and for the few minutes they weren’t talking about Donald Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter, they talked to Republican Congressman Jim Jordan.

Jordan did not talk about spankings with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of Trump’s daughter, but he did talk about the budget crisis. He said the voters put Trump and the GOP in charge of the government (Before they knew about the spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) to accomplish all their promises, so Democrats should go ahead and pass the temporary budget fix to keep the government open. If there’s a shutdown, then it’s all the Democrats fault.

Let’s look at that logic. If the voters put you in charge to keep your promises, then why do you need the Democrats’ help? You have control of all three branches of government. How is it the Democrats fault that you don’t know how to legislate? Next, you’ll blame them for Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

The Republicans could create legislation that would appeal to enough Democrats to pass their budget, but running the government isn’t as simple as Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter

By the way, I wouldn’t talk about the voters giving you a mandate when over three million more of them voted for Trump’s opponent (imagine how many more it would have been if they knew about that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter), not to mention that over 80% of voters believe Dreamers should be able to stay in this nation. Yeah, that Dreamer issue.

The Republicans argue that Democrats shouldn’t demand it is a part of this budget deal, and that they’re not holding Dreamers hostage (like Trump was held hostage during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter). Go talk to a Dreamer who doesn’t know if they’ll get to stay here, continue working or going to school, or end up being shipped to a country they’ve never known. Donald Trump inserted the Dreamer crisis into this issue by revoking Obama’s Executive Order that allowed them to stay here. You broke it, you bought it (which might be something Trump said during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Did voters send Trump to the Oval Office so he could lie about legislation? He told Democrats and Republicans that if they sent him a deal on DACA, that he would sign it and take the heat. They proposed a deal and he backtracked. Donald Trump is a liar. Republicans are legislating, trying to send something to his desk, and they don’t know what the man wants (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because he keeps changing his mind.

Right now, we have a better idea of what Trump wants in the bedroom than what he wants in this budget (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Republicans think it’s crazy that DACA has to be a part of this but not funding for Trump’s stupid “I Hate Mexicans” wall. Why should this be in the budget when we were told Mexico would pay for this wall? That’s almost as crazy as someone wanting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

Democrats, don’t budge. Don’t give jerks one cent for that wall. Mexico was supposed to pay for it. Don’t bend over (like Trump does for a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because Trump lied and can’t keep a campaign promise.

If Trump can’t keep his promises, Democrats shouldn’t pay for that. Trump should like he paid to keep it quiet that he got a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

North and South Korea are probably laughing at us over this budget thing, in addition to Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

By the way, did you hear about Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter? Some people can’t stop talking about it.

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North Korean Barbecue

cjones09132016

I needed to take a break from drawing cartoons about Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and campaign 2016. A few of my clients will appreciate the break also. I’m going to attempt to make it two cartoons in a row as long as something incredibly stupid doesn’t happen on the campaign trail tomorrow.

The danger of Iran having nuclear weapons is they might be evil enough to use them. With North Korea it’s that they might be crazy enough. It would really suck to watch capitols obliterated because of a Seth Rogen movie. Those things have hurt enough people already.

The richter scale measurement from their fifth nuclear test shows their weapons are becoming more powerful. The biggest concern is their developing the technology to make their nukes small enough to put in missiles, even those fired from submarines.

While North Korea has over 800 ships in their navy they’re so limited that it’s virtually impossible for a ship on one coast to visit their other coast. But can they fire a nuclear missile that can reach Seoul, Tokyo, Honolulu, or even Seattle?

The U.S. and South Korea are ready to deploy an advanced anti-missile system in the South to counter the North’s missile threat. China and Russia both oppose this but screw those guys.

It might be time to look at options other than sanctions and flying U.S. B-1 bombers near the DPRK’s border. The United States removed their nuclear weapons from South Korea in 1991 after signing an agreement with the North to remove all nukes from the peninsula. Some in the South want them to return which is probably a better idea than the one Trump has, which is for South Korea and Japan to have their own.

The world doesn’t need another crazy dictator with access to nukes anymore than we need another Seth Rogen movie.

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North Korea’s New Time Zone

cjones08102015

You may have missed this story. North Korea has created it’s own time zone. This puts North Korea 30 minutes behind South Korea and Japan, thus adding to the centuries it’s behind the rest of the world. A lot of people consider this the North’s snub to Japan, who did brutalize Korea during it’s imperial run throughout Asia.

Korea’s time zone was set by Japan in 1910 when it colonized Korea. South Korea actually went back to this time zone between 1954 to 1961, then changed back because it worked better financially to have the same time zone as Japan. There is still some efforts to return South Korea to the former time zone.

North Korea doesn’t just have it’s own time zone. They have their own calendar. Instead of counting from the birth of Christ, they count from the birth of founding leader, Kim Il Sung. Kim was born in 1912 — known in North Korea as Juche 1, making this year Juche 104.

With this cartoon idea I needed 12 ideas. I had 12 but I thought I’d fish from a few friends to see if they had any suggestions. I sent out a text and a few made submissions and they all deserve shout outs as I have used a few of their submissions in here. The shout out will be the only compensation they’ll receive.

My friends who put their stamp in this cartoon is Chris Fink (we used to be in a band together) Gordon Johnson (the only guy in North America not on Twitter or Facebook and probably the most politically-knowledgeable person I know), Kenny Ellis (my ex wife’s husband and the only one with a Rodman suggestion), Bobby Hebert (we worked together at The Free Lance-Star and he’s a humor writer of sorts who I knew would take a crack at this), and Eric Hennessey (very creative guy, world traveler, Republican atheists and one of my best friends). I asked a few other people but they didn’t come through. I’ll probably get texts with excellent ideas from them tomorrow.

I didn’t troll my cartoon pals for ideas. I’m not that stupid.

And the “eat dog” part is my idea. It’s not a stereotype or insult toward Asians. It’s a they’re-starving-in-North Korea insult.

If you have any suggestions, leave a comment.