Social Distancing

Don’t Stand So Close To Me


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It really boggled my mind Saturday that Mike Pence was on a podium with the President (sic) of the United States, along with a dozen other people, including Dr. Anthony Fauci, sharing a microphone, and announcing he would be getting a test for coronavirus later in the day.

A staffer in Pence’s office has tested positive, so Pence and his wife Karen were to be tested also. Fortunately, the tests came back negative and I’m honestly glad about that. But why weren’t they in isolation beforehand? Or at the very least, not mouth breathing all over a microphone to be shared by other people, like the President (sic) of the United States? In case you didn’t notice or see yesterday’s briefing, they weren’t standing six feet apart from each other.

If this keeps up, one of those people on the podium is going to test positive. I guarantee it.

Now, I don’t wish anyone to contract covid19, even sleazy, grifting, lying, cheating, racist Republicans. I don’t even wish Donald Trump to catch it. It’s bad karma. It’s like being the only Senator to vote against emergency funding to deal with the virus, then catching the virus. That’s exactly what happened to Rand Paul. Are you surprised?

Rand Paul is an asshole. He’s a huge asshole. While he may not be as widely disliked as Ted Cruz, he’s a bigger asshole. He once got beat up, breaking six of his ribs, by a five-foot-six, 140-pound neighbor in a gated community over lawn care.

Rand Paul voted against free testing for the coronavirus, then had to get a test himself, which I’m sure was free. While waiting for his test results, he went to the Senate gym, the Senate pool (probably peed in it for good measure), and held meetings with other Senators. Did I mention Rand Paul is an asshole? Rand Paul is the kind of person who would have unprotected sex with someone while waiting for the results of a chlamydia test (he found someone to have sex with because this is hypothetical. Calm down).

I want the government to be open and transparent. Have you heard New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s daily briefings? He has been blunt, upfront, and honest over this. He said if anyone doesn’t like the measures his state is taking during this pandemic, then to blame him. By contrast, Donald Trump said he doesn’t take any responsibility for the federal government’s missteps and slow response. In fact, he’s lied constantly.

The White House cut off the daily press briefings. Now, they’re back on but I kinda wish they’d stop again. Why? Because everything Donald Trump says needs to be clarified or corrected. Plus, it’s bad for the economy. The stock market crashes every time Trump says something. Could we do these briefings without Trump? In comparison, even Mike Pence seems more forthright and able to manage this pandemic. Don’t bash me for that. I said “even” Mike Pence.

The best way to get through this pandemic and to end it is to self-isolate. Not everyone can do it, but you’ll be better off by staying in a room all by yourself without any human contact.

I think another great way to get us all through this would be to isolate Donald Trump in a room by himself for 16 days. Preferably, the room will be padded.

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