Classified Crocodiles

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know. You’ll probably find alligators and not crocodiles at Mar-a-Lago, but there are some crocs in the most-southern part of Florida and they’re moving north. Hopefully, they’ll be hungry by the time they make it to Mar-a-Lago.

When Donald Trump and his legal team requested a Special Master to be a third party overseeing the documents seized by the FBI, he gave the Justice Department an opening to show the public even more evidence that Donald Trump broke the law. Donald Trump was so upset, that he “truthed” over 60 times in a span of 12 hours. That’s a LOT of bullshit.

Donald Trump stole classified government documents that belong in the National Archive. Trump returned a few boxes…and then a few more, and then his legal team said none was left, yet a lot more were discovered after the FBI was granted a search warrant by a federal court. Somebody did something bad.

In a stalling tactic, Trump demanded a third party to review the seized material and to be the judge of what is privileged between Trump and his lawyers. The response from DOJ showed that Donald Trump still had documents his lawyers claimed he didn’t have and that Trump was reckless with them.

The Department of Justice showed a photo of classified material on a floor next to a box of TIME Magazines with Trump on the cover. Trump, being a moron, “truthed” that this material was planted, but somehow taken from Trump’s storage and scattered about on the floor to make him look bad. He also claimed they can’t be classified if DOJ released a photo of them, even though we only see the covers marked “SCI” in the picture.

According to several people who visited Trump’s office in Trump Tower before he was president (sic), his office was always a mess with objects on the floor, like one of Mike Tyson’s championship belts (did he steal that?), and was the kind of scene a hoarder from Storage Wars would say, “Damn, that’s tacky.”

I don’t buy and collect publications when my cartoons are published in them. I used to but at some point, it became like hoarding and that’s gross.

Donald Trump’s response to the DOJ filing has been one conspiracy theory after another. One of them is that Joe Biden is trying to find details on Trump pulling the U.S. out of the Iran Nuclear Deal, which would be government material that the President of the United States (the real one) would have access to. The rest of his defenses have been quotes from people like Jon Voight.

Trump “truthed,” “Terrible the way the FBI, during the Raid on Mar-a-Lago, threw documents haphazardly all over the floor (Perhaps pretending it was me that did it!).” This is like clogging the toilet and later blaming someone else.

Trump’s lawyer’s response to this was that Trump merely possessed “his own presidential records” and DOJ took an “unprecedented, unnecessary and legally unsupported raid” on Mar-a-Lago, the Justice Department was “criminalizing a former president’s possession of personal and presidential records in a secure setting.”

That’s a lot of bullshit and shows just how shitty the quality of lawyers that are left for Trump to choose from. Word gets around he’s a client that never shuts up and doesn’t pay his legal fees.

Donald Trump has actually been sued by lawyers for not paying his legal bills, who had defended him in lawsuits for not paying his bills. You have to be a seriously stupid and shitty lawyer to take Donald Trump on as a client, which explains why one of his lawyers is a goon who used to work for One America News, the conspiracy “news” network.

The raid was not “legally unsupported.” It’s amazing they’re making this argument to a judge when the warrant they received was from…a judge (it may have been from the same judge). The judge knows how these things work.

These documents were not his “own presidential records.” Presidential records belong to the government, as in, they belong to us. The documents were NOT in a secured setting. A basement, and Trump’s desk, in a golf hotel is not a secure environment.

These documents were also never declassified. Never. Nothing has been exhibited that supports this evidence. If Trump had this, his lawyers would have produced it by now…but then again, they are morons. Have you seen Sidney Powell?

DOJ’s response also revealed that Trump and his legal team were working overtime to prevent the government from obtaining these classified documents. Donald Trump, with help from his lawyers, was obstructing justice. I hope Trump’s lawyers have lawyers who are better than they are. I hope you’re listening, Rudy.

Donald Trump has a history of being careless with classified information which doesn’t go well with a history of being a hoarder. Quite frankly, I think our most secret information would be safer with the crocodiles. I’ve never heard of a crocodile giving classified information to a Russian ambassador while inside the Oval Office.

Music note: Third day straight I listened to Elton John while drawn, but that guy produced decades of hits. Besides, I had to listen to “Crocodile Rock” at least once while coloring this.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Bezos And Buzzards


A few weeks ago, I was keeping my eyes open for Dial liquid hand soap. Usually, for me, soap is soap as long as it doesn’t smell weird or feel like liquid sandpaper, I’m good. But a friend swore that Dial was the best at killing viruses and was one of the cheapest. So, while not being that worried about it and already having plenty of hand soap on stock, I thought I’d buy some if I ran across it. For a while, I didn’t.

I couldn’t find it at my local grocery store or my local CVS. Then, I stumbled across one bottle at my local convenience store where I walked into recently while wearing a bandana and telling the guy who runs the place it was a stickup…and told me to stop messing around and that he just got an order in of that Arizona green tea I like. He knows me.

They had exactly one bottle. Dial, 7.5 FL OZ (221 mL), original gold. Kills 99.9% of bacteria. Sounds good and since it’s the last one, I’ll buy it. It was $3.59. I thought that was a little high but I was in a convenience store and I wasn’t sure what the regular price of liquid soap was. I bought it anyway (and it’s nearly empty now. Dries out your hands).

But, I was still curious about the price. I did a little research and it seems the regular price is $1.00 to $2.50 if you can find it.

By the way, I wanted some Ore-Ida frozen potatoes and they were nearly wiped out at my local grocery store. What the hell, people? Are we wiping with frozen potatoes now?

But I digress. The soap is cheap. Why? Because it’s just regular soap. While you might pay $2.00 at your gGiant, it’s understandable it would be $3.59 at 7/11. How about $11 at Amazon?

Yeah, I found the exact same soap, size, design on bottle, everything, on Amazon for $10.99 I saw a deal where you can get four bottles for $30.00. Woo-hoo go to Hell, Jeff Bezos and take your $30 hand soap with you.

Back in late March, Amazon announced it removed 500,000 listings and 3,900 third-party sellers from its site for suspected price gouging. Hey, good for Amazon. I’m sorry I told you to go to Hell, Jeff Bezos. I appreciate what you’ve done with The Washington Post and when I grow up, I want to be just like you….rich but without looking like a human prick with ears. I really didn’t mean to insult…what? Amazon also substantially raised its own prices on products like hand sanitizer, protective masks, and toilet paper. I retract my retraction, Jeff Bezos. Go back to Hell.

The Florida Attorney General found that Amazon’s third-party sellers raised prices on things like hand sanitizer, cleaning supplies, and protective masks by up to 1,600%. That’s a lot of percents. But Amazon was found to have listed one 4-pack of toilet paper at $72.

Amazon says it’s now cooperating with law enforcement on cracking down on gouging third-party sellers, like the schmuck in Tennessee who bought 17,000 bottles of hand sanitizer and attempted to sell it on Amazon at $70 bucks a pop. I didn’t know Donald Trump moved to Tennesee.

Amazon might be working with law enforcement AFTER it reduced its own prices after eliminating the gouging competition for their gouging prices…but there’s still a lot of gouging on their site they don’t seem that much in a hurry to remove.

That Dial hand soap selling for $10.99, it’s still there. But the good news is, it includes free shipping.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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