Sesame Street

Big Bird Attacked By Big Turd


Cjones11102021

Senator and above-ground CHUD Ted Cruz has now attacked Big Bird for assuring children they don’t have to be afraid of the vaccines for the coronavirus.

After American six-year-olds, became eligible for the Pfizer-BioNTech coronavirus vaccine last week, Big Bird did a public service announcement to comfort children and to promote vaccine awareness. Big Bird got his vaccination and tweeted, “My wing is feeling a little sore, but it’ll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy.”

President Biden replied to Big Bird and tweeted, “Good on ya’, Big Bird. Getting vaccinated is the best way to keep your whole neighborhood safe.”

This is just a lot of fun while being also educational about the vaccine. This PSA can actually save lives and help us defeat the pandemic. Enter Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz is worse than Philadelphia Eagles fans who once booed Santa Claus. Ted Cruz went after Big Bird. Ted tweeted, “Government propaganda … for your 5-year-old!” No, you idiot. It’s for six-year-olds. Maybe we need to do another PSA just for Republican senators. Didn’t a Republican win an election last week by claiming he’s the “education candidate?”

Ted later sent out another Big Bird-hater tweet with a video of him kicking a door in. Nice. I thought Ted Cruz approved of the Gestapo.

A couple weeks ago, Ted Cruz defended people giving the Heil salute. You know who gives that salute. Nazis. Ted Cruz defends Nazis and attacks Big Bird. But what else would you expect from a guy who worships a cult figure who called his wife, Heidi, “ugly.”

Because Republicans are in a race to prove who can be the vilest, Lisa Boothe, a Fox News contributor I have never heard of before, tweeted, “Brainwashing children who are not at risk from covid” was “twisted.” I don’t know why she used three quotation marks. I quote them without editing their fuckups. Maybe we need a PSA for Fox News contributors.

Arizona state Senator Wendy Rogers, a pro-Trump Republican, tweeted, “Big Bird is a communist.” That’s funny from someone who defends white nationalists.

Tennessee Republican congressional candidate Robby Starbuck suggested that Big Bird could die from the vaccine. “*7 days later* Big blood clot Bird is served!” It’s fun to go after a beloved character from a children’s program and spread disinformation. It’s fun to tell children, “Big Bird’s going to die!!!!” Starbucks should sue to force him to change his name. Nazi-lovers sharing your name is not good for business. Nobody except Republicans would buy from Nazi Starbucks.

This is not the first time the government has used public figures, real and imaginary, to advocate for vaccines. In the past, vaccinations were advocated in PSAs by Elvis, Muhammad Ali, C3PO, RD-D2, and even Big Bird back in the 70s. I’m not aware of conservatives being upset back then, though they did like attacking Muhammad Ali, you know, because he’s black and they couldn’t ever find a white guy who could beat him up. Personally, I’d like to see Ted Cruz go ten rounds with Big Bird. My money’s on the bird.

This isn’t the first time Republicans have called for the head of Big Bird. In 2012, while saying he loved Big Bird during a presidential debate with President Obama, Mitt Romney promised to kill Big Bird. During the Trump administration, the orange one tried to kill the yellow one every year he was in office. Again, the education candidates want to kill education. Trump’s Education Secretary, whose ideas for public education are being copied by Virginia’s new governor-elect, was worried about children being attacked in public schools by bears and Big Bird. I mean, Ted Cruz has already told us Big Bird can kick down doors. Elmo’s probably an evil samurai. The Count probably counted illegal votes for Biden. And a one, ah ah ah. And Oscar the Grouch? He’s grouchy and lives in garbage, so they probably love him.

So many people voted for Glenn Youngkin last week over frustration that schools were closed and their kids had to be taught at home. Yet, Republicans are attacking vaccinating kids, which will help keep schools open. Do we need another PSA?

I think there should be a public service announcement with Santa Claus, that way we can Ted Cruz starting a fight with Santa.

There should also be public service announcements stating:
Don’t watch Fox News.
Trump lost.
Republicans are liars.
There are no public schools in this nation teaching Critical Race Theory.
Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.

Why are Republicans constantly trying to make this nation a worse place? I really do wish Big Bird would kick Ted Cruz’s ass.

Someone on Twitter posing as Big Bird did send a tweet to Ted saying, “Ted Cruz can’t tell you how to get to Sesame Street, but he can tell you how to get to Cancun.”

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Bert, Ernie, And Squirmy


cjones09252018

It’s a question I’ve had for decades about Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie, but have never received a satisfying answer. Why does Bert have one eyebrow and Ernie doesn’t have any?

The mystery and debate of their sexual orientation have been around for at least a couple of decades. I have cartooned on it, but never really pondered it. To me, they’re asexual. Why? Because they’re puppets for a children’s educational program. But, I do enjoy watching conservatives wig out over it.

The issue came back into the mainstream this week when a former writer, Mark Saltzman, for Sesame Street said he wrote Bert and Ernie as a “loving couple,” taking inspiration from his own relationship with his longtime partner. He also said, “I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert and Ernie, they were gay. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them.”

Yikes! or yay!? Some people were celebrating. Others, not so much. This prompted Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit behind Sesame Street, to quickly knock down the idea stating, “Bert and Ernie are best friends and, being that they are puppets, have no sexual orientation.” I’ll tell you this though; I’ve never taken a bath in front of my best friend. But then again, I’m not a puppet.

The only puppet I can think of with any sort of sex drive is Miss Piggy. She really wants to nail that frog. “Miss Piggy” is also the term Donald Trump has used as a defense against those who have accused him of sexual harassment and advances. He has claimed some of his accusers weren’t attractive enough for him to hit on, which may only be true if they don’t look anything like his daughter. I suppose this makes Trump the second puppet with a sex drive.

With Kavanaugh hearings, accusations that he attempted to rape a girl when he was a teenager and hurricanes in the news this past week, we can’t forget that Donald Trump is Vladimir Putin’s puppet. The New York Times published an excellent article rounding up everything we know so far, which is a lot. It all comes down to Trump being controlled by Putin.

Hillary Clinton warned us during the campaign that Trump was Putin’s puppet. He’s done nothing to prove her wrong and everything to prove her correct. This week, on The Rachel Maddow Show, she predicted that Trump will go on a firing spree after the midterm elections. Trump loves firing people if he can do it when they’re not around. He even said he should have fired James Comey before he won the election, back when he had as much authority to fire the FBI director as I do.

I don’t care if Bert and Ernie are straight or gay. They’ve never sexually assaulted anyone, and they’re not traitors. They’re also much more intelligent than Trump, and they’re inanimate objects.

As for Trump, he is Putin’s puppet, and we all saw his hand up Trump’s ass during the Helsinki Summit.

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