Self Defense

Looking For Trouble


The entire legal defense for Kyle Rittenhouse is that he shot three people, killing two, in self-defense. But there’s a funny thing about looking for trouble. Usually, when you look for trouble, you find it.

Kyle Rittenhouse went looking for trouble. He crossed states to a city he didn’t live in, went to a friend’s house in that city to pick up an AR-15 his friend bought for him because Rittenhouse was too young to purchase it at that time, then went to an anti-racism protest. At that protest, he wandered off from all the other racist gun humpers and shot three people.

Before Kyle “defended himself,” he skulked around with the other gun-wielding self-appointed vigilantes and told big fat chunky lies.

It’s always been my opinion that if you have to lie to support your position, then you’re on the wrong side or doing the wrong thing. For example, if you lie to your mother and say you’re going to your friend’s house to study but in reality, you’re going to a rave to do pantless keg stands, then you’re probably doing the wrong thing. And if you’re lying about your age and qualifications, then you’re probably doing the wrong thing.

Kyle told everyone near him that cheery Kenosha night that he was 18-years-old. He was 17. Hey, that lie worked at the Proud Boy Bar, so why not to join the Kenosha vigilante Nazi goon squad? But, it turns out he didn’t have to lie about his age as the judge in his trial has dropped the charges of being an underage gun-carrying racist juvenile out after his bedtime.

Question: When Kyle lied and told everyone he was 18, did he have to turn in his Hitler Youth card?

The judge has dropped the charges against Kyle for a minor possessing a gun. The argument is that the gun is also underage. No, but seriously…I’m shocked they didn’t do that. Really, the judge dropped that charge because the law in Wisconsin isn’t clear on the barrel length for it to be illegal for a juvenile racist to possess. I’m glad it’s not a rape trial as this judge might drop all charges based on penis length.

He also dropped the breaking curfew charge because there wasn’t enough evidence. Sure, it’s a technicality, and there really isn’t enough evidence beyond the video, witnesses who saw him, including the cops who gave him bottles of water and waved him by after he shot people, and oh yeah, the shooting of people.

I think the curfew thing is very important. Why? Because if Kyle Rittenhouse wasn’t where he wasn’t supposed to be at the time he wasn’t supposed to be there, two people would still be alive and nobody would have been shot.

Also, if Kyle didn’t possess what he wasn’t legally allowed to possess, then he wouldn’t have shot anyone.

Kyle’s other juicy whopper was his qualification to be there. He claimed he is EMT certified and there to protect car lots and give medical attention. He’s not even old enough to be EMT certified. Fun fact: Kyle didn’t give medical attention to any of the people he shot. including the one he shot, in self-defense, four times.

Kyle is a lifeguard but unfortunately, nobody was drowning in Kenosha that night.

The prosecution may be drowning though. And I kinda expect Kyle to get off. In my last column, I made a bunch of predictions about Kyle’s future if he gets off. I have a new one.

The Kyle Rittenhouse we’ve seen in this trial, the sweet cherub humanitarian who is so concerned about the community he doesn’t live in and generous enough to loan his bulletproof vest to a friend, will not be the Kyle we see after the trial, if he gets off.

The Kyle we’ll see after the trial will be an arrogant smug little self-entitled prick who hangs out in bars with Proud Boys. That’s also the Kyle we saw before the trial.

And who knows, if the self-defense argument works after looking for trouble, Kyle may go to another protest and shoot more people. Hell, if Kyle gets off, it’s a green light to racist gun humpers to shoot anti-racism protesters throughout Wisconsin. It’ll be legal in Wisconsin just like it’s legal in Florida to shoot a black guy in a hoodie with Skittles approaching you.

Kyle Rittenhouse may be freed, and we need to prepare ourselves for that. More importantly, we need to prepare ourselves for the aftermath.

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