SCOTUS

Digging Morbid Holes


cjones09022019

In 2009, after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Senator Jim Bunning said, “Even though she was operated on, usually nine months is the longest that anybody would live.” Bunning was openly licking his chops at the opportunity to get rid of a Supreme Court justice as liberal as Ginsburg. Today, Bunning is dead and Ginsburg is still very much alive. Most Republicans salivating at the opportunity of her seat being filled by Donald Trump aren’t open about it. Others, not so much.

Last January, during a segment on Fox & Friends, a graphic aired showing Ginsburg’s photo along with “1933 – 2019.” They’re not very subtle over there at Fox & Friends.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has openly stated that if an opening occurs on the court in 2020, that he’d fill it, despite blocking President Obama’s nominee in 2016 with the argument it would be a cardinal sin to fill a seat during an election year. McConnell wasn’t just asked at a forum about an opening, the question was if a justice “dies.”

Last January, on the racist, alt-right podcast that you didn’t even know existed, Fash the Nation, hosts Jazzhands McFeels and Marcus Halberstram (is his name really “Jazzhands”?), were giddy over another Ginsburg cancer scare and said they “have the champagne on ice and the crab dance [meme] ready to go” when she dies. The crab dance is a reference to the 2018 celebratory “Crab Rave” song and they posted memes on Twitter of a crab lurking behind the Justice. Other racists joined in sharing memes of Ginsburg and crabs and once again, making liberals wonder what the hell they’re talking about. Republicans suck at humor and metaphors.

I think conservatives should take a lesson from Jim Bunning and think twice before speculating on the health of Ginsburg, or they may be the ones looking over their shoulders in fear of getting the pinch (see what I did there, conservatives? That’s how you do it).

There’s little doubt Republicans were feeling giddy upon hearing news this weekend that Ginsburg underwent another procedure to remove cancer. I’m also certain every liberal in the nation had heart fluctuations.

It’s not just morbid to speculate on and hope for ill health for Ginsburg. It’s cruel and disgusting. It’s also disgusting to hope the economy goes south to help your chances of winning an election. But, it’s not morbid to speculate on the economy. We’re always speculating on the economy.

Donald Trump faces a tough re-election in 2020 for reasons outside the economy. Mostly because he’s a vile, disgusting, racist, stupid human being who’s doing a lousy job as president and is an international embarrassment to the United States. But, if the economy goes down, so does Trump. I feel safe in saying there’s no way Donald Trump’s presidency can survive an economic downturn. If a recession hits before the election (and it will eventually hit), other Republicans will wish they had jumped into the presidential race.

The real questions about a recession are: When will it hit and how hard? I don’t want a recession and I think Trump can be defeated without one. Trust me on this; we don’t need an even bigger mess left by Trump for a Democrat to clean up.

I also hope Ginsburg stays in her seat as long as she wants, even after a Democrat enters the Oval Office. It’s not just her seat that’s so important, it’s her.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an American hero and whoever is nominated, whether by a Republican or Democrat, has huge shoes to fill.

It’s tough to make predictions on the economy or vacancies on the Supreme Court, but one call easy to make with bullseye accuracy is that Republicans will continue to be heartless troglodytes.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

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Extreme Supremes


cjones08022019

Take heart, America. The Supreme Court’s decision, which they came out of their summer break to render, isn’t as bad as you think. Oh, it’s bad. It’s a terrible, rotten, stupid, partisan decision delivered by five extreme supremes, but there’s more context to it than the headlines are delivering. Since I’m a simple-minded political cartoonist who often forgets how to tie his shoes, I may be the one to break it down in an easy and concise way that even a Trump cultist would understand. OK, probably not. But you’ll get it.

The headlines are screaming that the Supreme Court, on a 5-4 vote, rules Trump can use military funds for border wall construction. The issue is over Donald Trump taking money that was appropriated by Congress for the military, and using it for something else that Congress did not authorize. The only way Trump can break what’s in the Constitution and decide all by himself what to spend taxpayer money on is to declare a national emergency (this is the same guy who thinks our national security is threatened by Canadian cheese. Maybe we should build a wall on that border out of crackers). From the headlines, you get the impression the Supreme Court has ruled that Trump can do that, even if it’s not really a national emergency. The fear liberals have is that the court will allow Trump to do whatever the hell Trump wants. Screw Congress. We may be headed in that direction but the court didn’t rule on any of that yesterday.

The chicanery of Trump stealing money from the military has been challenged by the Sierra Club and the Southern Borders Communities Coalition, argued for them by the American Civil Liberties Union. A federal district judge in California prohibited the government from using the Pentagon funds to build the border wall. Trump’s legal team then went to the U.S. Court of Appeals in the 9th Circuit, who blocked the spending pending an appeal.

Trump’s people argued to the Supremes that they should be allowed to use the Pentagon money to build the border wall while it appeals the court’s ruling in the 9th Circuit. They argued they needed the court to act on its request by July 26 because if construction contracts are not finalized by September 30 when the fiscal year ends, they will no longer be available. That’s a very stupid argument but five of the nine justices bought it. At the very most, the court could have allowed the government to grant the contracts but not authorize the start of construction. Or, better yet, don’t negotiate contracts when you don’t have the money.  How the hell was that a winning argument?

What the supremes decided was that the Trump can go ahead and use the money while the appeal is pending and…get this…that the challengers “may” not be the right plaintiffs to challenge the reallocation of the funds. I can’t find why the court believes they “may” not be the right challengers.

Now, even if the courts later say Trump can’t do this, the construction will have already started and it can’t be stopped. Trump will be barking all the way to election day that he’s keeping his promise and building the wall. He won’t mention to his cultists that they’re the ones paying for it, and not Mexico. It also won’t be detected by any of them that Trump, who claims he’s done more for the military than any other president, just stole money from the military. It also won’t be noticed by them that even though it was argued to the supremes that the wall is needed to “staunch the flow of illegal narcotics across the southern border,” that the majority of illegal narcotics enter this nation through legal entry points, not humped on someone’s back through the desert. That also means that this is NOT a national emergency. A wall on the southern border will be about as effective at keeping out drugs as the Maginot Line was at keeping out Nazis (maybe a poor analogy as the Trump administration is very favorable to Nazis).

Here’s the part that may ease your distress the most. These funds ARE NOT BUILDING ANY NEW WALL. Nope. They’re still replacing existing fencing. “Build the wall” is a lot catchier than “steal money from the military to replace already existing fencing.” The money totals $2.5 billion and it will cover just 100 miles along the border. This is not the entire wall. If that ever gets started, it will be held up for years in courts by private property owners along the border. Donald Trump will never get his border wall.

It would be smarter to spend $2.5 billion on free college educations so more Americans in the future won’t be dumb enough to spend $2.5 billion dollars on a useless border wall.

But, these kinds of decisions are causing damage to the country that may be irreversible. Congress may now take away the right of the president (who in the future, may not be an imbecilic, narcissistic, treasonous muppet with bad hair) to declare a national emergency which would suck in the event of an actual national emergency…like the Candian cheese attacking us gets moldy. Or, in the future, another president will make up some hokey reason to declare a national emergency to steal money from government programs to appease a political base to help his or her reelection.

If the Supreme Court allows Trump to take whatever tax money he wants for his pet racist vanity projects, they will be ruling that there are no longer checks and balances and we don’t even need a Congress. At that point, we’ll be down to two branches of government and a near dictatorship. The next step will be the Supreme Court ruling that this nation doesn’t need a Supreme Court and the Trump family will just own the White House for all eternity like the Kim family owns North Korea, where Kim il-Sung is still the president despite dying in 1994 and is currently kept on ice. Seriously.

This decision by the Supreme Court makes Trump supporters happy. They don’t want checks and balances, a free press, three branches of government, or even free and fair elections. They want a fascist government led by a charlatan who steals from charities, grabs vaginas, bankrupts casinos, and is a crappy game show host. Trump cultists don’t love America or democracy. Just like lower deficits and family values, patriotism is just something they pretend to believe in.

It’s a national disgrace that so many Americans fall for the lies from a guy who wouldn’t cut it as a used car salesman when reality when the facts are in their faces. It’s a bigger disgrace that five of them are on the Supreme Court.

Support the cartoonist

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Disenfranchise Now, Take Names Later


cjones07022019

The Supreme Court ruled today that courts have no business deciding gerrymandering cases. Irony.

Writing the majority opinion, which was 5-4 and decided entirely by Republican-nominated justices, Roberts wrote that courts should stay out of politics. Keep in mind, they would not have won this decision if Mitch McConnell and the Republicans had not practiced cheap and dirty politics in stealing a seat from a Democratic president, and had squished him and another judge through by lowering the number of votes needed for confirmation. Again, irony.

What the Supreme Court just did was pave the way for continued partisanship and political bedlam. Gerrymandering has been utilized by both parties in the past, but more recently by Republican legislatures. This is a huge win for Republicans who need gerrymandering to win huge majorities while the majority of American voters reject them. Even in places like North Carolina where Republicans win over 50%, the GOP-led legislature uses gerrymandering to win over 70% of seats.

The court also gave liberals a win in the battle but not the war in the census question. The Trump administration wants to include a citizenship question in the 2020 census in order to dilute Democratic representation. Once again, Roberts voted with the majority but this time with the liberals.

It’s been proven that the Trump administration was using this politically. Now, Trump, acting like a fascist tyrant, is trying to delay the census in order to have the question included. Never mind the fact that the Constitution demands that there is to be no delay in the census.

While the court gave liberals a victory on the question, they left an opening for conservatives. Basically, the court decided the Trump administration’s argument was weak. What they told them was to return to the court later with better bullshit.

The court decided they should stay out of politics, even if those politics disenfranchise minorities, and left open a window for further disenfranchisement, not just of minorities but of Democratic voters.

I think the conservatives on the Supreme Court need to work on their bullshit.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Stressing RBG


cjones01182019

Writer Morgan Jerkins recently wrote for The Washington Post that obsessing over the health of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is bad for democracy, bad for her, and bad for us. I totally agree with that, but what is also bad for us is the presidency of one Donald J. Trump.

After having a Supreme Court seat stolen from a Democratic president and given to a racist nincompoop installed by a hostile foreign power, then watching Senate Republicans change the vote requirements for confirming two staunch conservatives, liberals, moderates, and anyone else who cares about the direction of this nation has every right to worry about the Notorious RBG. As understandable as it is, it’s also morbid.

It’s not just morbid that Republicans and Trump sycophants are wishing for her demise, it’s morbid that our hope for her health is less about her and more about the bench. It’s like you’re picking up ice cream on the way home, and your family hopes you’re not in an accident because they really want ice cream.

It will be truly damaging for our nation if Trump gets a third SCOTUS pick when he rightfully never should have gotten one. But, liberals need to take the court as seriously as Republicans. Republicans are always obsessing about the court and hoping to overturn Roe v. Wade in the future. Democrats are complacent because they have the law in place they want, ignoring that there is a real possibility it can be taken away. Republicans are much better at turning out the vote over the Supreme Court. Liberals need to catch up.

RBG has received much attention lately. There has been a recent documentary, a movie of her life starring Felicity Jones, and even her workout routine has been documented. Ginsburg has survived both colorectal and pancreatic cancers. This month, she missed her first oral argument in 25 years while recovering from surgery for lung cancer.

While she is 85 and we worry about her health, she can probably climb more stairs than 72-year-old Donald Trump.

I try not to be as morbid about RBG, and I hope she outlives the Trump presidency/disaster and has a long and healthy retirement. But honestly, I’m the people in my cartoon. My heart jumps into my throat every time some news anchor starts a report on her. They need to start their reports with, “She is just fine so don’t panic. Today Ruth Bader Ginsburg, blah blah blah.” Stop giving me micro heart attacks, media.

I’ve had this cartoon idea for a couple months because that’s how long the news has been freaking me out over RBG (I have a large file of cartoon ideas, most of which I’ll never draw). So, if you stumble upon a wish, a shooting star, a lucky penny, a well, wishbones, a genie in a bottle, don’t be selfish. Wish for the health of RBG.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

The Ralph Club


cjones10112018

I wasn’t alone in feeling sick to my stomach Saturday with the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. There’s just something especially nauseating about an entitled, prep school, trust-fund baby with accusations of sexual assault being placed on the highest court in the land by another entitled, prep school, trust-fund baby with his own accusations of sexual assault.

I don’t just feel disappointed. I feel disgusted. It reminded me of the way I felt on election night, but instead of this god-awful abomination being inflicted upon us for four years, Kavanaugh could be around for 30 to 40.

Senate Republicans ignored the sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh. They said they believe his accuser while also believing him. How can anyone believe both? Maine’s Republican Senator Susan Collins ignored everything about Kavanaugh, believing he’s something he isn’t and gave the final vote to confirm. When Senator Al Franken was caught in a scandal for an old photo of him pretending to grope a woman, Collins called for his resignation. Yet, she’ll send Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court.

They ignored that the FBI investigation was just a cover and a hamstrung investigation at that. They ignored that Kavanaugh lied time and time again during his hearings. They ignored that he’s a political partisan. They ignored that he contacted witnesses about an accusation before it was published and that he lied about when he was aware of it. They ignored that he promised retribution in the future. They ignored that he may have a drinking problem and is a visibly angry person. And, if they have anything that resembles morals, principles, or a conscience, they ignored those too.

They ignored that Kavanaugh was nominated by a president who broke the law to win the election and was supported and enabled by the Russian government to gain the presidency.

They also ignored the will of the people. The majority of Americans did not support Kavanaugh. He had the lowest ratings of any SCOTUS nominee in polling history. He was confirmed with the least number of votes ever for a Supreme Court Justice. That’s OK with Kavanaugh and Republicans. They’re just fine if more disturbing details come out about him in the future after he’s on the bench.

Now, those people who disagree with the vote aren’t just liberals, Democrats, or people who disagree. No. Now they’re being described by Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, and other Republicans as an “angry left-wing mob.” Tribal politics have sunk to an even lower level than where they were before.

But, if we take the Republicans description, then the majority of America is an angry mob. The majority of Americans don’t support Trump or the Republican Party.  In fact, major decisions that will affect our nation for years are being decided by a minority of Americans. Those Americans are mostly the older, white Americans.

I posted about this on social media Saturday, so if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you’ll have to suffer reading it again.

Despite having majority Senate rule, Republicans represent 143 million Americans while Democrats represent 182 million. Compound that with Trump losing the popular vote, a minority of Americans, not the majority, are deciding who gets a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court. Basically, all the rubes stupid enough to believe in pizzagate are choosing the direction our nation’s taking for the next several decades.

That’s still not good enough for them as they had to steal a Supreme Court seat from Obama and change the rules of how many votes are required for Trump’s nominees. I’m tired of Republicans taking what isn’t theirs and inflicting their will on the majority of Americans who don’t support them. I’m tired of us letting them do it.

I hope you’re tired too. I also hope you feel sick. Maybe you’re tired and sick enough to vote in November and send as many of these old, obtuse, tone-deaf, conservative white men out of office as possible.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Fake Investigation


cjones10092018

The Federal Bureau of Investigations did about as thorough of a job investigating sexual allegations against SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh as O.J. Simpson did in his search for the “real killers.”

Originally, Donald Trump said he wouldn’t ask the FBI to extend its background investigation on Kavanaugh, as it wasn’t what they do. Republicans echoed that nonsense. When asked if he would call for an FBI investigation, Kavanaugh said, “I like beer.”

Retiring senator Jeff Flake flaked on voting to confirm unless there was an investigation, so the White House authorized one, but limited its scope. Trump claimed he wasn’t limiting the FBI’s search while limiting their search. They gave the FBI a week, and they only took five days. You could actually keep video rentals out longer than that, back when there were video rentals.

Republicans didn’t want an investigation as they were afraid something new would be found. They don’t want to find any nastiness until Kavanaugh is on the bench. After looking at the report, that didn’t contain interviews with the accuser, or the accused, or a polygraph from Kavanaugh, the Republicans described it as a “very thorough investigation.”

Those who were interviewed gave additional names to the FBI, which went ignored. Several people contacted the FBI claiming they had corroborating information on Kavanaugh, but they too were ignored. It’s like the hunt was conducted by those Finding Bigfoot geeks, who claim they’re experts at finding Bigfoots, yet they’ve never found one. But, even they would have taken longer than five days. In fact, you could call the FBI and report you saw Bigfoot and aliens and probably get a faster response than if you were calling about Kavanaugh.

But, we didn’t need the investigation to know Kavanaugh doesn’t belong on the Supreme Court.

More than 2,400 law professors are opposed to Kavanaugh’s confirmation. Former Justice John Paul Stevens is opposed to the confirmation. A majority of Americans are opposed.

Other than being a suspected sexual assaulter with a drinking problem, there are several reasons Kavanaugh should not be confirmed.

The first is a reason we keep forgetting. Donald Trump is being investigated, thankfully by real cops, for colluding with Russia and other crimes to gain the presidency. A fraudulent president shouldn’t be shaping the Supreme Court for the next forty years.

Kavanaugh is not a consensus candidate. If you have to struggle to find 50 votes for confirmation, then you should give up. Find someone who can get the support of at least 60 Senators. Yes. Even in this day of tribal politics, you can find a nominee with bipartisan support. They’re out there. But, this Senate knew Trump would only nominate d-bags and the worst from the judicial system to place on the court, which is what the GOP wants. So, they changed the rules so that only 50 votes, not 60, are required to place a person on the Supreme Court for the rest of his life.

Kavanaugh doesn’t have the temperament. He displayed that at his last hearing, crying, shouting, and throwing questions back at senators when he wasn’t dodging or refusing to answer them. He’s a partisan hack, having worked in the Ken Starr investigation, which was an actual witch hunt.

Speaking of which, if a president can be impeached for lying about something that wasn’t a crime, then a SCOTUS nominee shouldn’t be confirmed for lying during his confirmation hearings. Kavanaugh hasn’t just lied about Devil’s Triangle, the Ralph Club, FFFF, or boofing. He lied about torture during the Bush administration and receiving stolen documents. We deserve a justice that can be trusted, not a perjurer.

He engaged in partisan conspiracy theories, the likes peddled by Alex Jones and Rush Limbaugh, during his last hearing. He claimed people bitter about Trump’s victory and those wanting revenge for the Clintons were out to get him. He said “what comes around goes around,” which is not something you want to hear from a guy headed to the Supreme Court. All that was missing was a “bwahahahahaha” and wringing his hands together. That’s probably coming after he’s confirmed.

Realizing he came off as a partisan hack, Kavanaugh wrote a column which appeared in The Wall Street Journal, which is owned by Rupert Murdoch. Good job, Brett, I mean “Bart.” Let’s prove you’re not a partisan by writing for Murdoch’s paper and appearing on his network. He didn’t apologize but wrote that he shouldn’t have said the things he said during that hearing, and he promises to be impartial and fair. But, those weren’t spontaneous comments. He wrote them down. He was prepared to say them. He thought beforehand that it was a great idea to say them. The only thing his advisers edited out was, “bwahahahahaha.”

The Senate needs to vote no on Kavanaugh. I don’t know why they’re insistent on dying on the hill for this guy. There are plenty of other right-wing assholes to choose from that will please their base, and who probably aren’t alcoholic rapists.

Probably.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Boofing


cjones10042018

Yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I referred to “boofing” as a sex term. Maybe it is and was for Brett Kavanaugh when he was a young man groping women in high school and college, but there’s a much more commonly accepted definition. We’ll get to that.

I don’t know what kind of parent you are, but if your child asks you, “what’s boofing?” you’re probably going to make something up. Maybe you won’t say it’s for flatulence, as Kavanaugh claimed, but maybe something even milder, like…Hell, I don’t know. What else could it mean?

When you intentionally give your child an incorrect answer to protect them, you’re assuming their mind isn’t developed enough to know Mom and Dad is full of it. When you answer this way to another adult, you’re assuming they’re stupid and if they know you’re lying, that they expect you to be stupid enough to believe it.

You probably wouldn’t do this with another adult, less enough a United States Senator. You would think the last person who would try to make that work would be a federal judge.

Brett Kavanaugh is hoping we’re stupid and that we think the same of him while we give him a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. It will be the first time the drunk choir boy defense won over an entire political party. This is what happens when a stupid person nominates another stupid person.

It’s bad enough that Kavanaugh channeled 4chan to defend himself by blaming people bitter over Donald Trump’s stolen election and Hillary Clinton supporters. It’s totally shucking responsibility by blaming the staff of the high school yearbook for all the dumb things about you, like the clubs you’re in.

But, you can’t expect a United States Senator to swallow obviously stupid and lying answers unless that Senator is a Republican, particularly Lindsey Graham.

No one in their right mind will believe “Devil’s Triangle” is a drinking game and not a sex term for two guys and one girl. It’s called “Devil’s Triangle” because of the danger it poses to heterosexual homophobic males that their penises might accidentally touch each other. Truly, the work of Satan. I only know this because I read and I’ve had conversations in bars. The name does not have any connotation to any danger posed to the female. I’m going to guess a guy came up with it.

The “Renate Alumni” is not the name of a group of guys who respect a girl named “Renate.” It’s used to describe Kavanaugh and each of his friends, including Mark Judge, who claimed they had slept with the same girl, who is named “Renate.”  There are 14 references to the woman, now named Renate Dolphin, in the Georgetown Prep yearbook from 1983. One of the “alumni” members even wrote the line, “You need a date / and it’s getting late / so don’t hesitate / to call Renate.” Respectful sounding, indeed.

This brings us back to boofing. In the same yearbook, “Beach Week Ralph Club-Biggest Contributor,” is applied to Kavanaugh. He claims he earned the distinction, not from vomiting from excessive drinking, but from his queasy stomach and spicy food. Sure, Delaware is known for tamales. Kavanaugh wrote in the yearbook to Mark Judge, the witness named by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, “Judge—Have You Boofed Yet?” Kavanaugh told a Senator that it’s a reference to flatulence. Apparently, Judge didn’t just have a drinking problem, but he was extremely gassy. You’d think Mark Judge would testify against him just for that. I’d kick my best friend’s ass if he defended himself by telling the entire nation I was a farter.

So, the line, “have you boofed yet?” is supposed to be about farting” who would ask that? Or, is it about vomiting? Or, is it about sex? No. It’s worse. Much, much worse.

Kavanaugh admitted he liked beer and that there have been times when he had too much. He even deflected a couple of times by asking Senator Amy Klobuchar if she’s ever blacked out from drinking (that’s the same kind of respect he gave Renate), and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse if he likes beer, and he wanted to know “what he likes to drink.” That’s why you were there, Brett. To take drink orders from senators. Usually, people this defensive about drinking still have a drinking problem.

As he freely admits, Kavanaugh likes beer. After looking up the definition in Urban Dictionary, (don’t click that link) Oh my God, he really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally likes beer. My dad was a massive beer drinker and alcoholic to the day he died. He started and ended each day with a beer and went through a case daily, and I know he didn’t like beer this much. I have never heard of or thought of such a thing. Who would?

In case you didn’t click the link, I’ll put it this way; he likes beer to the point that he feels the need to administer it the way people administer hemorrhoids cream. Sounds like a good time, right?

Thankfully, Senator Jeff Flake was pressured to flake on Kavanaugh and demand an investigation into the charges against the alcoholic nominee of sexual harassment. The FBI, ordered by Trump, now has a week to look in on it. There were reports that they were attempting to interview people as early as late last night in California.

Hopefully, the information the FBI reports back keeps Kavanaugh off the Supreme Court and the Republicans in the United States Senate from giving us all a good boofing.

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