Santa

Grinchy Paul


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Fun fact: Rand Paul is a jerk.

When Kentucky Senator Rand Paul isn’t screaming lies and conspiracy theories at Dr. Anthony Fauci, he’s blocking disaster relief…at least to states that are not Kentucky. How much do you have to suck to be the most despised Senator from your state even when the other senator is Mitch McConnell?

Rand Paul likes to argue he’s consistent in denying disaster relief to places hit by hurricanes, places such as Puerto Rico, Louisiana, Florida, Texas, New Jersey, New York, California, etc, etc. But he’s not consistent as he’s demanding disaster relief for his Kentucky after it was hit by tornadoes earlier this week. Maybe he voted for this one because he’s afraid that if he didn’t, his neighbor would kick his ass again.

During debates over disaster relief (yes, they had to debate this) for Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico, Paul said, “People here will say they have great compassion and they want to help the people of Puerto Rico, the people of Texas, the people of Florida, but notice they have great compassion with someone else’s money. Ask them what they’re doing to help their fellow man.” Uh, by giving them disaster relief, you stupid fuck. That’s how they’re helping their fellow man…which is something they were elected to do. Rand Paul believes he was elected to be the nation’s number one asshole.

I suppose Rand Paul has finally found “great compassion with someone else’s money.” Rand Paul only wants to help Americans who are eligible to vote for him. If only there was a way we could single out who voted for who, so we give aid only to those who voted for the right candidate. Politicians, you serve every one of your constituents, even the ones who didn’t vote for you…or think you’re a dickless MAGAt lickspittle with your head up a giant orange ass.

The first relief package during the coronavirus pandemic passed in the Senate in March 2020 with only one senator voting against it. I’ll give you one guess who that Senator was (hint: He’s an asshole). Rand Paul also voted against aid for first responders who are still struggling with health problems from 9/11. How much federal medical insurance money do you think Rand Paul is going to demand for all the brain cells he burned out while his head was up Donald Trump’s ass?

Rand Paul claims he votes against federal assistance for people who aren’t eligible to vote for him because the money has to be borrowed. But where is the money coming from to provide disaster relief to Kentucky? Hell, where did the money come from to pay for Trump’s billionaire asshole tax cuts in 2017 that Rand Paul voted for? It didn’t come from inside Trump’s ass and Paul should know because that’s where his head’s been.

It’s not just Paul who’s a hypocrite here. In 2019, 43 of the 58 GOP House members who voted against a $19-billion disaster relief bill had earlier “demanded or endorsed emergency aid funding for their own states.” I apologize for using “asshole” for the hint to the previous question because there are a LOT of Republican assholes in Congress.

In 2013, a $50.5-billion relief package for Hurricane Sandy, which hit liberal Yankee states such as New Jersey and New York, was opposed by 39 Republicans in the Senate. Of those 39, 31 had demanded disaster aid for their own states. It’s kinda like when during the pandemic, Trump and his idiot son-in-law, one-half of Javanka, only wanted to help states that voted for Trump.

Here’s another fun fact: Of the states who receive the most federal aid than they kick into the federal government, Kentucky is in 6th place. For every dollar Kentucky sends to the federal government, they get back $2.25. The state’s dependency score is 54.5 percent according to Moneygeek. Out of the top ten states that are most dependent, eight of them are Republican states. They keep voting for politicians who are anti-government spending while they’re the fattest pigs at the trough. The most welfare-dependent states are Republican states. Weird how that works out.

Kentucky, don’t thank Rand Paul for the aid you’re receiving. Thank President Joe Biden. That’s who Mitch McConnell is thanking. He tweeted, “Thank you @POTUS for your rapid approval of Kentucky’s Major Disaster Declaration. I appreciate the Administration’s quick work to speed resources to help deal with this crisis.” You can also thank Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear who made the quick request.

If you’re in one of the eight states hit by these tornadoes, you can apply for disaster relief by clicking here. You can also call 1-800-621-FEMA. Hopefully, Rand Paul doesn’t answer the phone.

Music note: Today’s drawing music was the Beastie Boys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Fa La La La La-La-Bang Bang Bang


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So, what kind of parents are James and Jennifer Crumbley? Well, they’re the kind of parents who give their 15-year-old son, Ethan, a Sig Sauer nine-millimeter pistol. And other parents debate when it’s time to give their kids cell phones.

The Crumbleys are the kind of parents who don’t tell school officials about their kid’s gun after they’re called in to talk about their son’s drawings of murdering people.

They might be the kind of parents who don’t tell school officials at the meeting over drawings of corpses, “Hey, there’s a semi-automatic pistol currently in his backpack.”

They’re the kind of parents who go on the run after their son is arrested as the only suspect in a school shooting that killed four people. I’m sure if they got away, they’d send Ethan a birthday card to his jail cell every year.

They’re the kind of parents who claim they were going to turn themselves in after cleaning out their ATM and hiding in a friend’s Detroit warehouse for about 24 hours after missing an arraignment. Both parents are charged on multiple counts of involuntary manslaughter for not securing the gun.

They’re the kind of parents who hire defense lawyers for themselves but let their son settle for the free court-appointed lawyer.

The shooting at Oxford High School in Michigan is the deadliest at a US K-12 campus since 2018 and the 32nd such attack since August 1. The parents purchased Ethan’s gun four days before the shooting on Black Friday. Jennifer referred to it as his Christmas present. Nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus as much as an assault weapon.

There were rumors before the shooting there would be a school shooting on that day. The students knew it but apparently, the school, police, and Ethan’s parents did not…supposedly.

Ethan did not legally own his gun. Kyle Rittenhouse didn’t legally own his gun either. I’m sure the little girl in Congressman Thomas Massie’s gun fetish Christmas photo doesn’t own her gun either.

The congressman tweeted out a photo four days after the shooting where he, his wife, and their five kids, are posing in front of a Christmas tree, each holding an assault weapon. The accompanying message is, “Santa, please bring ammo.” Let’s hope for the moment that the congressman’s guns are as empty as his head.

Other than being tasteless, the congressman is encouraging more parents to give their children assault weapons.

When I was a kid, I had a gun. My gun was a 4-10 shotgun. Growing up in Louisiana and Georgia, a lot of my friends had guns. I don’t recall anyone having something other than a 4-10, 12 gauge, or a 22 rifle (When I was old enough, I a 22 rifle from K-mart, and a 12 gauge from my uncle, but he later repossessed it because I wasn’t making payments on it. I pawned the 22 after I got married and it hasn’t been fired in years). But nobody had a gun just to have a gun. Everyone hunted with their guns. It wasn’t as much of a gun culture as it was a hunting culture. It was one I didn’t really fit into and my 4-10 rusted in a closet (I was more of a city kid). But a friend of mine was shot with his 4-10. If I’m recalling the story correctly, he was shot in his bedroom while he and another friend were goofing off with it and he forgot it was loaded. He survived because it was a 4-10. Those guns are typically used for rabbits, squirrels, birds, and ex-boyfriends in the ass. He was hit in the arm and he often showed the scars off. Yes, scars. The pellets made several holes in his arm. I didn’t know him until about a year after the shooting, but I had heard about it. When I found out he was the kid in the news and in all the school rumors, I said, “That was you?” I was glad he survived. We used to shoot BB guns at each other behind the levy along the shore of the Ouachita River, which was a terrible hobby (the rule was you could only pump your gun once, but you’d hear the “clack clack clack” of a BB gun being pumped several times behind a tree during these gunfights that everyone in the neighborhood would play in). Surprisingly, nobody lost an eye.

So maybe it’s a horrible idea to give any kid a gun, any kind of gun. When I was in high school in the deep south, there were shotguns and rifles visibly displayed in the gun racks of students’ pickup trucks. Guns on school property weren’t banned. But then again, this was the 1980s and my high school had a smoking section too. I knew guys who would go hunting before school and show up in bloody orange and camoflauge hunting clothes. It was really hard to focus on a math quiz while sitting next to someone who smelled like a deer carcass.

Guns are a bad idea for kids. And in a lot of cases, they’re a bad idea for adults. There are so many guns on the open market that nobody needs to own.

There have been 407 mass shootings in the United States in 2021 that have killed 482 people. There are 2,409 victims of mass shootings this year. Of those 407 mass shootings, 222 have been school shootings. And most of those school shootings were with guns the shooters didn’t own. So, maybe we should stop promoting gun fetishes with children on fucking Christmas cards.

This is more than a crisis of bad parenting, but don’t make any mistakes about it…the Crumbleys are bad parents. And if you buy your underage kid a gun, so are you.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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