Russians

Russian For Transparency


cjones07172017

I’m going to dinner with two of my best friends who are coming in from out of town, and I haven’t seen them in a really long time. So, column will come later.

Update 11:39 A.M., 07/15/2017

Here’s your column:

I expect any day now for Donald Trump to tell us that he’s not a tool of the Russian government and Vladimir Putin, who is actually a nice guy who is misunderstood….unlike that Moose and Squirrel who should die while exiled in Siberia!!!

I don’t know which is dumber. The right wing trolls who believe Natalia Veselnitskaya was a plant by the Democrats, or the Trump team telling us how transparent Donald Trump Jr. has been.

Even if Veselnitskaya was a Democratic plant, Junior still took the meeting. If she was a plant by Bigfoot and B.D. Cooper, he still took the meeting. If she was a plant by the Lollipop Guild and the Wicked Witch of the East, he still took that meeting. He went to the meeting, described beforehand as harmful information on Hillary Clinton from the Russian government. He took that meeting.

When he got the emails saying the Kremlin wanted his daddy to win, the trust-fund baby didn’t reply with, “What? Russia wants my father to win? Why would they want that? He’s a proud American patriot. That’s just crazy? They must have him confused with someone else because daddy Trump is an American first and would never be Putin’s bitch”. No. He replied with “I love it.” It’s like he was going to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. I’m lovin’ it! It’s as if he was already aware that the Kremlin wanted his dad to be president and serve four years with Putin’s hand up his butt controlling his every movement.

Trump defenders argue that Junior didn’t get anything out of the meeting and it was a disappointment. Well if you rob a bank and the safe is empty, that would be disappointing too but you still broke into the bank. And really? Disappointment? Darn. The treason didn’t work out.

The president says a lot of people would have taken that meeting. Yes. A lot of people without ethics with the intent to commit treason, which is how Trump defenders are sounding.

The president and his team also tell us that only Russian adoptions were discussed, as if that’s to ease our concerns. The president is either being dishonest or stupid with that explanation, which in his case can be both. When they mention adoptions what they are really talking about are sanctions. If they had dirt on Hillary Clinton, that’s quid pro quo. They wanted something in return for that. That also further explains why Vladimir Putin wanted Trump elected.

And quite frankly, you’re not transparent when you don’t reveal all the information at once. Junior went on Sean Hannity’s show, who was light on him, and said that there wasn’t any more information about the meeting. He had given it all. Then news is revealed that at least eight people were in that room. You had Junior dumbass, Jared “I want a secret cable from the Russian embassy” Kushner, Paul “let’s make a deal with Russia” Manafort, Ms. Veselnitskaya, a former Soviet intel officer who is now a lobbyist for that government, Rob Goldstone who is the Trump supporting Russia lover who set up the meeting, and two translators. Don’t be surprised if more details come out, like Putin was on the speakerphone.

Here’s the thing, Trump sycophants. I know you love Trump. I know it’s not about policy with you guys. I know you’re willing to lose your health-care coverage for him. I know it’s about the cult of personality, and has nothing to do with capable leadership. I understand you would rather be ruled than governed. But is it all that above patriotism for you? You gotta stop making excuses for traitors, really stupid idiotic traitors at that.

Isn’t it kinda funny that the jerks who spent the past eight years describing themselves as patriots, and accusing Obama of siding with terrorists, are now the ones who are selling out their nation? It’s bizarre that Republicans, the party of Reagan, is now selling us out to the Russians. It’s almost as ironic as the Trump presidency being brought down by an email scandal.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Sign Your Name


cjones04012017

One of the big questions being overlooked concerning Representative Devin Nunes running to the White House to wash Donald Trump’s balls is: Who let him in?

Let’s catch up: Nunes is the chairman of the House committee investigating whether the Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians or not (hell yeah they did). Last week he received a hot tip from an anonymous source that members of the Trump transition were caught inadvertently in surveillance operations that were targeting foreign spies. For some reasons Russian spies like to talk to members of the Trump team. A lot. This hot info would supposedly vindicate Trump’s lie that Obama spied on him.

To acquire this information Nunes apparently needed to view it in a safe room. They have these in Washington and they’re called “Sensitive Compartment Information Facilities,” or a “SCIF.” These rooms meet very strict security standards, unless that room in the White House and the Russian spies are the ones who are letting you use it.

Nunes ditched his staff, he switched cars, and ran to the White House with this hot lead. The next day he returned to the White House to inform the Trump people all about it. He neglected to inform members of his committee and still refuses to tell the co-chair, who is a Democrat.

The first question is: Did the lead come from the White House? Did Steve Bannon or Jared Kushner inform Nunes of this tip? Maybe we would know if we knew who signed Nunes into the White House. Did someone from the White House give Nunes this information so that he would give Trump cover? Why did Nunes need to use the SCIF at the White House since there are others in D.C., even one available for the House Intelligence Committee.

The White House, specifically Sean Spicer, says it’s possible that Nunes came to the White House without any members of the administration knowing. That’s bull puckey. It’s impossible for Nunes to get into the White House, less enough a SCIF, without being escorted by someone with an official White House badge. I seriously doubt the head chef let him in. He would also need access to the White House computer system to acquire the information he claims he has. You’re not getting on my computers without a password so I seriously doubt there’s public access on a White House computer. It’s not the public library open to hobos.

So who let Nunes in? Do you remember all those conservative memes and people on the internet bitching about the amount of times Al Sharpton visited the Obama White House? Do you know how they know how many times Sharpton visited? Because those visits were public information. Since Trump has taken over, all White House visits have become confidential information. Why? Spicer says he needs to look into it, which would take a minute. It’s been days and we still don’t know.

The House inquiry is toast. It’s impossible to have a non-partisan investigation when the chairman, Nunes, was a member of the Trump transition. How deep can the committee investigate when the chair won’t share his information with his colleagues?

Nunes needs to step aside. He asked “why should I step aside?” Uh, because you’re compromised, dude. Nunes has briefed the president on information he’s not sharing with his committee. He’s canceling hearings with witnesses. He’s made statements in the past that Trump shouldn’t be investigated. We might as well let Chris Christie head the investigation at this point. Maybe Sean Hannity is available to look into it.

Thankfully there’s another investigation in the Senate, where they do take things a bit more seriously. The FBI is also investigating and who knows who else. What are the NSA and CIA up to?

Nunes’ presence in the White House is just one of several that bothers me. Too many members of the Trump administration are coming off as Putin moles.

When we elected Trump we might as well have handed the keys to Putin.

Creative notes and stuff: Sign Your Name is a bad-ass song from Terance Trent D’Arby released in the late 1980s. I can actually pull off a pretty decent cover of it on my acoustic guitar. Sheryl Crow has done a cover and I seriously recommend that you never ever listen to that version. It’s the suck. She took all the soul and funk out of it.

The Russian lettering on the mat was fun. That took some research.

Several months ago a friend asked me about drawing Putin shirtless. I told him I wasn’t doing it as it was becoming a cliche. I’ve changed my mind on that. It is a bit of a cliche but if I put him in a suit then I’d have to label him. With his shirt off everyone knows who he is. Plus, it’s more ridiculous and will probably make me more prone to be attacked by Russian hackers. I also hope they don’t mess with my food. I hear they’re into that.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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Rigged Russians


cjones08162016

The situation between Donald Trump and Russia became even more unusual Monday. His campaign director, or whatever the hell his title is, was listed for receiving “off the books” cash payments from Ukraine.

Paul Manafort kept an office in Kiev, Ukraine for years while he did consulting work for that nation’s ruling party, which was very pro-Russia at the time. An anti-corruption probe from the current government is attempting to discover how their country’s elections were manipulated in the past, and the nation’s assets looted by former president Viktor Yanukovych. Handwritten ledgers show that Manafort received $12.7 million in undisclosed cash payments from Yanukovych’s ruling Russian-loving party from 2002 to 2012. Yanukovych, was elected president amidst allegations of election fraud and voter intimidation, was ousted in 2014 and today lives in exile in Russia.

A credible campaign would have fired or asked for Manafort’s resignation before the day was over. At this time Manafort is still on the job, not just defending Trump but defending himself. He claims he never received the payments, and I guess he can prove it by showing us his books (Mr. Trump, that’s how you use sarcasm).

There’s questions regarding Trump’s fortune and how much of it is connected to Russia. It doesn’t help that he won’t release his tax returns. It’s kinda bizarre for him and the GOP to accuse Clinton of being a criminal, question the ties between her charity and the state department, yet he won’t be transparent himself.

In addition to all of the above, Trump has lavished praise on Russian president Vladimir Putin. Trump has stated Putin won’t go into Ukraine, although he’s already there. He seems comfortable with Russia annexing Crimea. Russia is suspected of hacking into the Democratic party’s email system and Trump has asked them to hack into Hillary Clinton’s server (though he said he was joking).  He’s stated the U.S. shouldn’t uphold its obligations to some NATO nations, which might give Putin a few ideas regarding Eastern European nations that were formerly party of the Soviet Union.

On top of all this, Trump’s daughter is vacationing in Croatia with Putin’s girlfriend, who is also Rupert Murdoch’s ex wife. Is there an online dating service for billionaire, right wing tyrants?

The New York Times investigated and published the story about Manafort and Ukraine. Trump is already complaining about the media and the “failing” New York Times. He’s says the media is printing lies about him but he’s probably really upset that the media prints his actual statements. Trump states he is running against the media, and not Hillary Clinton. Trump conveniently forgets all the free TV time and exposure he’s gained. Attacking the press is red meat for Republicans, even if it’s coming from a guy who invalidates The New York Times while believing the National Enquirer is Pulitzer worthy.

In addition to all of Trump’s previous crazy and stupid comments, he says if he loses the election it will be because it’s rigged. He specifically points at Pennsylvania and says the only way he’ll lose that state is if “cheating goes on” and is asking his supporters to police and bully at polling stations.

Trump might have a point if he loses the state after leading in the polls. Unfortunately for him he’s currently lagging behind Clinton by nine points. In fact, he doesn’t have the lead in a single swing state. He’s also allowing her to make red states Utah, Georgia, Arizona, and Kansas competitive.  Kansas where they don’t believe in evolution, climate change, or books. Clinton’s lead has reached the point that she’s holding off advertising in swing states Virginia, Colorado, and, you guessed it, Pennsylvania.

Trump complains about not leading in states while he hasn’t actually put any ads on the air or campaign boots on the ground. Is he running for president or does he think he’s in a reality show?

The only way Trump can win the election is if it’s rigged in his favor. No wonder he’s asking Putin for help.

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