Republican Debate

Trump and his Teeny, Tiny….Hands


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By now you’ve heard about the last GOP debate. Gee, what silliness occurred this time? Within the first few minutes Donald Trump made a reference to his penis. And what was that thing on Ted Cruz’s lip and where did it go? If you were going to pick one booger eater out of all these candidates you would probably pick Cruz. No pun intended.

I haven’t sent this cartoon to my clients. I’m not sure it’s up to their standards. Plus, there’s no black and white version which I always send to my newspapers along with the color files. I would think they would not want a penis reference cartoon but I’ve noticed a few of my colleagues have already gone there as well. Thank you, Republicans, for giving cartoonist wiener and booger joke material. We can’t get this stuff from Bernie.

This was drawn on my tablet last night while sitting in a restaurant and I’ve already shared it on Facebook. So for you guys who do not follow me on Facebook, or aren’t even on Facebook, this is for you. Tell all those people at GoComics to swing by and visit.

Oh yeah. Here’s a Christie caricature that was also created on the tablet last night. It’s disgusting.

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Wanna Buy A Watch?


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Did you watch the latest Republican debate? The final debate before Super Tuesday as every debate is the final debate before something. I did and it was a slobberknocker. Basically it was Ted and Marco versus The Donald. It couldn’t have been much worse than if Trump was caught between the Pope, Vicente Fox, and Mitt Romney.

First impression I got was how sad it was to see President George H.W. Bush and former First Lady Barbara at the debate after Jeb had dropped out. It’s like your parents going to your little league game after you were kicked off the team.

The high point of the debate that will be talked about Friday was when Marco Rubio stated that if Donald Trump hadn’t inherited $200 million, he’d be selling watches in Manhattan. That was a good one. It was so prepared that Marco is pretend selling broken Trump watches at his site. You don’t actually get a watch but you get the privilege of giving Marco $10.00. The remark was as prepared as the audience because Rubio’s people had planted screamers to react to everything Marco said. It was annoying. This was supposed to be a debate, not Beatlemania.

But Marco came out swinging at Trump. He attacked him for his fortune, his taxes, his hiring illegals, his fake university, his lawsuits, donating to Democrats and charities (Republicans are so terrible that donating to charitable causes will be used agaist you), his bankruptcies,, his lack of specifics, and I’m kinda surprised he didn’t squeeze a “your mama is so ugly” in there somewhere. He hit Trump on issues that aren’t new, some out there for over a decade. Someone discovered Google.

Cruz was more than happy to join the pile-on. The thing is, where was this before? Why did they wait until the tenth debate to go hard against Trump? Rubio has yet to win a primary or a caucus and he’s behind Trump by double digits in his home state of Florida. Cruz is barely leading Trump in his state of Texas and has a lead in Arkansas, but that’s it. Did they do a Christie and hurt Trump without helping themselves? Quite possible. If Rubio loses Florida, it’s over for him. If he wins Florida, which is over two weeks from now and several primaries away, and half the delegates are already gone…it’s still probably over. Rubio might actually working on Campaign 2020 at this point.

For Trump, who states he can shoot a guy and his supporters will still love him, will any attack hurt him? Plus, people may not really interpret anything that was said as it was mostly inaudible as all three guys were talking over each other most of the night. Trump’s defense against his rivals were that Cruz is a liar and a basketcase and Rubio suffers from meltdowns.

Oh yeah, John Kasich and Dr. Ben Carson were also on the stage. Kasich, who is NOT a moderate, is the most qualified and prepared for the presidency out of all these guys. Carson, desperate for time, begged for someone to attack him. Seriously.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Republican Road Rage


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I hate the Clown Car analogy that’s been tossed around to describe the Republican candidates for president. It’s not that I disagree with the description. It’s that it’s a lazy analogy and not creative at all. If Chris Matthews uses it then you shouldn’t (and it’s an analogy he repeats every day). So I may be the only American editorial cartoonist (who’s not a conservative hacker) who has not used that analogy. But after seeing the last Republican debate (I didn’t watch all of it, just the hightlights), it did remind me of family road trips from Hell.

Sorry if this brings up bad memories. I was raised the youngest and had an older brother and sister so I probably can’t complain about them being the pain in the butt…it was me. I also have a younger sister and brother but I wasn’t raised with them. Long story.

I never intended to insert Kasich into this cartoon. As I was lettering the text I thought how funny it would be if he was left at a rest stop (probably in Ohio). There’s always that kid without any charisma that you forget, sometimes because the other kids are competing for attention. At the debate before the New Hampshire primary Kasich was forgotten. It took Chris Christie to remind the moderators that they forgot to introduce Governor Blah.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Chatty Marco


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Chatty Cathys haven’t been made since the 1950’s but everyone knows what they are. It’s a pretty good insult for someone who won’t get off the phone…or shut up. The Rubio campaign should love this comparison.

Marco Rubio is a very talented politician. Of course being a talented politician doesn’t always mean you’re talented at accomplishments. You may only be talented at running for office. For years people in politics, members of both parties, have made accusations that Rubio is a talking points kind of guy. He’s good in a debate, giving a speech, conducting an interview, but he’s not good if he has to stray from the talking points, or if he runs out of them.

Chris Christie has been harping about this for a while but nobody’s been listening because he’s Chris Christie. He finally got his chance during Saturday’s GOP debate. Rubio went into his talking point about “Obama knowing what he’s doing and he’s transforming the country, blah blah blah.” Christie said “there it is. That’s his “memorized 25-second speech.” Marco responded by repeating the same talking point and Christie nailed him with an interruption and pointing out he was doing the speech again. Shortly after this exchange Rubio gave the same talking points again. Yikes. It as like going to see Skynyrd and they play “Free Bird” for two hours.

It’s the kind of thing that could be damaging. This could be hurtful on a Howard Dean Scream level.

This will probably hurt Rubio Tuesday night in the New Hampshire primary and not help Christie at all. Christie doesn’t get points because Rubio sucks. He’s just really good at being a bully and fun to watch while doing so.

Update and correction: A sharp reader of mine pointed out that Chatty Cathys were sold during the 1960’s, not the 1950’s as I had written. I actually went to the Wikipedia site for Chatty Cathy looking for information on it and still messed it up. I was born in the 1960’s but I don’t remember them (most people can’t remember that decade for other reasons). Plus, I never played with dolls for girls. I swear. I had superheroes, GI Joes, a Fonzie and even the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

A Republican Promise


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Other than the ten-minute argument between Trump and Cruz over birtherism and New York values, what you can get from the latest Republican debate is that they promise to get rid of Obama. The only way to sum up the rest of the debate is that they’re all idiots.

Jeb Bush says the country is worse now than before Obama became president. He must be thinking of his brother’s tenure in the Oval Office. Osama is dead, gas prices are under two bucks a gallon, and we still have an automobile industry. Also, employment is up and the rate of government spending has slowed down greatly.

They still don’t understand the U.S. military is the strongest in the world.

They’re promising that if Iran ever takes U.S. sailors hostage again that they’ll get them released quicker than ten hours, which is what Obama did.

Some want to ban all Muslims from entering the country and others only want to ban some Muslims.

They still hate brown people. They still love guns and God. Rubio said our rights come from God, not the government.

All of the candidates are running against Obama, despite Obama leaving office next January. Chris Christie made the dumbest statement of the night, which is quite an achievement considering there were other Republicans on stage, including Ben Carson. Christie said “I hope the President is watching tonight because here’s what I’d like to tell him. We are going to kick your rear end out of the White House come this fall.”

Christie, you’re not kicking anybody anywhere. Obama is leaving in January whether a Republican wins the White House or it goes to Bernie or Hillary. I expect by the next debate Christie will be kicked to the kids’ table.

These guys should be grateful Obama is limited to two terms. He’d clean their clocks in another election.

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Bomb Hoax


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Wouldn’t it be nice if Republicans could express as much concern for stuff that happens as they do for stuff that doesn’t happen?

Republicans and conservatives are still upset over a student taking a clock to school. They referred to it as a fake bomb even thought it wasn’t ever a “fake bomb.” It was a clock.

During Tuesday night’s Republican debate the candidates talked about our climate of fear and made several references to the day’s bomb scares in Los Angeles and New York City. They made it out to be Obama’s fault there are bomb threats. They expressed concern for how the event would scar children. I guess Republicans aren’t aware that school shootings inflict a hell of a lot more trauma on children than bomb scares.

How many times did the GOP candidates mention school shootings, the recent shooting at Planned Parenthood, or any mass shootings that weren’t committed by a Muslim? Zero.

The entire night was about ISIS. ISIS is responsible for the shooting in San Bernardino and Operation Rescue and all of the GOP candidates who perpetuated lies on PP share responsibility for the shooting in Colorado.

We can talk about ISIS and bombing them until the “sand glows” but we can’t talk about Americans shooting Americans.

Here’s what disqualifies a candidate for the presidency: Saying we’re in World War III. Wanting to start World War III. Saying ISIS wants to destroy our way of life, they hate us for our freedom, or if they’re an actual threat to conquer our country.. If you don’t have an understanding of the situation then you can’t combat the situation. Other statements that should disqualify a candidate is stating they’ll shoot down Russian jets, you wish George W. Bush was still president, and that Donald Trump is more qualified than Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, or a block of fermented cheese.

The entire night was about Killing, war, killing, hating Muslims, killing, hating Hispanics, and killing. The room was full of gung ho draft dodgers and people who never served.

The candidates also had it out over immigration. I’m starting to think Ted Cruz’s and Marco Rubio’s families fled Cuba to get away from Hispanics. They really don’t seem to like their own ethnicity.

Jeb actually had the best one-liner. He said he doesn’t get his information from the shows like Trump and he didn’t know if those shows were on Saturday mornings or Sunday mornings. It was so good I doubt most Republican will understand it.

The only other highlights of last night’s debate were Carson still comes off confused, Carly is still lying, Rand Paul is talking the most sense so he’s killing himself, Christie and Jeb both might have helped their causes, and there was a massive make out session between Trump and Cruz. Who won the debate? I think Rubio has done the best through all the debates until last night. Rubio still did well but it looks to me that Cruz built upon his momentum. On top of all that, Republicans really like red ties. Fiorina wore a red dress.

Political analysts were saying this is the Christmas debate, as it’s what people will be talking about during the holidays. No they won’t. They won’t remember there was a debate. They’ll be talking about Star Wars.

Speaking of Star Wars, I made a sarcastic post yesterday on social media that I had to work a Star Wars analogy into my next cartoon. I was poking fun at all my colleagues who are all racing to do Star Wars.

 

Idiocracy


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The 2006 film Idiocracy is about a future where mankind dumbs down. Society consists of nothing but stupid people. A man from our present is put into a deep sleep and wakes up in this future and he’s persecuted for being smart. Does that sound familiar? Not the waking up in the future part, but the part of being ridiculed for being intelligent.

In this fictional future quantity is placed above quality. Carl’s Jr sells Extra Big Ass Fries and Extra Big Ass Tacos. Entertainment includes an Oscar winning movie titled “Ass”, and that’s all it is. One ass.  The top television show features nothing but hits to the groin (Have you ever seen TruTV? They have shows that revolve around people injuring themselves). People get degrees at Costco (Trump University, anyone?).

Science is disregarded for commerce. A Gator Aid like drink is used to water crops and the government wonders why nothing is growing. Cities suffer massive landslides of garbage.

The film is set hundreds of years in the future but it seems we’re not that far off. We have elected officials that ignore science, even when nearly every scientist in the world tells them Climate Change is a problem. They watch cities and even nations (the Marshall Islands are disappearing) get ravaged by climate and they believe it doesn’t exist because it snows in Buffalo in January. The chairman of the Senate committee of Environment and Public Works is throwing snowballs on the Senate floor. In the movie they don’t want to put water on crops because water is what’s in the toilet.

Republicans refute Bill Nye the Science Guy because his title rhymes with his name and he wears a funny tie. They hate scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson because he puts science over religion and they consider him a geek. In the film they say of the smart guy “he talks like a fag”.

The one area the future in this film doesn’t exhibit is mass racism, which is something today’s Republican party is inviting.

Today we have candidates who lie, and after being caught, defend the lie and their supporters still believe them. They pander to xenophobia and racists and then wonder why their party is full of so much hatred. The top candidates for the GOP nomination has zero to very little public office experience. The top candidate in the polls is running on a platform of replacing Obamacare with “something better.” Voters who don’t like Obama because he’s an elitist with a high opinion of himself love Donald Trump. People believe the answer to gun violence is more guns, which would be like fighting cancer by introducing more cancer. A town in North Carolina has rejected a solar farm because they believe it will “suck up all the sun’s energy.”

I don’t believe the Republican party is stupid. Not all of it anyway. I don’t think all of the candidates are unintelligent. But they are definitely selling policies to those who are. Fear, hate, and dumb solutions are top sellers. They are all in a contest for the stupid vote.

Maybe this cartoon is stupid. If so, it should be a big hit.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!