Republican Debate

Trump and his Teeny, Tiny….Hands

By now you’ve heard about the last GOP debate. Gee, what silliness occurred this time? Within the first few minutes Donald Trump made a reference to his penis. And what was that thing on Ted Cruz’s lip and where did it go? If you were going to pick one booger eater out of all these candidates you would probably pick Cruz. No pun intended.

I haven’t sent this cartoon to my clients. I’m not sure it’s up to their standards. Plus, there’s no black and white version which I always send to my newspapers along with the color files. I would think they would not want a penis reference cartoon but I’ve noticed a few of my colleagues have already gone there as well. Thank you, Republicans, for giving cartoonist wiener and booger joke material. We can’t get this stuff from Bernie.

This was drawn on my tablet last night while sitting in a restaurant and I’ve already shared it on Facebook. So for you guys who do not follow me on Facebook, or aren’t even on Facebook, this is for you. Tell all those people at GoComics to swing by and visit.

Oh yeah. Here’s a Christie caricature that was also created on the tablet last night. It’s disgusting.

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Wanna Buy A Watch?

Did you watch the latest Republican debate? The final debate before Super Tuesday as every debate is the final debate before something. I did and it was a slobberknocker. Basically it was Ted and Marco versus The Donald. It couldn’t have been much worse than if Trump was caught between the Pope, Vicente Fox, and Mitt Romney.

First impression I got was how sad it was to see President George H.W. Bush and former First Lady Barbara at the debate after Jeb had dropped out. It’s like your parents going to your little league game after you were kicked off the team.

The high point of the debate that will be talked about Friday was when Marco Rubio stated that if Donald Trump hadn’t inherited $200 million, he’d be selling watches in Manhattan. That was a good one. It was so prepared that Marco is pretend selling broken Trump watches at his site. You don’t actually get a watch but you get the privilege of giving Marco $10.00. The remark was as prepared as the audience because Rubio’s people had planted screamers to react to everything Marco said. It was annoying. This was supposed to be a debate, not Beatlemania.

But Marco came out swinging at Trump. He attacked him for his fortune, his taxes, his hiring illegals, his fake university, his lawsuits, donating to Democrats and charities (Republicans are so terrible that donating to charitable causes will be used agaist you), his bankruptcies,, his lack of specifics, and I’m kinda surprised he didn’t squeeze a “your mama is so ugly” in there somewhere. He hit Trump on issues that aren’t new, some out there for over a decade. Someone discovered Google.

Cruz was more than happy to join the pile-on. The thing is, where was this before? Why did they wait until the tenth debate to go hard against Trump? Rubio has yet to win a primary or a caucus and he’s behind Trump by double digits in his home state of Florida. Cruz is barely leading Trump in his state of Texas and has a lead in Arkansas, but that’s it. Did they do a Christie and hurt Trump without helping themselves? Quite possible. If Rubio loses Florida, it’s over for him. If he wins Florida, which is over two weeks from now and several primaries away, and half the delegates are already gone…it’s still probably over. Rubio might actually working on Campaign 2020 at this point.

For Trump, who states he can shoot a guy and his supporters will still love him, will any attack hurt him? Plus, people may not really interpret anything that was said as it was mostly inaudible as all three guys were talking over each other most of the night. Trump’s defense against his rivals were that Cruz is a liar and a basketcase and Rubio suffers from meltdowns.

Oh yeah, John Kasich and Dr. Ben Carson were also on the stage. Kasich, who is NOT a moderate, is the most qualified and prepared for the presidency out of all these guys. Carson, desperate for time, begged for someone to attack him. Seriously.

Republican Road Rage

I hate the Clown Car analogy that’s been tossed around to describe the Republican candidates for president. It’s not that I disagree with the description. It’s that it’s a lazy analogy and not creative at all. If Chris Matthews uses it then you shouldn’t (and it’s an analogy he repeats every day). So I may be the only American editorial cartoonist (who’s not a conservative hacker) who has not used that analogy. But after seeing the last Republican debate (I didn’t watch all of it, just the hightlights), it did remind me of family road trips from Hell.

Sorry if this brings up bad memories. I was raised the youngest and had an older brother and sister so I probably can’t complain about them being the pain in the butt…it was me. I also have a younger sister and brother but I wasn’t raised with them. Long story.

I never intended to insert Kasich into this cartoon. As I was lettering the text I thought how funny it would be if he was left at a rest stop (probably in Ohio). There’s always that kid without any charisma that you forget, sometimes because the other kids are competing for attention. At the debate before the New Hampshire primary Kasich was forgotten. It took Chris Christie to remind the moderators that they forgot to introduce Governor Blah.

Chatty Marco

Chatty Cathys haven’t been made since the 1950’s but everyone knows what they are. It’s a pretty good insult for someone who won’t get off the phone…or shut up. The Rubio campaign should love this comparison.

Marco Rubio is a very talented politician. Of course being a talented politician doesn’t always mean you’re talented at accomplishments. You may only be talented at running for office. For years people in politics, members of both parties, have made accusations that Rubio is a talking points kind of guy. He’s good in a debate, giving a speech, conducting an interview, but he’s not good if he has to stray from the talking points, or if he runs out of them.

Chris Christie has been harping about this for a while but nobody’s been listening because he’s Chris Christie. He finally got his chance during Saturday’s GOP debate. Rubio went into his talking point about “Obama knowing what he’s doing and he’s transforming the country, blah blah blah.” Christie said “there it is. That’s his “memorized 25-second speech.” Marco responded by repeating the same talking point and Christie nailed him with an interruption and pointing out he was doing the speech again. Shortly after this exchange Rubio gave the same talking points again. Yikes. It as like going to see Skynyrd and they play “Free Bird” for two hours.

It’s the kind of thing that could be damaging. This could be hurtful on a Howard Dean Scream level.

This will probably hurt Rubio Tuesday night in the New Hampshire primary and not help Christie at all. Christie doesn’t get points because Rubio sucks. He’s just really good at being a bully and fun to watch while doing so.

Update and correction: A sharp reader of mine pointed out that Chatty Cathys were sold during the 1960’s, not the 1950’s as I had written. I actually went to the Wikipedia site for Chatty Cathy looking for information on it and still messed it up. I was born in the 1960’s but I don’t remember them (most people can’t remember that decade for other reasons). Plus, I never played with dolls for girls. I swear. I had superheroes, GI Joes, a Fonzie and even the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter.

A Republican Promise

Other than the ten-minute argument between Trump and Cruz over birtherism and New York values, what you can get from the latest Republican debate is that they promise to get rid of Obama. The only way to sum up the rest of the debate is that they’re all idiots.

Jeb Bush says the country is worse now than before Obama became president. He must be thinking of his brother’s tenure in the Oval Office. Osama is dead, gas prices are under two bucks a gallon, and we still have an automobile industry. Also, employment is up and the rate of government spending has slowed down greatly.

They still don’t understand the U.S. military is the strongest in the world.

They’re promising that if Iran ever takes U.S. sailors hostage again that they’ll get them released quicker than ten hours, which is what Obama did.

Some want to ban all Muslims from entering the country and others only want to ban some Muslims.

They still hate brown people. They still love guns and God. Rubio said our rights come from God, not the government.

All of the candidates are running against Obama, despite Obama leaving office next January. Chris Christie made the dumbest statement of the night, which is quite an achievement considering there were other Republicans on stage, including Ben Carson. Christie said “I hope the President is watching tonight because here’s what I’d like to tell him. We are going to kick your rear end out of the White House come this fall.”

Christie, you’re not kicking anybody anywhere. Obama is leaving in January whether a Republican wins the White House or it goes to Bernie or Hillary. I expect by the next debate Christie will be kicked to the kids’ table.

These guys should be grateful Obama is limited to two terms. He’d clean their clocks in another election.

Bomb Hoax

Wouldn’t it be nice if Republicans could express as much concern for stuff that happens as they do for stuff that doesn’t happen?

Republicans and conservatives are still upset over a student taking a clock to school. They referred to it as a fake bomb even thought it wasn’t ever a “fake bomb.” It was a clock.

During Tuesday night’s Republican debate the candidates talked about our climate of fear and made several references to the day’s bomb scares in Los Angeles and New York City. They made it out to be Obama’s fault there are bomb threats. They expressed concern for how the event would scar children. I guess Republicans aren’t aware that school shootings inflict a hell of a lot more trauma on children than bomb scares.

How many times did the GOP candidates mention school shootings, the recent shooting at Planned Parenthood, or any mass shootings that weren’t committed by a Muslim? Zero.

The entire night was about ISIS. ISIS is responsible for the shooting in San Bernardino and Operation Rescue and all of the GOP candidates who perpetuated lies on PP share responsibility for the shooting in Colorado.

We can talk about ISIS and bombing them until the “sand glows” but we can’t talk about Americans shooting Americans.

Here’s what disqualifies a candidate for the presidency: Saying we’re in World War III. Wanting to start World War III. Saying ISIS wants to destroy our way of life, they hate us for our freedom, or if they’re an actual threat to conquer our country.. If you don’t have an understanding of the situation then you can’t combat the situation. Other statements that should disqualify a candidate is stating they’ll shoot down Russian jets, you wish George W. Bush was still president, and that Donald Trump is more qualified than Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, or a block of fermented cheese.

The entire night was about Killing, war, killing, hating Muslims, killing, hating Hispanics, and killing. The room was full of gung ho draft dodgers and people who never served.

The candidates also had it out over immigration. I’m starting to think Ted Cruz’s and Marco Rubio’s families fled Cuba to get away from Hispanics. They really don’t seem to like their own ethnicity.

Jeb actually had the best one-liner. He said he doesn’t get his information from the shows like Trump and he didn’t know if those shows were on Saturday mornings or Sunday mornings. It was so good I doubt most Republican will understand it.

The only other highlights of last night’s debate were Carson still comes off confused, Carly is still lying, Rand Paul is talking the most sense so he’s killing himself, Christie and Jeb both might have helped their causes, and there was a massive make out session between Trump and Cruz. Who won the debate? I think Rubio has done the best through all the debates until last night. Rubio still did well but it looks to me that Cruz built upon his momentum. On top of all that, Republicans really like red ties. Fiorina wore a red dress.

Political analysts were saying this is the Christmas debate, as it’s what people will be talking about during the holidays. No they won’t. They won’t remember there was a debate. They’ll be talking about Star Wars.

Speaking of Star Wars, I made a sarcastic post yesterday on social media that I had to work a Star Wars analogy into my next cartoon. I was poking fun at all my colleagues who are all racing to do Star Wars.

Idiocracy

The 2006 film Idiocracy is about a future where mankind dumbs down. Society consists of nothing but stupid people. A man from our present is put into a deep sleep and wakes up in this future and he’s persecuted for being smart. Does that sound familiar? Not the waking up in the future part, but the part of being ridiculed for being intelligent.

In this fictional future quantity is placed above quality. Carl’s Jr sells Extra Big Ass Fries and Extra Big Ass Tacos. Entertainment includes an Oscar winning movie titled “Ass”, and that’s all it is. One ass. The top television show features nothing but hits to the groin (Have you ever seen TruTV? They have shows that revolve around people injuring themselves). People get degrees at Costco (Trump University, anyone?).

Science is disregarded for commerce. A Gator Aid like drink is used to water crops and the government wonders why nothing is growing. Cities suffer massive landslides of garbage.

The film is set hundreds of years in the future but it seems we’re not that far off. We have elected officials that ignore science, even when nearly every scientist in the world tells them Climate Change is a problem. They watch cities and even nations (the Marshall Islands are disappearing) get ravaged by climate and they believe it doesn’t exist because it snows in Buffalo in January. The chairman of the Senate committee of Environment and Public Works is throwing snowballs on the Senate floor. In the movie they don’t want to put water on crops because water is what’s in the toilet.

Republicans refute Bill Nye the Science Guy because his title rhymes with his name and he wears a funny tie. They hate scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson because he puts science over religion and they consider him a geek. In the film they say of the smart guy “he talks like a fag”.

The one area the future in this film doesn’t exhibit is mass racism, which is something today’s Republican party is inviting.

Today we have candidates who lie, and after being caught, defend the lie and their supporters still believe them. They pander to xenophobia and racists and then wonder why their party is full of so much hatred. The top candidates for the GOP nomination has zero to very little public office experience. The top candidate in the polls is running on a platform of replacing Obamacare with “something better.” Voters who don’t like Obama because he’s an elitist with a high opinion of himself love Donald Trump. People believe the answer to gun violence is more guns, which would be like fighting cancer by introducing more cancer. A town in North Carolina has rejected a solar farm because they believe it will “suck up all the sun’s energy.”

I don’t believe the Republican party is stupid. Not all of it anyway. I don’t think all of the candidates are unintelligent. But they are definitely selling policies to those who are. Fear, hate, and dumb solutions are top sellers. They are all in a contest for the stupid vote.

Maybe this cartoon is stupid. If so, it should be a big hit.

Operation Racial Slur

Is the inclusion of a racial slur in this cartoon offensive? Well it’s not as offensive as the United States government.

In the 1940’s the U.S. government deported Mexican immigrants in a program officially titled “Operation Wetback.” Mexico was a huge part of it.

During World War II the U.S. suffered from a labor shortage. Rosie The Riveter couldn’t compensate for the entire workforce. So in an arrangement with the United States Mexico sent workers to the U.S. in what was called the “Bracero Program” which allowed 4.6 million Mexicans to enter the U.S. legally (many still entered illegally as there were hefty fees involved). It was their contribution to the Allied effort to defeat the Axis and it helped Mexico not put any fighters or money into the effort. A few years after the war Mexico wanted those workers back, we wanted them gone, and a lot of them didn’t want to go. Thus the inspiration for Operation Wetback.

The program was initiated in President Eisenhower’s administration and it was a huge disaster. After being deported many immigrants just walked back. The Border Patrol started shaving immigrants’ heads before deportation so they’d know if they were repeat offenders.

It was a disaster. Estimates put the number of deportations at 250,000. Many immigrants were beaten and abused. Many were simply dropped into a desert, without food or water, and without knowing where they were or how to get home (imagine being from the U.S. East Coast and being dropped off in the Nevada Desert. Good luck getting home). One incident resulted in 88 immigrants’ death from heat stroke after being dropped off in the desert. A Mexican labor leader reported that Braceros were brought into Mexico like cows on trucks and unloaded fifteen miles down the highway from the border, in the desert. Others were deported on ships where a congressional investigation compared the conditions on the ships to that of an “eighteenth century slave ship.

During the fourth Republican debate Donald trump expressed he wants to emulate the program. Trump said Eisenhower “moved immigrants just beyond the border; they came back. Moved them again beyond the border; they came back. Didn’t like it. Moved them way south; they never came back. Dwight Eisenhower. You don’t get nicer, you don’t get friendlier.”

Trump’s inspiration is one of America’s greatest sins that’s comparable to the government’s internment of Japanese Americans, which a lot of people still say was the right thing to do.

This is where the blog gets long so I don’t blame you if you quit reading here…or start here. I don’t care.

I took a lot from the debate from Trump saying Americans are paid too much, Rubio saying Welders make more than philosophers, Carson’s claim that every time the minimum wage is increased that we lose jobs (and every candidate opposing a minimum wage increase). Dr. Carson, where I come from that’s called a lie.

Carly Fiorina jabbed at Trump, saying she too has met Vladimir Putin except it wasn’t in a green room. Actually it was in a green room. She also has some really dumb ideas to deal with Putin like putting missiles in Poland, conducting military exercises in the Balkans, and increasing our troops strength in Germany (like a few thousand more will make an impression), and never ever ever returning his phone calls. What’s scariest though is she wants to shoot down Russian jets. She said no one should tell America when and where it can fly, but thinks the U.S. can tell others when and where to fly. Fiorina also asked at one point “Can I say something as a chief executive who’s saved jobs and created jobs?” No. She can’t.

Marco Rubio really wants to go to war. First thing, Marco, we’re not in danger of being defeated by ISIS. In fact, ISIS is not a major threat to the United States. I know many people believe that’s a bold statement but I’m dealing with reality. He also wants to rebuild the military which makes me wonder what’s wrong with it now? We have the world’s strongest and largest military. We spend more than the next ten countries combined (Rand Paul pointed that out and it’s true). I really don’t want this 44-year-old guy who’s never served sending our people overseas into a war zone because he’s played Call Of Duty too many times. It also shows he really doesn’t care about spending. When Rand Paul questioned Rubio’s conservatism over his willingness to spend on wars, Rubio answered with “Murica!!!”. Pretty much.

Other takes are: Jeb Bush didn’t hurt himself this time. He didn’t help himself either but at least he didn’t set up a Rubio mic drop. Unfortunately, he wasn’t asked any questions about what babies he’d like to kill, other than Baby Hitler, while time traveling.

Ben Carson was difficult to comprehend and reminded me of the aliens in The Simpson’s running for president when one said “we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!” His policy on Syria, for example, was to make the Jihadists “look like losers” and “we’ll win.” I think he should get a “gotcha” question and be asked to locate Syria on a map, or the Middle East, or his ass. He claims his plan will work because he’s talked to generals. I wonder if it’s the same general who offered him a scholarship at West Point.

Bobby Jindal really thinks he’s been good for Louisiana. Huckabee is scary. Ted Cruz is scarier and really creepy and for Republicans that’s a really good thing. The guy, along with Jindal and Huckabee, is fresh returned from a I-Hate-Gays rally, hosted by a pastor who’s advocated the merely “politically-incorrect” stance that we should copy Uganda’s kill-gay-people policy. Cruz is that guy waiting for the girl to get her heart broken by the good looking guy (which compared to Cruz could be anyone) and cry on his shoulder while realizing she should just settle for Cruz. And he’ll never cheat on her with Kim Davis…probably. He’ll also eliminate the Commerce Department twice.

Most pundits believe Rubio and Cruz won the debate. Has anyone but me noticed Rubio gives a stern, stubborn, serious look with each answer and talks down condescendingly as if he’s the only one who loves America? Just me? OK then, am I the only one wonder how much product is in his hair?

John Kasich gave another great audition for the V.P. slot.

Rand Paul was actually honest and said a few things the red meat craving audience didn’t like. He opposed senseless wars and a bloated defense budget. He’s totally screwed.

Obvious my biggest takeaway was Trump’s enthusiasm for hating Mexicans. He should look into that.

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

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Crazy Uncle

Sometimes the crazy uncle isn’t living in an attic wearing a tin foil hat.

But they’re out there listening to Rush, watching Fox News, and believing Obama is coming for their guns and he’ll destroy the Constitution to serve a third term. They consider themselves Patriots and they support our troops while wanting militia members to shoot them if they cross the Texas state border. They support the police, unless the police try to remove a racist from letting his cattle graze on federal land. They believe there should be drug testing for those on welfare, while probably being on welfare themselves. They still believe there were WMDs in Iraq and we found them but the media is keeping it a secret. They believe Hillary Clinton ordered the attack on Benghazi. They know deep in their hearts that the president is a foreign-born-Communist Muslim and that he supports terrorists and has a secret agenda to destroy the United States. They will tell you all about Obama’s “apology tour” where he’s apologized for the United States and doesn’t believe in American exceptionalism. They talk about Michelle Obama’s trillion dollar costs to the taxpayers vacations. They swear gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage and they know this because thrice-married Rush Limbaugh told them so. Cops never profile African Americans. Illegal aliens are voting (for Democrats) and using up social services. Don’t get them started on how Obama stole the presidency.

That’s who Republicans want to moderate their debate.

I understand none of the candidates are as tough or has the endurance of Hillary Clinton who can tackle partisan, nasty questions for 11 hours. Two hours of being asked to explain a tax policy is difficult for the GOP. I also understand if they find Anderson Cooper more intimidating than Vladimir Putin.

It does boggle my mind that someone trying to convince us he’s not a total crazy person and should be president says future moderators should prove they’ve voted Republican. Who do these people want asking them questions? Their moms?

So anyway, go scream up at the attic and see if your uncle can fit it into his schedule.

I was going to draw a cartoon on another subject. Then I got this idea and I was going to wait a day to draw it. The more I thought about it the more I wanted to go ahead and do this idea. I sketched it out more than once as I had a very difficult time with the angle. After being happy with a rough version I tackled it on the good paper and I had to erase about 15 times.

Here’s the rough.

claytoonz

Nationally Syndicated Editorial Cartoonist