Reopening Schools

A Mousey Reopening


CNN07122020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

There are multiple theories as to why Donald Trump and his band of fucknuts are pressuring schools to reopen.

One theory is they need kids in school for teachers to babysit so their parents can carry on the business of stimulating the economy by going back to work. Another theory is Donald Trump wants the appearance of things being back to normal so he can continue to bark that is and win reelection. The third theory is that they just want to kill you.

Those could all be true to some extent but one thing that is definitely true is Donald Trump doesn’t care about you or your children. If he did, he wouldn’t continue to lie about the pandemic while pushing for reopenings.

Representative Ayanna Pressley said she wouldn’t trust Education Secretary Betsy DeVos with a houseplant let alone her child.

Pressley tweeted at DeVos, who has zero experience working with public education and once said we need guns in schools for protection from bears, on the Trump administration’s plans to reopen saying, “You have no plan. Teachers, kids, and parents are fearing for their lives. You point to a private sector that has put profits over people and claimed the lives of thousands of essential workers. I wouldn’t trust you to care for a house plant let alone my child.”

It’s not entirely true the Trump administration has no plans for reopening schools. They are planning to withhold federal funding from schools if they don’t reopen. They are literally holding children hostage…again. The only thing is, they’re not putting your kids into cages. And maybe DeVos could manage to care for a plastic houseplant without killing it…maybe.

This administration has planned less for reopening schools than Disney World has for their reopening.

Disney World reopened in Florida on the same day the state hit a new record for coronavirus cases. Is nobody paying attention in Florida?

Disney’s plans include requiring face masks to be worn at all times, no character meet-and-greet (that can be a good thing if Goofy still freaks you out), fewer restaurants, employees dispensing hand sanitizer to each person getting on a ride, and no parades.

CNN business writer Alexis Benveniste wrote that Disney World’s reopening felt like the “beginning of a horror movie.”

That’s silly. The horror movie started four years ago.

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