Politi

Focus Feces


cjones10262020

The new normal is a seriously low bar.

Every time Donald Trump gives a speech and sticks to the prepared notes written by Stephen Miller, pundits express surprise at how “presidential” he sounded. Never mind the fact he’s reading notes prepared by a baby Goebbels at a third-grade reading level. If he doesn’t make up childish nicknames for people or spread conspiracy theories that George Soros is funding illegal immigrants to invade our borders, he sounds presidential. If Donald Trump merely sounds like an 8-year-old instead of a 6-year-old, he sounds presidential. Never mind the tinfoil hat he’s wearing.

At Thursday night’s debate, Donald Trump refrained from the childish bullying behavior he engaged in during the first debate. He didn’t interrupt…as much. He still lied and spread conspiracy theories. He still talked like a toddler but maybe this time, the diaper had been changed beforehand. Republicans are now saying they need to build on the “momentum” from this debate.

A lot of debate watchers and focus groups didn’t just give Trump higher marks than they did for the first debate, many say he actually won. For a lot of Americans, Donald Trump only has to be barely human. Being presidential is not a requirement.

The low bar is too low for me. I want a president who doesn’t spread over 20,000 lies. I want a president who doesn’t tweet bullshit he sees while watching Hannity and Tucker. I want a president who doesn’t give shout-outs to Nazis. I want a president who doesn’t spread conspiracy theories. I want a president who doesn’t retweet crazy uncle conspiracy theories, like Osama bin Laden is still alive and the Navy Seals killed his body double. I want a president who doesn’t torture children. I want a president who actually tries to stop a virus that’s killed over 220,000 Americans.

Pundits gave Donald Trump high praise for his debate performance despite his reaction to his family separation policy losing track of parents to over 500 immigrant children being: “they’re so well taken care of.”

Donald Trump got high praise despite saying he’s for protecting pre-existing coverage while he’s literally in court at this very moment trying to take it away.

He got high praise for saying he’s going to kill Obamacare and replace it with something better, despite not showing ANY replacement plan over the past four years.

Donald Trump received high praise despite saying the coronavirus was going away while it’s actually getting worse.

Donald Trump got high praise despite lying that a vaccine is ready.

Donald Trump was praised despite saying 99.9% of people recover from the coronavirus. That’s a lie.

Trump received high marks for sounding “presidential” while saying that 2.2 million Americans were expected to die from the coronavirus, thus, he saved over two million people. This is not a fact.

Donald Trump was applauded by Republicans for attacking the Obama/Biden administration’s handling of the Swine Flu in comparison to his handling of the coronavirus, though only 12,500 Americans died from the Swine Flu while the Trump Virus has killed over 220,000. It would be more apt if Donald Trump compared himself to serial killers.

Donald Trump was praised for enacting a total ban of flights from China, which he did not do.

Donald Trump was given high marks despite lying that Nancy Pelosi was “dancing in the streets” of Chinatown and that Russia had given Joe Biden $3.5 million.

Donald Trump was given high marks for accusing Joe Biden of wanting to socialize healthcare despite it not being true or the fact Donald Trump doesn’t know what socialism is. “Socialism” is just a boogey word to scare Republicans.

A lot of people think Donald Trump sounded more prepared to be president than Joe Biden, despite the fact Donald Trump displayed that he still does not understand how tariffs work.

People thought Trump won the debate even after saying he was the “least racist” person.

Donald Trump lied about immigrant children arriving with “bad people.” He lied about immigrants never returning for court appearances and he said the ones that did were stupid. He lied about the cages he threw children into. He lied that Obama had separated children as a policy. He lied about funding social security. He lied about his racist border wall. He lied about climate policy and that he made us “energy independent.” Donald Trump lied and said he doesn’t take money from Wall Street.

CNN fact checker Daniel Dale said fact-checking Trump was like being Lucy in the chocolate factory. If you’ve seen that episode, you know it’s the perfect analogy for fact-checking Trump.

Donald Trump has never won a debate in his life and he didn’t win Thursday against Joe Biden. But more importantly, we have to make sure Donald Trump doesn’t win the election.

You shouldn’t need a debate to see that Donald Trump is not presidential. You don’t need to watch him ramble off lies for two hours to see he’s not fit for the presidency. You’ve had the last four years of a Donald Trump presidency (sic).

If Donald Trump was in a debate with a poo-flinging monkey, my vote would be for the monkey.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

MAGAt Love


cjones09142020

For the past two days, a MAGAt has been posting on my YouTube channel that Donald Trump “has the best foreign policy anyone alive has ever seen.” That’s some serious MAGAt love right there.

From Bob Woodward’s new book about Donald Trump, he gives us a look at the “love letters” from Kim Jong Un to Donald Trump. It was Trump who described these as “love letters.” He thinks they’re beautiful. And if you’re wondering how Bob Woodward gained access to these letters, he got them through Donald Trump (who also gave him some national security secrets). Woodward was not allowed to copy the letters so I assume he was able to memorize them. He’s a smart guy.

In one letter, Kim wrote, “I cannot forget that moment of history when I firmly held Your Excellency’s hand at that beautiful and sacred location as the whole world watched with great interest and hope to relive the honor of that day.”

He described their Singapore summit as “reminiscent of a scene from a fantasy film.”

He once wrote, “My regards also to the First Lady and the rest of your family and all your people, and I wish everyone good health and happiness and hope that everyone’s dream will become a beautiful reality.”

And then it gets creepy. “Every minute we shared 103 days ago in Hanoi was also a moment of glory that remains a precious memory.”

He described their relationship as a “deep and special friendship between us will work as a magical force.” Sheesh. Get a room already.

Donald Trump told Bob Woodward that Kim called President Obama an “asshole,” which surely was a way to get on Trump’s good side. He also described to Trump the murder of his uncle by firing squad in graphic detail. For some reason, Kim thought Trump would get off on that. He was probably right. And if I have to read another one of these “love letters,” I may request a firing a squad.

And what have we as a nation gotten out of the Trump/Kim relationship? Well, Kim did return three hostages to us, but then again, President Obama (you know, that “asshole”) got North Korea to release ten hostages. In case you’re a MAGAt, ten is more than three.

We also haven’t engaged in a nuclear war with North Korea thanks to their “deep and special friendship that works as a magical force.” But I just remembered, we never engaged in a nuclear war with North Korea before Trump either.

Donald Trump did get Kim Jong Un to sign a treaty that guarantees…well, nothing actually. It’s a bunch of promises that they’ll maybe possibly consider doing things that we’d like them to do very much eventually. Really.

Donald Trump pulled us from the Iran nuclear treaty which was a lot stronger than the empty one-page treaty he signed with North Korea that promises kinda sorta maybes. Thanks to Trump’s foreign policy, Iran will eventually create a nuclear weapon.

Thanks to Donald Trump’s foreign policy, the climate will become even worse because he pulled us from the Paris Climate Accord. Climate change is actually a greater threat to our nation than stuff like immigration and Antifa. Really.

Donald Trump has coddled dictators and tyrants while disparaging our NATO allies. If he’s reelected, he’ll most likely pull us out of NATO and get a hotel room with Putin.

Donald Trump started a trade war with China which was stupid.

Donald Trump has ignored Vladimir Putin placing bounties on our troops, poisoning dissidents, and attacking our elections…but you can rest easy because he declared Canadian cheese a threat to our national security.

Now that we’ve seen the love letters from Kim Jong Un, I want to see the love letters from Donald Trump. I want to see what he’s written to Kim but more importantly, I want to see the love letters he’s written to Vladimir Putin. If Donald Trump was so desperate to impress Bob Woodward, oh my god what has he told Putin?

After reading them, I’ll probably throw up in my mouth.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.