Person Of The Year

Musk You Mansplain?


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Kids, class is in session. Today, I’m going to educate you on the use of a specific slur. Now, not all of you need to be schooled on this but there are quite a few of you who are ignorant motherfuckers, so you’re the ones I’m really talking to.

The slur we’re going to address today is “Karen.” Everybody has heard this used before but some of you aren’t using it correctly. Wait, there’s a question from the class. Is it always sexist to use the slur “Karen?” The best answer I can give you is, probably. But, there are times when it’s definitely sexist.

A few days ago, one of my cartooning colleagues used “Karen” in a tweet. Even though nobody knew who he was tweeting to or what he was talking about, he got screamed at a lot for being sexist. He apologized and promised never to use it again. Even though nobody knew how he was using it except it was supposed to be an insult directed at someone, it was decided it was sexist. It probably was.

Another question? Yes? What is a Karen? Good question.

First off, a Karen has to be white and female. Now, if you call a dude “Karen,” then you are being sexist. Some men are called “Kens.” And since there is a “Ken” maybe that means “Karen” isn’t always sexist. But, the true meaning of Karen means an entitled and demanding white woman. Now if you want to call a black woman a Karen…never mind. Just do it. I dare you.

Remember that lady in Central Park who called the cops because she saw a black guy? Remember that other time when a white lady called the cops because she saw a black family having a picnic? Remember when Donald Trump asked a black reporter to set up a meeting between him and black members of Congress because all black people must know each other (for the part for a minute where that’s NOT a reporter’s job)? Remember the white St. Louis couple who pulled out and pointed guns because black people were walking in front of their house? Ever see a white person ask to see the manager? Ever see a white person screaming they shouldn’t have to wear a face mask during the pandemic? Those are classic Karen moments.

The pandemic has been ripe for Karens.

A few months ago, I was at my favorite sushi place in town and I was standing in line behind a white woman. She was dressed very nicely as if she came from money, but I wasn’t judging…yet. The wait was taking a couple minutes and as a younger lady walked near us, the nicely-dressed woman, I guess she was tired of standing in line, stopped the younger woman and said she just wanted to get a table and if the young woman could take her to one. The young girl told her, “I don’t work here.” The young girl was Asian. And then I said very loudly, “Good job, Karen.”

I lied. I didn’t say that. I only thought it. I was afraid if I did say that, then the older woman would’ve clocked me, or at the very least, I’d still have to stand in line next to her for a few more minutes. I’m not letting no Karen get between me and my spicy tuna roll. But, I think that would have been the proper use of “Karen.” The older white woman was entitled, believing she shouldn’t have to wait in line, and she assumed the younger woman worked at the sushi restaurant because she was Asian.

What is not a proper use of “Karen” is when you hurl it at a female just because she disagrees with you. Basically, if you’re a Republican, you shouldn’t use it at all. If you’re rich, yeah, just don’t. That word doesn’t belong to you. It’s kinda like when liberals called Don Jr “Fredo,” and then Trumpers started using it for Hunter Biden and Chris Cuomo. The “Let’s Go Brandon” morons can’t create good insults. Case in point “Let’s go Brandon.” Also, “snowflake,” and “libtard.”

Billionaire Elon Musk used “Karen” incorrectly. Earlier this week, after being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, he called Senator Elizabeth Warren, “Senator Karen,” for saying Billionaire Elon, who’s worth $297 billion dollars, needs to pay taxes.

Elon tweeted at the Senator, “Stop projecting.” What is she projecting? Is that another word you don’t know how to use, Elon? In 2018, Elizabeth Warren and her husband paid $302,227 on $913,000 of income. Between 2015 to 2017, Elon paid $70,000 for those years combined. In 2018, he paid nothing. So, Elon…what is Elizabeth Warren projecting? And that’s when he called Elizabeth Warren “Senator Karen.”

He continued tweeting and said, “You remind me of when I was a kid and my friend’s angry Mom would just randomly yell at everyone for no reason. Please don’t call the manager on me, Senator Karen.” Can anyone make sense of that? Who’s the manager in this situation? Was the friend’s mom in a grocery store while screaming for no reason? Also, how is Senator Warren a “Karen”? Did Elon just skip through a few right-wing memes?

Let me point something out to you, Elon: Senator Warren has a very good reason to scream at you. Every American taxpayer has a very good reason to scream at you. And you don’t know how to use the term “Karen.”

Another person who doesn’t know how to use the slur is Joe Battenfield of the Boston Herald.

Battenfield wrote that Elon used the term “perfectly,” in that Warren is a “rich, privileged, older white woman used to getting her way and bullying people around.” Battenfield claims the “richest man in the world wins this round” and then uses Elon Musk’s slur in calling Warren “Senator Karen.” Battenfield copied it from Elon Musk because again, conservatives suck at coming up with their own slang and nicknames, even the ones who are writers, like Joe Butthole (It’s cool that I call you “Butthole” since we’re making up nicknames for people now, right?). It’s like how they always use Donald Trump’s juvenile insults like, “Pocahontas.” Oh, yeah. Elon sent a tweet with a link to that too. So, not only are Elon and Joe “Butthole” Battenfield being sexist here, they’re both racists.

Also, what’s funnier than “Senator Karen” is “Space Karen.” You’d think Elon wouldn’t want to bring “Karen” back. “Space Karen” is catchy.

But, Joe Butthole…how is Elizabeth Warren bullying Elon Musk? Leave it to a conservative to say a man worth $297 billion is being bullied by a woman. That’s pretty Karenish right there, Butthole.

When you receive billions in government subsidies and then campaign against other billionaires receiving government subsidies, that’s when you lose all rights to accuse others of being entitled, Space Karen. When you spread misinformation on a pandemic and vaccines, that’s when you lose the right to call anyone a “Karen,” Space Karen. When you buy spaceships just for fun and as a novelty, that’s when you lose all rights to call anyone a “Karen,” Space Karen.

Note: I apologize to all the Karens I know, and those I don’t, who definitely are NOT Karens in this sense. I especially apologize to Karen Black, who is one of my very best friends (even though she won’t even try sushi and puts ketchup on everything), is about as liberal as I am, is a huge advocate for saving the environment, and is part Jamaican. Hell, even her last name is “Black.” So, my favorite Karen, and one of my favorite people (even though I once caught her putting ketchup on a hot dog on America’s birthday), is not a Karen. The Karens are making it really bad for the Karens. I propose we drop “Karen” and replace it with “Ivanka.” Who the hell knows an Ivanka?

Music note: I listened to the Rolling Stones again while drawing today’s cartoon. Maybe I should have listened to some David Bowie.

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Sycophant of the Year


cjones12142020

After failing at saving Donald Trump’s presidency by bringing a bogus bullshit lawsuit to the Supreme Court, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is running out of options to pander for that pardon.

Paxton’s lawsuit was ridiculous and it wasn’t even put together very well. It made lame arguments and contained false information that could have been easily checked. Yet, Paxton went ahead with degrading himself and his office in the name of all that is Trump. And 17 other state attorneys general joined his stupid ass…as well as 126 Republicans in the United States House of Representatives.

On Monday, those House Republicans will attempt another stab at stealing an election and defiling democracy. These people aren’t serving their nation. They’re not serving the Constitution. They’re serving a cult. And the worst part is, it’s a stupid cult of personality. I will never understand the public degrading of oneself for someone who’s not at least charming, intelligent, good looking, or even a decent speaker. Donald Trump is not Elvis. You would think they’d follow someone who was at least literate.

So, how upset will these seditious goobers be at Time Magazine for not selecting Donald Trump as Person of the Year? I’ve already heard grumbling and even seen one conservative political cartoon expressing bitterness. Quite frankly, I wasn’t expecting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to get the honor. In 2020, the year of covid, I thought First Responders had it in the bag.

It is kinda funny that these people who want Trump to be Time’s person of the year, including Donald Trump, don’t read news magazines. Donald Trump has never read an issue of Time, but he has had staffers create fake covers of Time with him on it to hang in his shitty bedbug-infested golf resorts.

As for Ken Paxton, he may be the sycophant of the year, but he has a lot of cultists to compete against. But if he really wants to be assured of that pardon, he may have to change his last name to “Trump.” Don’t put it past him.

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Time For Greta


cjones12142019

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through

Changes -David Bowie

Yesterday, Time magazine announced that teen climate activist Greta Thunberg is its person of the year. In choosing her, Time wrote, “She has succeeded in creating a global attitudinal shift, transforming millions of vague, middle-of-the-night anxieties into a worldwide movement calling for urgent change. She has offered a moral clarion call to those who are willing to act, and hurled shame on those who are not.”

It was a good choice. She has brought shame on those who refuse to recognize climate change and their attacks on her prove it. Donald Trump Jr. took time out from shooting endangered sheep in Mongolia to condemn Time with a “how dare you” tweet, called her a “marketing gimmick,” and criticized the magazine for not picking Hong Kong’s protesters, as if freedom and democracy in China is something he’s ever lost sleep over.

If you think it’s despicable for the president’s grown son to attack a 16-year-old, then you’ll probably also think it’s disgusting for the president to attack her. Donald Trump, SENIOR, the freaking president of the United States, tweeted this morning, “So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!”  Greta, showing more maturity than either of the Trump buffoons updated her Twitter profile afterward, “A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend.”

First off, if you’re Donald Trump, Trump Jr. (who just wrote a book called “Triggered”), or any Trump-supporting asshole, you don’t have the high ground in telling anyone to work on their “anger management.” Have you listened to yourself? If you’re screaming at a 16-year-old girl because you don’t like that she’s a climate activist, you have anger issues.

Secondly, what happened to their moral high ground about not attacking children? Wasn’t it just last week that Melania and every Republican got “triggered” over a professor saying Barron Trump’s name during a congressional hearing?  The vein in Matt Gaetz’s forehead is still twitching. But now, it’s OK to scream insults and attack a 16-year-old? The only way to understand this is that it’s OK when a Republican does it.

In fact, Trump’s been doing it. After Greta spoke before the United Nations, Trump tweeted an attack at her. At that time, he was probably jealous that she was able to speak before the UN without the entire General Assembly laughing at her. Now, with her on the cover of Time, Trump has two reasons to be envious of a 16-year-old girl (there are also the facts she’s smarter and brighter than Trump, people who aren’t assholes like her, she can speak in complete sentences in English despite the language not being her first, and people can stand to be on a boat with her out at sea without throwing themselves overboard to the sharks).

Trump loves being on the cover of Time. He’s said more than once how he’s been on it more than anyone else in history. Of course, being that he’s Donald Trump and those were words coming out of his mouth, they’re lies. Richard Nixon has been on the cover the most followed by Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and, this one’s going to hurt, Barack Obama. Being on the cover of Time is so important to Trump that he doesn’t just fabricate how many times he’s been on the cover. He’s actually hired someone to create fake covers of the magazine with his face on them. The fake Times have been spotted at at least five of Donald Trump’s crappy golf resorts. Now, the only plausible reason for this is that they ward off bedbugs.

Trump also got upset in 2015 when they chose German Chancellor Angela Merkel as their person of the year. Trump tweeted, “I told you @TIME Magazine would never pick me as person of the year despite being the big favorite. They picked person who is ruining Germany.” They finally did choose him in 2016, after he fake won the election, and he tweeted then that it was a “great honor.” But keep in mind, Adolph Hitler was also Time’s person of the year once. Just because you’re making the biggest impact in the world doesn’t mean it’s a good one.

A lot of conservatives attacked Time for not choosing the Hong Kong protesters. Again, it’s not that they’re so much in support of what’s going on in Hong Kong as they don’t like Greta. But choosing Greta doesn’t diminish the Hong Kong protests. The fact they can’t disagree with the choice without losing their shit shows that Time made the right one. I’m sure there are plenty of liberals who believe the Hong Kong protesters should have been chosen, but aren’t tweeting attacks at a child or calling her a “marketing gimmick.”

Other conservatives were upset and forgot to mention Hong Kong. Josh Jordan, whoever that is, tweeted, “They really should’ve make Greta’s parents person of the year for indoctrinating Greta at the age of eight and taking away her childhood, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”

Sebastian Gorka, racist fraud who used to work in the White House, tweeted a picture of baby Yoda tweeting, “More realistic a choice than Greta.”

Conservative talk show host Matt Walsh tweeted, “Wow cisgendered white girl as person of the year. Time Magazine reinforcing white heteronormativity once again. Outrageous.” Walsh has promised to talk about this on his show today (I saw that on Twitter. I don’t watch his show) and in the past, he’s called Greta a victim of child abuse.

If Greta is a victim of child abuse it’s because conservatives like Donald Trump and Matt Walsh are abusing her. But I guess it being wrong to attack children is so last week.

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New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Person Of The Year


cjones12092016

Every year Time magazine picks a person of the year and they run a cover story on the individual. The pick is someone they deem has had the most influence on the world over the year, for better or worse. With that description Donald Trump is a unanimous choice.

In the past Time has selected Pope Francis, Charles Lindbergh, Mahatma Gandhi, Angela Merkel, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Marshall, Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles de Gaulle, John Kennedy, Pope John XXIII, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Anwar Sadat, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Ted Turner, Lech, Walesa, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Looking at those names you totally expect Donald Trump to congratulate himself, which he did. He said “it’s an honor.”

Remember the description for the “person of the year” which “influences events for better or worse.” Then look at a few other names on the list.

Some of those are Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Richard Nixon, Deng Xiaoping, Yuri Andropov, Ayatollah Khomeini, Ken Starr, Rudy Giuliani. Vladimir Putin, and Newt Gingrich. There’s one other person on that list and he’s Adolph Hitler. This is NOT the first thing Donald Trump has in common with Hitler. Both men were successful in convincing a nation to select hate over hope.

So maybe Trump shouldn’t get too excited for indications from this list is he can contribute to mankind greatly or burn it all to the ground. He’d probably be OK with either outcome as long as he received some “terrific” compliments and Alec Baldwin didn’t mock him for it.

Some people have pointed out the layout of the magazine cover placed devil horns over Trump’s head.

The other candidates for person of the year were Hillary Clinton (and if she had won the election I still think Trump should have been selected by Time), and hackers. Sometimes Time takes an easy route and selects something that’s not controversial, like Peacemakers, Whistleblowers, the American soldier, good Samaritans, the Protester, Ebola fighters, Endangered Earth, the Computer, Middle Americans, The Inheritor, Scientists, and YOU (individual content creators on the world wide web).

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