Pedophile Defender

Bama Jewy Robo Call


cjones11172017

When you’re on the right side of an issue, you don’t have to make shit up. That totally explains why Roy Moore, his wife, their racist lawyers, Breitbart, Alabama Republicans, and all the hideous goons on social media are making shit up.

I’m glad I’m not a conservative cartoonist, but if I was then I like to think I wouldn’t act like a hideous ogre and follow talking points designed to defend a pedophile. Today, I’ve already seen four political cartoons using the sexcapades of Bill Clinton as a deflection for Roy Moore’s pedophilia. In addition to those four cartoons, there was a propaganda piece masquerading as a political cartoon by that Branco guy (look him up) following the same talking point. I can’t wait to see what Ben Garrison does on it (whatever it is, it’ll include about 38 labels). But then again, these are the same people who defended Nazis recently.

Just when I thought to deflect for a pedophile was rotten enough, news came out yesterday that some right-wing troglodytes are robocalling voters in Alabama to increase support for Moore. Every campaign conducts robocalls for their candidate, but in this case, the calls are pretending to be something they’re not.

The person on this call is posing as a Washington Post reporter offering money to anyone who claims they were sexually assaulted by Roy Moore.

The caller, going by the name the very Jewish-sounding name “Bernie Bernstein,” says, “I’m a reporter for The Washington Post calling to find out if anyone at this address is a female between the ages of 54 to 57 years old, willing to make damaging remarks about candidate Roy Moore for a reward of between $5,000 and $7,000.” The caller also states they will not be “fully investigating” the claims and could be contacted at albernstein@washingtonpost.com. The email is phony and will bounce back if you use it. They don’t really want a reply. They’re just trying to piss people off.

The first clue it’s a fake call is that the name doesn’t match the email address. The second clue is that the email doesn’t work. Another big one is the fact The Washington Post does NOT pay for stories or to sources. They’re not the National Enquirer.

Moore’s supporters have already spread stories that were quickly debunked, that the Post paid the women accusing Roy Moore of sexual misconduct. If you’re wrong, you make shit up. You make a divisive situation more divisive. You also hire a racist lawyer to defend your lying candidate.

If you think my cartoon is stereotyping, wait until you hear about this.

Yesterday, an attorney for Moore went on MSNBC and told host Ali Velshi that his “background” would help him understand Moore’s “process.” 

Co-host Stephanie Ruhle asked the attorney, Trenton Garmon, why  Moore “would need permission from any of these girls’ mothers if they weren’t underage.” Garmon replied, “Culturally speaking, obviously there’s differences, (I) looked up Ali’s background there, and wow, that’s awesome that you have got such a diverse background, it’s really cool to read through that. But point is this, each culture has…” Then Ruhle interrupted him and asked, “What does Ali’s background have to do with dating a 14-year-old?”

Garmon said, “Sure — in other countries, there is arrangement through parents for what we would refer to as consensual marriage… “ Ruhle interrupted to inform the racist attorney that Velshi is from Canada. The attorney continued to drown from there…which is what everyone is doing who are defending Roy Moore.

As for me, I know how to swim. I suggest conservatives who are defending Moore take a few lessons.

Creative notes: So yesterday, my research entailed asking a friend, who is Jewish, if the term is “Jewy” or “Jewwy?” I’m fortunate she’s a really cool person and knows what I’m up to when I ask what seems like an absurd, and anti-Semitic question. I didn’t ask her because she’s Jewish. I worked with her at my last newspaper job, and I still ask her to proof text and the phrases for a lot of my cartoons. So, she gets a lot of crazy questions from me. I usually don’t tell her what I’m working on just so it’ll get her curiosity up.

Also, yeah I stereotyped the South with this cartoon…but I can do that. I’m from the South. But, in all honesty, the people in this cartoon are everywhere. Alabama just has a lot more of them. The people I have worked with in the South are some of the most creative people I’ve ever worked with, and they educated me on this business. And like Jews tell the best Jewish jokes, nobody laughs harder at Southerners than Southerners.

I have covered local issues before on people keeping chickens inside their homes, but most of that was when I was working in Honolulu. In fact, that city had to pass a law limiting how many chickens people can keep in their apartments. Seriously.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Pervy Politics


cjones11152017

I’m old enough to remember when Republicans wrote bathroom laws to protect our children from sexual predators.

Now, the same people who go into full-blown snowflake meltdown when there’s not a Christmas design on their Starbucks coffee cup are perfectly fine with sticking a pedophile in the Senate. It’s OK because he’s accepted Jesus. There is still some coffee outrage over this Roy Moore scandal. Keurig stopped advertising on Sean Hannity’s fake news show because he kinda endorsed Republican pedophilia. Republicans have responded by destroying their Keurig coffee machine.

People are destroying coffee machines that cost anywhere from $100 to $300. Why don’t you just protest by mailing an envelope full of cash to Keurig? That makes about as much sense. By the way, did you know the coffee pods those machines use are not biodegradable and environmentalists hate them? Yeah, you conservatives can’t win for nothing. Being stupid hurts.

A fifth woman revealed yesterday that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted her. The mainstream Republican Party and even Ted Cruz are now all calling for Moore to drop out of the race. Alabama Republicans, on the other hand, are standing by their man.

Republican logic has been all over the place with this issue.

Evangelicals have spent the past four decades calling themselves the “moral majority,” yet, over 80% of them voted for the orange pussy grabber for president. Republicans impeached Bill Clinton over consensual sex and had to go through three Speakers of the House to do it, as the first two of those turds had sex scandals. And, we found out years later the third one was a pedophile.

Part of the GOP defense of Moore is to talk about other sex scandals, from Clinton to Harvey Weinstein, to Louis C.K. Hell, some are even griping about Joe Biden’s shoulder massages.

Five women have accused Moore of dating teenage girls and of sexual assault. The accusers are backed up by over 30 sources. Others have come out to say it was well-known at the time that Mr. Moore dated teenage girls while he was in his early thirties. The guy would hang out at the mall and high school football games. Eventually, he got banned from the mall for being a Creepy McCreeperson and a stranger danger. Moore has defended himself with the lame excuses that he didn’t “generally” date teenage girls, and that he never dated one without their mother’s permission. He says he doesn’t remember the new accuser or the restaurant where he attacked her, yet she provided her high school yearbook he signed where he also included the name of the restaurant. But, Moore’s supporters don’t believe any of that.

What they do believe, without any evidence, is that The Washington Post paid these women to come forward and it’s all financed by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. They wonder why these women, who are being publicly shamed by Breitbart and in their communities, being chased into hiding, and who Moore is threatening to sue, didn’t make their revelations sooner.

For what it’s worth, adults don’t sign high school yearbooks unless they’re teachers. I know I haven’t signed one since I left high school. Hell, I didn’t sign that many when I was in school. I wasn’t really popular.

During the recent campaign for Virginia’s governor, the Republican candidate Ed Gillespie ran a lot of race-baiting commercials. Along with those, he ran one accusing Democrat Ralph Northam of being in favor of restoring rights to pedophiles. One person was busted for child pornography right after his rights were restored, and Gillespie’s campaign used that to paint Northam, a pediatrician, as a friend to pedophiles as if he was driving the van with free candy. Voters saw through the lie and made Northam our next governor.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Republicans are telling people to vote for the pedophile. And, there’s a chance the pedophile might win.

I’m really glad I live in Virginia and not Alabama.

Creative Notes: I took longer than I wanted to with this cartoon. I started around 3:00 AM. I didn’t like the lettering so I redid it. Then I didn’t like the elephants, so I drew them over. Then, I still didn’t like the lettering so I did that again. And then, I realized I still hated the elephants, so I drew them again. And then, I hated some of the colors, so I redid that…and then, the sun came out and eventually 10:00 AM rolled around.

I make it sound like I have high standards but it’s probably more like an obsessive-compulsive disorder…and a lot of coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there’s a Keurig in my house and I had never tried it. All the talk yesterday got my curiosity up, so housemate’s girlfriend showed me how to use it. It was delicious. I didn’t try one as a lame way of sticking it to conservatives. I really wanted to try one. By the way, did you know that Keurig is the most hated thing in Washington state? I think it has to do with being environmental and snooty about their coffee, and not because the people of Washington love pedophiles.

A note about signed prints: I’m going to run this note for a week or so. Several people have sent me $40 over the past few months without requesting a print. Please, when you make a payment/contribution, tell me which print you want. I’ve written each of those people but some haven’t replied. If I owe you a print then please tell me so. I’m not trying to stiff you people. Thanks!

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.