Oscar Mayer

Wiener Whistleblowers

Do you take mustard on your frazzledrip?

Jim Jordan’s “whistleblowers” aren’t whistleblowers. As with most things that come from Jim “Gym” Jordan, his “whistleblower” hearings are utter and complete bullshit.

Jordan is the chairman of the House Judiciary Committee and the select subcommittee on the Weaponization of the Federal Government. It’s a bullshit committee intended to push the false narrative that punishing conservartives for crimes they commit is weaponization of the Justice Department and FBI. Jordan and Republicans are lying to the public that prosecuting white nationalist terrorists who tried to overturn a free and fair election and install an unelected tiny-fingered racist Oompa-Loompa dictator is a deep-state conspiracy, along with prosecuting Trump for all his lawbreaking.

The committee held a hearing last Thursday where Jordan promised to bring in three FBI “whistleblowers” who would testify that the FBI is weaponized against Republicans that they each lost their security clearance because of their “whistleblowing.” Naturally, all of this is bullshit.

None of these so-called “whistlesblowers” lost their clearances for speaking out and none of them are technically whistleblowers. The only thing they’re blowing is Jim Jordan, who spends all his time blowing Donald Trump.

The night before the hearing, Christopher Dunham, acting assistant director of the FBI, sent Jordan a letter stating that the so-called “whistleblowers” had their security clearances revoked, pending appeal, for a number of reasons, including questions about their allegiance, reported criminal conduct, personal misconduct and how sensitive information was handled. These “whistleblowers” were debunked before Jim-Gym’s hearing even began.

Without addressing the details in the letter, Jordan’s only comment on it during the hearing was, “It doesn’t surprise me that the FBI puts out this letter the night before we’re going to have a hearing.” It doesnt’ surprise me that Jim Jordan’s bullshit got shot down…again. How dare the FBI whistleblow on Jim “Gym” Jordan’s “whistleblowers.”

Jordan continued with his plans to parade his so-called “whistleblowers,” two current FBI employees and one former, who each claim they lost their clearances after expressing concerns about the investigation of the January 6 insurrection.

None of these witnesses have been granted the status of whistleblower. To be officially designated whistleblowers, FBI employees must follow strict procedures which none of these have done. Real whistleblowers must also legitimately attempt to make what’s known as a protected disclosure of serious misconduct or criminal wrongdoing — usually described as waste, fraud or abuse. None of these witnesses have done so and have only shared their opinions and conspiracy theories. The only criminal behavior exposed here may belong to the so-called “whistleblowers.”

FBI employee Marcus Allen testified Thursday that he lost his clearance in part because he was simply trying to urge his colleagues to be careful with how they investigated January 6. But Dunham’s letter says Allen was found to have obstructed the investigation of a January 6 suspect. The letter says Allen told an agent that one of the suspects under investigation had no connection to terrorism, despite the agency’s finding that the suspect had assaulted a Capitol Police officer during the riot. The cased was closed until another agent discovered that the suspect was indeed connected to terrorism.

Allen is also accused of repeatedly espousing conspiracy theories, including that the U.S. government participated in the January 6 violence to his coworkers. He used his FBI email account to send links to anti-government conspiracy sites to his colleagues.

Former special Agent Stephen Friend testified that he lost his clearance as a form of retaliation for his beliefs that the U.S. government participated in the January 6 insurrection. But, the FBI says he lost his clearance for refusing to participate in the arrest of a member of the Three Percenters, one of the white nationalist terrorist groups that participated in the insurrection. The FBI knew the subject was armed with an assault rifle, had evidence that he’d chemically sprayed officers at the U.S. Capitol, and appeared in photos taken that day dressed in full tactical gear and helmet. But Friend believed an arrest by a SWAT team was too aggressive, and refused to take part. He refused to do his job.

Friend entered FBI office space after hours and downloaded sensitive documents onto an unapproved flash drive, secretly recorded his supervisors, and refused to take remedial security awareness training as requested. Since his departure from the FBI, he’s given interviews to RT, a Russia government-owned anti-American propaganda ouetlet.

Friend was also given $5,000 by corrupt Trump associate and serial lying bug-eyed conspiracy theorist goon Kash Patel who also got him a job at a pro-Trump anti-Democratic right-wing goon think tank.

FBI employee Brett Gloss, who did not testify during the hearing, had his security clearance revoked based on a concern for his “allegiance to the United States,” his “personal conduct,” and his “criminal conduct.” This so-called whistleblower took part in the insurrection on Jan. 6. He breached Capitol security during the attack and criminally trespassed into the restricted zone. He expressed support for the criminal actions of protesters inside the Capitol and lied to investigators about his whereabouts and what he witnessed. He also allegedly betrayed his colleagues by providing photos of FBI agents to someone known to publicly post FBI information that may lead to violence against FBI personnel.

Jim “Gym” Jordan has also refused to share written testimony from one of the fake whistleblowers, which violates House rules. Jordan argued that not all House members are entitled to testimony from a whistleblower, omitting that his witnesses are NOT whistleblowers. He also said the Democratic members of the committee couldn’t see the testimony because the “whistleblower” didn’t want them to see it. Democratic member Dan Goldman pointed out that the ‘”whistleblower’ doesn’t make committee rules.”

These hearings are bullshit where nothing is based on facts and allegations are presented as evidence. Just like the Durham Report, Republicans don’t have to read it, they just have to know that, Aha!…there’s a report. And just like with Hunter Biden’s laptop, none of these witnesses can reveal any violations or broken laws.

Jim Jordan believes he’s a hot dog, but he’s just a limp cold wiener. Quite frankly (see what I did there?), he and his so-called whistleblowers need to be retired with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.

Creative note: There was a Supreme Court ruling this week that could affect the tracers and clipart thieves in the editorial cartooning business. I got three compliments on my Jordan caricature within ten minutes of posting it. I am not the best at drawing caricatures, but I don’t need to trace.

Music note: I listened to the White Stripes while coloring this.

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