NYC

Bloomberg Get Frisky


cjones02182020

If Joe Biden’s opposition to busing in the 1970s hurt him in the 2020 Democratic primaries, then former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Stop-and-Frisk program should devastate him.

An audio clip surfaced of Bloomberg saying in 2015, that he deployed “all the cops in minority neighborhoods because that’s where they’ll find all the crime.”

Bloomberg went on to say, “Ninety-five percent of your murders and murderers and murder victims fit one M.O. You can just take the description, Xerox it, and pass it out to all the cops.” He said cops must be put “where the crime is, which means in minority neighborhoods.”

Then he added that the way to get guns off the street and out of kids’ hands “is to throw them up against the wall and frisk them.”

Donald Trump tweeted that because of this, Bloomberg is a racist. Then he deleted the tweet, probably after realizing his base supports throwing black kids up against the wall. Hell, Donald Trump supports throwing black kids up against the wall.

Bloomberg apologized for this policy right around the same time he announced his run for the presidency. Today, Donald Trump said he’s in favor of the program for which he called Bloomberg a “TOTAL RACIST.” Yes, with all caps.

Will this hurt Bloomberg, who’s been putting hundreds of his own millions into the race? God, I hope so.

Is he a total racist? I don’t think he’s a TOTAL racist. Is Donald Trump a TOTAL racist?

OH, HELL YES. And, with all caps.

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Amazon State Of Mind


cjones02222019

No. Amazon did not pull their plans on building a new facility in New York City because Queens residents threatened to publish a picture of Jeff Bezos’ wiener.

NYC had promised $3 billion in tax breaks for Amazon to build their HQ2 in Queens, but after being on the receiving end of criticism from city activists and local politicians, the company decided they didn’t need to make it in New York to make it anywhere.

In exchange for the tax breaks, Amazon promised to bring 25,000 jobs to the city. Opponents felt this investment would only help the city in the short term, and hurt in the future. They argue that tax subsidies mostly redistribute income upward, from taxpayers to corporate shareholders. They want an end to corporations pitting cities against each other to entice corporations.

Corporations like Boeing, Nike, Intel, Ford, General Motors, Foxconn, Royal Dutch Shell, and major league sports teams have been doing this for decades. In 1992, Georgia built a dome for the Atlanta Falcons at a cost of $214 million. Less than 25 years later, they built them a new one for $1.6 billion. On top of that, the team received naming rights to the stadium, which is estimated to be valued at $314 million. In exchange, the tax payers get to buy expensive tickets to see the Falcons suck.

After all the money taxpayers invested in the new Atlanta stadium, the exact value of the naming rights are secretive. Corporations like Amazon are very secretive too about how they use their tax breaks. While politicians may not have a problem with corporate secrecy and offering handouts in the form of corporate welfare, a lot of people paying those taxes do care. The United States government spends half as much on social welfare than it does on corporate welfare.

Coming on the heels of Amazon leaving NYC came the news of the company not paying any federal taxes for 2018, despite having profits over $11 billion. They didn’t pay any federal taxes in 2017 either. Do we really need to build Amazon a football stadium?

Politicians like NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio are blasting politicians like Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for opposing the Amazon deal. They accuse her of hurting her city. Maybe people like her did hurt NYC in the short term, but what did de Blasio do to New York in the long run? All these corporate handouts do is encourage more corporate handouts. Eventually, that corporation will leave you for a sweeter deal if you don’t keep the handouts coming. These companies are not good corporate citizens. They have much less loyalty to the communities than it demands from them.

Amazon wasn’t tough enough for New York. If they can’t take people yelling at them then they don’t belong in New York City anyway.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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NYC Terror Attack


cjones11032017

If you want to attack a city, instill it with fear and terror to the point the citizens there change their way of life, you might want to pick a place that’s not New York City.

You always hear how we won’t let fear change us, but that’s not always true. We use fear to enact bans on refugees, suspend Constitutional rights, and even how we look at each other. But, when you hear them say that about NYC, it’s not just wishful thinking, like when you say “we’re not going to let Russia hoodwink our stupid people into voting Republican.” In NYC, the people are not going to change how they live.

They’re going to go to concerts, plays, little leagues, ride bicycles, eat New York style pizza, and flip each other off while ignoring rats on the subway…just like they do every day.

For that matter, I don’t see you changing the people in Paris and London either.

In case you haven’t noticed, the places you can’t intimidate are blue areas. You can scare Donald Trump, Republicans, and people who vote that way. But, you’re not scaring us. Hell, terrorists hit Virginia and the state got bluer.

People who commit terrorism are cowards. I don’t say that just because everyone else says it. They truly are. They believe they will die and go to Heaven, thus not having to deal with the consequences of their actions. That’s the very definition of cowardice.

I’d recommend to cowards that they avoid New York City and the rest of the United States in general. There must be a better use of your time than trying to scare people who don’t scare easy.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

The Wrath Of Apples


cjones04202016

Have you seen those Redd’s Apple Ale commercials? Someone doesn’t know what to order and he’s suddenly struck in the side of the head by an apple, so he orders the beverage. I assume it’s red alcohol which has to taste like crap because that’s how red soda tastes. I’ve never seen anyone drink one but I imagine it’s consumed by bearded, beanie-wearing hipsters when they can afford something better than PBR.

Creepy Ted Cruz has been bragging about his winning streak. How he’s won five states in a row and Trump is fading. He was really silent tonight following his New York collapse. He was chased out of NYC faster than Washington was by the British (I was a history major, yo). Now everyone is making him out to be Texas toast…or in his case, cooked like Canadian bacon. I’m on a metaphorical roll tonight.

Cruz crashed and burned in the Empire state. He got zero delegates and only 15% of the vote. John Kasich won more than he did and people are going to forget that guy’s name next week. Now the primaries go to Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island where Cruz may lose all five states.

Cruz keeps making the argument that Trump can’t win the nomination without 1,237 delegates, which is a bizarre argument when he has about 200 fewer than Trump. How do you tell the convention that Trump’s better numbers disqualify him, but your sorrier state of numbers should promote you? That would be like Kevin Hart saying Michael Jordan isn’t tall enough (I was originally going with Gary Coleman from Diff’rent Strokes, but he’s dead and Kevin Hart is much more current. Plus, it seems everyone really hates Kevin Hart). I’m also baffled when he talks about the large voting block that has voted against Trump, ignoring that far more people have avoided voting for Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is fortunate that those who have actually voted for him haven’t had to spend a minute in an elevator with him, which would make for great punishment for voting for Ted Cruz.

Cruz’s only strategy is to prevent Trump from securing the nomination. It’s not even about convincing people to vote for Cruz, just so long as they don’t vote for Trump. If they do vote for Trump then make sure he doesn’t get the delegates. The primaries are not about democracy. What’s democratic about a caucus anyway?

This race is amazing. Ted Cruz is the stupid smart guy snaking delegates. The front runner doesn’t know what he’s doing. The guy who could give Hillary Clinton the tightest race has only won one state, which he’s governor of. And get this: without someone securing the nomination then the convention starts off as a party without a host. The nominee’s campaign can’t schedule the event. It’s going to be like a drunken orgy without the fun of a drunken orgy, not that anybody wants to see a Ted Cruz-Donald Trump orgy, and nobody could possibly get that drunk. Sorry if I just put that into your head. One detail that should be added to the event is special recognition for Heidi and Melania for having to sleep with those guys.

One detail that should alarm Cruz and the Stop Trump movement is that Trump didn’t refer to Cruz as “LyEn Ted” during his victory speech. He actually called him “Senator” which is something we often forget he is. If Trump isn’t intimidated by you anymore then you’re in trouble. Trump can’t spell and he confuses 9/11 for seven 11.

I do hope Ted Cruz learned something about New York Values this week. Chris Matthews, who sucks at analogies, actually described it perfectly tonight. You can’t call the place Gomorrah and then go pandering for their vote. That’s like saying “yeah, I called you a big fat greasy ho, but I meant it in a nice way.” Now Matthews will repeat that line every three minutes for the next four weeks.

A colleague of mine made a comment last week that his Ted Cruz caricature was looking a lot like Quagmire from Family Guy. I’ve been getting that comment for at least a month. He’s Quagmire without the giggity.

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Slurpee Trump


slurpee

This is not my newest cartoon for newspapers and assorted web clients of mine. It’s just me goofing on my tablet again (drawn in ArtRage) while waiting for tonight’s campaign coverage from New York.

I thought Trump’s gaffe from yesterday where he mistakenly said “seven 11” instead of “9/11,” was amusing. It’s not really something I wanted to hit him hard on. Everyone has had that moment, especially those who do a lot of public speaking. Remember Obama’s “57 states”? It’s the stuff Trump actually intends to say that is really idiotic.

I still think it’s amusing. There are a lot of “never forget” memes circulating on social media today. The idea of Trump with Slurpee hair was amusing to me, and could be another explanation for whatever the hell it is he has going on up there.

Now I really want a slurpee…and not one of those Trump slurpees.

This is another reason people should subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter. I will throw out little extras here now and then that you won’t find at my usual client sites. Now that I said that I’ll probably send it to my clients anyway. Some of them really like the goofy, silly stuff.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Enlightened New York


cjones04192016

Honestly, I think Cruz voters might be more radical, extreme, delusional, and in need of psychotherapy than Trump voters, but nobody in New York is going to be seen wearing a Cruz T-shirt.

There’s an impression that New York Republicans are more fiscally conservative than socially conservative and are not lunatics believing in birtherism and such. That is the wrong impression. They may not go for a religious zealot from Texas who was born in Canada, but they did make Tea Partier Carl Paladino their nominee for the governorship. Paladino is a homophobic right-wing nut-job who loves to send out sexist and racist emails to friends. He lost in a landslide to the eventual governor Andrew Cuomo.

Trump may be leading in a landslide against John Kasich and Ted Cruz (who’s going to come in third Tuesday), because he’s from New York, but New York Republicans are still supporting a maniac.

New York is full of highly educated professionals. They are considered intelligent, progressive, and enlightened. There are over 19 million people living in the state of New York. Fewer than three million are Republicans. Go figure that one out.

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Stupid People Time


cjones04142016

There’s one really good rule for white people when it comes to telling a joke about black people. Don’t. Since this particular example is from a “black” joke, let’s not overlook that it’s probably not cool to ever make jokes about any race. Hey, while you’re at it how about cutting it out with the gay jokes? And all those conservatives sharing their favorite transgender bathroom joke on Facebook this week, you’re a clear example of why conservatives aren’t ever funny. Well not intentionally. Ted Cruz once brought a lawsuit to stop sex toys from being sold in Texas and that’s pretty funny.

You can call it political correctness not to make racists, homophobic, sexists, or misogynistic jokes. I just think it’s not being a jerk. If your sophistication and taste in humor hasn’t advanced beyond a high school sophomore then you probably shouldn’t be discussing politics…or running for the presidency.

Hillary Clinton and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio did a little skit where he referenced “CP Time.” That’s slang for “colored people” time. He was referring to his delay in endorsing Clinton and what “CP” actually meant was “Cautious Politician.” They are catching some Hell.

Sometimes a joke is so good and you realize it’s harmless that it’s worth the risk. This was not that joke. It wasn’t a good joke. It wasn’t funny. It was cringe worthy. When I draw a cartoon that I know is going to offend people and even be somewhat dangerous, I make sure it’s making a good point…or at least really funny. Yeah, that joke didn’t do any of that. It really wasn’t worth it.

Obama made a colored people time joke once. But Obama can do that. If you don’t know why, then you are an idiot and should stop reading my blog and never return here ever again.

I don’t care if you have the black vote, black friends, black kids, a black wife, dated blacks, watched Roots 17 times, or if you’re Rachel Dolezal. White people should not tell black jokes. And I’m whiter than any of you so take my word for it.

Clinton and de Blasio are not racists. They committed the sin that most white people will commit at some point in their lives, usually more than once. They are so comfortable with African Americans that they relaxed to the point they think it’s OK to make that joke. They believe they’ll get a free pass. To that, I don’t think they actually offended anyone and instead shocked the audience at their stupidity. They made people cringe and shake their heads. Now if it had been funny and had a point, well then things might be different.

Oompa Loompas, on the other hand, have a very poor lobby so making fun of Donald Trump’s chosen skin tone is still OK.

Please try to give the coloring in this cartoon extra attention because I had to color it twice. After I finished coloring (the first time) the program crashed just as I was trying to save it. It takes me longer to color a cartoon now because I switched things up and the program is new. It is teaching me save as I work which is always a good idea with anything on a computer. I can’t count the number of times I lost a blog entry just as I was…

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Bernie’s Tokens


cjones04092016

I’ll catch some heat for this one. If you think the vitriol is heated between Sanders and Clinton, check out what their supporters are hurling at each other? Many are pledging they won’t support the other candidate if he or she becomes the nominee. They seriously need to calm down before we have a President Trump, President Cruz, or even a President Ryan.

Bernie Sanders promised not to go negative. A few days ago he said Hillary Clinton is not qualified to be president. That’s pretty negative. On Friday he stated that she was qaulified. Where did this come from? Before all this, Clinton gave an interview where she was asked if Sanders was qualified. She never stated he was, but didn’t say he wasn’t. That ticked Sanders off.

You can hate Hillary, believe she’s the spawn of Satan, that the FBI is going to send her to prison, whatever and that’s fine. But she’s the most qualified candidate running for president. She was a United States senator twice elected for the second largest state in the country. She was Secretary of State. She’s pretty qualified. She also eventually stated that Sanders is qualified for president.

The other part of this is Sanders’ statement that you need a token to get on the Subway. What? I have never been on the NYC subway but I know they don’t use tokens. I would just assume they wouldn’t because I’ve been on the D.C. metro thousands of times and they haven’t used tokens since before 1998 when I first rode them. Hillary also had a problem swiping her card to get on the Subway. Let’s face facts here. None of the candidates are frequent users of public transportation. They probably don’t even drive themselves, except for Sanders.

I didn’t intend to throw a lot of art into this cartoon but I had to put Bernie in the foreground so the text on the tokens are readable. After I was done penciling I realized I had the stalls backwards. The entry was facing away from Sanders. I almost let it slide but it bothered me enough to know it was really gonna annoy me after it was published. There would be that one New Yorker to notice and scream at me.

Correction: I meant to double check before I published but forgot. New York is the FOURTH largest state, not the second. It goes in order of California, Texas, Florida and then New York. Florida and New York do have the same number of electoral votes.

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Cruz In New York


cjones04082016

It was a few months ago that Ted Cruz attacked Donald Trump for having “New York values.” That went over pretty well in the sticks of Iowa and is the sort of insult that appeals to the rube voter. Now Cruz is in New York.

After making his New York Values insult, Cruz said it wasn’t hard to figure out what it meant and that people in South Carolina knew what it meant. Now, despite it not being hard to figure out, Ted is spinning his definition as something directed toward New York big city liberals. No matter how terrible he views New York, he wants some of its 90 delegates. Cruz is handing this awkwardness about as well as someone who just asked a non-pregnant woman when is her baby due.

Cruz visited the Bronx on Wednesday where he might have been greeted a bit nicer than Hitler would have been walking through a Warsaw Ghetto. Cruz was shouted at in a variety of languages as he was met by protesters. One stated “Ted Cruz has no business being in the Bronx, this is an immigrant community,” He had to cancel a visit to a Bronx high school Thursday as students threatened to walk out. Many in the five boroughs are telling Ted what he can do with his photo op. Too bad there’s not a primary in Canada.

New Yorkers aren’t in love with Donald Trump either but in a race against Cruz he’s pulling in over 50% in the most recent polls. I guess they can forgive he uses a fork to eat a New York slice. He held a rally, also greeted by protesters, but also left many supporters unable to squeeze into the room. Suddenly, Trumps New Yorker accent got a lot thicker. “This guy, he talks about us like we ain’t no good.”

John Kasich stand no chance to win in New York, but he does know how to experience the city. Ohio’s governor visited Mike’s Deli in the Bronx and got food busy. He ate two plates of spaghetti bolognese. That would have been lunch for me but Kasich didn’t stop there. Next he tackled a sandwich called the Yankee Stadium big boy which contains mozzarella and four types of meat. The sandwich was huge. He then had some pasta fagioli and a little red wine. Kasich left the deli wiping sweat off his brow. If he’s anything like me he went into a food coma and needed a nap later. Damn. Now I’m hungry.

Cruz also visited Mike’s Deli on Wednesday where he was told how to eat a sandwich. Apparently it’s bad luck to place it upside down (I always do that whether it’s a sandwich or a burger. Uh Oh!).

When Cruz made his remark on New York Values we had yet had a primary. Since then he lost big where he was supposed to win, the South. Evangelicals voted for Trump. How about that, Ted? All of a sudden Cruz needs New York. If Cruz had done better in the South he wouldn’t even be campaigning in New York today. But hey, Ted, if you can make it there you can make it anywhere. You ain’t gonna make it. There’s four more boroughs in the city and I think I can speak for everyone that you should visit each of them. The New York Daily News splashed across their front page “Take the FU train, Ted.” Good idea. Don’t expect to use tokens.

I think it’s safe to bet neither Trump or Cruz would ever eat anything named “fagioli.”

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New York Values


cjones01162016

Leave it to Ted Cruz to make Donald Trump look and sound like a statesman. What happens if Cruz becomes president? Will he make Kim Jong Un look like Churchill?

In an attempt to defuse Trump’s attack on his eligibility to be president, since he was born in Canada, Ted Cruz warned Republican voters that Trump has “New York values.” This guy who wants to lead the United States has totally disrespected one of the states and its entire population.

It seems if someone’s to be warned about something being from New York, that something is salsa or Barbecue. Not a person. And sure, half of the country hates the Yankees. But to hate a person because of where they’re from?

While Ted tells us what an expert he is on the Constitution, he needs to learn up on geography. New York is in the United States. Calgary is not.

If there’s only one city that can take a hit like it did on 9/11, and grow stronger, that city is New York City. New York is tough. New York is multicultural. New York is a melting pot. You can stereotype any city or state and each and every single one is more complex than a black and white stigma.

New York values embodies fire fighters rushing up the stairs of a building that can fall down any second so they can save as many lives as possible. 343 fire fighters, 60 policemen and eight medics died instantly when those buildings fell down on September 11, 2001.

New York values. Ted Cruz could use some.

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