NYC

No Sleep ‘Til Gun Control

I love trains. I don’t have a love affair with them the way President Joe Biden does, who commuted on Amtrak daily when he was a Senator from Delaware, but I really like trains.

It’s easier to travel on a train than on a plane, and so much better than a bus. Airports are huge hassles while to get on a train, you just show the ticket guy your ticket. Actually, you get on the train first and then you show him your ticket. It’s so easy when I have a trip to Washington, DC as I don’t have to screw with traffic or parking. It’s the same with going to New York City. And the greatest thing about going to those cities on a train is that after you arrive, you get on another train to your destination. If you work it right, you leave your house, get on a train, and you’re dropped off a few blocks from your hotel (unless your hotel is in Georgetown). It’s easy.

Amtrak has moments where it’s a pain, like the time the air conditioning went out during summer on a trip home from North Carolina while I was trying to meet my CNN deadline in the cafe car, but it’s still a great way to travel. The trains I really love are subways. I still have NYC and DC train cards with a few bucks on them. I want to live in a city with a huge train system, but I can’t afford it.

Subways get a bad rap. A lot of people have told me they’ll never get on the New York subway because it’s not safe. I’ve had people in New York City tell me to never take the subway. I was at an Irish bar in midtown Manhattan and two brothers I was in a conversation with told me that whatever I do, to “never take the subway.” They were way too late with their advice. I’ve taken the New York subway all over Manhattan, through the Bronx, and into Brooklyn. I haven’t gone through Queens yet, but I will when I go see the Mets. But I’ve taken the subway through the Bronx at night and wasn’t afraid (there’s a train system on Staten Island but it’s not connected to the other four boroughs). And yeah, you see freaks talking very loudly to themselves and there are smelly people, but you also see women alone with their babies. I’ve seen groups of kids without adults on the Washington Metro. The Metro is pretty safe, and despite the recent increase in violence, the New York subway system is usually safe. My biggest hassle with subways is that they can be confusing.

Washington’s train system can be confusing but it’s a lot easier to figure out. The Metro has six lines, 91 stations, and 117 miles of routes. New York City’s subway has 36 lines, 472 stations, and 850 miles of track. You can get lost. I had a conversation with a different guy in that same Irish bar who was NYC born and raised, and he told me he got confused with the train system. But, there are now apps for that kind of stuff. I would look on my phone while in my hotel room to see when the next train was arriving at the station around the corner.

I used to get confused with the Metro until I traveled on the Subway. I don’t have any more problems understanding Washington’s Metro.

To me, it doesn’t make sense not to take the trains if you’re in a city that has them. Do I feel safe in the stations? I’ve drawn cartoons in NYC’s underground stations.

You may need to make adjustments as circumstances change, like during the COVID pandemic, but I refuse to allow lunatics to dictate how I live my life. I refuse to live in fear. I still rode in cars after being in car accidents, I still flew in planes after 9/11, and I’ll still ride in trains despite the shooting yesterday in Brooklyn.

A friend I grew up with will never go to Washington or New York City because he refuses to go anywhere without his guns. To me, that kind of fear is worse than living with the very small chance you’re going to be attacked on a train.

Giving everyone a gun is the NRA solution to gun violence. Didn’t a mass shooting on a military base disprove that solution? And in the few instances when a “good guy with a gun” showed up to a mass shooting, the good guy doesn’t actually save any lives. The “good guy with a gun” in Sutherland, Texas in 2017 showed up AFTER the shooter had already killed 26 people when the good guy started chasing him. The shooter was done shooting. And the good guy went on a car chase after the shooter instead of tending to the wounded bleeding to death. Arriving at the scene of a mass shooting is the sick fantasy of every gun fetishist. I think the main reason for them to carry a gun isn’t for their own personal safety, but more for the day when they get to shoot somebody.

Also, how can police tell the difference between the good guy with a gun and the bad guy?

There’s a better solution than the yee-haw cure and that is….let’s get rid of guns. It’ll be hard to shoot someone with a gun if there are no guns.

We don’t have to get rid of all guns but let’s get rid of the guns that make it easier to shoot a high number of people in a short period of time. The Second Amendment gives you the right to bear arms, but it doesn’t state you have the right to own machine guns, which is basically what these assault rifles are. If nothing else, let’s put more control, requirements, and regulations into owning these weapons that are made strictly for the purpose of killing human beings.

“Gun control” is like the word “liberal” for conservatives. No pun intended, but it’s a trigger word meaning bad, much in the same way conservatives now use “groomer,” “woke,” “cancel culture,” “book,” and “personal hygiene.”

While there are people in this nation afraid of getting on a train or traveling to a large city, there are people in other nations afraid to come to our nation because of our sick fetish for guns.

Gun fetishists are afraid gun control will disrupt their entitled white-privileged gun-humping lifestyle. But their guns are disrupting people’s lives while they’re just trying to get to work.

The gun fetishists, the so-called “constitutionalists,” want us to live in fear. They want us to be afraid of getting on a train or going to a donut shop. But like I said before, I refuse to allow lunatics to dictate how I live my life.

Music note: I listened to Pearl Jam while drawing this cartoon. And I bet you thought it would be the Beastie Boys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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How You Doin’

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After making landfall in Louisiana, Hurricane Ida went to the north east and killed at least 41 people in New York and New Jersey. More people died in the northeast than where Ida landed.

New York City was not ready. The streets and subway stations flooded. Mayor Bill de Blasio blamed weather forecasters for being wrong, but they actually predicted the city could get between ten to 14 inches of rain when it actually got nine. They predicted this last Monday. The rain hit on Friday. de Blasio sucks and is a shitty mayor.

The city that never sleeps shuts down when the trains shut down. And just a couple weeks ago, some New Yorkers biggest gripe about the trains was the faux wood paneling and retro-looking orange and yellow seats.

New York was hit by Hurricane Irene in 2011 and by Hurricane Sandy in 2012. After Ida, you might have noticed these 100-year storms are becoming more frequent than every 100 years. Why is that?

It’s climate change. Funny thing about climate change. It’s like covid. It doesn’t care about your politics. While people in Louisiana are hesitant to believe in climate change and most New Yorkers have a better grasp of science, Ida didn’t care. Hurricanes will hit blue states and yee-haw states. But, because the south is on warm waters, they’ll usually be hit first because hurricanes form in warm water. Science, people.

Also, only 42 percent of Louisiana is vaccinated against covid vs 63 percent for New York. Just saying.

Climate change is real. Even pizza rat knows it. The yee-haw states need to accept facts and say “how you doin'” to science.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Weisselberg And Shitweasel

Cjones05312021

After two years of being investigated by the state of New York and the Manhattan District Attorney, who decided to combine their forces to become an anti-Trump version of Super Friends, we have gotten to the point of a grand jury.

I don’t think there’s much question if Donald Trump will be indicted or not. There’s an old saying a grand jury will indict a ham sandwich is that’s what the district attorney wants…and this DA is hungry. The real question here is: Why did it take two years? And we’re just now getting to a grand jury which has a six month lease on hearing testimony? Also, this is a “special” grand jury so it’s an even bigger deal than your run-of-the-mill everyday grand juries.

What’s so special about a special grand jury? A regular grand jury decides if charges should be brought against a suspect. A “special” grandy jury is when it involves organized crime. And trust me on this, Donald Trump may not be very well organized, but he is a criminal. The weird thing about it taking over two years in New York is that Donald Trump spent his entire presidency soliciting corruption without even trying to hide it.

Donald Trump accepted foreign money into his hotels and resorts while he was president. Saudi Arabia and other nations would rent rooms at Trump hotels in Washington, New York, and Chicago while not actually staying in the hotels. They wanted to bribe Trump without the ickiness of actually staying in his nasty hotels. They would occasionally stick underlings in his hotels while the major diplomats would stay at better venues. It’s nice to sleep without things crawling on you.

Every Republican event over the past five years has been held at a Trump venue to curry favor with Donald Trump. Why? Because every Republican knows Donald Trump is corrupt. They don’t think it’s a big deal because, eh, they’re Republicans. Republicans don’t care about corruption. Today, “corrupt Republican” is redundant.

One of Donald Trump’s corrupt cabinet secretaries wanted to purchase a mattress from his hotel, like it was the only place in Washington to purchase a mattress. I seriously doubt the hotel specializes in selling mattresses, though I hear if you do buy a mattress from a Trump property, they come pre-bedbugged. Another corrupt Trump cabinet secretary (that’s redundant too), William Barr, threw a party at the Trump Hotel ballroom in D.C. Imagine having to be seen at a William Barr party so you can be considered one of the “cool kids.” At some point, every Republican in Washington had lunch or dinner at the Trump Hotel. It’s where Rudy, Lev, and Igor would plot their schemes while rubbing their hands together and saying, “Bwahahahahaha.” Republicans and foreign diplomats wanted to be seen giving business to Donald Trump, which in return, was giving us the businesses.

Donald Trump spent nearly every weekend at one of his golf resorts. This was to force the government to spend money at Trump properties. After he was placed into office by Russian goons, he raised the rates on his rooms which he rented to the Secret Service. On top of that, the Secret Service had to rent rooms while they weren’t even using them just in case “the president” (sic) might want to go to one of his resorts that weekend. Now that he’s made Mar-a-Lago his residence, he’s raised the rent on rooms for the Secret Service. He’s even forced the Secret Service to rent golf carts to follow him while he cheats at golf and steals balls from little boys. He literally charges the government to protect him. Before he left office, he extended protection for his corrupt kids. Not because he’s worried about their safety but because it’s more rooms to charge us at his resorts.

For the past five years, you have been paying for rooms at Trump resorts while never having the privelige of staying in one yourself and being covered head-to-toe in itchy bitey crawling bedbugs. Poor you.

He’s spending the summer at his New Jersey resort and his penthouse in Trump Tower. You know the Secret Service is spending a lot of money at both locations. When Trump became his party’s nominee in 2016, the Secret Service rented space at Trump Tower, where the campaign HQ was being run and hosting Russians to give dirt on Hillary Clinton. Eventually, the Secret Service moved out and camped in a van on the street. Why? Because Donald Trump kept jacking up the rent and the van didn’t have bedbugs. He did the same thing to his campaign and to the Republican National Committee. No, he didn’t pay the rent for his campaign. Donors did.

During his presidency, Mike Pence visited Dublin (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Ireland). What was really Dublin was the corruption (see what I did there?). Instead of staying in a hotel in Dublin, where Donald Trump doesn’t own any property, Pence had to fly 180 miles out of his way, and back the next day, to stay at a shitty Trump resort. Fortunately for Pence, creepy icky things don’t crawl on him out of professional courtesy. They have more courtesy for ass-kissing Pence than MAGA terrorists who raided the Capitol with nooses while chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.”

Military flights were also moved around Europe so military personnel would be forced to stay at Trump resorts. The administration made excuses for it, but they didn’t hide it.

Trump’s corrupt ambassador to the United Kingdom and owner of the New York Jets, Woody Would-Not-Ever-Win-A-Super-Bowl Johnson, tried to get the British Open (that’s a golf tournament) to be held at a Trump golf resort in the UK.

Trump himself attempted to get the G7 Summit held at his shitty bed-bug-infested resort in Miami, which is like the Bates Motel, if it had the charm and fewer bedbugs. Though I do hear Boris Johnson is also pre-bedbugged.

Trump’s entire administration was corrupt. Jared Kushner’s properties received bailouts from Persian Gulf nations. Kellyanne Conway hawked Ivanka’s products on TV. Government websites advertised for Trump properties. His family and the Kushners sold access to the presidency. Donald Trump even pardoned Steve Bannon after he was convicted for a corrupt fundraising scheme over building Trump’s racist border wall. Trump’s pardons, when not being used for political pandering, were bribes. Goons like Roger Stone don’t get pardons because they’re nice people to whom the system has been unfair to.

Trump is being investigated in New York for his hush payments to porn starts and nude models. He’s being investigated for shitty schemes like paying Ivanka as a consultant while she was also an employee. He’s being investigated for a lot of shady tax shit that’s has left him with teeny tiny tax bills…when he had tax bills. You thought I was going to refer to something else of his that’s “teeny” and “tiny,” didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you, but today we’re totally focused on his corrupt business dealings and won’t be mentioning his teeny tiny penis that a porn star says looks like teeny tiny Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart. Grow up.

One major thing Donald Trump did was declare different values for the same property in loan applications, insurance forms, and in taxes. The value was always a lot lower in his taxes. The guy has also promoted his towers as having more floors than they actually have…like people can’t count. Even Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis, can probably count floors.

He’s also being investigated for giving gifts, like tuition for kids and grandkids, which may have been in a replacement for salaries. Some of these payments went to the chief financial person at the Trump Organization, Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who likes like Trump’s tiny dick.

No, that’s not right. The payments went to Allen Weisselberg (It’s not “Weaselberg.” I checked), who is his chief financial dude. Trump claimed his two idiot kids, Don Jr. and Toad…I mean, Eric, were going to run his business. But the real man in charge is Weisselberg. Don Jr. and Eric couldn’t find each other’s butts if they had butt magnets. Now, Weasel…I mean, Weisselberg is being investigated as is his son, who also worked for Trump. Hey, the family that engaged in corruption together stays corrupt together.

Now, will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will his son? Will Rudy Giuliani, who is his second attorney to be investigated for doing shady shit for Trump? The answers for each of these is, yes, yes, and yes. Wouldn’t you flip on Trump? These guys are going to flip on Trump faster than Toad, the mushroom guy who looks like Trump’s tiny penis, in Mario’s Kart.

Since we’re not talking about Trump’s tiny penis and focused exclusively on criminal charges (it’s not against the law to have a tiny dick), don’t forget, Donald Trump is being investigated for threatening government officials in Georgia to “find the votes,” and for starting an insurrection in Washington. His attorneys are claiming he has presidential immunity from conviction for starting terrorist attacks. Seriously. And now, there’s a new story that before he was president, he attempted to bribe a United States senator to not investigate the New England Patriots in Spygate, which is ironic since he claimed President Obama spied on his political campaign. How does he know it wasn’t the New England Patriots spying on his campaign? Or, how does he know it wasn’t Toad, the mushroom guy from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis?

Donald Trump will be indicted. With so many investigations, it’s bound to happen. But will he ever wear prison orange? God, I hope so. This nation deserves some justice, and every Trump supporter needs his or her balloon popped. I think everyone in this nation would rather think of Trump every time they see prison orange, than think of him every time they see mushrooms…you know because of Toad from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Bloomberg Get Frisky

cjones02182020

If Joe Biden’s opposition to busing in the 1970s hurt him in the 2020 Democratic primaries, then former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Stop-and-Frisk program should devastate him.

An audio clip surfaced of Bloomberg saying in 2015, that he deployed “all the cops in minority neighborhoods because that’s where they’ll find all the crime.”

Bloomberg went on to say, “Ninety-five percent of your murders and murderers and murder victims fit one M.O. You can just take the description, Xerox it, and pass it out to all the cops.” He said cops must be put “where the crime is, which means in minority neighborhoods.”

Then he added that the way to get guns off the street and out of kids’ hands “is to throw them up against the wall and frisk them.”

Donald Trump tweeted that because of this, Bloomberg is a racist. Then he deleted the tweet, probably after realizing his base supports throwing black kids up against the wall. Hell, Donald Trump supports throwing black kids up against the wall.

Bloomberg apologized for this policy right around the same time he announced his run for the presidency. Today, Donald Trump said he’s in favor of the program for which he called Bloomberg a “TOTAL RACIST.” Yes, with all caps.

Will this hurt Bloomberg, who’s been putting hundreds of his own millions into the race? God, I hope so.

Is he a total racist? I don’t think he’s a TOTAL racist. Is Donald Trump a TOTAL racist?

OH, HELL YES. And, with all caps.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Amazon State Of Mind

cjones02222019

No. Amazon did not pull their plans on building a new facility in New York City because Queens residents threatened to publish a picture of Jeff Bezos’ wiener.

NYC had promised $3 billion in tax breaks for Amazon to build their HQ2 in Queens, but after being on the receiving end of criticism from city activists and local politicians, the company decided they didn’t need to make it in New York to make it anywhere.

In exchange for the tax breaks, Amazon promised to bring 25,000 jobs to the city. Opponents felt this investment would only help the city in the short term, and hurt in the future. They argue that tax subsidies mostly redistribute income upward, from taxpayers to corporate shareholders. They want an end to corporations pitting cities against each other to entice corporations.

Corporations like Boeing, Nike, Intel, Ford, General Motors, Foxconn, Royal Dutch Shell, and major league sports teams have been doing this for decades. In 1992, Georgia built a dome for the Atlanta Falcons at a cost of $214 million. Less than 25 years later, they built them a new one for $1.6 billion. On top of that, the team received naming rights to the stadium, which is estimated to be valued at $314 million. In exchange, the tax payers get to buy expensive tickets to see the Falcons suck.

After all the money taxpayers invested in the new Atlanta stadium, the exact value of the naming rights are secretive. Corporations like Amazon are very secretive too about how they use their tax breaks. While politicians may not have a problem with corporate secrecy and offering handouts in the form of corporate welfare, a lot of people paying those taxes do care. The United States government spends half as much on social welfare than it does on corporate welfare.

Coming on the heels of Amazon leaving NYC came the news of the company not paying any federal taxes for 2018, despite having profits over $11 billion. They didn’t pay any federal taxes in 2017 either. Do we really need to build Amazon a football stadium?

Politicians like NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio are blasting politicians like Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for opposing the Amazon deal. They accuse her of hurting her city. Maybe people like her did hurt NYC in the short term, but what did de Blasio do to New York in the long run? All these corporate handouts do is encourage more corporate handouts. Eventually, that corporation will leave you for a sweeter deal if you don’t keep the handouts coming. These companies are not good corporate citizens. They have much less loyalty to the communities than it demands from them.

Amazon wasn’t tough enough for New York. If they can’t take people yelling at them then they don’t belong in New York City anyway.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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NYC Terror Attack

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If you want to attack a city, instill it with fear and terror to the point the citizens there change their way of life, you might want to pick a place that’s not New York City.

You always hear how we won’t let fear change us, but that’s not always true. We use fear to enact bans on refugees, suspend Constitutional rights, and even how we look at each other. But, when you hear them say that about NYC, it’s not just wishful thinking, like when you say “we’re not going to let Russia hoodwink our stupid people into voting Republican.” In NYC, the people are not going to change how they live.

They’re going to go to concerts, plays, little leagues, ride bicycles, eat New York style pizza, and flip each other off while ignoring rats on the subway…just like they do every day.

For that matter, I don’t see you changing the people in Paris and London either.

In case you haven’t noticed, the places you can’t intimidate are blue areas. You can scare Donald Trump, Republicans, and people who vote that way. But, you’re not scaring us. Hell, terrorists hit Virginia and the state got bluer.

People who commit terrorism are cowards. I don’t say that just because everyone else says it. They truly are. They believe they will die and go to Heaven, thus not having to deal with the consequences of their actions. That’s the very definition of cowardice.

I’d recommend to cowards that they avoid New York City and the rest of the United States in general. There must be a better use of your time than trying to scare people who don’t scare easy.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

The Wrath Of Apples

cjones04202016

Have you seen those Redd’s Apple Ale commercials? Someone doesn’t know what to order and he’s suddenly struck in the side of the head by an apple, so he orders the beverage. I assume it’s red alcohol which has to taste like crap because that’s how red soda tastes. I’ve never seen anyone drink one but I imagine it’s consumed by bearded, beanie-wearing hipsters when they can afford something better than PBR.

Creepy Ted Cruz has been bragging about his winning streak. How he’s won five states in a row and Trump is fading. He was really silent tonight following his New York collapse. He was chased out of NYC faster than Washington was by the British (I was a history major, yo). Now everyone is making him out to be Texas toast…or in his case, cooked like Canadian bacon. I’m on a metaphorical roll tonight.

Cruz crashed and burned in the Empire state. He got zero delegates and only 15% of the vote. John Kasich won more than he did and people are going to forget that guy’s name next week. Now the primaries go to Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island where Cruz may lose all five states.

Cruz keeps making the argument that Trump can’t win the nomination without 1,237 delegates, which is a bizarre argument when he has about 200 fewer than Trump. How do you tell the convention that Trump’s better numbers disqualify him, but your sorrier state of numbers should promote you? That would be like Kevin Hart saying Michael Jordan isn’t tall enough (I was originally going with Gary Coleman from Diff’rent Strokes, but he’s dead and Kevin Hart is much more current. Plus, it seems everyone really hates Kevin Hart). I’m also baffled when he talks about the large voting block that has voted against Trump, ignoring that far more people have avoided voting for Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is fortunate that those who have actually voted for him haven’t had to spend a minute in an elevator with him, which would make for great punishment for voting for Ted Cruz.

Cruz’s only strategy is to prevent Trump from securing the nomination. It’s not even about convincing people to vote for Cruz, just so long as they don’t vote for Trump. If they do vote for Trump then make sure he doesn’t get the delegates. The primaries are not about democracy. What’s democratic about a caucus anyway?

This race is amazing. Ted Cruz is the stupid smart guy snaking delegates. The front runner doesn’t know what he’s doing. The guy who could give Hillary Clinton the tightest race has only won one state, which he’s governor of. And get this: without someone securing the nomination then the convention starts off as a party without a host. The nominee’s campaign can’t schedule the event. It’s going to be like a drunken orgy without the fun of a drunken orgy, not that anybody wants to see a Ted Cruz-Donald Trump orgy, and nobody could possibly get that drunk. Sorry if I just put that into your head. One detail that should be added to the event is special recognition for Heidi and Melania for having to sleep with those guys.

One detail that should alarm Cruz and the Stop Trump movement is that Trump didn’t refer to Cruz as “LyEn Ted” during his victory speech. He actually called him “Senator” which is something we often forget he is. If Trump isn’t intimidated by you anymore then you’re in trouble. Trump can’t spell and he confuses 9/11 for seven 11.

I do hope Ted Cruz learned something about New York Values this week. Chris Matthews, who sucks at analogies, actually described it perfectly tonight. You can’t call the place Gomorrah and then go pandering for their vote. That’s like saying “yeah, I called you a big fat greasy ho, but I meant it in a nice way.” Now Matthews will repeat that line every three minutes for the next four weeks.

A colleague of mine made a comment last week that his Ted Cruz caricature was looking a lot like Quagmire from Family Guy. I’ve been getting that comment for at least a month. He’s Quagmire without the giggity.

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Slurpee Trump

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This is not my newest cartoon for newspapers and assorted web clients of mine. It’s just me goofing on my tablet again (drawn in ArtRage) while waiting for tonight’s campaign coverage from New York.

I thought Trump’s gaffe from yesterday where he mistakenly said “seven 11” instead of “9/11,” was amusing. It’s not really something I wanted to hit him hard on. Everyone has had that moment, especially those who do a lot of public speaking. Remember Obama’s “57 states”? It’s the stuff Trump actually intends to say that is really idiotic.

I still think it’s amusing. There are a lot of “never forget” memes circulating on social media today. The idea of Trump with Slurpee hair was amusing to me, and could be another explanation for whatever the hell it is he has going on up there.

Now I really want a slurpee…and not one of those Trump slurpees.

This is another reason people should subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter. I will throw out little extras here now and then that you won’t find at my usual client sites. Now that I said that I’ll probably send it to my clients anyway. Some of them really like the goofy, silly stuff.

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Enlightened New York

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Honestly, I think Cruz voters might be more radical, extreme, delusional, and in need of psychotherapy than Trump voters, but nobody in New York is going to be seen wearing a Cruz T-shirt.

There’s an impression that New York Republicans are more fiscally conservative than socially conservative and are not lunatics believing in birtherism and such. That is the wrong impression. They may not go for a religious zealot from Texas who was born in Canada, but they did make Tea Partier Carl Paladino their nominee for the governorship. Paladino is a homophobic right-wing nut-job who loves to send out sexist and racist emails to friends. He lost in a landslide to the eventual governor Andrew Cuomo.

Trump may be leading in a landslide against John Kasich and Ted Cruz (who’s going to come in third Tuesday), because he’s from New York, but New York Republicans are still supporting a maniac.

New York is full of highly educated professionals. They are considered intelligent, progressive, and enlightened. There are over 19 million people living in the state of New York. Fewer than three million are Republicans. Go figure that one out.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Stupid People Time

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There’s one really good rule for white people when it comes to telling a joke about black people. Don’t. Since this particular example is from a “black” joke, let’s not overlook that it’s probably not cool to ever make jokes about any race. Hey, while you’re at it how about cutting it out with the gay jokes? And all those conservatives sharing their favorite transgender bathroom joke on Facebook this week, you’re a clear example of why conservatives aren’t ever funny. Well not intentionally. Ted Cruz once brought a lawsuit to stop sex toys from being sold in Texas and that’s pretty funny.

You can call it political correctness not to make racists, homophobic, sexists, or misogynistic jokes. I just think it’s not being a jerk. If your sophistication and taste in humor hasn’t advanced beyond a high school sophomore then you probably shouldn’t be discussing politics…or running for the presidency.

Hillary Clinton and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio did a little skit where he referenced “CP Time.” That’s slang for “colored people” time. He was referring to his delay in endorsing Clinton and what “CP” actually meant was “Cautious Politician.” They are catching some Hell.

Sometimes a joke is so good and you realize it’s harmless that it’s worth the risk. This was not that joke. It wasn’t a good joke. It wasn’t funny. It was cringe worthy. When I draw a cartoon that I know is going to offend people and even be somewhat dangerous, I make sure it’s making a good point…or at least really funny. Yeah, that joke didn’t do any of that. It really wasn’t worth it.

Obama made a colored people time joke once. But Obama can do that. If you don’t know why, then you are an idiot and should stop reading my blog and never return here ever again.

I don’t care if you have the black vote, black friends, black kids, a black wife, dated blacks, watched Roots 17 times, or if you’re Rachel Dolezal. White people should not tell black jokes. And I’m whiter than any of you so take my word for it.

Clinton and de Blasio are not racists. They committed the sin that most white people will commit at some point in their lives, usually more than once. They are so comfortable with African Americans that they relaxed to the point they think it’s OK to make that joke. They believe they’ll get a free pass. To that, I don’t think they actually offended anyone and instead shocked the audience at their stupidity. They made people cringe and shake their heads. Now if it had been funny and had a point, well then things might be different.

Oompa Loompas, on the other hand, have a very poor lobby so making fun of Donald Trump’s chosen skin tone is still OK.

Please try to give the coloring in this cartoon extra attention because I had to color it twice. After I finished coloring (the first time) the program crashed just as I was trying to save it. It takes me longer to color a cartoon now because I switched things up and the program is new. It is teaching me save as I work which is always a good idea with anything on a computer. I can’t count the number of times I lost a blog entry just as I was…

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!