North Korea Summit

Trump Punk’d


cjones07062018

If I was a sycophant and worshiped a leader, then at the very least that leader should possess a mind like a steel trap, and he wouldn’t be anyone’s fool. But then again, I’m not a sycophant because sycophants follow people like Donald Trump who can be bamboozled by a prank phone call perpetuated by a guy named Stuttering John.

Stuttering John is John Melendez, a comedian with a podcast. Last week, he prank-called the White House during his show. The White House is a very busy and important place receiving thousands of calls a day. Naturally, there is a system in place so the crazies never reach the president. Right? Wrong. It’s kinda hard to screen the crazies when there’s a crazy answering the phone.

Melendez posed as an assistant to New Jersey Democratic Senator Bob Menendez. Stuttering John ultimately received a call back from Donald Trump from Air Force One. They had a four-minute conversation over immigration reform, the Supreme Court vacancy, and the president congratulated, who he thought was Senator Menendez, on beating an ethics lawsuit. He probably wanted to know how he did it.

Somehow, the comedian’s initial call reached Trump’s son-in-law and wife of favorite offspring Ivanka, who then got Trump to call him back. Melendez told TMZ that if he could fool Jared Trump, then so could the Russians. He also said it was “unbelievable” how easy it was to deceive Donald Trump. “If this stuttering idiot can get through to Donald Trump that quickly, then who else could?”

That’s a very good question. How many people have randomly dialed the White House switchboard to get Trump on the phone to spill national security secrets? No wonder his lawyers don’t want him to talk to Robert Mueller.

Now, Stuttering John has to deal with the Secret Service, and he’s hired Stormy Daniels’ attorney Michael Avenatti to represent him. Basically, Stuttering John is in trouble because the president is a moron.

While the ease of fooling Trump may come as a surprise to the comedian, it’s already a well-known fact used diplomatically by Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, and Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jong Un used Trump’s stupidity to get a summit, appear on the same stage as an American president, and gain legitimacy. He also got Trump to end joint military exercises with South Korea and to consider withdrawing American Troops from the Korean peninsula in exchange for a piece of paper that states North Korea promises to think about making promises.

The document Kim signed with Trump states his nation will work toward the denuclearization of the Korean peninsula. That would be like the wording on your car loan stating you intend to make payments.

Trump has declared that North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat while intelligence agencies report they’ve actually been expanding their weapons program. This can’t be true because that would mean Trump got played, and he’s not really smarter than everyone else or a great deal maker. What else would there be to believe in?

I used to think it was a shame the children of today can’t enjoy the silliness of prank phone calls, what with technology like caller ID. It never did occur to me to call the White House and ask Donald Trump if I can talk to I.P Freely.

Watch me draw.

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Commemorative Chicken


cjones05282018

Apparently, Donald Trump woke up Tuesday morning to the same realization the rest of us wake with every day. That he could be an international embarrassment, become a laughingstock, and bring great shame and humiliation upon us. That, or he had a really bad bowel movement.

After initial excitement over the summit with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, Trump is showing signs that he is having second thoughts. I’m as shocked as you are. Trump has thoughts?

This is exactly what happens when you engage in bar talk. What’s bar talk? It’s when you commit yourself to something that you regret the next day. Say you talk to a casual acquaintance in a bar and you say you’ll drive them to the airport. The next morning you wake up and think, “what have I done? I hope he knows it was just bar talk.” A lot of people have come to expect that anything they hear in a bar is B.S.

A few years ago, I invited a sketchy person to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving. The next day I told him not to worry about it because she probably knew it was just bar talk. Unfortunately, she didn’t. In fact, she’s still at his house. Seriously.

Anyway, Trump engaged in bar talk without being in a bar. South Korea diplomats told Trump that Kim wanted to meet and Trump accepted without researching, consulting experts, or setting conditions. Trump was excited and started talking about being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for making a date. They’re so excited they’ve issued a commemorative coin for the summit.

The White House Communications Agency issued a coin to celebrate the occasion, which may not happen. There’s also criticism and mockery of the coin beyond it being premature. It refers to Kim as “Supreme Leader,” a title the U.S. doesn’t usually use for the dictator. It also has both men in a sort of romantic face-to-face pose, like they should get a room. It’s also similar to the poster for that movie where John Travolta and Nicolas Cage trade faces. Others have pointed out that the depiction of Kim has given him multiple chins while giving Trump a rigid jawline, which he hasn’t had since never.

Since they went ahead and made a commemorative coin for something that may not happen, the White House should go ahead and make a coin commemorating Trump’s impeachment. You know. Just in case.

According to White House leakers, Trump is not prepared for the summit. The big test is coming up and Trump hasn’t studied. The briefing material has words and stuff. It’s hard. Trump will insist on North Korea giving up its nuclear program, but all he knows about nuclear is that it’s uranium. Thanks to National Security Adviser and mustache aficionado John Bolton, North Korea is now blustering.

Bolton said the Trump administration will seek a nuclear agreement similar to the one Libya agreed to, which eventually left Muammar Gaddafi dead. For reasons unknown, Kim Jong Un isn’t fond of that idea. There are also rumors that Kim is concerned there will be a coup while he’s in Singapore hobnobbing with Trump.

Trump also blamed China for Kim’s changing stance, without explaining how it was their fault other than saying Kim became weirder after visiting China for the second time. While North Korea is willing to end their nuclear testing, because they’ve destroyed all the places they can test, they’re not willing to give up their capability. Trump can thank Bolton for making Kim skittish. He can thank himself for pulling out of the Iran deal which tells North Korea and the rest of the world that Donald Trump doesn’t honor agreements.

Trump has every reason to be afraid of being embarrassed. It may be more than coming home without an agreement. What if Kim calls him a dotard to his face in front of the press? As we saw from his debate with Hillary Clinton, Trump isn’t quick on his feet, especially after being insulted. Will he respond to Kim with, “you’re the dotard. You’re the dotard?”

What happens if Kim doesn’t show up? It’s bad enough being stood up on a date after driving across town. But Trump is traveling halfway around the world and could be left standing in the rain with wilted flowers in his hands.

Trump wanted this meeting more than Kim and unfortunately, North Korea and the world knows. Now he’s trying to find a way to worm out, and he’s probably hoping Kim cancels first or gives him a great, or even a slightly decent reason to cancel.

It will be interesting to see how the sycophants defend Trump if he chickens out. These people used to say even talking to Iran was giving them legitimacy. Now, they say Trump deserves awards for meeting Kim, which is even more premature than the stupid double-chin coin.

Trump is used to receiving red carpets, sword dances, and French hugs when he meets with foreign leaders. He doesn’t know how Kim will treat him. Trump is unprepared, scared, and stupid.

Kim already has the upper hand, and we’ve all seen Trump’s.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for yoru support. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!