Mount Rushmore

Unconstitutional Slop


cjones08142020

“We don’t want to continue to watch people signing executive orders because that was not what the Constitution and the brilliant designers of this incredible document had in mind. We need people that can make deals.”

That’s a direct quote from Donald Trump in March 2016. In fact, all Republicans were critical of President Barack Obama’s use of executive orders. They accused him of being an imperial president.

Fun fact: Donald Trump was also critical of President Obama’s handling of the Swine Flu, Ebola Virus, and how often he played golf. Donald Trump said President Obama should resign over his handling of Ebola, which killed zero Americans who contracted it while in the U.S. It’s estimated the Swine Flu killed over 12,000 Americans. In case you’re a Republican, the Trump Virus has killed over 163,000 Americans and Donald Trump still hasn’t resigned.

But being hypocrites is nothing new for Donald Trump or the Republican Party.

Unable to reach a deal with Democrats to help Americans get through the pandemic after their $600 a week unemployment benefits have run out and to save them from evictions, Donald Trump signed an executive order…but wait.

Didn’t Donald Trump tell us he’s a great negotiator? Didn’t he say nobody can negotiate better than him? Didn’t he say negotiating with Congress and other nations was easy? Didn’t he say something about being such a great negotiator that we’ll get tired of winning? So, why was he unable to reach a deal with Democrats? Why did he give up? But wait again.

Donald Trump, this great negotiator, never negotiated. Sure, he sent underlings to negotiate with Nancy Pelosi, but didn’t we elect him for his negotiating skills? We didn’t elect him to delegate that responsibility to Pete Navarro, Larry Kudlow, Mark Meadows, Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, Stephen Goosesteppin’ Miller, or even dumbass Jared. We (as in other people, I didn’t elect him), elected Trump for his great negotiating skills? So, why wasn’t he negotiating before deciding to be an “imperial” president?

The thing is, he’s not a great negotiator and he’s scared of Nancy Pelosi. Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government over wall funding? Pelosi gave him some funding for his racist and useless wall, but he wanted more. After a month of the government being shut down, Donald Trump negotiated himself into getting nothing. Donald Trump, this great negotiator, negotiated himself from getting something into getting nothing. Pelosi ate his lunch and she was going to do it again. Donald Trump is signing executive orders because he’s afraid of Nancy. He should be.

One of Donald Trump’s executive orders says unemployed Americans will now receive $400 a week. You can also look at this as a reduction because it is. In case you’re a Republican, 4 is less than 6. Also, $100 of that is supposed to come from states. In case you’re a Republican, the president can’t tell states how to spend their budgets. Also, presidents don’t control spending. Congress allocates spending. It’s in the Constitution.

I love that Republicans call themselves Constitutionalists except when it actually comes to the Constitution.

Also, Donald Trump has cut the payroll tax except, he didn’t. It’s like when he banned flights from China when he didn’t.

In case you’re a Republican, I’m going to explain how this works. 7% of your paycheck goes to Social Security and Medicare. Your employer matches it. In case you’re a Republican, 7 plus 7 equals 14. What Trump did with this was not a cut but a deferral. What does that mean, Republicans? That means you don’t have to pay that tax now but you will later. In fact, you’ll probably have to pay all the weeks missed at once. When that hits you, remember Donald Trump did it.

The idea here is, stupid Americans will notice a larger paycheck between now and November, say, “Golly gee willikins, Mr. Trump gave me more money. I’m going to vote for him because I’m a dumbass.” And then after November, wham! The bill hits. Then, those stupid Trump voters will say, “Damn you, Nancy!” Or, if Joe Biden is president, those fuckers will blame him. Seriously, that’s going to happen. Watch.

Fortunately, some employers will continue to withhold that money so when the bill does come in, you won’t be hit or even have to worry about it.

But I am looking forward to Donald Trump running on the message that he’s going to destroy Social Security and Medicare. He’s already running a campaign promising to strip Americans of healthcare coverage.

Not all Republicans were hypocrites about Trump’s executive orders. Ben Sasse of Nebraska called it “executive slop.” In case you’re a Republican, Ben Sasse is a Republican.

Donald Trump thinks this is the kind of stuff that makes him a great president. Why, he even called the Governor of South Dakota to inquire how to get his head on Mount Rushmore, not realizing the monument is a federal thing and governors can’t do anything with them. Frankly, I’m surprised he called the right state, and right now, Ron DeSantis isn’t trying to figure out how to put Trump on Rushmore.

There should be a monument for Donald Trump. A monument for really bad presidents. We’re talking about the worst here and not just the semi lazy. A monument for presidents who didn’t know what to do, were clueless, shouldn’t have been in the office, and even those who refused to do the job they were installed by a Russian dictator to do (actually, he’s doing those jobs).

I can see Trump’s head next to Filmore, Harding, Hoover, Buchanan, Nixon, and George W. Bush. To make it more realistic, we can make Trump’s head bigger than the rest.

We can call it Mount Suckmore.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Infecting Monuments


CNN07052020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Here’s a question: Has anyone checked to see if Donald Trump’s trip to South Dakota was paid for by the Trump Campaign, or was it officially listed as a “presidential” (sic) trip thus sticking us with the bill for his hate speech?

Donald Trump went to South Dakota for an early July 4th celebration last Friday. The event was held at the foot of Mt. Rushmore where the Republican governor declared social distancing would not be enacted (chairs were literally tied together to prevent social distancing) and face masks were optional. From the videos of the event, very few face masks were worn.

As is tradition with Donald Trump, he gave a hate speech casting his reelection campaign as a battle against a “new far-left fascism” seeking to wipe out the nation’s values and history. Donald Trump is betting his reelection on Confederate statues and instead of expanding his base, tightening his extremely small support of racists, white supremacists, klansmen, and neo-Nazis.

Trump said, “Our nation is witnessing a merciless campaign to wipe out our history, defame our heroes, erase our values and indoctrinate our children. Angry mobs are trying to tear down statues of our founders, deface our most sacred memorials, and unleash a wave of violent crime in our cities.” He barely mentioned the coronavirus which I’m sure several lucky winners in attendance would be leaving home with.

Donald Trump ignored his own White House guidelines for large gatherings for the South Dakota and Saturday’s Washington, DC crowd. Trump told his faithful on Friday, “We will not be tyrannized, we will not be demeaned, and we will not be intimidated by bad, evil people.”

But, Donald Trump, you are the one doing the tyranny, demeaning, and intimidation. You, Republicans, and your cult are the bad, evil people. If you, Donald Trump, were on the right side of this fight intending to land on the right side of history, you wouldn’t have lie and campaign on hate and fear.

Hopefully, in the future, nobody will be tearing down statues of Donald Trump because there won’t be any to begin with. That’s because Donald Trump is no hero.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Mount Nevermore


cjones04162019

Donald Trump is proud of the fact he doesn’t know much history and has never read a presidential biography. It wouldn’t matter if he had since he prefers to ignore facts and just make shit up. The president of the United States is proud to be ignorant which is even more of a fault when you’re also stupid.

Politico reports that during a visit to Mount Vernon (in case you’re a Republican and like Donald Trump, Mount Vernon was George Washington’s home) last April with French President Emmanuel Macron, Trump learned that our first president (in case you’re a Republican, that’s George Washington) was a major real-estate developer during his time. He wondered how rich he was, and according to three sources, why he didn’t name the compound after himself.

The sources reveal that Trump said, “If he was smart, he would’ve put his name on it. You’ve got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you.” The VIPs’ tour guide for the evening, Mount Vernon president and CEO Doug Bradburn, told Trump that Washington did, after all, succeed in getting the nation’s capital named after him. “Good point,” Trump said.

Bradburn reportedly told several people that the French president and his wife were more knowledgeable about the history of the property than Trump. Trump was critical of the size of the rooms and stairs, but was impressed by Washington’s bed saying it was “a good bed to die in.”

In that city named after Washington where Trump lives, is a monument named after Washington, which Trump can see from the White House. Also in Washington, DC is George Washington University. Maybe from all of his billions, or more accurately, millions, Trump noticed Washington’s face on the one dollar bill.

As for remembering Washington, there is a state named after him (in case you’re a Republican, that’s Washington state). There are 31 counties and 241 towns named after Washington. There are at least twelve universities named after Washington. There are four forts named for Washington. The private residence of Queen Liliʻuokalani of Hawaiʻi is named after Washington. There are four geological features (mountains and lakes)  featuring the name “Washington.” There are nine parks and five neighborhoods named after Washington. It would be extremely difficult to count how many bridges, streets, parkways, highways, and circles are named “Washington.” There are monuments across the country to Washington. He is one of the four presidents on Mount Rushmore, where Trump’s likeness will NEVER be.

There are statues of Washington, not just in the United States, but in other countries including Peru, France, Colombia, Mexico, Venezuela, Thailand, Hungary, Argentina, and even the United Kingdom, who Washington led a revolution against.

I think it’s safe to say that we remember George Washington.

There are two differences between the stuff named after Trump and Washington. Most things named after Trump, from wine to steaks to magazines to airlines to casinos, etc, don’t exist anymore. Trump’s first term isn’t over yet and already several properties have removed his name (it’s like the number 13…or herpes. You don’t want it). The things still named after Trump, like Trump Tower and Donald Trump Jr., are abject failures. Most things named after George are still there.

The other difference is, most things named after Washington were chosen by other people. Washington didn’t put himself on the dollar bill or Mount Rushmore. Everything named after Trump was named by Trump. Trump has to name stuff after himself because no one else is going to do it. Another difference between the two men is that people debate if Washington was our very best president, but there won’t be any debate about who is our worst.

In the future, you won’t be able to find anything named after Trump, just like nobody names anything after Hitler.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.