Mail In Voting

Hot Drop Box


cjones10182020

The Republicans are cheating again. What do you mean you’re not surprised? There are two things Republicans do very well. Cheat and accuse others of cheating.

Donald Trump screams that Ukraine helped Hillary Clinton in 2016 while the undisputed fact is he was helped greatly by Russia. I don’t believe Donald Trump would be president (sic) today if Russia didn’t meddle into our election. Donald Trump has even claimed Russia favored Clinton in that election. That’s like claiming she’s the one who keeps sending Quarter Pounders to the White House.

During the 2020 election, Republicans are wailing about China and Iran helping Joe Biden, which they may be doing to some degree, while ignoring that the greatest meddler is once again Russia…in favor of Donald Trump. The Attorney General, William Barr, even went on CNN and without any proof, said China is the greater threat in this election. But then again, William Barr is Donald Trump’s personal butt poodle.

Here’s a lesson in Voting 101, kids: Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russia. It’s a simple voting primer that a lot of people don’t seem to understand…or care about.

Republicans also claim Democrats are tampering with ballots. Every time some Democratic operative gets caught messing with ballot applications, they ignore the word “application” and they ignore North Carolina. What happened in North Carolina? Eight people were indicted on charges related to tampering with ballots, not applications, to help a Republican in the 2018 midterm congressional elections.

These Republicans complaining about voter fraud are the same people who warn us about gay culture while also drilling glory holes in men’s rooms at airports and truck stops.

After the 2016 election, in which Donald Trump was a sore winner, he claimed millions of people voted illegally without any proof. He created an election commission to investigate this alleged voter fraud that was really a project to collect voter data, possibly to harass or discover whom to invalidate in the future. The commission demanded every state to turn over all its voter information, such as addresses for every voter in the nation. The commission was quietly disbanded after being unable to find any evidence that millions had voted illegally. All they left behind were offices with men’s rooms full of glory holes.

During the 2018 election, Republicans worked to invalidate college voters in Texas, Native American voters in North Dakota, and black voters in Georgia. In Georgia, the Republican running for governor was the same guy responsible for operating a safe and fair election. What did he do? He removed thousands of black voters from the voter rolls. Guess what happened next. He won the election. Surprise! Who woulda seen that coming?

I’m surprised I haven’t heard the Republicans argue they wouldn’t have to engage in so much voter suppression if all these minorities wouldn’t keep trying to vote.

President Barack Obama pointed out yesterday that even the far right in Europe doesn’t work to suppress the vote. We are the only Democratic nation that discourages voting. Seriously. Keep in mind, voting is your constitutional right. No party or elected official should be able to take away that right.

In Florida, a state run by Republicans, ruled that felons can’t restore their constitutional right to vote until they’ve paid off their fines. Enter Democratic billionaire Michael Bloomberg who is paying off thousands of these fines. Republicans are now accusing him of buying the votes while ignoring that they literally enacted a poll tax.

As we head to this election, Trump and Republicans are doing all they can to suppress the vote. And if they can’t suppress it, they’re planting seeds of doubt.

They rail against mail-in ballots except in states where Republicans control the election (like Florida). Seriously. Donald Trump has said if he doesn’t win, then the election was corrupt. Republicans are fighting in state courts across the nation trying to invalidate any ballots that arrive after election day, even if they’re postmarked on election day. How can you tell Republicans were in court? The court’s men’s rooms are full of glory holes.

Personally, I think if our tax filings can arrive after the due date as long as they’re postmarked by it, then we can do the same with our ballots.

Donald Trump has even planted a goon to run the post office in efforts to tamper with mail-in ballots.

We’re worried the United States Postal Service can’t deliver fewer than 138 million ballots between now and the election, while they deliver nearly 900 million packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Donald Trump has been so successful at planting seeds of doubts, that even liberals are afraid to put a stamp on their ballot and stick it in the mail. I applied for a mail-in ballot and even after I received it, I took it to an official drop box at the registrar’s office just because I got paranoid that Donald Trump was fucking with the mail. And I live in a blue state.

I’m really glad I used an official drop box for my ballot. At least I think I did. It was in front of the registrar’s office and not in front of a gun store.

Yeah, in California, one party has set up phony drop boxes to fuck with voters. I’ll give you a hint in which party is doing this chicanery in that the party doing it is not the Democratic Party. Some of these are in locations like gun stores, gas stations, churches, and even GOP offices. Some of these are marked as “official” state drop boxes when they’re not. They’re also not complying with state-required security features.

The thing is, in California, ballot harvesting is legal. What’s ballot harvesting? It’s what the Republican fuckers in North Carolina was doing. It’s where you grab a bunch of ballots and you turn them in. It’s something Republicans complain about while doing. And in case you’re a Republican, I’ll explain it to you more simply. It’s like a glory hole harvesting penises, but with ballots.

The Republican Party says it’s on the up-and-up yet they won’t say how many of these ballot boxes there are or how many. Also, the state has sent them a cease-and-desist letter and they’ve replied, “no.” They will not cease. They will not desist. They will continue to harvest ballots while complaining about harvesting ballots.

Once again, Republicans are lying hypocritical cheating fuckers.

And in Texas, they’re reducing the number of ballot drop boxes to one per county, no matter how large the county is. So, in California, Republicans are creating more drop boxes (all unofficial) to confuse people and in Texas, they’re reducing the number of “official” drop boxes to confuse people.

To sum up, let’s go over a few tips:

  1. Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russians. 2. Don’t drop your ballot off at a gas station. If you’re not going to trust the sushi, don’t trust Gomer and Goober with your ballot. 3. Vote in person or drop your ballot off AT the registrar’s office because of number 4 which is… 4. Don’t trust Republicans. 5. If there’s a hole in your bathroom stall…run.

Republicans can’t win this election fairly. They know this because they didn’t win the last one fairly. Republicans cheat, lie, and steal. And if we allow it, they’ll steal this election.

Don’t let them steal your vote. Don’t let them steal this election. Don’t let them steal our White House which, by now…is probably full of glory holes.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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Only Fascism


cjones08202020

Being a major campaign donor doesn’t make you qualified to be an ambassador to the European Union. It doesn’t make you qualified to be the ambassador to the United Kingdom. It doesn’t make you qualified to lead the Department of Education. And it doesn’t make you qualified to be in charge of the United States Post Office.

If Donald Trump, the worst president (sic) in the history of the United States, truly wanted to “make the Post Office great again,” he wouldn’t have appointed a fucknut with zero experience to lead it.

Donald Trump has been lying about the Post Office ever since he became president (sic). He’s made wild claims Amazon is overcharging the Post Office despite the fact the company’s business has been a boon for the nation’s mail service.

Louis DeJoy is the current Postmaster General. What experience does he have with Post Office? None, but he is a major Republican fundraiser. Also, he had stock in UPS and Amazon. He also currently holds somewhere between $30 to $75 million in stock in XPO, a subcontractor for the Post Office. Hello? Does nobody see the potential for corruption? DeJoy has been a true buzzkill and taken all the joy out of the Post Office. He immediately began to slow down delivery, banned overtime pay and extra delivery trips. He has de-joyed the Post Office.

DeJoy didn’t just stop there. He had more than 600 high-speed mail sorting machines were dismantled and removed from postal facilities without explanation. He removed mail collection boxes from the streets of many cities explaining they were going to areas with higher traffic (lies) but after being busted, said they’ll delay additional moves until after the election.

DeJoy continued sabotaging the mail. He reassigned or displaced 23 senior USPS officials, including the two top executives overseeing day-to-day operations. You know, got rid of the people who would see he was sabotaging the mail. DeJoy sent a letter to mail postal workers, that they’re probably still waiting for, where he admitted there are delays but they’re just “unintended consequences” that will eventually would improve service. This is where you raise one eyebrow in skepticism.

If DeJoy was a surgeon, he’d be telling his patients not to worry because the sponge he left inside them will eventually improve their system.

And in case you still don’t believe any of this is to sabotage mail-in voting and prevent millions of Americans from doing any voting, Donald Trump actually said he was blocking funds for the postal service in order to hinder mail-in voting. 

Donald Trump claims there’s fraud with mail-in voting, but he doesn’t have any proof. After being told there was no evidence of widespread voter fraud, Donald Trump’s stupid chief-of-staff said, “There’s no evidence that there’s not either. That’s the definition of fraud, Jake.”

Uh…no. That’s NOT the definition of fraud, Mark Meadows. And since there’s no evidence that there’s not evidence no, not, huh? What? OK. There’s no evidence that there’s not widespread voter fraud….shit. Idiots. You know what, there’s no evidence that monkeys haven’t flown out of Mark Meadows’ butt, but there’s not any evidence that they haven’t either. For that matter, since there’s no evidence of a Donald Trump Russian hooker pee tape, there’s not any evidence that there’s Not a Donald Trump Russian hooker pee tape. 

Here’s the thing, kids; Donald Trump is trying to steal an election. He claims there’s fraud in mailing your ballot, yet he’s voting…wait for it…by mail. He’s arguing if there’s a fair election, then it’s not fair. This is what fascists do.

In Russia, Vladimir Putin stops fair elections by throwing his opponents in prison. The people who report he’s throwing his opponents into prisons get thrown off buildings.

In 2002, Saddam Hussein held a referendum on whether he should serve another seven years as president. He won with 100% of the vote. Every voter, of which there were over 11 million, voted yes. Yet, despite his 100% approval rating, when he was hiding in a hole from American forces, one of his constituents pointed at that hole and said, “There he is.”

In Venezuela, Nicola Madura was reelected to a second six-year term in 2018 in an election that only nations like China, Cuba, Russia, Egypt, Syria, and Turkey recognize as fair. That’s like your dog recommending you eating out of the litter box. He likes it. The National Assembly has declared Juan Guaido as acting president, and Maduro’s strongmen have banned him from leaving the country.

Sviatlana Heorhiyeuna Pilipchuk is the opposition candidate in Belarus who decided to run for president after the previous opposition candidate, her husband, was arrested for being the opposition candidate. She won the election with 80% of the vote, yet the dictator, Alexander Lukashenko, declared he won with the same result. Currently, Pilipchuk is in exile in Lithuania.

Donald Trump loves fascists. He’s trying to become one. He sent armed goons to teargas peaceful protesters to remove them from in front of the White House so he could go outside for a photo-op. He’s sent unidentified armed goons to attack peaceful demonstrators in Portland, to teargas them, crack them in the skulls with batons, and to throw them into unmarked vans for interrogation. Now he’s trying to stop an election. He’s even threatened to delay the election. By “delay,” he means never.

And, if Donald Trump succeeds in remaining in the White House, through election or force, it will get worse. I believe it will destroy our nation. It will destroy the Constitution and our democracy. It may rise to the level that if we still have three branches of government, the other two branches will be mere puppets. 

If we don’t have a fair election in 2020, we may never have another one again.

America liberates nations. Right now, America needs to liberate America. We have a fascist and this is where the fascist system begins. 

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Blue State, Red State, Corrupt State


cjones05242020

A couple days ago, I wrote Donald Trump and his administration of goons aren’t even trying to hide his corruption anymore. In firing Inspectors General in the midst of investigations, they don’t even give good reasons. Donald Trump said he fired the guy investigating his Secretary of State Mike Pompeo because he lost the guy’s confidence. Pompeo only defended it by saying he should have been fired long ago and that he didn’t know he was under investigation. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. When it’s the fifth IG fired in five weeks, yeah.

That’s some morbidly obese bullshit.

Now, Donald Trump is threatening to stop all federal funding being sent to states that may not vote for him. That’s not exactly what he said but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding his corrupt intentions.

Michigan and Nevada are upping their plans for mail-in voting in order to decrease the risk of exposing their voters’ lives to the coronavirus. Well, Donald Trump doesn’t give a lick about anyone’s safety and like all Republicans, he realizes the more voters who participate in an election, the worst Republicans fare. The majority of people in this nation vote for Democrats. That’s a fact. Republicans don’t like that fact so they work to prevent people from voting except for the most racist and whitest of us.

Donald Trump tweeted his outrage at Michigan for mailing ballots to all their voters. Dumbass tweeted, “This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!”

Except, that was some morbidly obese lying. Michigan’s Secretary of State mailed “applications” to voters, not ballots. Donald Trump claims what Michigan did is illegal. It’s not. So, two lies in one tweet. Good job, Donald. While explaining this to the press, he dropped another lie in that he was once Man of the Year in Michigan. He was never Man of the Year in Michigan. Maybe he’s confused because he resembles the Michelin Man.

What Donald Trump is doing is threatening to hold a state hostage by denying federal funding…during a pandemic. It’s kinda like holding Ukraine hostage by denying military aid during a war.

He went after Nevada in another tweet saying, “State of Nevada ‘thinks’ that they can send out illegal vote by mail ballots, creating a great Voter Fraud scenario for the State and the U.S. They can’t! If they do, ‘I think’ I can hold up funds to the State. Sorry, but you must not cheat in elections.”

The man who solicited election help from Russia and Ukraine is concerned about cheating in elections.

Trump is very upset over mail-in voting and keeps screaming about voter fraud, even though there isn’t any evidence to support it.

Trump told reporters, “I think just common sense would tell you that massive manipulation can take place. And you do have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign, maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens. I don’t know. It’s a lot of things can happen.”

Where, when, what? Where have there been “fraudulent” ballots that were “actually printed” then “given to people to sign?” This guy also claimed once that you need an I.D. to purchase cereal.

Donald Trump himself actually voted by mail, sending his ballot to Florida. Maybe he cheated so that’s how he knows it happens. His argument is that he’s “allowed to do it.” His spokesgoon, Kayleigh McEnany, defended his voting my mail by arguing how tough it was for him to leave the White House and go to Florida. I know she’s new on the job but you think she’d have noticed that Donald Trump, before the pandemic, was in Florida playing golf and bilking the government for it every other weekend since he became president (sic). Somebody, please give her the Cliff Notes.

Funny thing, Republican officeholders in at least 16 states that do not have all-mail elections have encouraged people to vote absentee during the coronavirus pandemic. You haven’t heard Donald Trump go after them yet. But maybe he should.

Donald Trump won Michigan, barely, in 2016. He’s going to lose it in 2020 and he knows it. But, he’s also trailing Joe Biden in other states he won, like Pennsylvania, Ohio, Arizona, Georgia, and his brand new home state, Florida. And you’re going to love this, but he’s only leading Biden by one point in….wait for it….TEXAS!!!! Yeehaw!

Even if Donald Trump doesn’t lose states like Georgia, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas, his campaign will have to do some morbidly obese spending in those states.

This is some morbidly obese corruption and they’re not even trying to hide it. The good news is, Trump probably can’t withhold spending to those states, but I’m sure conservative courts and the Republican Senate will do all they can to help him.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about free and fair elections any more than he cares about the health of Americans during a global pandemic. His only focus with both is on himself. Donald Trump solicited help during the 2016 election from Russia and he got it. He even invited Russians into his campaign HQ. He placed suspected Russian spies on his campaign staff, then cried that the government was watching the suspected spies. Now, he’s doing it again, asking foreign governments to meddle in the 2020 election.

A president should want every American eligible to vote casting votes, even those who won’t vote for him. But Donald Trump and Republicans work to gerrymander and suppress. The people who cry that their rights are being robbed because they have to wear a mask don’t give a flying fig about non-white Americans being denied their right to vote. Cry me a morbidly obese river.

Donald Trump is corrupt and Donald Trump lies. At last count, which was in April, Donald Trump had told over 18,000 lies since he became president (sic). That’s a morbidly obese number.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

The Whopper Becomes Hamberder King


CNN04192020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Donald Trump claimed he had “total authority” and could order the states when to reopen. He backtracked and said he’s going to let the governors work it out. Why’d he backtrack? To avoid the embarrassment of issuing an order and having it ignored. That’s like saying I can kick your ass, but I don’t want to exert myself right now.

Then he says he can adjourn Congress. That’s another move he won’t do. Trump is upset that Congress hasn’t confirmed all his nominations. He would like for them to adjourn so he can do emergency installments. The Constitution does grant the president the power to adjourn Congress WHEN Congress can’t agree when to adjourn. No president has ever used the power before. Donald Trump can’t adjourn Congress just because they haven’t confirmed his nominee to Voice of America. Basically, Donald Trump wants to adjourn Congress because Voice of America hurt his feelings.  This is another move he won’t make because he will be embarrassed.

He screams against mail-in voting and claims it leads to fraud. Except, there’s no evidence it has ever lead to fraud and…wait for it…Donald Trump has used mail-in voting. His reasoning for why it’s OK for him? Because he can. Perhaps, this is why he’s not a fan of the Post Office.

And then we come to the relief checks. Checks from the IRS are always signed by a government official, not an elected or appointed politician. But, Trump and Treasury Secretary Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin conspired to put Trump’s name in the memo line. Trump wants to use the coronavirus to give you the impression he’s giving you money. Trump is using government resources to campaign.

The outrage here, among many, is that no one will hold him accountable. It’s like his impeachment. The Republican Senate, who previously used the talking point “no collusion” to state Trump didn’t have anything to do with Russia’s meddling in the 2016 election, decided that colluding with a foreign government is allowable. The Republican Senate, the Supreme Court, and the Justice Department have allowed Donald Trump to break the law.

In regards to the president being able to adjourn Congress, Republicans and Trump supporters keep citing Article 2, Section 3 (without comprehending it). Since they like to cite the Constitution, they need to read Article 1, Section 10.

Donald Trump called the Treasury Department and told them he’d like for them to do him a favor.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

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