Maggie Simpson

Cartoon Bully

Ron De Santis is a bully. Republicans LOVE bullies. It’s why they love Donald Trump so much. Republicans believe bullying people weaker than you is a sign of strength. It’s also why they love Putin. But, bullying is just like it was in school. The bullies are cowards. They only pick on whom they believe they can beat up.

Remember when Donald Trump tried to bully Nancy Pelosi? Remember him crawling up his own bunghole when they were in the same room together and then Pelosi walked out of the White House putting on her shades like a boss? Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government until Congress would fund his racist border wall? Remember when Pelosi kicked his ass so hard that he reopened the government and the great dealmaker walked away with less than he started with? Remember when he tried to bully Hillary Clinton at the debate and she called him “Putin’s puppet” and his only retort was that of a child, repeating her attack? Remember when the entire Republicans Party bullied Hillary Clinton on Benghazi, but she showed up for the hearing and answered questions for 11 hours without the GOP landing a finger on her?

Bullies eventually get what’s coming to them. Mickey Mouse is going to kick Ron DeSantis’ ass.

Republicans will believe that DeSantis beat up the mouse…while they’re paying higher taxes to cover the fees DeSantis and the Florida legislature saved Disney from paying. According to Florida law, the state has to pick up the tab on public debt before it can revoke a self-governing status as it did with Disney last week. The law doesn’t take effect for a year but if they don’t back down, dumbass DeSantis and the stupid Republican Party of Florida will cost the state’s taxpayers over a billion dollars. Remember when conservatives were supposed to be fiscal? They haven’t been fiscal since Eisenhower.

Obviously, Ron DeSantis isn’t actually doing anything to benefit Florida. All he’s doing is throwing red meat at the base. He’s lied and gaslighted over COVID, vaccines, and face masks. He’s bullied students for wearing face masks. He’s banning teachers from teaching kids about homosexuality and transgenders, a thing that’s not actually happening. He’s banned math books that he claims are anti-white (learn how to read the dog whistles). He’s even signed legislation making it legal to run over people protesting for Black Lives Matter. None of this helps Florida. What DeSantis is doing is building his profile to run for president. To do that, he’ll have to beat the fattest cartoon character of all time, Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is a cartoon. He’s fat and dumb like Homer. He paints himself like Crusty the Clown. His hair’s crazier than Marge Simpson’s. His fingers are tinier than Maggie Simpson’s. He’s as evil as Mr. Burns. And he eats more hamburgers than Wimpy while also wanting other people to pay for them (sorry, I lost The Simpons’ theme). He’s gropier than Pepe le Pew. And, he’s more racist than all those old Tom and Jerry cartoons (Mammy Two Shoes with her dice and straight razor). My biggest challenge with cartooning the guy was that he’s already a cartoon. Ron DeSantis is on his way to becoming one as well.

DeSantis became governor by joining the Trump cult. He promised his state he’d govern just as stupidly as Trump governed as president (sic). DeSantis kept his promise. In his campaign commercials, DeSantis was teaching his child how to “build the wall” with Legos. His message was: Vote for me. I’m a bad father teaching my child how to be a racist. Florida made him its governor.

As we’ve seen from Republicans, they’re worms. DeSantis used Trump to get what he wanted. Now that he has it, he’s going to turn on Trump. We have a few questions.

Who will attack who first? Trump will attack DeSantis as the governor becomes a larger threat. DeSantis will avoid going after Trump directly, then he’ll start to tip-toe around it until eventually, he opens fire and war is declared.

Who will voters choose? That depends on if you want the cult or the guy who was really effective with the stupid racist bullshit. Donald Trump never did build his wall. He never got Mexico to pay for it. He never truly got his ban on Muslims entering the nation. He never successfully “sent them back.” DeSantis has made it harder for black people to vote. He’s gerrymandered his state so Republicans may increase their congressional representation by at least four. DeSantis has enacted laws against gays, blacks, Hispanics, trans people, math books, COVID, and cartoon mice. He’s making Florida a place racists throughout the nation want to move to. Voters will see these as accomplishments. To dog whistle that you hate minorities is one thing. Putting the screws to them is another. DeSantis is more effective than Donald Trump. But, Donald Trump is a better salesman for the bullshit.

Who will win? Trump will be older and slower but he still has the base. DeSantis is probably quicker and lighter on his feet, though not by much. I believe DeSantis is smarter and more manipulative than Donald Trump, but he doesn’t have the gameshow host shine. DeSantis hasn’t spent the past 40 years marketing himself to stupid people. They’re both bullies and cowards so they may be afraid of each other once they’re in the same room. I want to hear your prediction and your reasonings for it.

Who do I predict to win? It’s hard to choose because it’ll be so much fun to see either one lose. Personally, I hope Trump wins as we know Biden can beat him as he’s already done it. I think DeSantis will be a much more difficult opponent because DeSantis can learn. Trump does not learn. I just hope that on the way to the general election, these two really beat the shit out of each other.

How much popcorn will we need for the fight? Lots. You may have to get one of those Amazon subscriptions for popcorn so you don’t even have to get out of your chair and it just keeps coming.

Music Note: B-52’s, but I never listen to “Love Shack.” I hate “Love Shack.”

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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