ivermectin

Urine Trouble

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The anti-vaxxers with the bogus cures are now promoting another bullshit treatment. But in this case, the bullshit is urine. Seriously.

Some of these idiots have ingested cleaning products made for fish tanks. Others on the advice of Donald Trump have shot bleach up their asses. Thousand upon thousands have taken medication that’s for livestock. Now, one of these hoaxers is telling us the cure is to drink urine. Wait. Not just any urine, I don’t think, but your own urine.

Christopher Key is an Alabama anti-vaxxer with an online cult following. He uses his website not just to rant against vaccines for the coronavirus, but to spread false information.

In the past, he told pharmacists that what they’re doing by giving out vaccinations are committing “crimes against humanity.” The same could be said for Key by spreading false information. Key said if the pharmacists “do not stand down immediately, then they could be executed.” He claims “they can be hung in the state.” Sure they can…and if they’re hung in Alabama, then they’re most likely hung in any other state they visit, but I’m not sure what that has to do with vaccinations.

Key went to a Missouri Walmart to harass people. Now I know there are Walmarts in Alabama, but he was invited by some fucknut crusade to a rally in Missouri.

Key has also sold deer antler spray for athletic injuries on his website. He’s also sold “concussion caps” to football players to avoid injuries. The caps are actually just beanies, which means he’s forcing football players to become hipsters. Ever see a guy wearing a beanie in August? That’s a hipster. It annoys me more than fuckers wearing face masks under their noses.

I saw a guy in Giant yesterday with his nose sticking out of his face mask. The dumbest part of this is that face masks are NOT required in Virginia. Why are people doing this when they don’t have to wear the face mask? It’s like putting the helmet on the back of your motorcycle. Look. There is it. We can all see it but it’s not where it’s going to help you.

Sorry. I digressed again.

Standing outside a Walmart, where we’ve all seen crazy people shouting at people, inanimate objects, and the sky, Christopher Key yelled at an employee, who was probably rounding up shopping carts, “If you allow one more shot in one more person’s body, you yourself will be executed in violation of the Nuremberg Code. We don’t want that to happen to any of you guys at all. We love you guys. We want to keep you safe.” Yeah, sure. Then he went to a Walgreens and a CVS to harass those employees. Seriously, if you’re going to protest anything at CVS, it’s them wanting your phone number to check you out. You don’t need my phone number to sell me a plunger. A plunger was the last thing I bought at a CVS, which was Christmas day, 2020.

And again, I digressed.

Key has also claimed that hospitals are putting people in comas and on ventilators just for having a common cold. At the Missouri event, the lunatic organizers used fog machines as part of their presentation and Key initially thought it was an anthrax outbreak.

In December, claiming he’s the “vaccine police,” Key threatened to go to Louisiana and arrest Governor John Bel Edwards for vaccinating children in the state.

Key said, “I am the vaccine police,” which has less legitimacy than when Beavis shouts, “I am Cornholio.”

He claimed, “We have shut down pharmacists. We have shut down boards of education. And we will be arresting the governor of Louisiana on February the 7th if he does not stand down and not vaccinate the children of Louisiana.” I’m going to tell Alexa to remind me to check on this on February 7. Maybe he’ll do it…if he’s not in jail. More on that in a minute. Key has been on a cross-country tour with a flamethrower to arrest other Democratic governors.

Do flamethrowers fall under gun laws? Is it legal to sell an insane person a flamethrower? It’s probably legal in Alabama.

Key said he would conduct the arrest “out of love,” because “they are trying to start a civil war” and “coming for our children.” Yeah, coming to save children who have fuck-head parents.

Key said the cure to the coronavirus is to drink your own urine. He brought us this revelation straight from jail, where most new medical breakthroughs are known to occur. Listen, Christopher, I don’t care if you like the toilet wine but drinking your own pee isn’t a cure except for maybe fresh breath. Opposite of Mentos, urine is the unfreshmaker.

So, why was Key in jail? He was arrested for trespassing at a Birmingham Whole Foods for refusing to leave because he wouldn’t wear a face mask. I know it’s shocking. There’s a Whole Foods in Alabama? In court, Keys told the poor bastard the court appointed to be his attorney, “I’m not insane.” Sure, he’s not insane, and did I mention the flamethrower?

Immediately after getting out of jail from the whole Whole Foods incident, he told his followers to drink their own urine.

I have some questions. For this pee cure to work, is it mandatory that the pee you drink must be your own? I mean, what if it’s a friend’s pee? Is it a DNA thing? If so, can you drink your sibling’s pee? What if the pee is from a Russian hooker? Can your pee be mixed with other people’s pee? If bullies give you a swirlie, can you count that as immunity? If it’s not your own pee, are you doing it wrong?

Key said, “The antidote that we have seen now, and we have tons and tons of research, is urine therapy.” Yeah, you need to be in therapy. He also said, “I know to a lot of you this sounds crazy, but guys, God’s given us everything we need.” Yes, God has given us our pee…and flamethrowers.

When reached for further comments, because we really need to hear more of this, he said “This vaccine is the worst bioweapon I have ever seen. I drink my own urine!”

I guarantee that the type of person who follows this advice will be sitting next to me the next time I’m on a bus.

Someone really needs to put the urine-drinking flamethrower guy, not into jail, but into an asylum. Don’t do it out of hate. Do it out of love.

Cheers!

Music note: I listened to Stone Temple Pilots while drawing today’s cartoon. I turned on the music when I started drawing the grass because when you do stuff like that takes a lot of patience, it helps to zone out. I got through the entire Core album while drawing the grass, and then I started on Purple.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Trump Boosters

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Happy Christmas eve, my dear readers.

While on tour with Bill O’Reilly (yes, that’s an actual thing), Donald Trump said he got a booster shot. He got booed…by his own cult. It was like he admitted he ate a salad.

Trump didn’t volunteer this information. O’Reilly nudged him to admit it. Now keep in mind, Donald Trump didn’t want anyone to know he got his first vaccine shot. While Presidents Biden, Obama, Bush, and Clinton all publicized their vaccinations, Donald Trump kept his a secret until it leaked out weeks after he had left the White House. And of course, Trump didn’t let his cult know he was being boosted either.

Trump is now trying to take credit for the vaccine and President Biden has given him some stating earlier this week, “Thanks to the prior administration and our scientific community, America is one of the first countries to get the vaccine.” By the way, Donald Trump never gave credit to President Obama for anything. He just took credit for half of Obama’s accomplishments while trying to destroy the rest.

Now Trump wants all the credit for the vaccines that his base despises, which is kinda weird. Trump told conservative gaslighting conspiracy theorist and token black friend Candace Owens, “I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines. All are very, very good. Came up with three of them in less than nine months.”

I doubt Donald Trump can mix milk and cereal together successfully and needs assistance with his Fruity Pebbles. What Trump did was gaslight, deny, and politicize the virus. Donald Trump is directly responsible for hundreds of thousands of American deaths. What he wants credit for is his getting out of the way so the science community could create vaccines for the coronavirus.

But, at least Trump is sticking up for the vaccines now even though he’s against mandates. He even corrected Owens when she made comments about the vaccines not being effective. Shockingly, Trump said, “Well, no, the vaccine works. The ones that get very sick and go to the hospital are the ones that don’t take their vaccine. But it’s still their choice, and if you take the vaccine, you are protected.” He even said, “People aren’t dying when they take the vaccine.”

That’s nice, right? But let’s not forget his statements from 2020.

On January 22, 2020, he said, “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. We have it under control. It’s going to be fine.” On January 21, 2021, the day Trump left office, there had been over 25 million cases in the United States.

On February 10, 2020, he said, “Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away.” It’s December 24, 2021. It hasn’t gone away.

On February 26, 2020, he said, “When you have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. That’s a pretty good job we’ve done.” There have been over 52 million cases by now. In case you’re a Republican, 52 million is more than 15.

On February 27, 2020, he said, “It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.” Again, it’s still here.

On February 28, 2020, he said, “Now the Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus. You know that, right? Coronavirus. They’re politicizing it.” Have you heard any good Dr. Fauci jokes lately?

On March 9, 2020, he said, “So last year, 37,000 Americans died from the common flu. It averages between 27,000 to 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down, life and the economy go on. At this moment, there are 546 confirmed cases of coronavirus, with 22 deaths. Think about that!” There have been over 800,000 deaths from the coronavirus. In case you’re a Republican, 800,000 is more than 70,000.

Don’t give Donald Trump any credit for the vaccines or now when he occasionally says something that’s not a total bonkers lie. This is a man who didn’t just put himself before the nation, but before the lives of the people he took an oath to protect. His politicization of the virus, telling people to take aquarium cleaner over real medication, and campaigning against testing killed people. This guy once stood in the White House briefing room and talked about injecting disinfectant. This guy campaigned against the virus and CDC guidelines, then caught the virus because he ignored those guidelines, received privileged medical treatment, then lied about it and had his doctors lie about it. The man even tried to pass it on to his political opponent.

And now he’s on tour promoting himself and his “accomplishments” against the virus? Praise Trump? I have nothing but contempt for this person.

Donald Trump shouldn’t be given a platform to promote his bullshit. He should be given a prison cell.

Music note: Today’s tunes to toon to were Live (Throwing Copper, skip the singles) and Sheryl Crow.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Horse Booster

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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I dedicate this cartoon to Jessica, who fell in love with the term “Horse Booster.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Wormy MAGAts

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Honestly, I didn’t know about this issue until I saw a few cartoons on it. At first, it was just a couple of cartoons by the hyper-partisan guys who go more for Facebook likes than for actually being published in news outlets. I watch news all day long (it’s on right now) and I had not heard of this. Then, I saw one cartoon (just one) by a cartoonist who is very esteemed and I thought, “This might actually be a thing.” So I pulled up a story and holy shit. It is a thing. Anti-vaxxers are taking deworming medication designed for livestock as a vaccine against the coronavirus. Shockingly, doctors don’t think this is a keen idea.

OK, first off…if you think the vaccines are bad for you then how in the hell do you get cattle dewormer medication? Do you have to go to a veterinarian? The drug is ivermectin and there was a tweet advising that nobody should take it to treat the coronavirus stating, “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.” Do you know who tweeted that? Bill Maher? Jim Carrey? Me? No. The freakin’ Food and Drug Administration (FDA) tweeted that. Why, it reminds me of that time the FDA had to tell Americans, “DO NOT DRINK BLEACH!” There was also that time the FDA had to tell people not to drink aquarium cleaner.

Mississippi has the highest rate in the nation of deaths and hospitalizations from covid. It has the lowest vaccination rate in the country. And now, it has the highest rate of human deaths from dumb fuckers taking cow pills. I think it’s in pill form. I don’t know. I’ve never owned a cow. I’ve only borrowed them from friends.

Dr. Thomas Dobbs, Mississippi’s top health official, said, ““You wouldn’t get your chemotherapy at a feed store. I mean, you wouldn’t treat your pneumonia with your animal’s medication,” he added. “It can be dangerous to get the wrong doses of medication, especially for something that’s meant for a horse or a cow.” Moo, beyotches.

The FDA warns you can overdose on ivermectin, which can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hypotension (low blood pressure), allergic reactions (itching and hives), dizziness, ataxia (problems with balance), seizures, coma, and death.” It can cause mooing, changing your name to “Bessy,” and excessive cud-chewing. It’s udderly ridiculous.

To find people who may have consumed the moo juice, state health officials are now going through Mississippi ringing cow bells to see if any humans come running. Unfortunately, that also attracts Mississippi State Bulldog fans. I lived in Mississippi for seven years and I never really got the whole cowbell/bulldog connection.

It’s especially dangerous for Trump supporters to take a worm-killing drug since they are MAGAts.

Note: I should be given a cookie for making it through this blog with only one udder joke.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: