Iowa Caucus Results

Iowa Coin Toss


Ever see one of the many scenes in Family Guy where Cleveland is naked in his bathtub, his house destroyed and he and the tub are about to crash to the ground from the second story? As the tub is sliding before eventually falling, Cleveland is saying “no, no, no, no.” That’s pretty much every human being’s reaction before any physical contact with Ted Cruz. The guy is creepy.

That was his daughter’s reaction this week when Daddy Ted came in for a kiss. No, no, no, no…ew. It happened.

Everybody hates Ted. His college roommate hates him so much that he’ll pick anyone in the phone book for president over Ted Cruz. A lot of people would extend that list to include those with unlisted numbers. Ted is probably responsible for a lot of people changing their digits.

George W. Bush said “I just don’t like the guy.” John Boehner called him a “jackass.” John McCain, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Lindsey O. Graham, John Cornyn, John Thune, and Tom Coburn have all publicly stated in regards to Cruz, “ew.” Bob Dole said that if Cruz is the nominee that he might oversleep on election day.

Not one member of the U.S. Senate, Cruz’s colleagues, has endorsed him for president. Ted Cruz was the kind of kid that required a pork chop tied around his neck so his dog would play with him. During his college years he would hang outside the women’s showers in a bathrobe. Reportedly the women are still trying to wash the ick off.

On top of all that he looks like Grandpa Munster and he has really tiny hands. I don’t care who you are, that’s just creepy.

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