Dum-Dum Diss Dossier


During the 2016 presidential campaign, Christopher Steele, a former MI6 operative compiled a dossier listing links between Donald Trump and Russia’s ongoing attacks against American democracy. Mainly, in how they were planting chaos in our nation and attempting to help elect Trump to the presidency…which is redundant.

Trump and his sycophants claim the dossier is “fake news.” There are parts of it that have not been confirmed, such as there is a tape of Trump hiring Russian hookers to urinate on a hotel bed the Obamas slept in, which does sound more believable than Ted Cruz’s dad playing a part in JFK’s assassination or Obama being born in Kenya. Other details from the dossier have been confirmed, like Russian trolls on the internet, hacking attempts, the disinformation campaign, and contacts between Trump’s goons Michael Flynn, Michael Cohen, and Paul Manafort with Putin’s press secretary, Dmitry Peskov and a dozen others Russians. Other goons showing up in the dossier are Wikileaks’ Julian Assange, Green Party candidate Jill Stein, and even a Russian pop star.

When Wikileaks was releasing emails from the DNC, much of which contained fabricated information, conservatives argued that it didn’t matter how the information was gained, and only what was in it was important. Now, they’re crying about how some information has been gained.

One question that has persisted over the dossier, which has been referred as “The Trump Dossier,”The Russian Dossier,” and “The Steele Dossier,” is…who paid for it? Christopher Steele didn’t do the work for free. He’s not a political cartoonist content with likes on Facebook.

Coming as a huge shock to no one, the Hillary Clinton campaign and the DNC picked up the tab…or in this case, resumed the payment for it. Oh my gosh! How horrible! A political campaign paid for an opposition report on their opponent. This is treason! This is unheard of! This should be the biggest story of the day and there should be 88 congressional investigations and let’s not ever talk about Russians helping Donald Trump win the election ever again. Lock her up!


This is an example of a the term I have come to loathe. It’s a nothing burger. Yes, I am partisan. Yes, I don’t like Donald Trump. I wanted Hillary Clinton to win the election. But, if you told me that Donald Trump paid a former operative of the British intelligence, or former members of the FBI and CIA to run opposition research on Hillary Clinton, I would believe that’s business as usual. And, they probably did.

Yes, they probably did run opposition research into Hillary Clinton, in addition to trying to dig up dirt on her through….I’ll give you one guess…RUSSIANS!!!!

Yes. Yes. Yes. These scumbags are bitching about Clinton paying for opposition research while they were hosting Russians in Trump Fucking Tower who promised to deliver dirt on Clinton. And, then they spent months lying about it. Many people from the Trump campaign had contacts with Russians and then lied about it. Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, Carter Page, Jeff Sessions, Michael Flynn, Roger Stone, Felix Sater, Donald Trump Jr all had connections if not direct meetings with officials of the Russian government. But, hey. It doesn’t stop there.

Cambridge Analytica is a data analytics company that digs shit up. They were working for Donald Trump’s campaign. As it turns out, Cambridge’s chief goon contacted Julian Assange, the Wikileaks fucker currently hiding in a Ecuadorean embassy in London so he doesn’t get deported to Sweden for raping a child, in an attempt to collect Clinton’s 33,000 emails she lost while she served as Secretary of State. Golly gee willikers. Your campaign attempted to collude with a hacking source linked to Russia for political dirt on your opponent. The Trump campaign says this is not a big deal as they didn’t rely on this firm after Trump won the nomination. The funny thing is, he sure paid a lot of money to a firm he wasn’t relying on. After he won the nomination, the Trump campaign paid Cambridge over $6 million.

So, Trump and his goons attempt to do some illegal shit. Then, they attempt to do some more illegal shit. Then, Trump himself publicly asks Russia to do some illegal shit. Then, Trump reads Wikileaks’ leaks of DNC emails in public, which is some more illegal shit….and now these bastards are screaming about Hillary Clinton’s campaign and the DNC doing something very legal and common in politics, which is running opposition research. Illegal shit versus legal shit. Which one is the scandal?

What they’re not screaming about is who got the ball rolling into this dossier. As I said before, Steele wasn’t working for free. Somebody was paying this guy and before the Democrats even knew about it. How did this come about?

Fusion GPS, another firm that digs up shit, was paid by Republicans to dig up dirt on Trump. Yes, Republicans started this very legal thing to find dirt on Trump. This isn’t uncommon either. Campaigns often dig up dirt on their primary opponents. In case your memory sucks, every Republican except for Jeff Sessions hated Donald Trump before he won the nomination. You can’t blame them. It was only after the nomination that each and every single one of them turned into ass-kissing, cowardly sycophants handing their balls over on a silver platter.

When it is finally revealed who paid for the dossier, things in D.C. might get a little awkward. I can’t wait.

Can you imagine the outbursts if it turns out the Republican National Committee, then chaired by future and now fired White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus? How about Ted Cruz? Cruz started the campaign loving Trump…which turned into hate after Trump accused his father of killing JFK and said his wife looks like an ugly broom-riding ho. OK, he didn’t use those words, but there was a serious implication in a tweet that she was less than attractive. I do believe the words Cruz used to describe Trump were “sniveling coward.”

It might turn out that the Jeb Bush campaign paid for it, and that will disappoint me greatly. It won’t be a scandal as much as it will be boring. We already know Jeb hates Trump. Jeb and the Bush family aren’t going to lose any sleep if Trump hates them more and sends out a nasty tweet. Nothing awkward there. But, if it’s someone who turned into a sycophant, I’m gonna need a lot of popcorn. If it’s Cruz, that might make Steve Bannon go after him. Hell, maybe it was Melania.

It’s not a surprise the Republicans don’t want it revealed which one of them paid for it. But, it puzzles me that the Democrats and the Clinton campaign didn’t come forward sooner. Why should they care? They didn’t do anything illegal. It’s not unethical. They should be proud of it. Fusion GPS came to them when the GOP guys lost every reason for it…and they probably had the Clinton’s and DNC’s attention at “pee-tape.” I’d be intrigued.

So, to sum up: So what? Clinton ran opposition research on a guy trying his damnedest to run some illegal shit with Russians. When you hear the hypocrites trying to make something out of this, just keep in mind how full of shit they’ve been over the past year. They’re trying to make you forget that after Trump denied Clinton’s accusation that he would be Putin’s puppet, that he invited Russians into the Oval Office at Putin’s request, declassified information gained from an ally to the Russians, allowed the Russians to bring recording equipment into the Oval Office while denying American press access, allowed Putin to bring the translator to their meeting at the G20, and hasn’t initiated Congressional sanctions against Russia yet despite it being weeks after the deadline. The bastard even thanked Putin for kicking American diplomats out of Russia.

The fact is, the real scandal and investigation are over Trump’s collusion with Russia. Don’t let them steal focus on that.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Hillary Is Progressive


There’s a really stupid argument right now in Campaign 2016 and it’s between the two most qualified for the presidency.

No, it’s not Trump angry at Ted Cruz for telling Iowa voters Ben Carson was withdrawing before they voted. It’s not Chris Christie calling Marco Rubio the “Bubble Boy.” It’s not even Jeb Bush pleading with his audience to clap.

It’s between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Bernie says Hillary isn’t really progressive and Hillary thinks that’s a personal attack. First, it’s not a personal attack. You’re ugly, you like Ted Cruz, you bought “The Art of The Deal,” you love Nickelback, those are personal attacks.

We’re arguing over labels now? I mean labels other than “socialist” that Republicans believe means communism. Hillary has claimed in the past she’s moderate. Now she wants people to know she’s progressive. Bernie says you can’t be both. Can you? I would have to spend a lot of time thinking about where you draw the line.

You can be progressive on a lot of issues and still think trickle-down works. You can be a liberal and want voucher schools. You can be a conservative and believe gays should be free to marry (which is actually a conservative position when you really think about it).

I don’t care about those labels. I want to know the issues. Do you believe in universal health care? Free college? Wars paid with tax cuts? Barring Muslims from entering the country? The separation of Church and State? Labels Schmabels.

These two candidates need to define who is the candidate that believes in “progress” for this nation and to prevent (here’s a few labels) the racist, xenophobic, bigoted, regressive policies of the Republicans from taking this nation backwards.

I am not lampooning Hillary Clinton because I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter. I haven’t made up my mind between the two of them. There’s a lot of animosity between Sanders’ and Clinton’s supporters and I’m not a part of that and don’t intend to jump in.

This is the first cartoon I’ve drawn this week that’s not disgusting by featuring political sex, vomit, or Ted Cruz. Are you proud of me? I had to draw this cartoon now because my next cartoon might feature a little bondage action. You’ve been warned.

I drew Flo about 40 times. That was a lot of erasing and I almost destroyed my paper doing it. She has a lot of features in a limited amount of space. I looked at photos of her and then I looked at caricatures of her. The way other people draw doesn’t work for me so I went back to the photos. I finally got one down I could live with and I don’t think the way I drew her is indicative of my usual style. Now that it’s done, I like it better than I did before. I’ll hate it tomorrow.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!