Make America great again, my ass. When the Trump era is finally over, we’re going to have to hose America down again. I want that cap.

We thought Bill Clinton sullied the office by traipsing around with an intern. Who woulda thunk that we could get nastier than finding a president’s DNA on a blue dress….or any dress for that matter? Leave it to Donald Trump to do just that.

Republicans were outraged over Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. They campaigned that it was an erosion of family values, blah, blah, blah. Apparently, to Republicans, the only thing worse than a Democratic president in a torrid sex scandal is a black president. No sex scandal. Just that the president is black. Because, when if you listened to Republicans over the past several years, a black president, married to one woman, with two children from that same individual woman, and lives by ethics, principles, and loyalty, is so much worse than a dishonest Republican cheating on his wife with a porn star.

It’s alleged that Trump had an affair with Stormy Daniels in 2006, but forget that alleged stuff. She said she can describe his junk perfectly, which would explain why she’s had the night terrors since 2006. She has even hinted she has photos, which brings up two questions: Where are they and why? For the love of God and all that is holy….WHY?

Days before the election, Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen paid Stormy $130,000 through a shell company in Delaware (there’s at least one reason to go to Delaware). He had Stormy sign an agreement that she would never talk about it, and he has claimed he paid the money himself and wasn’t reimbursed by Trump or his campaign. The White House says Trump doesn’t know anything about it.

There’s a couple of problems, at least a couple, with that. Lawyers don’t settle claims without their client’s involvement or permission. Paying someone off to help a political candidate is a campaign contribution. If it goes unreported, as this has, it’s a crime.

Stormy has sued the president in a California court seeking to speak publicly on the matter. She claims her hush contract is void because the president never signed it. In fact, the president’s name isn’t on the contract. It’s attributed to David Dennison, presumably a fake name for Trump. I guess Trump thought it would be tacky to use his usual pseudonym, Barron, as that’s also the name of his son, who his wife was pregnant with at the time of the affair. Two points for Trump for not dragging his son’s name into an affair with a porn star. But, even David Dennison didn’t sign the contract. Stormy didn’t sign the contract either, nor did she in her real name, Stephanie Clifford, but as “Peggy Peterson.” They’re fighting over a contract that was signed and unsigned by people who do not exist.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the press that Trump won an arbitration proceeding to prevent Stormy from talking. Wait, what? An arbitration proceeding?

Court cases are public. Arbitration proceedings are not. We would not have known about this arbitration proceeding if Sanders hadn’t told us. Thanks, Sarah. You really are worth every penny we’re paying you. But, if Trump isn’t involved then how does the White House know about this arbitration proceeding, and….how did Trump win if he’s not a part of it? Do you just like winning so much that you’ll claim wins you weren’t a part of, like Obama’s economy? Do you like winning so much that you’ll out the president’s affair with a porn star? Sarah Huckabee Sanders basically gave Viagra to Trump’s porn star scandal. Did I just put a horrible image in your head? It’s what I do, folks.

Trump doesn’t have a good track record with blondes. Ivanka is now being investigated by Robert Mueller for shady business dealings. Kellyanne Conway violated the Hatch Act, which prohibits government employees from using their position to play politics. Conway did just that by advocating on TV, twice, for voters in Alabama to vote for a Republican pedophile.

Trump has brought corruption, obstruction of justice, Russians, treason, stupidity, nepotism, Nazis, pedophiles, and porn stars to the Oval Office. I really miss the blue dress.

Here’s the video.

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