Hardee Times for the MyPillow Guy

Mike Lindell, a former crackhead who now sells shitty pillows and absurd conspiracy theories was served with a subpoena this week and had his cell phone seized by the FBI. How do we know this? Because Mike Lindell told us and displayed a picture of the subpoena on his online TV show, which I just found out is a thing.

Taking into account that we learned of this through Lindell, you’d be justified to believe Pillow Goon is lying again. But, an FBI spokesperson from the Denver office issued a statement that didn’t confirm Lindell was served with a subpoena and had his phone taken away, but it did say, “Without commenting on this specific matter, I can confirm that the FBI was at that location executing a search warrant authorized by a federal judge.”

The statement didn’t just say they were there for curly fries. Why would I make a curly fries joke? Because this happened at a Hardee’s drive-thru. Why do I always confuse Hardee’s with Arby’s despite the fact Hardee’s stole Carl Jr’s yellow star sign. I don’t know. All three are places I never go to.

FBI agents served Lindell with a grand jury subpoena in Mankato, Minnesota. He said agents questioned him about Tina Peters, the Mesa County, Colorado clerk who was indicted in March on charges that she helped an outsider copy sensitive data from the county’s elections systems in May 2021.

The FBI is conducting multiple investigations into alleged security breaches of local elections offices in Colorado, Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, and Thighland. These investigations are separate from their January 6 coup attempt investigation and their stolen documents at Mar-a-Lago investigation. There’s also a state investigation in Georgia over Trump’s attempt to have the state’s Secretary of State flip the election for him and other election fraud shenanigans from goons like Rudy Giuliani.

Lindell said the FBI agents also asked him about an image copied from a Mesa County voting machine that was published on his website, Frank Speech. At first, I thought “Frank Speech” was a person.

Lindell said he wasn’t involved in the copying of Mesa County’s election management system and did not meet Peters until she attended a “cyber symposium” he held in South Dakota in August 2021. Regarding the Colorado election fuckery, he said, “I have no idea what went on then. I have nothing to do with it.”

Lindell actually sent his private jet to bring Peters to his bullshit hater symposium and paid for her lodgings, security, and now lawyers. He probably splurged and super-sized her combo meals too.

Lindell has used his pillow fortune to promote the Big Lie that there was rampant voter fraud in the 2020 election and that Trump is the actual winner. He’s paid for films and conferences on the bullshit. Dominion Voting Machines is suing Lindell for defamation.

Now, Lindell, Trump, and other MAGAts are crying like little beyotches over him having his phone seized and being served with a grand jury subpoena while in a Hardee’s drive-thru.

These fuckers think this is Highlander but instead of churches being the holy ground sanctuary where combat is forbidden, it’s Hardee’s drive-thrus. Is it just Hardee’s or can you also declare sanctuary at Whataburger?

Others are declaring that serving a subpoena to a pillow fucker in a drive-thru is fascism. No, fascism only happens at Burger King. You know that king wasn’t elected and has the job Trump wants…a monarch with access to unlimited hamberders.

Music Note: I didn’t listen to anything today.

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