halftime Show

Snoozer Bowl


cjones02082019

Wow! Super Bowl LIII. The Rams! The Patriots! Tom Brady! Bill Belichick! Jared Goff! Maroon Five! How exciting…not so much.

While the game and halftime show bored everyone, and the MVP went to the Patriots’ Julian Edelman, and shockingly not to a punter, the stars of the show were Harrison Ford and his dog. Honorable mentions go to Forest Whitaker and astronaut brothers Mark and Scott Kelly.

They say defense win championships. And unless you’re a soccer fan, they also provide boring games. The Rams had eight consecutive punts and even set a Super Bowl record for longest punt. Put that on your mantle. The lone touchdown of the game didn’t arrive until the fourth quarter, with the Patriots eventually winning the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in History, 13-3. Surprise! The Patriots won. Thanks for watching.

At least we had the halftime show. Hey, five points to anyone who can name a member of Maroon 5 who’s NOT Adam Levine. Time’s up. Maroon 5 has hits, but have you heard what qualifies as hits today? White boy soul music is about as thrilling as a football game full of punts. Maroon 5 was the consolation act after several others turned the slot down in protest of the NFL’s blackballing treatment of Colin Kaepernick and keeping him out of the league for the past two seasons, merely for speaking out against racial injustice. Even SpongeBob SquarePants couldn’t liven up the halftime show. Yes. I said “SpongeBob SquarePants.

Oh, you’ve never heard of Maroon 5? I’m sure you’ve heard one of their tunes if you’ve ever been to Walgreens (I stole that joke from Twitter). Even if you won’t remember any of their songs you’ll never forget shirtless Levine’s tattoos looking like NASCAR product placements. At least he stopped before he got the Nixon.

One person tweeted that the game was so boring, it was the Maroon 5 of Super Bowls (I stole another joke).

Now, the lucky winners get to go to the White House and hang out with Donald Trump and cold hamberders, which might explain why both offenses played so poorly. Except, the Patriots will probably enjoy going to the White House. Owner Robert Kraft is a friend of Trump’s and recently stated that he’s “working very hard to serve the best interests of the country.” That sort of compliment will get you a berder.

So, if you’re not like 99 percent of the nation and hating the Patriots already, you have a reason now, or another reason to hate them even more…if that was possible.

People are tired of the Patriots playing in Super Bowls. They’re kind of tired of Boston winning championships in general as it’s only been 75 days since their last major league championship. At this rate, people are going to start hating the Red Sox more than they hate the Yankees. Not only did we have to endure another Patriots win, but we had a boring game out of it.

About the only thing that would make us hate seeing the Patriots with Trump at the White House is if they invite Maroon 5 to come along.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Hillarylicious


cjones02122016

Sometimes a reader will tell me I have a really weird mind. My older sister used to tell me that on a daily basis.

I really don’t think there’s any real importance to endorsements, yet politicians believe in them. Chris Christie was really proud of receiving the endorsement from New Hampshire’s largest daily newspaper, The Union-Leader, yet he came in sixth place in the primary. That’s amazing. The last time Christie was sixth in line for something it was a salad bar.

Sarah Palin endorsed Trump before Iowa, and despite speaking for stupid people everywhere, Ted Cruz won the caucus. Apparently the stupid brain dead incoherent demographic needs more research.

Some crazy lady runs a very politically conservative, racist, and conspiracy-laden Facebook page and plans to announce an endorsement. Oh really? Will there be a press conference to display the full might of influence your Facebook page carries? I think some people mistake influence for flatulence.

Now Bernie Sanders is having breakfast with Al Sharpton in Harlem and Hillary Clinton is receiving the endorsement from the Congressional Black Caucus. Some of the CBC members are stating that is not their personal endorsement.

Madeleine Albright endorsed Clinton stating “there’s a special place in Hell for women who don’t help women.” Then every woman in New Hampshire voted for Sanders. Hopefully Hell has free college tuition.

Here’s the thing: Nobody speaks for establishment Republicans, black voters, women voters, or even stupid people (though they need someone to hold their hand and explain things to them like Planned Parenthood isn’t selling baby body parts and Ted Cruz is NOT the face of God).

Nobody cares about your endorsements. You do want endorsements to show that someone can tolerate the idea of you in the Oval Office. Newspaper endorsements don’t hold sway anymore but they should still endorse because it’s bold and they should have an opinion on their pages that are marked “opinion.” If anything, a newspaper endorsement can be very informative and let you know just what kind of psychopaths you’re dealing with.

I will not endorse anyone and I wouldn’t expect anyone to care if I did. Usually I have to assure people I’m not with a certain candidate. I will not work or campaign for a candidate. Just when someone thinks they like me because I drew something nice about Hillary (for example) they’re very disappointed the next day when I lampoon her and make her bootylicious. Don’t trust me to be in your corner. I am left wing as anyone and probably even more so, but I’m also an editorial cartoonist, not an activist, who believes everyone is fair game. And quite frankly, I don’t want to join your little party.

My cartoon on Beyonce and the ridiculous fake outrage by conservatives over her “anti-cop” protest was very good to me. It has received over 4,000 shares on Facebook and 25,000 views right here on this little website. Despite that, it’s not why I kinda drew the image again. It also didn’t deter me. I really don’t try to hit gold at the same spot. I just really, really, really, liked this idea and this image of Hillary Clinton. I’m also looking forward to the gag reactions of you, my readers. Sorry about that. Hope you weren’t having breakfast. But quite frankly, you should expect this sort of stuff of me by now. So it’s your fault.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Beyonce’s Super Controversy


cjones02092016

I spent the entire day with the intention of drawing a cartoon incorporating Puppy Monkey Baby. That Superbowl commercial was more creepy than stupid. I just thought it’d be ridiculous in a cartoon. I still might use it (and a colleague beat me to it and I’m sure more will tomorrow which will make me not do it).

But as thrilling as Puppy Monkey Baby may be, it’s not important.

There were several controversies coming out of Superbowl 50. A lot of people were angry that Cam Newton failed to display more grace as a loser because he only spent three minutes answering questions after the game. His critics and Broncos’ fans want him to be more of a sportsman like their hero, Payton Manning. Manning, the sportsman who stormed off the field after his 2010 Superbowl loss to the New Orleans Saints, failing to congratulate their quarterback Drew Brees. Manning also gave a shout out to Budweiser after the game right before his big man hug with Mr. One Percenter, make my employees suffer while I live in a castle, Papa John.

The ridiculous didn’t stop there. Even left-wingers found something to get upset over. NARAL, a pro-choice group was upset over a Doritos commercial. A baby in what appears to be the third trimester exited the womb during an ultrasound chasing a tossed Dorito. The NARALers were outraged that it “humanized” a fetus. Prolifers were rejoicing the snack-hungry fetus was depicted as a human being. If fake entrapment videos aimed at taking down Planned Parenthood doesn’t seal your argument, then a Doritos commercial will. No one seemed concerned over a premature birth or that the baby will need an incubator, not cheese-flavored corn chips.

The other controversy circling above all the micro controversies was Beyonce’s performance. She made a political statement, wearing very low cut shorts, a militaristic-style jacket that some viewed as a shout out to the Black Panthers, and her dancers formed an X. Uh oh. Black people not knowing their place. We came for the mellow and boring grooves of Coldplay. Coldplay never threatened anybody. There’s never been a mosh pit at a Coldplay concert. Only very sensitive people.

I’ll be honest. I didn’t really catch the political statement at the time. I couldn’t hear the lyrics. I thought the jacket was a tribute to Michael Jackson’s Superbowl performance, and I was really distracted by her legs. I was distracted during last time’s halftime show by Katy Perry’s legs. I really think the NFL needs to continue with this theme, but I digress.

Do you want to know how to upset conservative white people? Put a black person in front of them with an opinion. Give them a spotlight and you just ruined Christmas, America and more puppies than Puppy Monkey Baby’s mad scientists could dream of violating. Rudy Giuliani and Rush Limbaugh led the national white guy freakout saying she was criticizing cops and endorsing violence.

Some people made a comparison by saying nobody would accept a dance troupe in white robes and hoods. I agree that nobody, outside of Limbaugh and Giuliani, would like that. But maybe it could be as amusing as Springtime For Hitler if done properly. But that comparison sucks. The Black Panthers weren’t about oppressing white people. It was about black power. At the time, and still today, most power belongs to white people. It seems a little stupid to be upset when people get upset about being oppressed.

I don’t find an image or reference to Black Power, the Panthers or Malcolm X offensive. All made statements that needed to be heard. From the look of today’s climate of police shooting unarmed black men, poisoning the water of a black city, and getting upset at an empowered black woman during halftime of a football game, those messages still need to be heard.

I’m less offended by Black Power than I am at the white environment that created it.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!