Greenland

A Danish Denial


cjones08292019

Donald Trump was invited to Denmark by that nation’s queen. Despite saying that the idea of purchasing Greenland, the world’s largest island near the Arctic that’s controlled by Denmark, was “not number one on the burner,” Trump has now canceled his visit after being denied and mocked by the Danish prime minister.

Trump’s visit was seen as an offbeat thank-you to Denmark for being a stalwart NATO member that’s supported U.S. involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan. But his postponing the trip shows that his only intention was to make a crappy offer for the island.

Denmark is smart not to make a land deal with a grifter who doesn’t pay his bills and ruins everything he touches. Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen said that she wouldn’t even have “interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland.”

Af first, Denmark considered it a joke. After discovering he was serious, they took it as an insult. Frederiksen had visited Greenland over the weekend and told reporters that Trump’s idea of buying the island was “absurd.” Welcome to our reality, Mrs. Prime Minister. Every day here just gets more absurd. Example: Trump wants to buy Greenland.

Since Trump claimed the purchase of Greenland was not related to his visit to Denmark, why did he abruptly cancel his trip? It’s because he’s a big baby.

Trump was never to entitled Greenland though he’s in the habit of everyone bending over backward and kissing his ass. What sort of tantrum would he have had thrown if he had lost the election? We’ve seen his tantrums over losing the popular vote and having the smallest inauguration. What will his tantrum be like when he’s defeated in 2020? I’m looking forward to finding that out.

When we purchased Alaska and the Louisiana territory, they were for sale (in case you’re a Republican, Alaska was sold by Russia and Louisiana by France). When we took Hawaii, we stole it (in case you’re a Republican, we stole it from Hawaiians). We stole and bought the American southwest. Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Philippines were ceded to us by Spain after the Spanish-American War. American Samoa was annexed. Spain ceded Florida to us in 1821 as a prank. The days of taking, buying, and selling territory without any consideration given to the native inhabitants are pretty much over. There are two people apparently unaware of that; Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump.

The United States has never had a claim on Greenland. Donald Trump is a big baby to be insulted by Denmark’s refusal to discuss selling it to him. He’s the one who insulted them first. How would he feel if Denmark offered to purchase Montana, then got a hair up their ass when we told them the idea was “absurd.”

Donald Trump is absurd and once again, we’re being laughed at on the world stage. Trump is confused that having a little orange snit and tempter tantrum is viewed as being strong. It’s not. When a baby screams its head off in the grocery store because the parents won’t buy it a candy bar, nobody sees that baby as being strong. They see it as being a baby and everyone in close proximity really dislikes that baby and the parents spend the rest of their time in the store apologizing for it.

Screaming and crying works for babies…sometimes. It doesn’t work for adults or even people like Trump who are supposed to be adults.

The world sees Donald Trump as being a baby. Nobody outside the U.S. likes that baby and we’re going to be apologizing for it for a really long time. Thanks to Donald Trump, we can’t even give Canada grief for Bryan Adams or Justin Beiber anymore. Maybe Nickelback.

Denmark is the big winner here. Not only did they get to deny Trump and mock him on the world stage, but now they don’t have to put up with an obnoxious Trump visit. I am now officially jealous of Denmark.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Let’s Make A Trump Deal


cjones08252019

Donald Trump’s probably thinking, “I don’t care how green it is, I’m driving my golf cart on it.”

After hearing that Donald Trump wants to purchase Greenland, an autonomous nation owned by Denmark (in case you’re a Republican, “autonomous” means they govern themselves), I have several questions for him.

Can he find Greenland on a map? Greenland is close to the Arctic Circle, does he know the difference between the Arctic and Antarctica? Does he know there aren’t any penguins in the North Pole or does he think it’s like a commercial where polar bears and penguins are sharing bottles of Coca-Cola? Does he know Denmark owns Greenland? Does he know Greenland actually isn’t green? Does he know it’s an island “surrounded by water” (because Puerto Rico’s location totally surprised him)? What does he plan to use as currency to make the purchase because the oil reserves alone are estimated at three trillion dollars, and he’s already tacking two trillion to our debt? Does he plan to finance it through Deutsche Bank with Russian help? If he becomes Greenland’s landlord, will he raise the rent to keep out black people? Will he rename it “Trumpland” or better yet, “Orangeland?” Does he know Greenland has a national healthcare plan? If he purchases the largest island in the world (he probably doesn’t know that either), will he acknowledge climate change is real and not just a hoax created by China?

There are reports that White House aides are confused over Trump’s interest in Greenland. They don’t know if he’s joking or being an idiot because he’s not funny and he’s always an idiot. But apparently, he has the White House counsel looking into it between their current activities in helping him obstruct justice and committing high crimes and misdemeanors.

Trump will be visiting Denmark next month as soon as he figures out the difference between Danish and Dutch. Some in the media are wondering if he’ll bring up the topic of purchasing Greenland from them, that is if he actually knows they own it.

There are two other troubling issues with Trump wanting to buy Greenland. It insults our allies and the citizens of Greenland (Ha, those silly Americans….what? We’re going to become Americans? NOOOOOOOOOOO!). Also, it’s another example to our friends and foes that Trump can’t be taken seriously.

I have a suggestion. Why don’t we take care of the current islands we own before we acquire more? Let’s take care of the citizens of Puerto Rico before we get another island with citizens to crap on. Or better yet, instead of increasing the size of the United States, let’s unload some shit.

Do we really need the Dakotas? I mean, can’t we just squish Mount Rushmore down into Nebraska and trick, I mean convince, Canada to buy North and South Dakota? Maybe the Canadians will let the Native Americans there finally vote. Then there’s Arkansas. You look at it and you ask, “why?” As for Indiana, I can’t think of a good reason for it. Getting rid of Ohio might be worth it not to have to deal with Jim Jordan anymore. And, maybe we don’t get rid of the entire state of Iowa but just the congressional district Steve King keeps winning. South Carolina is a beautiful state, but maybe we can add an ejection seat to it and get Lindsey Graham to sit in it. Florida is a hard sell (we’d have to hide Matt Gaetz and Rick Scott during the open house) and I doubt Denmark would buy it off us, but maybe the Netherlands. They get high a lot. For them, it’d be like the morning after a binger and discovering what you purchased on Amazon.

Or even better, we just get rid of Donald Trump and stop having to deal with any of this shit. I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say we’ll be willing to pay for someone to take him off our hands. Maybe a beautiful penthouse in a Pyongyang Trump Tower? I hear the winters are lovely.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.