Gorilla

Tax The Monkey


cjones03152020

There’s one thing Donald Trump fears more than anything and no, I’m not talking about stairs, rain, wind, or sharks. He’s afraid of it more than facts and even more than a pandemic killing his constituents. He’s even more afraid of it more than a giant gorilla climbing Trump Tower. The thing Trump fears the most is a recession.

No president wants a recession but it’s especially worse for Donald Trump because he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

In the modern era, recessions cut short the presidencies of Jimmy Carter and George H. W. Bush. George W. Bush managed to serve two terms but a recession helped his party lose the White House.  All three of these presidents were smarter and better than Donald J. Trump. Yeah, even George W.

Democratic presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama pulled our nation out of recessions created by Republican presidents. Donald Trump is really good at claiming Obama’s success, but the only accomplishment he has with the American economy is that he hasn’t fucked it up yet. It’s a big yet. It’s not a long limb to venture out on to predict a Democratic president will be pulling us out of Donald Trump’s recession.

The coronavirus is hitting our nation and right at election time. It would be rare for the nation to toss out a president during good economic times, but if one president can accomplish being rejected by the nation during an economic boom, it’s Donald Trump. If Americans are feeling a pinch or losing confidence in the economy, the presidency of Donald Trump, which never should have happened in the first place, is history. The economy, which he didn’t even create, is the only thing he has going for him (unless you’re a Nazi and you like a pro-Nazi president). Unfortunately, being laughed at by other world leaders isn’t a plus.

As the Coronavirus hits the U.S., Trump keeps spinning as if he’s successfully managing it. First off, he cut budgets to agencies that would deal with a pandemic, thus setting himself to fail before it even began. Donald Trump is that stupid. He’s called it a hoax and blamed the Democratic Party and the media for it. He even blamed Obama. When the stock market dropped, he claimed it was a success because more Americans were staying home, spending their money here and that we have lower gas prices. If a giant monkey does climb Trump Tower and poops on the streets, Trump will boast we have lots of free fertilizer. But we’ve been rolling in that for the last three years.

To deal with the coronavirus, Trump is going back to the only thing he’s really accomplished. Tax Cuts. Trump wants a payroll tax cut worth $40 billion a month. How long does Trump want this cut to last? Only until the election. Ever wonder what Trump’s poker face looks like? Unfortunately for him, it looks like his usual face.

But the thing is, nobody really likes his idea of a payroll tax cut. Of course, Democrats don’t like it but even Republicans aren’t wild about it. It’s a cut for hourly workers, not corporations and mega-rich assholes. Of course, Republicans don’t like it. But even members of his own administration think it’s a horrible idea.

Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, National Economic Council Director Larry Kudlow and Acting Director of the Office of Management and Budget Russ Vought would all rather help the economy by giving paid sick leave to hourly workers and loans for small businesses affected by the coronavirus, according to White House insiders. Some Democrats are pushing to expand unemployment insurance.

The problem with a payroll tax cut is that it only helps hourly workers, and it doesn’t help them if they can’t go to work, either because they’re sick, their hours are cut because of declining business, they get laid off, or their business goes under faster than a Trump casino without a daddy loan.

And even if it does put more money in people’s pockets, they’re not going to board flights, visit theme parks, take cruises, or golf at shitty bedbug-infested Trump resorts if they think they’re going to catch a virus that kills them.

On top of trying to prevent a recession, Donald Trump is just trying to buy votes. Fortunately for him, his supporters are dumb enough to fall for that. What he better hope they don’t notice is that they can’t afford to get sick because if they do, Donald Trump doesn’t want to help them. Trump wants to cut entitlements and strip pre-existing conditions from insurance coverage. Again, things that don’t help Americans who need it the most.

Donald Trump has displayed that he doesn’t know how to handle a crisis. Neither tweets or tax cuts will cure a pandemic. If anything, Donald Trump is only skilled at making it worse. If your parents buy you a pony to lift your spirts over their divorce, it doesn’t actually stop the divorce. If anything, the pony it just temporary, it’s a shit machine while you have it, and daddy is still living with a woman closer to your age than your mother’s. Don’t believe me? Ask Ivanka.

The best way to deal with the coronavirus would be to deal with the coronavirus. We don’t need card tricks. What we need is a president who can deal with a crisis and save Americans from dying.

Donald Trump has a big monkey to deal with in an election year and a tax cut isn’t going to make it go away. But it might make our monkey go away.

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Apes On The Radio


cjones06032016

I think “Apes On The Radio” would be an awesome name for a skinny-jeans wearing emo band.

Yesterday Rush Limbaugh wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his brain and gave us all a science lesson. He explained it to us slowly in case we’re too slow to keep up. He said the evolution doesn’t exist because the gorilla from the Cincinnati Zoo had not turned into a human.

I wonder if Rush has ever listened to himself? If he did he might think, “this guy on the radio is an idiot.” Isn’t there someone who loves him that would try to save him from embarrassment by saying “hey, Rusho. Shut up.”

How many hours a day is Rush on the radio? Three? Four? Seventeen? I would think how ever many hours it is would be better filled with “ook ook ook” than whatever Rush is saying. It’d make more sense. Personally, I hate talk radio. I don’t see how anyone can listen to it and not develop ulcers from stress. Every right wing talk radio show host sounds like they’re suffering from serious sphincter pain. As if there’s a giant pointy stick in there. I’d probably be angry and shouting all the time too and make stuff up to be angry about, because who wants to admit they shoved a giant pointy stick in their butt?

People are still going on about the gorilla. Everyone has an opinion. But seriously, if you never worked for child protective services, or worked in a zoo, or have zero experience being a gorilla….shut up.

This was drawn on the tablet while I was out and was supposed to be celebrating my birthday. Drawing cartoons is my way of having fun.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Gorilla Of Marco’s Dreams


cjones05302016

Someone’s going to accuse me of being heartless, tasteless, and crass with this cartoon. Well, yeah. I don’t have too many sacred cows. However, if the child had died I wouldn’t have even considered drawing this cartoon. I am sorry the Gorilla was killed.

In case you get your news from editorial cartoons, a four-year-old child fell into the gorilla pet at the Cincinnati Zoo on Sunday. The child was hurt but he’s going to be OK. But before anyone knew that, the gorilla was dragging the child through some water and very interested. Zoo keepers decided the only way to be sure the child wouldn’t be killed was to shoot and kill the gorilla. It is very sad the gorilla had to die.

A lot of people think the zoo reacted poorly. Some say he should have been tranquilized but that can take up to ten minutes to work after the injection. It might have also upset the gorilla and further endanger the child. Other people say the gorilla wasn’t going to hurt the kid and was trying to protect it. Yeah, nobody knows that. Others say the gorilla’s life is just important as the child’s. No, it’s not. I have a little experience with this as I briefly worked in a zoo before I became a professional smart ass (back before I went pro).

I support animal rights but that shouldn’t, no pun intended, trump the life of a child. Sorry.

On the other end of this, Marco Rubio is kissing some serious Trump booty. He’s apologizing for insinuating The Donald has a tiny penis. John Miller says it’s “yuuuuuuge.” He’s lobbying to speak in support of Trump at the RNC National Convention. He’s denied he’d be interested in the Veep slot, but Marco doesn’t have a job after January. Yeah, he’s sucking up for it. And you know what? Monkeying with Trump will damage his career.

I’m not advocating anyone shoot Trump, but maybe he could take a downer every now and then.

I avoided drawing Trump for six cartoons last week and now I’ve monkeyed around and drawn three in a row. I had three other subjects in mind for my next cartoon but I really couldn’t resist drawing a gorilla. That was an urge I resisted successfully during the New York primaries and I sat back and watched twelve other cartoonists draw a gorilla Trump on top of the Empire State building.

Update: In the hours since I posted this cartoon there’s been a bunch of comments about how horrible the parents are. Many are saying they’re they ones who should have been shot. I don’t see how that would have helped the child.

I don’t know if these are good parents. I also don’t know if they’re not. Neither do you. I do know as a parent, and a former child myself, that stuff happens. Every child gets into a dangerous situation. People who say the parents are to blame, either don’t have kids, or they don’t remember that they do and have also forgotten every dangerous and near-death experience their child ever had.

Stop being a parenting expert on the internet. Especially before you have any information. Yes, I’m sure the parents could have done a better job in this situation, but again, stuff happens. Even overprotective mama Gump couldn’t keep track of little Forrest every day. He was even chased by bullies and had to run, Forrest, run. One, or even a few instances, of a child encountering a dangerous situation does not make bad parents. If it’s something that’s frequent, then you might need to call protective services.

I think a better question might be: Why is it so easy for a child to fall into a gorilla pit?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!