General John Kelly

General Papa John Kelly


cjones11062017

It seems so long ago that we had high hopes for General John Kelly and the influence he would command in the Oval Office.

The first publicly-known term for Kelly to take the job as the Chief-of-Staff was for Trump to get rid of Anthony Scaramucci. It gave us the impression he wouldn’t tolerate any nonsense, and when Scaramucci was fired we believed he had considerable influence on Donald Trump.

There were reports Kelly was running a tight ship. Staffers couldn’t just pop into the Oval Office anymore to share with the president the latest conspiracy theory they gleaned off InfoWars. People, even Jared and Ivanka, would need an appointment to meet with the president. Trump would also become more presidential, and we’d see fewer tweets from the First Toilet.

We all felt Kelly took the job out of an obligation to save the world from Trump. He would spare us from a nuclear Armageddon over an insult from North Korea, like “dotard.”

With General Kelly at the helm, we could sleep at nights.

Then, Trump said there were good people marching with Nazis. As the stupidity spilled from Trump’s mouth, Kelly was looking down at his shoes as though he was in serious anguish over the racist comments. We thought he was wondering what he “signed up for,” and how he could repair the problem in the White House.

As Trump spoke at the United Nations and referred to Kim Jong Un as “Little Rocket Man” and threatened to destroy him, Kelly sat in his chair nearly putting his head between his knees. We all assumed he was recoiling from the immature rant on an international stage. As it turns out, he was probably just suffering from dining on 7-11 breakfast burritos, and he was bargaining with God for the consequences to happen at any time, but not at that time.

Hope in Kelly started to dim as the tweets continued. Where was Kelly’s influence of being calm, reasonable, or at the very least, not acting like a man-baby with a full diaper?

Then, Kelly attacked a black Democratic Congresswoman. He accused her of politicizing the death of a slain soldier, even though Donald Trump had started it and even brought the death of the General’s son into the discussion. Kelly didn’t take down Trump’s lie that he’s the only president who ever called Gold Star families.

Kelly then told a lie about the congresswoman and called her an “empty barrel.” After footage of the event in question proved Kelly was a liar, the White House Spokesgoon, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told us that we shouldn’t “debate a four-star general.” To make matters worse, Kelly never apologized for using a racist insult, or for lying.

This week, Kelly defended white-people heritage by saying Robert E. Lee was an honorable man. He told us the Civil War was started by a “lack of ability to compromise,” ignoring the fact the root cause of the war was slavery. Duh!!! He claimed that people were more loyal to states than country back in the 1860s.

By now, the general’s credibility is on the same level as Papa John.

Papa John, the man who started a pizza company in a closet and now lives in a Kentucky castle told us that the anthem protests in the NFL are responsible for his decreased profits. Papa likes to say “better ingredients. Better pizza,” but what he’s really about is bigger bullshit.

John Schnatter, the CEO and founder of Papa John’s lost $70 million within hours after releasing its third-quarter financial report on Tuesday afternoon. After the report’s estimates on earnings and revenue hit Wall Street, the stock dropped 11% by 12:30 PM the next day.

Schnatter has criticized Obamacare in the past and used it to deny hours to his employees. He’s hosted fundraisers and contributed to the presidential campaigns of Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. Schnatter is becoming a hero to the far-right, the alt-right, the alt-white, and conservative goons in general. His pizza is probably now the favorite pizza for creepy icky people.

Thus, proving Republicans can swallow all sorts of disgusting bullshit.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Generals And Handbags


cjones08082017

Occasionally I’ll make a sarcastic post on social media, and last week I wrote, “Ivanka Trump is excited to work “alongside” Kelly. I’m sure the GENERAL is excited to be working alongside a mediocre fashion designer.”

I also posted, “If anyone looked at me the way Mike Pence looks at Donald Trump, I’d get a restraining order.” Seriously, the guy has an expression of warm satisfaction as though he just made a boom-boom. But that’s an issue for another day.

My comment about Ivanka got a lot of responses, and it gave me this idea. I usually don’t make a post on social media that I’ll use later for a cartoon, but I thought of the cartoon after I mouthed off.

Maybe we are making too much out of Ivanka’s tweet about working “alongside” the general, but it illustrates just how absurd and ridiculous this administration conducts itself. The people Donald Trump has placed in his administration are ludicrous. The rapper Ludacris couldn’t create a more ludicrous staff than Trump.

During the campaign, I heard people say they would vote for Trump because they were pro-military. Trump often states how much he respects the military. Trump doesn’t respect anything, and his actions prove he doesn’t respect the office he holds. The man insulted a former P.O.W. and Gold Star parents. Placing his inexperienced daughter “alongside” a general is further disrespect. A highly-decorated and accomplished general supposedly shares the same status and access to the president as a fashion designer, or in Ivanka’s case, someone who pilfers designs from other designers and then has the products made by eight-year-old children in China.

President John F. Kennedy practiced nepotism when he made his brother the Attorney General, but at least in that case, you could believe Robert Kennedy could actually do the job. Other than Trump sycophants, who believes Ivanka Trump can shape or even understand policy? We can’t expect her influence to be positive as her silence after Trump’s sexist attack on Mika Brzezinski makes her complicit.

Her husband and Trump’s son-in-law is further nepotism you can’t have any faith in. The “kid” has a larger staff than the Secretary of State. Trump has placed him in charge of finding peace in the Middle East (because he’s Jewish), advising the president, reinventing government (The Office of American Innovation), being a “shadow” diplomat, solving the opioid epidemic, handling diplomacy with Mexico and China, “reimagining” Veteran Affairs, reforming the criminal justice system, and laying out the president’s clothes in the morning.

Our confidence that 36-year-old Jared can accomplish any of the above duties is undermined by his defense of meeting Russians which was, “I’m a novice to politics and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” How can the guy be expected to do any of those duties when he’s too busy rewriting his security clearance on a daily basis?

Even Don Jr. is in on the nepotism action, even though he’s supposed to be running the Trump Corporation and separated from what’s going on in the White House.

Everyone’s excited about General John Kelly taking over as Chief of Staff. He’s cleaning house a little by getting rid of Anthony Scaramucci and a few other people that the adults didn’t want on the National Security Council. According to reports, all briefs and information has to go through him before it reaches Trump (maybe no more breaking Breitbart news), he’s shutting the door to the Oval Office so “stragglers” won’t enter to put stupid ideas into the president’s head (though he’s capable of doing that on his own), he’s cutting off people in mid-sentence when they’re rambling, and more importantly, everyone has to go through him before meeting with the president, even Ivanka and Jared. I don’t buy that last one. Where will the General be at 8:37 PM when little princess goes up to see daddy? Can the General get Trump to stop watching Fox And Friends?

Kelly has brought structure and discipline to the Oval Office. Trump has never practiced structure, discipline, or sense in his professional or private life. He’s going to hate it and Kelly won’t last beyond six months. Besides, how much structure is he really bringing with the ilk of Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Kellyanne Conway still hanging about?

You can’t shine a turd. Kelly would have more success in getting “presidential” out of a nutless monkey than he will from Donald Trump.

Creative notes: I was supposedly taking yesterday off, but I drew a cartoon in the morning. This cartoon is kind of a bonus cartoon, because I’m drawing another tonight. While I wanted to do this, I think there are a few more pressing issues I want to cover. I haven’t decided which one yet (so much fuckery).  I’m hoping between now and drawing tonight that I eat something and take a nap.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.