General John Kelly

Future Model Prisoner Maybe


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Yeah, I’m a jerk.

To be a Trump sycophant one must shred their dignity, soul, respectability, credibility, decency, and perhaps all traces of what’s left of their humanity. Reason and logic are pretty much out of the question too. In return, you may acquire a nice orange jumpsuit.

When the first drips would come out about Trump’s attempts to obstruct justice, his defenders would argue that he was new at the job and didn’t know better. Some are still using that defense. I understand that every president has to learn on the job, but they usually have some basic knowledge of how it works, or at least what’s legal and illegal. Also, defending Trump with the argument that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he’s a dumbass takes away every reason for putting the guy in the office. Sure, he proved he was a bumbling racist idiot on the campaign trail, but the argument was he’s a genius and he’s the only one who could do the job.

That argument has also been used for others in the administration, like Jared Kushner when he lied about meeting with Russians and had to resubmit his application for a security clearance, and then again, and then again, and then again. He doesn’t have any experience and doesn’t know better to stop breaking the law, but he’s going to bring peace to the Middle East.

Now, some people are using this argument to defend Hope Hicks. The argument may actually apply in this case. It’s very believable from Ms. Hick’s background that she doesn’t have a clue or any good reason to be working in the White House, other than Trump finding her pretty.

Wednesday evening, I posted on social media, “I don’t really want to demean or stereotype any profession, but maybe…just maybe, you shouldn’t hire models as White House Communications Directors or conspire with them to obstruct justice. There’s gotta be more qualified people for that.” Nixon had very experienced people and it still didn’t work out for him. Of course, Nixon didn’t have a Republican sycophant Congress either.

Do you remember that meeting in Trump Tower between Don Jr., Jared, Paul Manafort and Russian spies? When it leaked out, Trump was in Germany and on his way home back to Washington. He and his staff put together a bullshit excuse on Air Force One for The New York Times who broke the story and sent fourteen questions to the White House. Instead of telling the truth that the meeting was about the Russians providing dirt on Hillary Clinton, the Trump stupids concocted a bogus story about Russian adoptions.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller has become very interested in this statement and the meetings around it. His team has told the White House that this is one of about a dozen topics they want to question Donald Trump about. If Scooby Doo had been a part of these meetings, he’d be saying “ruh-roh” right about now.

If you’re thinking, “gosh. It’s not a crime to lie to the media or the public,” you’re right. It’s not a crime, though it should be. It would be justice if someone went to jail for lying to me about stealing my Oreos. But it’s not. But, what is a crime is obstructing justice, which may have occurred during these meetings around the bogus statement. Also, let’s not forget that collusion thing which Trump was trying to hide.

Mark Corallo served as the spokesperson for Trump’s legal team. He was involved in a few of these meetings, and he abruptly quit last July. Mueller wants to talk to him. According to sources, Corallo plans to tell Mueller about a conference call between him, Trump, and Hope Hicks.

Corallo plans to tell investigators that the emails Don Jr. traded with his Russian contacts and other campaign members were a focus of this conference call. He’s going to tell them that Hicks said the emails “will never get out.” Corallo was concerned Hicks was contemplating obstructing justice, and he provided these details contemporaneously to three colleagues who later gave it to The Times.

If you’re a Trump supporter, you’re probably thinking “what’s ‘contemporaneously’ mean?” That means “existing, occurring, or originating during the same time.” If you Google it, a picture of James Comey shows up. It means Corallo told three of his colleagues these details while they were happening. It lends credibility.

Corallo told his colleagues that Hicks was being naive or was suggesting that the emails could be withheld from investigators. Another huge concern was that Hicks said this in the presence of Trump without a lawyer present. That means nobody can claim attorney-client privilege. Ruh-roh. If there’s an orange shitgibbon/former model privilege, it doesn’t have any protection in court. That privilege may be in Fire and Fury.

Hope Hicks will eventually testify to Mueller and probably to Congress. She has issued a conflicting story to Corallo’s. I hope she’s schooled enough to know what happens when you lie to the FBI. Lying to Congress is illegal too, but this Congress full of Republican sycophants assisting the president’s obstruction can’t be taken seriously. She better take Robert Mueller seriously. He’s not playing. Ask Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, or Michael Flynn. Ruh-roh.

I’m going to make a bold prediction: Hope Hicks is either going to jail or striking a plea bargain. Hell, she may be wearing a wire right now. Did I just make the White House paranoid? Sorry…not really. I think I’ll tweet that to Trump later today.

Jared, Ivanka, Hope Hicks, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, etc. There are too many people in this White House who don’t belong there. That includes Donald Trump

Creative notes: Yes, this cartoon is mean and unfair. Cartoonists always argue that we shouldn’t make fun of people’s physical appearances. I have rules about that too, but I’ll throw ’em out the window if it makes me laugh.

But, every time we draw a cartoon we’re making fun of someone’s appearance.

A few months after I started working at The Free Lance-Star in 1998, I drew a cartoon about the city council. One of the members was a heavy-set guy. My editor actually screamed at me and said: “at this newspaper, we don’t make fun of how people look.” My response was, “then why do you have a cartoonist?” That was not a smart response on my part because you should never make your editor think about whether they need you or not.

After Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California, I was having a discussion with other cartoonists and one argued that we shouldn’t make fun of his accent. I still think that’s way too P.C. and one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever heard. It came from a smart guy I respect too. But, an accent is almost physical. It’s definitely part of the personality. It’s not an insult to make fun of it. If it’s there, then it’s there. Sometimes when we draw people we’re not just drawing their physical appearance, we’re also drawing their personality.

So, yeah. I made fun of Sanders’ looks. I’m also making fun of how ridiculous she is. If you don’t want to be made fun of, then don’t say dumb things. Maybe stop lying all the time too.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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General Papa John Kelly


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It seems so long ago that we had high hopes for General John Kelly and the influence he would command in the Oval Office.

The first publicly-known term for Kelly to take the job as the Chief-of-Staff was for Trump to get rid of Anthony Scaramucci. It gave us the impression he wouldn’t tolerate any nonsense, and when Scaramucci was fired we believed he had considerable influence on Donald Trump.

There were reports Kelly was running a tight ship. Staffers couldn’t just pop into the Oval Office anymore to share with the president the latest conspiracy theory they gleaned off InfoWars. People, even Jared and Ivanka, would need an appointment to meet with the president. Trump would also become more presidential, and we’d see fewer tweets from the First Toilet.

We all felt Kelly took the job out of an obligation to save the world from Trump. He would spare us from a nuclear Armageddon over an insult from North Korea, like “dotard.”

With General Kelly at the helm, we could sleep at nights.

Then, Trump said there were good people marching with Nazis. As the stupidity spilled from Trump’s mouth, Kelly was looking down at his shoes as though he was in serious anguish over the racist comments. We thought he was wondering what he “signed up for,” and how he could repair the problem in the White House.

As Trump spoke at the United Nations and referred to Kim Jong Un as “Little Rocket Man” and threatened to destroy him, Kelly sat in his chair nearly putting his head between his knees. We all assumed he was recoiling from the immature rant on an international stage. As it turns out, he was probably just suffering from dining on 7-11 breakfast burritos, and he was bargaining with God for the consequences to happen at any time, but not at that time.

Hope in Kelly started to dim as the tweets continued. Where was Kelly’s influence of being calm, reasonable, or at the very least, not acting like a man-baby with a full diaper?

Then, Kelly attacked a black Democratic Congresswoman. He accused her of politicizing the death of a slain soldier, even though Donald Trump had started it and even brought the death of the General’s son into the discussion. Kelly didn’t take down Trump’s lie that he’s the only president who ever called Gold Star families.

Kelly then told a lie about the congresswoman and called her an “empty barrel.” After footage of the event in question proved Kelly was a liar, the White House Spokesgoon, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told us that we shouldn’t “debate a four-star general.” To make matters worse, Kelly never apologized for using a racist insult, or for lying.

This week, Kelly defended white-people heritage by saying Robert E. Lee was an honorable man. He told us the Civil War was started by a “lack of ability to compromise,” ignoring the fact the root cause of the war was slavery. Duh!!! He claimed that people were more loyal to states than country back in the 1860s.

By now, the general’s credibility is on the same level as Papa John.

Papa John, the man who started a pizza company in a closet and now lives in a Kentucky castle told us that the anthem protests in the NFL are responsible for his decreased profits. Papa likes to say “better ingredients. Better pizza,” but what he’s really about is bigger bullshit.

John Schnatter, the CEO and founder of Papa John’s lost $70 million within hours after releasing its third-quarter financial report on Tuesday afternoon. After the report’s estimates on earnings and revenue hit Wall Street, the stock dropped 11% by 12:30 PM the next day.

Schnatter has criticized Obamacare in the past and used it to deny hours to his employees. He’s hosted fundraisers and contributed to the presidential campaigns of Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. Schnatter is becoming a hero to the far-right, the alt-right, the alt-white, and conservative goons in general. His pizza is probably now the favorite pizza for creepy icky people.

Thus, proving Republicans can swallow all sorts of disgusting bullshit.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Generals And Handbags


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Occasionally I’ll make a sarcastic post on social media, and last week I wrote, “Ivanka Trump is excited to work “alongside” Kelly. I’m sure the GENERAL is excited to be working alongside a mediocre fashion designer.”

I also posted, “If anyone looked at me the way Mike Pence looks at Donald Trump, I’d get a restraining order.” Seriously, the guy has an expression of warm satisfaction as though he just made a boom-boom. But that’s an issue for another day.

My comment about Ivanka got a lot of responses, and it gave me this idea. I usually don’t make a post on social media that I’ll use later for a cartoon, but I thought of the cartoon after I mouthed off.

Maybe we are making too much out of Ivanka’s tweet about working “alongside” the general, but it illustrates just how absurd and ridiculous this administration conducts itself. The people Donald Trump has placed in his administration are ludicrous. The rapper Ludacris couldn’t create a more ludicrous staff than Trump.

During the campaign, I heard people say they would vote for Trump because they were pro-military. Trump often states how much he respects the military. Trump doesn’t respect anything, and his actions prove he doesn’t respect the office he holds. The man insulted a former P.O.W. and Gold Star parents. Placing his inexperienced daughter “alongside” a general is further disrespect. A highly-decorated and accomplished general supposedly shares the same status and access to the president as a fashion designer, or in Ivanka’s case, someone who pilfers designs from other designers and then has the products made by eight-year-old children in China.

President John F. Kennedy practiced nepotism when he made his brother the Attorney General, but at least in that case, you could believe Robert Kennedy could actually do the job. Other than Trump sycophants, who believes Ivanka Trump can shape or even understand policy? We can’t expect her influence to be positive as her silence after Trump’s sexist attack on Mika Brzezinski makes her complicit.

Her husband and Trump’s son-in-law is further nepotism you can’t have any faith in. The “kid” has a larger staff than the Secretary of State. Trump has placed him in charge of finding peace in the Middle East (because he’s Jewish), advising the president, reinventing government (The Office of American Innovation), being a “shadow” diplomat, solving the opioid epidemic, handling diplomacy with Mexico and China, “reimagining” Veteran Affairs, reforming the criminal justice system, and laying out the president’s clothes in the morning.

Our confidence that 36-year-old Jared can accomplish any of the above duties is undermined by his defense of meeting Russians which was, “I’m a novice to politics and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” How can the guy be expected to do any of those duties when he’s too busy rewriting his security clearance on a daily basis?

Even Don Jr. is in on the nepotism action, even though he’s supposed to be running the Trump Corporation and separated from what’s going on in the White House.

Everyone’s excited about General John Kelly taking over as Chief of Staff. He’s cleaning house a little by getting rid of Anthony Scaramucci and a few other people that the adults didn’t want on the National Security Council. According to reports, all briefs and information has to go through him before it reaches Trump (maybe no more breaking Breitbart news), he’s shutting the door to the Oval Office so “stragglers” won’t enter to put stupid ideas into the president’s head (though he’s capable of doing that on his own), he’s cutting off people in mid-sentence when they’re rambling, and more importantly, everyone has to go through him before meeting with the president, even Ivanka and Jared. I don’t buy that last one. Where will the General be at 8:37 PM when little princess goes up to see daddy? Can the General get Trump to stop watching Fox And Friends?

Kelly has brought structure and discipline to the Oval Office. Trump has never practiced structure, discipline, or sense in his professional or private life. He’s going to hate it and Kelly won’t last beyond six months. Besides, how much structure is he really bringing with the ilk of Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Kellyanne Conway still hanging about?

You can’t shine a turd. Kelly would have more success in getting “presidential” out of a nutless monkey than he will from Donald Trump.

Creative notes: I was supposedly taking yesterday off, but I drew a cartoon in the morning. This cartoon is kind of a bonus cartoon, because I’m drawing another tonight. While I wanted to do this, I think there are a few more pressing issues I want to cover. I haven’t decided which one yet (so much fuckery).  I’m hoping between now and drawing tonight that I eat something and take a nap.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.