France

Notre Dumbass


cjones04202019

While I’m a cynical and skeptical person who is not religious, I can appreciate the significance of Notre Dame (if you’re a Republican, I’m not talking about the college football team in Indiana). But still, I didn’t think the world needed one more crying gargoyle cartoon.

Yesterday, while the over 800-year-old cathedral in Paris was burning, America’s greatest embarrassment tweeted out some advice on how to fight fires. Seriously, dumpster fires shouldn’t be giving out firefighting advice. Trump tweeted that firefighters “must act quickly.” How observant. Then, he suggested that they used “flying water tankers.” I’m mostly shocked he didn’t suggest invisible flying water tankers.

Later, at an event in Minnesota, Trump said, “They don’t know what caused it. They say renovation, and I hope that’s the reason. Renovation? What’s that all about?” OK, if you’re a Republican, “renovate” means to restore something old, like a building, to a good state of repair.

The French shot down Trump’s suggestion, probably before they even heard it. Did you hear his advice on deterring California wildfires? Rake the forests. Seriously. He claimed that’s how Finland, a very treeish country combats it. The Finns are still laughing at us (if you’re a Republican, “Finns” are people from Finland).

The French civil defense department sent out a tweet, while not addressing Trump, said, “All means are being used, except for water-bombing aircrafts which, if used, could lead to the collapse of the entire structure of the cathedral.” Trump’s lucky the tweet didn’t end with, “Tête de noeud,” which is a great way to describe Trump and all his sycophants.

Trump continues to be an international embarrassment. He’s making us look like a bunch of overweight, red-meat-eating, super-sizing, science-denying, illiterate troglodytes. If uneducated deplorables, the Russians, and the kink in our system keeps Trump in power after 2020, I’m afraid the rest of the world will wash their hands of us.

I’ve always doubted the existence of a god, but I have to ask, what sort of god would allow one of his most cherished cathedrals to burn and let someone like Donald Trump be the most powerful man in the world? Maybe there is a god and he’s just really bored and this is a sick joke. As bad as the French may be feeling right now, I’d trade them Trump for a few burning cathedrals.

The bulk of Notre Dame and its artifacts was saved. It will take decades to rebuild from the fire. We Americans can relate. It’s going to take decades to recover from this dumpster fire.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Paris…France…Underpants


cjones12112018

Like most things, Donald Trump does not understand the riots that have been ongoing in France. He retweeted a tweet from one of his sycophants saying the protests are about “radical leftists” fuel taxes and “We want Trump” was being chanted through the streets of Paris. Other conservatives have been claiming that the protests are against socialism.

The protests are partly about fuel taxes, which French president Emmanuel Macron planned to raise by about 30 cents a gallon and continue to increase over the next few years in a nation where gas is already over $7.00 a gallon. The protests aren’t against socialism, as the taxes aren’t going to social services. People aren’t screaming for an end to the government’s health and education system. And, there has been no chants of “we want Trump.”

Even the most rabid socialist doesn’t want to pay $7.00 a gallon for gas. This increase is hitting the middle class and hurting the rural population in France, making them feel that Macron has abandoned them and bailed on his promises.

Macron is using the tax to expand France’s economy and make it more pro-business. He’s trying to encourage the rich to invest more in the nation. A lot of people in France believe the rich are overtaxed, but they don’t want to be the ones to pick up the slack while cutting them a break.

Macron has actually been cutting social programs, scaling back labor protections, made it easier for companies to hire and fire, and fought unions to end subsidies. Shortly after taking office, he cut taxes for corporations and the wealthiest 10 percent of French households. He’s no Hugo Chavez.

France’s economy is growing, but slowly. Most of the growth is centered in the major cities, like Paris. The rural areas of the nation feel left out and the gas tax hurts them more than their urban countrymen, who don’t need to own cars as much.

The protests are more about an out-of-touch elitist president whose policies favor the wealthy and corporations at the expense of working-class French people than they are a middle-class rebellion against Marxism. And, they’re definitely not a call for a leader like Donald Trump. I doubt the French would want a president copying the mega tax cut Trump has given to the rich in the United States.

Donald Trump has experts in intelligence, economics, and foreign relations who can explain things to him. Of course, for him to learn from them, he would have to actually listen and comprehend the information. Unfortunately, the president of the United States is much like your crazy uncle and gets most of his information from memes on social media. This is why Trump still believes, even after having it explained to him twice by Bill Gates that HPV and HIV is the same thing. Why he’s harassing poor Bill Gates about that, I do not know.

Trump understands the French protests, HIV, and HPV about as well as he understands tariffs. Trump says he’s a “tariff man,” which is like saying he’s a tax guy. He brags that his tariffs are bringing in millions, not understanding that money is mostly coming from Americans paying for his stupid tariffs. Tariffs are taxes.

Now, thanks in large parts to Trump’s tariffs, the stock market is weakening and doing scary stuff, the economy is slowing down, Factories are closing, people are losing jobs, the deficit is growing even larger, and the U.S. trade deficit is at its highest level in over a decade. In fact, the deficit with China, in particular, is at a record high.

Trump lied about having a deal with China and the stock market started to rebound. When it was discovered, and the administration actually admitted, that Trump lied about a deal, the market started to tank again. Trump has based his entire economic prowess on the stock market and the trade deficit. Now, we’re seeing what we already knew. There is no prowess. Traders need to stop making decisions based upon the shit that comes out of Captain Dumbass’ mouth.

Tariffman is not a slow learner as there’s no learning whatsoever.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Can’t Get Rain On The Bone Spurs


cjones11142018

The Battle of Belleau Wood in June 1918 near the Marne River in France during World War I greatly contributed to the lore of the United States Marines. It was one of the first battles for American troops entering the war which was a victory for the allies at a cost of 1,811 American lives. The Aisne Marne American Cemetery which contains American remains is a monument to those who fought in the battle. The names of 1,060 Americans who went missing and whose bodies were not recovered are engraved on the walls of the site.

Major General James Harbord said in 1923, “Now and then, a veteran, for the brief span that we still survive, will come here to live again the brave days of that distant June. Here will be raised the altars of patriotism; here will be renewed the vows of sacrifice and consecration to country. Hither will come our countrymen in hours of depression, and even of failure, and take new courage from this shrine of great deeds.”

Unless, of course, it’s raining.

Even though other leaders, like French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau were able to attend ceremonies for their war dead in the light French rain, Donald Trump canceled a visit to the cemetery and chose to stay at the American embassy and watch television and tweet. The White House said his trip was canceled because of the rain.

Other American presidents have attended events in the rain. The White House said the rain created traveling and security issues for Trump, but aides to other presidents said there were always backup plans in case of rain because weather does happen.

In Donald Trump’s defense, he’s just not as physically or mentally capable to deal with such harsh challenges, like a sprinkle. He couldn’t serve his country in Vietnam because of bone spurs. He wasn’t able to walk with other world leaders during his first presidential trip to Europe and instead had to use a golf cart. He doesn’t know how to operate an umbrella. And then, there’s his hair. Who are we to ask for miracles from Aqua Net?

It’s amazing that Trump supporters, especially veterans, believe Trump respects the military. Time and time again, he’s proven he’ll selfishly put himself before our nation. He has said POWs aren’t war heroes, he’s feuded and insulted Gold Star families, and he’s placed our service members along the border in an election stunt. In his two years as president, Trump has yet to visit troops in a war zone. Last year, he was scheduled to visit the Korean Demilitarized Zone, but it was canceled because of…weather.

Rain, sharks, words on paper, black women, stairs….The list of stuff Trump is afraid of keeps getting longer.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Primitive Diplomacy


cjones04282018

Yesterday, pundits in the news were asking, how can Donald Trump say nice things about Kim Jong Un? Trump said the guy, who had his uncle shot and his brother murdered, was behaving honorably.  But, saying nice things about someone is Trump’s way of coaxing. He believes it works on other people because it works on him. Because, at that moment sitting next to him was the President of France saying nice things about him.  I’m sure in France a lot of people are asking Emmanuel Macron how can he say nice things about Trump.

You’d think the leader buddying up with Trump, hugging, holding hands, cheek-kissing, and being all sorts of awkward would be from Russia, Turkey, the Philippines, China, or Texas. Right? Not France, where Trump’s likability rating is probably lower than it is in Boston.

But, Macron is willing to be nice to Trump in order to get what he wants, which is American troops staying in Syria, the U.S. back in the Paris Climate Agreement, and to retain the treaty with Iran that prevents them from acquiring nukes. Macron must be better than most people because he even allowed Trump to pretend to brush dandruff off his shoulder. Most people would have slapped his tiny orange fingers. Even Melania, who sleeps in a separate bedroom and an entirely different state when she can, won’t let him hold her hand.

And what was up with that dandruff thing? Trump brushed Macron’s shoulder and said “We have to make him perfect.” It wasn’t just awkward but another internationally embarrassing moment where they keep accumulating.

The Washington Post’s Ashley Parker interviewed body language expert Patti Wood on that moment. Wood said, “The interactions throughout the visit largely fall under a category known as gamesmanship.” According to Wood, Trump did something called “primate grooming.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wood added “It said, ‘We have an intimate relationship, but I’m dominant, I’m the alpha gorilla, I’m going to groom you. But I’m going to criticize you by saying you have dandruff, and I’m going to do that on the world stage and see how you handle that.”

Well, Shit. I didn’t need a body language expert to tell you that Trump was acting like an ape. Quite frankly, would it astonish anyone at this point if he started flinging poo?

I am concerned about the embarrassment Trump brought to our nation, France, and gorillas.

Here’s the extremely short video.

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France Says “Non”


cjones05132017

France said “non.” They said “non” to fascism, tyranny, racism, xenophobia, and hatred.

In fact, France overwhelmingly said “non” with centrist Emmanuel Macron beating far-right nationalist Marine Le Pen by a devastatingly 30%. With Macron’s victory, France, Europe, and the entire world breathed a sigh of relief. The entire world minus Russia.

Putin was up to his old tricks by having his cyber-hacking minions infiltrate Macron’s campaign like he did in Britain for the Brexit vote, the U.S. campaign to elect Donald Trump, and several campaigns throughout Europe. The hackers released to the internet emails and information along with some fabricated communications from the Macron campaign a few hours before France’s mandated campaign blackout.

French law shuts down campaigning and media coverage 48 hours before the presidential election. However, the leaked information from the Macron campaign was still online. The questions were: Would French voters be persuaded by the leaks like voters in the U.S.? Would it hurt the Macron campaign that they couldn’t dish out information to counter the attack? Or would it hurt the hacking campaign if voters didn’t have enough time to be made aware of the publishing? Stupid people and alt-right sites were still posting bullshit on Facebook, right?

With Macron winning by over 30%, it probably wouldn’t have mattered how much time the hackers had to publish their espionage. French voters, unlike their American counterparts, are apparently wise enough to know that whoever Russia and Putin support, then you need to support the other candidate. Especially if that candidate accepted loans from Putin, as Le Pen did. While France rejected the xenophobe candidate, Americans rated Trump more honest than Hillary Clinton and ushered him into office despite him not having any governing experience and running on a platform totally devoid of details, but full of racist comments, sexism, and chock-full of stupidity. You would think a platform of “building a wall and Mexico will pay for it”, and “we’ll replace Obamacare with something better. Trust me.” would send a guy back to his golden tower in Manhattan, or at least to one of his golf resorts, depending on the weather. Let’s not forget his “secret plan” to defeat ISIS.

With Le Pen’s defeat, France has saved themselves all the trouble of investigating her campaign for treason, coordinating with their nation’s enemies, and eventually kicking her out of office.

Perhaps Macron’s greatest asset, and Le Pen’s biggest weakness was Donald Trump. France looked across the Atlantic and saw the chaos unfolding across the United States and decided they didn’t want any part of it. They rejected the politics of our Cheeto-Potentate like it was a great big plate of American cheese, Armour Vienna sausages, and saltine crackers.

In a sane world, a big, orange, illiterate, vagina-grabbing, Mexican-hating, narcissistic orangutan with a ridiculous comb-over who is a pathological liar with an inability to comprehend facts isn’t the perfect mascot for an electoral victory. Who coulda thunk that? Unfortunately for us, the United States is not a sober society anymore.

Viva la France. Viva Democracy. France’s gift to us in 1886 sits on an island off Manhattan and is a beacon of freedom and liberty for the entire world. Perhaps their rejection of fascism on Sunday can be another gift. A gift of inspiration for us to reject the politics of intolerance and hatred for the next four years.

France will not be banning immigrants. They will not be leaving Europe and they won’t be leaving the rest of the world. Maybe in four years we can rejoin it.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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Le Pew


cjones04272017

The smell that emitted out of France on Sunday is the same stench coming from the United Kingdom and the United States.

The anti-immigrant movement is pure populist hatred. Let’s throw out people who don’t look like us. We need to live in fear. Vote for me and I’ll hate it hard. Yay hatred!

The Brexit movement rode fear, hatred, and nationalism to success in the UK. Donald Trump used it and proved that there’s enough racism in America to give him an electoral victory. Now it’s being implemented in France, where they’ve had several terrorist attacks recently, including one last week.

Marine Le Pen is a far-right candidate of the National Front party. She’s not just a fan of preventing Muslims from entering her nation, but she wants to kick them out. She told her cheering supporters that the biggest issue of this election was “untamed globalization” that is threatening France and its culture. Le Pen wants France to follow the UK’s lead and exit the European Union. That would be a “Frexit” She’s also cuddly with Russian president Vladimir Putin, who’s sticking his fingers into the French election much like he did with the U.S. Guess which French candidate he prefers? The same one Donald Trump is rooting for.

Marine Le Pen came in second to Emmanuel Macron, who is a centrist. The vote locked out the two major parties and for the first time in nearly 60 years the French presidency is between two outsider candidates. Imagine if our choices were between Jill Stein and Gary Johnson.

The Guardian writes “The contest on 7 May is a contest between openness and bigotry, internationalism and nationalism, optimism and hatred, reaction and reform, hope and fear.” The election we had last November were between the same choices. Unfortunately we chose bigotry, nationalism, hatred, and fear.

Let’s see in two weeks if France can be better than we are and not vote for the Russian stooge.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Burkini


cjones08272016

Several towns in France banned the wearing of burkinis on their beaches. What’s a “burkini?” It like a burka you can swim in and it looks kinda like a wet suit. Why would anyone care what others are wearing when it doesn’t hurt you? Because people are xenophobic and hateful.

The nation has used terrorism to justify discrimination and prejudice. Shouldn’t people have the right to wear what they want without the government degrading them?

Western Europe is proving we’re not alone in the United States with our racism, xenophobia, and mass stupidity. I’m still recovering from the hate rally I attended last week.

Human Rights groups asked France’s highest court to strike down the ban, and they agreed. The court ruled that the ban “seriously, and clearly illegally, breached the fundamental freedoms to come and go, the freedom of beliefs and individual freedom.” I’ll add to that with “yeah.”

Seriously, leave people alone. If you want stupid laws, enact a nose-hair law. Nose hair, ear hair, back and shoulder hair, bleagh. A little maintenance goes a long way, people. I’m just saying. I don’t want to say names.

There’s a lot of other things to see at a beach that’s more disgusting and offensive than a woman who doesn’t want to show you all her stuff.

I drew this cartoon last night and shared it on Facebook and it’s received more likes and shares than this blog will. I was out and I didn’t want to tackle trying to write the blog while people were butchering “Sweet Child Of Mine” at Karaoke. Now there should be a law.

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