Executive Order

Trump’s Vaccine Fail


cjones12102020

Good news, everybody. Donald Trump signed an executive order commanding all American manufacturers of covid vaccine to deliver them to Americans first. We will all get the vaccine to the virus before any unworthy foreigners do from American vaccine companies, like Pfizer.

Yesterday, citizens of the United Kingdom started to receive vaccines to the coronavirus from Pfizer. Wait, what? I thought Americans, you know, people in the United States were supposed to receive the vaccine first from American companies?

George Stephanopoulos asked a guy on Good Morning America to clarify Donald Trump’s order…like how will it work? The guy said, “Frankly, I don’t know, and frankly, I’m staying out of this. I can’t comment. I literally don’t know.”

Who was that guy? Nobody very important. Just the lead scientists on Trump’s Operation Warp Speed, the effort to produce a vaccine and distribute it to Americans. George said, “But you’re the lead scientists. And the lead scientists said, “No, I’m not. It’s that guy over there.” And as George turned his head to look and saw there wasn’t a guy over there, the lead scientist ran from the room screaming.

Then, we found out that Donald Trump rejected offers from Pfizer to purchase millions of more doses of the vaccine created by them and the German company BioNTech, which is the vaccine currently being given to the Brits.

Donald Trump is a businessman yet he doesn’t seem to understand how supply and demand works. Maybe that’s because he never tried to sell a product anyone wanted. But several companies are making vaccines and they can only make them so fast. So when Donald Trump turns down an offer to purchase millions of doses, then those doses will be sold elsewhere, like in NOT America. Pfizer has already gone into contracts with other nations to deliver vaccine doses in the second half of 2021. Donald Trump should understand that when you have a contract, you have to fulfill it….except Donald Trump usually disregards contracts and cheats the people he made promises to. That’s because he’s a grifter.

Donald Trump is worried that Joe Biden will steal credit for the vaccine. But in late 2021, when we don’t have enough, I’m sure Trump will tweet from a toilet at Mar-a-Lago about what a horrible job Joe is doing with distributing the vaccine. And Geraldo wanted to name the vaccine after Trump to honor him. They should name toilets after Trump. Then we can say, “I gotta drop a Geraldo in the Trump.”

Remember during the campaign when Donald Trump promised a vaccine would be available for every American before the end of the year? Yeah, we might have 40 million doses before January 1. To be vaccinated, every American needs two doses. Do the math, Republicans. Half of 40 is…what? That’s 20 million people treated. It’s a good thing there are only 20 million people in the United States. Right? No? The United States alone is going to need at least 700 million doses. While we’re scrambling for doses, other nations will be doing the same. We’ll be competing again and dumbass Trump, when given the opportunity to purchase more doses, said, “No thanks.”

And get this, being the brilliant businessman that he is, Donald Trump did purchase 100 million doses of a cheaper vaccine that’s probably made from badger sweat and horse piss. We’re going to get the Trump Steaks of vaccines. And you question why so many are skeptical of the vaccine? Before that needle goes into my arm, I’m asking…”Is this the Trump vaccine or the Biden vaccine?”

Donald Trump did hold a party at the White House to celebrate that there will be a vaccine…and it’s a good thing the vaccine is coming because White House parties tend to be coronavirus super-spreader events. Oh, the irony. Of course, the people who will be distributing the vaccine, the Joe Biden administration, weren’t invited. Pfizer and Moderna, another vaccine manufacturer, refused to attend the party, either because they didn’t want to part of the politicization of it, didn’t want to be associated with Donald Trump, or they didn’t watch to catch the virus at another White House super spreader event.

At the event, Donald Trump said if another 1.8 millions people die, then we’ll have herd immunity and won’t even need the vaccine. Then he said, that would be “terrific.” Terrific if another 1.8 million people die? If Donald Trump manages to steal this election, I’m sure that will happen. I’m sure he’ll fuck up distributing the vaccine. He’s actually trying to make it a disaster for Biden. Donald Trump is a very evil stupid man.

Donald Trump has issued an order that American companies provide the vaccine he’s not ordering to Americans first.

And do not forget that during this entire crisis, he’s been trying to destroy our national healthcare system. Meanwhile, the UK’s national healthcare system, scary socialism, is vaccinating people.

And over 70 million of us voted to continue this Trump disaster. We are an extremely stupid country.

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Twitter Vs. Twitler


cjones05312020

For Donald Trump, persecution is having the standards everyone else has to live by being applied to him.

And here’s the thing: That hasn’t even happened in this situation.

Lori Klausutis was a staffer to then-Congressman Joe Scarborough when she suddenly died from a heart problem which made her hit her head on a desk in the Florida district office for the congressman. Scarborough was in Washington at the time. There has never been any evidence of foul play. But, just like the Seth Rich conspiracy theories MAGAts and the 4chan crowd like to spread, they’re using the death of Ms. Klausutis to engage in attacks against one of their Dear Leader’s political enemies, Joe Scarborough who is now the host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe. And guess who’s joined in?

Donald Trump has used the death of Ms. Klausutis for his own political gain. After being super chummy with Scarborough and his wife, Mika Brzezinski (who used to visit Mar-a-Lago, help him with debate prep, and gave candidate Trump more airtime than anyone), Trump became a target of their criticism since shortly after his inauguration when Joe and Mika suddenly realized Donald Trump is a fucking moron. Donald Trump has been attacking and bullying the couple ever since.

On May 12, Donald Trump tweeted, “When will they open a Cold Case on the Psycho Joe Scarborough matter in Florida. Did he get away with murder? Some people think so. Why did he leave Congress so quietly and quickly? Isn’t it obvious? What’s happening now? A total nut job!”

On May 27, Donald Trump tweeted, “Psycho Joe Scarborough is rattled, not only by his bad ratings but all of the things and facts that are coming out on the internet about opening a Cold Case. He knows what is happening!”

Donald Trump has accused Joe Scarborough of murder and of having an affair with Lori Klausutis. Donald Trump is a piece of crap.

Mr. Klausutis’ widower, Timothy Klausutis wrote a letter to the head of Twitter, Jack Dorsey, citing the pain that Trump’s “horrifying lies” about his wife’s death have caused him and the family, and asking Dorsey to remove Trump’s tweet. Twitter refused to remove Donald Trump’s tweets because they’re cowards.

These tweets from Donald Trump are more than lies. They’re slander and defamation. These are the kind of things a person gets sued for. These are the kind of tweets that violate Twitter’s policy. If you tweeted asking if someone got away with murder, who isn’t a murderer, Twitter would not just remove that tweet. They would delete your account. But Donald Trump gets away with it because he’s president (sic) of the United States and Twitter is afraid of his followers.

So, to save some of their face, Twitter put a fact check on two of Donald Trump’s tweets lying about mail-in voter fraud. Donald Trump flipped out and cried that Twitter was “stifling his freedom of speech.” Of course, that’s a lie too because your speech isn’t being stifled when someone points out your lies. Twitter hasn’t even removed his “speech.” Even if Twitter removed all of his tweets and deleted his account, his free speech still wouldn’t be violated.

Twitter is a private company. If McDonalds told Donald Trump they would never sell him a hamberder ever again, that would not deny him access to hamberders. Other companies sell hamberders. Donald Trump can make his own hamberder. McDonald’s can’t even deny him access to their Big Mac special sauce because it’s just Thousand Islands salad dressing. If Twitter killed Donald Trump’s account, Donald Trump can still tell lies in other venues…like on Morning Joe which he used to call into on a daily basis.

Donald Trump is too stupid to be president (sic).

Donald Trump was so enraged by the fact check that he didn’t mention the milestone of 100,000 deaths from the coronavirus. Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump.

Now, Donald Trump is threatening to “regulate” or shut down Twitter and other social media platforms. Ironically, that would be stifling freedom of speech. There’s also the irony of fighting Twitter by tweeting at Twitter.

Later today, Donald Trump is going to sign an executive order that mandates a review of a law that shields companies like Twitter, Google and Facebook from being held liable for the content appearing on their platforms. Uh…so he doesn’t want Twitter to be protected from allowing him to post lies and slander?

Think about it because Donald Trump hasn’t: If Twitter isn’t protected by dumbass bullshit, lies, conspiracy theories, slander, and defamation posted on their platform by orange racists, wouldn’t that mean Donald Trump’s Twitter account would then be deleted or heavily edited?

This is like taking his ball and going home, but Donald Trump doesn’t own the ball and unfortunately, he’s not going home. He’s going to stick around and make everyone else miserable with his whining.

Of course, this is just one great big morbidly obese bluff. Donald Trump has NO authority to restrict free speech, to regulate, or shut down social media platforms. And, Donald Trump without Twitter would be like Donald Trump without his orange face paint, or Donald Trump without the long red tie, or Donald Trump without the ill-fitting suits he buys off the rack despite having his own line of suits, or Donald Trump without the dead yellow ferret on his head, or Donald Trump without Nazis, or…etc, etc.

And what kind of president issues an executive order only to defend himself? This action is only because his feelings were hurt. This executive order doesn’t have anything to do with protecting anyone except Donald Trump. While the Trump cult and Republicans label liberals as “snowflakes,” they are the most vicitimed and whiny people on the planet. Their leader is such a snowflake that he’s issuing an executive order because his feelings were hurt. In case you’re a Republican, THIS is why there’s a great big giant Trump Baby balloon. And the worst thing is, Twitter hasn’t even restricted him. He can still lie and defame people on Twitter without any empathy.

Donald Trump has more empathy over Twitter putting a fact check on his lies than he does for the family of Lori Klausutis having to suffer through his defamation.

It took Donald Trump two months to kinda-sorta realize the coronavirus was real and not a “Democratic hoax,” but only two days to issue an executive order about Twitter slapping his tweets with a fact check.

I am amazed anyone can even consider voting for Donald Trump. It’s been proven he’s an idiot. He’s not a great negotiator. He’s not a great businessman. He didn’t build the formerly successful economy we had. He hasn’t rebuilt the military. He has totally bungled a pandemic with over 100,000 deaths which he does not care about. He has only expressed concern for himself.

And right now, Donald Trump can’t do anything about Twitter. But if he’s reelected, what’s stopping him? Today, Donald Trump is trying to be a dictator. If he’s still president in January 2021, he becomes a dictator and he’ll probably own Twitter by force.

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A Petulant Child


cjones01052015

It’s on now. Finally, after seven years of Republicans and other assorted crazies warning us that Obama was coming after our guns (your guns actually. I don’t own any), it’s finally happening. Who’s crazy now? Well, the crazies are still crazy. The executive orders Obama is putting into action aren’t taking anyone’s guns away.

What the orders will do, or attempt to do, is kill the gun-show-loopholes and online purchases that allow people to buy guns without background checks, increase funding for mental health treatment, and staff for the FBI and ATF agents.

Chris Christie said the president is “acting like a petulant child.” Marco Rubio said it’s “a war on the Constitution.” Donald Trump said “Pretty soon you won’t be able to get guns.” Ted Cruz, not to be out-crazied by Trump, said “the president is once again going to abuse his power to try to seize our guns.” Ben Carson advised the public to hide their guns in the pyramids (I made that up). Carly Fiorina said “Go Hawkeyes and beat my alma mater Stanford.” (I didn’t make that up but she wasn’t talking about guns. She was merely pandering on a historic level).

One guy who’s not running for president, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, said the “President is at minimum subverting the legislative branch, and potentially overturning its will.”

All of those statements were said before the plan was revealed but after their checks cleared from the National Rifle Association.

In a response to the president’s order the Republican presidential candidates and members of Congress promised to buck the NRA and do all they can to prevent more senseless gun deaths, especially those of children. They promised to improve upon the president’s orders and pass effective sensible gun legislation to decrease gun violence and protect all American citizens. Nah! I made that up too.

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