Easter Bunny

Trumpy’s Little Bunny


cjones03292020

Can you believe Donald Trump’s approval rating has actually risen since the start of the pandemic and approval of the way he’s handled it is around 60%? Yes, this despite the fact he made the government less prepared for a crisis of this sort, denied it was happening, lied repeatedly about it, called it a hoax, and gave the public very bad information that’s actually dangerous. Yes, Donald Trump’s approval has risen despite the fact he’s a fucking moron.

Do you know why former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Donald Trump a “fucking moron?” It’s because Donald Trump’s a fucking moron. The only thing that probably surprised Rex Tillerson more than the stupidity of Donald Trump was the fact he was working for him.

And as much of a Darwin Award candidate as Donald Trump is, the only people dumber are those who follow him. A couple days ago, Trump endorsed chloroquine as a treatment for Covid-19, which is a drug approved by the FDA to treat malaria, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, but not the coronavirus. A man is now dead in Arizona and his wife is in intensive care after they both took a form of chloroquine used to clean aquariums. The couple didn’t have the coronavirus but took the aquarium cleaner because they were “afraid of getting sick,” according to the woman. She said, “I had (the substance) in the house because I used to have koi fish. I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, ‘Hey, isn’t that the stuff they’re talking about on TV?'” What do you want to bet she killed those fish too?

Yes. That was the stuff they were talking about on TV. Unfortunately, the person talking about the stuff on TV is a fucking moron. People, do not listen to anything Donald Trump says. This is a guy who stares at eclipses.

Donald Trump said this is a “Democratic hoax.” Before anyone died, he said the number of people having it would go down to zero. He’s blamed Obama for it. He said “anyone who needs a test will get a test.” He claimed it’ll disappear in April. Now, he’s leading Americans, his supporters, to ingest shit intended to clean fish tanks. People, don’t do that. The only people you have to tell, “don’t eat fish tank cleaner” are MAGA-hat-wearing fuckers.

Trump also said he’s not responsible for any of the government’s failures in combating the coronavirus. Yesterday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who’s responding to the crisis like an adult, complained that the federal government sent him 400 ventilators when he needs 30,000. Trump basically said that wasn’t his problem. I wonder if Donald Trump will take any responsibility for the Arizonans who ate aquarium cleaner.

Now, Donald Trump says he wants the country “raring to go,” opened by Easter, and the churches “packed.” I mean, Mr. Two Corinthians will be on a golf course, but his supporters should be packing those churches on Easter Sunday.

India announced a “complete lockdown” of the country’s 1.3 billion people. The Olympic Games in Tokyo were postponed for a year. Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a lockdown in Britain. And Cuomo said cases of Covid-19 were doubling every three days, with a peak expected in the third week of April, when an expected 140,000 New Yorkers would need to be hospitalized. And Donald Trump is saying, “Hey, let’s party.”

Trump said he did not any examine any data when he picked Easter for when we should start infecting each other even more than we are now. He said. “I just thought it was a beautiful time.” He probably did examine the data for how his hotels are faring without any business. How can foreign diplomats give Donald Trump money so they can receive preferential treatment if his hotels are closed? Help a pretend billionaire out.

Trump isn’t worried about how this affects people. He believes staying home and not spending money will kill more people than the “flu,” which is still what he thinks the coronavirus is. And this guy is talking to Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Brix on a daily basis and he still doesn’t understand it. In case you’re a Republican, the coronavirus is NOT the flu.

In Mississippi, the governor is refusing to shut anything down and believes prayer is the answer. He wants to pray for God to give Donald Trump wisdom. If you believe there’s any chance of Trump gaining wisdom then you’re probably a candidate to eat aquarium cleaner. Texas hasn’t imposed any restrictions either and the lieutenant governor says old people should be willing to sacrifice themselves for the economy.  And they accused Obama of installing death panels.

The only three things in the nation that haven’t been shut down are Mississippi, Texas, and Wrestlemania.

There are no health experts suggesting the nation can reopen by Easter, despite the inconvenience of people not going to Donald Trump’s shitty golf resorts. Responsible governors, even the Republicans in Maryland and Ohio, are shutting their states down and not listening to Donald Trump. Dr. Fauci himself has said it was possible the country would see a peak in the number of cases around May 1. In case you’re a Republican, May comes AFTER April. Maybe we should just postpone Easter. We’re out of eggs anyway.

When Donald Trump talks, the stock market crashes. Now, when Donald Trump talks, people die. He says “chloroquine” and then stupid fucks eat chloride. He says he wants the churches “packed” on Easter, and they will be packed with stupid fuckers…for funerals.

Don’t listen to Donald Trump and don’t be like Donald Trump because he’s a fucking moron.

Creative note: One of my proofreaders, Laura, busted my chops a little this morning asking where an open bar is located for this rabbit, and how is he smoking inside one? I don’t need that much creative license. Maybe the rabbit is in Mississippi or Texas where they haven’t shut anything down and smoking in bars is still allowed. In fact, there are still 16 states where you can smoke in a bar. Surprisingly, they’re not all in the south.

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