duct tape

Governor Duct Tape


Cjones08052021

As a former gigging musician, I can truly appreciate the importance of duct tape. A guitar player will have guitar strings, pedals, straps, cables, picks, set lists, and other assorted musician goodies in his gig bag, but one of the more important essentials is duct tape. What’s the specific use of duct tape at a show for a rock band? There isn’t one but you never know what’s going to come up. Mostly though, you use it to tape cables to the floor so people don’t trip over them, including band members. I once did a show without a stage (did a LOT of those) and we were placed in front of the bathroom. People were walking between me and the bass player while we were playing. Duct tape was very important that night.

The company Johnson & Johnson invented duct tape for the military to use during World War II. They needed something waterproof to keep moisture out of ammunition cases. Duct tape literally helped us beat fascism. Too bad it was never used to strap down fascist Trump. But maybe we can use it on other gropey elected officials…even those who are not fascists and are actually pretty good at their jobs. Hey, it worked on an unruly airline passenger.

Things have been intense in the air lately. A lot of people flying have been really upset over airline mask mandates and causing a scene. They’ve even been getting violent with flight attendants. In fact, airlines are now offering martial arts classes to their flight attendants. And people know about the mask mandates before they get on the planes.

Last year, I had to wear a mask on a flight from Washington to Houston to Memphis, and then back from Memphis to Chicago to Washington. Last June, I had to wear a face mask on a train all the way from Fredericksburg to New York City and back. While in the city, I had to wear it each time I got on the subway and even in the stations. Wearing a face mask all that time sucked, but it’s not really a big deal. It didn’t make me take swings at people or scream like an overgrown crybaby.

The Federal Aviation Administration reported 3,271 cases of unruly behavior by passengers in the first half of 2021, including 2,475 instances where passengers refused to comply with the federal face mask mandate. Surprised? No, we are not. We know MAGAts are entitled assholes.

Some airlines have suspended selling alcohol on flights. One flight attendant had two of her teeth knocked out by a passenger.

On a Frontier Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Miami last Saturday, flight attendants had to literally strap a passenger to his seat with duct tape. Going from Philly to Miami, they should have known this wasn’t going to end well. Philadelphia is a city that booed Santa Claus and Miami….well, Miami is in Florida.

Maxwell (why does that make me think about a silver hammer?) Wilkinson Berry, a seriously entitled 22-year old, was caught on video screaming about how entitled he is. He was screaming that his grandfather is an attorney and hollered, “My parents are worth more than fucking two million goddamn dollars!” Not just any dollars…but “goddamn” dollars. Those are the more serious dollars only given to entitled families, like MWB’s family (I’m assuming his trust-fund baby friends call him “MWB”).

So anyway, this spoiled asshole got his stupid ass duct taped to his seat and his fellow passengers started started cheering and laughing at him.

Before he got duct taped, Barry took a swing at a flight attendant. He also groped a couple and grabbed some boobs. At one point, he took his shirt off so everyone could see his entitled pecs. The video of him being an entitled asshole has been viewed on Twitter nearly ten million times….I’m sorry…nearly ten million goddamn times. Barry is so entitled, instead of apologizing, he tweeted his outrage at being “dehumanized” on the flight and on Twitter.

The entitled asshole tweeted, “This will forever be the most dehumanizing experience in my entire life. Many people laughed and ridiculed me as I was mistreated by staff of a PROFESSIONAL airline. Just to make matters worth this has gone “viral” on the internet and will never disappear. My life will never be…”

I think he was still drinking while he sent that tweet. So, everybody stop making fun of Baby Barry. He’s getting upset.

Barry has been charged with three misdemeanor counts of battery, but maybe he truly is entitled because the flight crew has been suspended with pay pending an investigation. How dare they strap a rich white boy to his seat with duct tape…even though he was throwing punches and groping. That is some serious white privilege. Next time, strap his ass to one of the wings.

Another investigation of an entitled rich person says New York governor Andrew Cuomo is a Gropey McCroperson. Cuomo’s defense was, “I’m a gropey person. I grope everybody, women, men, children, white people, black people, Asians, puppies…I’ll grope you right now. C’mere….don’t you run from me.”

New York is a Democratic state and the Democratic Party may impeach their Democratic governor. The findings of the investigation were announced by the state’s Democratic attorney general. The nation’s Democratic president has called for Cuomo to resign. While Democrats will remove a fellow Democrat for sexual assault, Republicans would say of their own, “He says he didn’t do it.”

Charlotte Bennett, a former state employee and one of Cuomo’s victims, said, “It wasn’t an apology and he didn’t take accountability for his actions. He blamed me and said that I simply misinterpreted what he had said.” Yeah…I hate when people misinterpret when I grab them by the ass.

The state assembly session starts next month (in case you’re a Republican, that’s September), but Bennet says that’s not soon enough and they need to remove Cuomo now. I don’t live in New York so I’m not totally aware of how their system works, but in most states, a legislature can’t call itself into a special session. Only a governor can do that. And in case you weren’t paying attention (Republicans), the governor of New York is Andrew Cuomo. Good luck removing him before September.

The investigation concluded he had sexually harassed at least 11 women and violated state and federal law in the process. The speaker of the state assembly said Cuomo “has lost the confidence of the Assembly Democratic majority and that he can no longer remain in office.”

Part of Cuomo’s defense was showing multiple photos of him touching the faces of many people, with one of them being the president of the United States (the actual president, Republicans). When asked about this touchy-feely incident, President Biden said, “Look, I’m not going to flyspeck this. I am sure there were some embraces that were totally innocent, but apparently the attorney general decided there were things that weren’t.” Biden is old. What the hell is “flyspeck?” When asked about the president’s comments, Cuomo said, “I’ll grope that flyspeck.”

White House Spokesperson Jen Psaki said, “I don’t know that anyone could have watched this morning and not found the allegations to be abhorrent. I know I certainly did.” When asked about Psaki’s comments, Cuomo said, “Mmmmmmm.”

I’ve always liked Cuomo. I appreciated how straightforward and direct he was during the pandemic. He was the best source of information at the time about the virus while the president (sic…and the former fake one) of the United States was playing it down, telling us to use malaria medication and to shoot disinfectant up our asses. I always thought Cuomo was on the right side politically and would be a future president. Not anymore. He needs to resign…and if you can’t remove him from office until September…

…maybe strap him down with duct tape.

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