Diane Feinstein

Congressional Dum-Dums

Diane Feinstein needs to resign from her seat in the United States Senate, not because of her age but because her health has deteriorated to the point that she can’t give California the representation it deserves.

I don’t think anyone in the Senate, Democratic or Republican, is asking her to resign. Republicans have actually put themselves in a position where they can’t ask her to resign after they blocked Majority Leader Chuck Schumer from replacing her on the Judiciary Committee. You can’t say she’s not capable of serving in the Senate while demanding she stay on a Senate committee. But the real reason nobody on either side will call for her resignation is because it’ll come back on them. We all get old. Fun fact: Most Senators never resign. Most Senators only leave office by the will of the voters.

If 89 is too old for Diane Feinstein to serve in the Senate, then 89 is too old for Republican Chuck Grassley. And if 89 is too old, then surely 100 is too old. In case you’re a Republican, 100 is greater than 89. Republicans allowed segregationist Strom Thurmond to serve until he was 100 and they were doing the Weekend-At-Bernies thing long before he reached that age.

I believe it’s appropriate to bring up a political candidate’s age, whether it’s about them being too old or too young, but age alone shouldn’t be used alone in determining ability. If Joe Biden is old at 80, then Donald Trump is old at 76. And when you look at the two men, one of them is in much much much better physical health than the other (psst, it’s not Trump). Sure, Biden might trip on the steps of Air Force One, but he doesn’t walk up them with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. And 80-year-old Joe Biden has demonstrated his mental acumen multiple times, most recently during the State of the Union where he destroyed the Republican opposition.

Republican and Ted Rall’s Russian talking points paint President Biden as having dementia, but the fact is he understands the issues better than any Republican or Sputnik Boy. Meanwhile, you have 36-year-old Lauren Boebert acting as the Dunning-Krueger poster child through daily tweets, like when she accused President Biden of closing schools during the Trump presidency (sic). Boebert’s age isn’t an issue but her brain is. Can you imagine the babbling word salads that’ll come out of Lauren Boebert’s mouth when she’s 80? That is if she doesn’t die from accidentally shooting herself while posing for next year’s Christmas card.

If Diane Feinstein doesn’t have the mental capabilities to serve in Congress, then neither does an entire slew of Republicans. Let’s look at the five dumbest in no particular order except for number one.

Senator Tommy Tuberville isn’t just a racist who proudly states that white nationalists “are Americans” He’s stupid. Shortly after being elected, he said the three branches of the federal government are the House, Senate, and White House. Tuberville also believed we fought against socialism in World War II. Tommy Tuberville is why there should be a test for political candidates. If an immigrant has to identify the three branches of government on a citizenship test, then it should be required knowledge for a United States Senator, even one from Alabama. Tuberville also gives a bad rap for football coaches. They can’t all be as dumb as Tuberville, right?

When the coronavirus pandemic first hit, Matt Gaetz wore a gas mask on the floor of the House. When Gaetz paid underage girls for sex after transporting them across state lines, he stupidly left an online paper trail through Venmo and Apple Pay. He was also dumb enough to brag about his sexual exploits on the House floor by showing off naked photos of his conquests on his phone. Plus, have you seen his hair and the way he dresses? Smart people don’t do that to themselves. The only reason Matt Gaetz isn’t in prison right now is that the witness the Justice Department was using against Gaetz was a Gaetz friend, and anyone dumb and sleazy enough to pal around with him is not a credible witness.

Everything that comes out of George Santos’ mouth is stupid. After being arrested, his defense was that none of the Bidens have been arrested. Santos has been stupid enough to lie about working as a stockbroker, his employees dying during a mass shooting, his mom dying in 9/11, a fake dog charity, stealing from a homeless veteran, where he went to school, his religion, his income, and too much other shit for me to go back and research again on a Sunday. He’s too stupid to keep his mouth shut while facing criminal charges. I don’t think I’m going too far out on a limb that was created from Santo’s lying nose to predict he’s going to prison.

Where do we begin with Marjorie Taylor Greene? Do we start with Gazpacho Police, Bill Gates’ peach tree dishes, Frazzledrip, or Jewish Space Lasers?

All these people are dummies, but the dumbest stupidest, and biggest moronic idiot of them all skulking the halls of Congress is…drum roll, please…..Lauren Boebert.

There’s a hashtag trending on Twitter that’s #LaurenBoebertIsSoDumb because Lauren Boebert is so dumb, she actually tweeted the hashtag. Even her name is stupid and dangerously close to “Bozo.” Yesterday, she tweeted that she didn’t understand where the latest funding to Ukraine came from, despite being in the legislative branch that’s responsible for that funding. It’s amazing that Boebert can walk and think at the same time. She once chastised a congressional witness about a new law allowing public urination that wasn’t a law at all which she should have known because…she voted against it and it failed to pass. She is so fucking stupid, she doesn’t know the order of the days of the week. She said people in Venezuela eat dogs because they don’t have firearms (Wait. The dogs are eaten because they can’t shoot the people trying to eat them?).

The best part about Lauren Boebert being so dumb is that she doesn’t know it. She believes she’s one the smartest members of Congress and that’s why she continues to put out videos of herself smugly saying stupid things. She self-owns time and time again.

The only thing dumber than these five stupid fuckos are the people who keep voting for them. I suppose you can’t get vile racist hatred with some intellect.

Music note: I listened to Cake and No Doubt.

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