Demon sperm

The Rodgers Rate


Cjones11092021

There is a common trait among anti-vaxxers. Selfishness.

When an anti-vaxxer talks about vaccines, in addition to basing everything they believe on lies and conspiracy theories, they demonstrate just how selfish they are. They talk about how it affects them. They don’t really talk about others except when it comes to how their kid shouldn’t be forced to wear a face mask or be vaccinated, ignoring how it affects other kids. This is selfishness.

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is a selfish greedy rude inconsiderate right-wing conspiracy-minded lying asshole. The guy makes $31.5 million a year and he can’t be considerate enough toward his teammates to get vaccinated against the coronavirus. Not only did he put himself before the team and endanger their season, but he also endangered their health. And when asked by the press, he dodged the question over his vaccination status and became a worm by saying he was “immunized.” Then he blames the press for his situation.

Surprise surprise. After refusing to get vaccinated, Aaron Rodgers caught the coronavirus. He’s going to miss at least the next two games. Last August, he told the press he was “immunized.” Now, he says never lied and he’s not “some sort of anti-vax flat-Earther.” He said on the Pat McAfee Show, “I’m somebody who’s a critical thinker. You guys know me. I march to the beat of my own drum.”

He’s not a critical thinker and he’s not marching to the beat of his own drum. He’s marching with the conspiracy theorists. When you create a problem with your own arrogance, selfishness, and narcissism, then come back with a defense that blames others, using words like “woke,” “cancel culture,” and “witch hunt,” you may as well be a part of Qanon. These terms are from the sheepish culture of the Trump cult. Quite frankly, Aaron Rodgers should not be “reinstated” as the Packer’s QB.

Rodgers said he could not get the Moderna or Pfizer shots because he has an allergy to an ingredient in the mRNA vaccines made by those companies. I hope he’s not allergic to tinfoil. Rodgers did not identify the specific allergy. I wonder how much research Rodgers has put into all the medication and injections he’s had to take throughout his career for pain and surgeries.

Rodgers says he refuses to take the Johnson & Johnson vaccine because of the horror stories he’s heard concerning it. Do you know what is dangerous to your health? Playing football. He’s worried a vaccine will lower his sperm count, seriously, but not worried about long-term effects from concussions. If Aaron Rodgers is so concerned for his health to be this much of a crying baby about it, then why is he ever on a football field? Oh yeah, $31.5 million a year.

By the way, there is no evidence that any of the vaccines for the coronavirus causes sterilization.

Remember, Rodgers claims he’s not a flat-earth anti-vaxxer and marches to the “beat of his own drum,” but he took vaccine advice from podcaster and horrible comedian fucknut conspiracy junky Joe Rogan. Rodgers started taking Ivermectin, monoclonal antibodies, zinc, vitamin C and D, and hydroxychloroquine after Rogan advised him to do so. Ivermectin is an anti-parasitic medication, usually for livestock, that the Food and Drug Administration says is NOT an effective treatment for COVID. You can only get Ivermectin with a prescription…or if you make $31.5 million a year.

Also, if you’re taking hydroxychloroquine, you outed yourself as a Trumper. Congratulations, Aaron. You just made me hate you more than I hate Tom Brady.

Rodgers said the NFL coronavirus policies are “not based on science at all,” meanwhile, he’s taking medical advice from Joe Rogan, who is NOT a doctor or a scientist. Joe Rogan is the kind of guy who’d recommend giving your dog chocolate. Rodgers also said the league’s policies are “based purely on trying to out and shame people.”

Rodgers claimed he went through his own immunization protocols he developed with his medical team. He said the immunization had been around for centuries and doctors had been using it for decades and that it was for adults and children who can’t get traditional vaccines. When asked by Pat McAfee, Rodgers refused to reveal what the immunization methods are or any members of his “medical team.” Was it Joe Rogan? It was Joe Rogan. He did say his “medical team” was composed of holistic doctors, homeopaths, “Harvard MDs and brilliant people from all over the country.” Sure.

While some vaccinated people do catch the coronavirus, 100 percent of the people taking the Aaron Rodgers’ home immunization treatment have caught the coronavirus.

Speaking of Pat McAfee, he is also a broadcaster for the World Wrestling Entertainment company, making him the perfect person for Aaron to give this interview to because professional wrestling is scripted too.

Rodgers claimed the media was lying about him, called them a “woke mob ” that was trying to “cancel” him. Yup, he’s a Trumper. He also speculated he caught the virus from someone who’s vaccinated.

Then, just like all right-wingers do, he attempted to quote Dr. Martin Luther King in his defense, which is like trying to have a black friend. Since he has at least two weeks off, maybe Aaron can go down to Dallas and wait for JFK Jr to appear.

Rodgers took MLK’s quote, “One has not only a legal, but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.” Rodgers turned it into, “You have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that make no sense.” Well scoot over, Rosa Parks, and make room for Aaron.

By the way, Aaron, MLK was “canceled.” You, not so much.

Aaron Rodgers is selfish and a liar. He says the Packers knew he wasn’t vaccinated and if this is true, shame on the Packers for enabling Aaron’s bullshit. Now, they get two weeks without him. Letting Aaron Rodgers make his own health decisions, or allowing him to let Joe Rogan make them, is like allowing children to operate garbage disposals unsupervised. Qanon cultists shouldn’t be allowed to make big decisions and should probably only order from the kids’ menu.

But, if the Packers were lied to by Aaron Rodgers, they need to ship his ass out of town. Send him to the Jets. That’ll be a good punishment. Rodgers already whined to get traded before the season began, probably because he has to wipe his own ass. Maybe he can get Joe Rogan to do it.

There was no “woke” mob coming for Rodgers at any time, but there may be an angry mob from Green Bay coming for him now.

Aaron Rodgers is a great quarterback…and a horrible human being. We haven’t seen a quarterback this selfish narcissistic, and whiny since Brett Favre.

How can Rodgers get away with lying about his vaccination status and Farve continue playing after sending unwanted dick pics, but Colin Kaepernick still can’t get an NFL tryout after protesting racism?

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Demon Pillows


cjones08212020

We have to stop treating these people like they’re normal.

Donald Trump is not a normal person. Donald Trump is a conspiracy theorist totally devoid of ethics and a fraud. And if someone else happens to come along pushing bogus conspiracy theories and talking fruit loops out of their ass, Donald Trump will support their message as long as there’s praise for him in it.

Take Dr. Demon Sperm. That crazy lady in Houston claimed she had treated and cured over 300 people with Hydroxychloroquine. Never mind we still haven’t seen any evidence of that. Perhaps we were distracted by her claims of deep state lizard people, Alien DNA being used to cure people, and sex dreams with demons causing havoc in vaginas. But, because she promoted Hydroxychloroquine, Donald Trump said she’s “very impressive.”

Thankfully, there are still journalists who will call out bullshit. Journalists like CNN’s Anderson Cooper, who may have had too much fun with Mike Lindell yesterday.

You can argue that by giving someone like Mike Lindell a platform on CNN legitimizes the guy. But Donald Trump has already brought the dude up at one of his fake coronavirus briefings, so bring him on…and use the platform to expose him for the fraud he is. After what we saw yesterday, he’s less credible than the Doctor Demon Sperm. Hey, at least she had the good sense not to allow Anderson Cooper to expose her.

You know who Mike Lindell is. He’s the MyPillow guy selling shit pillows on Fox News. His pillows are totally propping up Tucker Carlson’s shows as other advertisers flee over his racism. MyPillow doesn’t have a problem with racists. In fact, I hear 4 out of 5 tiki-torch Nazis prefer MyPillow over non-Nazi pillows. OK. I made that up but as Mark Meadows would argue, there’s no evidence that it’s not true. No word yet on the pillow preference of sex demons.

Now, the MyPillow guy is touting a cure for the coronavirus. Wow! A cure you say? Lindell is pushing oleandrin as a potential therapeutic for COVID-19. oleandrin actually comes from a plant that is toxic. What is the MyPillow guy’s medical expertise? He has none. What’s his experience with drugs? He did a lot of cocaine. What’s his connection to this new miracle drug? He’s on the board of the company selling it which gives him a financial stake. But you know, Lindell says Jesus sent him.

Fortunately, Anderson Cooper destroyed Lindell yesterday for the entire world to see.

Lindell does not like the media and he’s referred to it in the past, usually while appearing on Fox News, as evil. But for some reason, he took his chances with Anderson Cooper.

Anderson Cooper pointed out Lindell had no medical expertise, was going to financially benefit, and that he had been exposed as a fraud in the past. Lindell used to run commercials claiming MyPillow cured various diseases. He later settled a lawsuit with several counties in California over the bogus claim. His business has an F rating from the Better Business Bureau for offering a buy-one-get-one-free campaign where if you paid double for one pillow, then you got a second.

Yesterday, Mike Lindell said he wouldn’t stake his great reputation on this cure if it didn’t work. Anderson Cooper pointed out that Lindell doesn’t have a great reputation. That’s about where I lost it and laughed for about two hours straight. The look on Lindell’s face was priceless. Perhaps what’s also hurting his reputation is using these appearances to also claim Donald Trump is the greatest president ever.

Lindell also pointed out that Ben Carson was behind this new cure. Oy! In the past, Ben Carson promoted a drug for a company that was paying him to give speeches, donating to his scholarship fund, and underwrote a TV special for him. But hey, let’s trust HUD Secretary Ben Carson, who doesn’t know the difference between REO and Oreo cookies.

Mike Lindell argued this drug has passed several tests yet wouldn’t provide proof or details. As someone else who I forget pointed out recently, legitimate medical studies are usually published in medical journals, not YouTube, and they’re definitely not reserved to be promoted by the MyPillow guy.

The MyPillow guy claimed the Food and Drug Administration has had the results of the tests since April, but there’s been no acknowledgement of that.

Last March, at one of Trump’s bogus coronavirus briefings, he brought Lindell out who promised his company would use its resources to produce 50,000 face masks a day for hospitals. I did a little research to see how that went and all I can find is that they definitely made face masks. In fact, at his MyPillow website, you can purchase 10 of them for $20.00. And in a great deal, you can purchase 20 for $40. I don’t know why he didn’t promote 10 for $40 and you get 10 more for free.

Yesterday, Lindell said, “I do what Jesus has me do.” Beware of people who say they’re doing God’s work while making a profit. It’s like a president donating his salary while forcing the government to pay for shitty hotel rooms and golf cart rentals at his resort. Or you know, using the presidency to force events like the G7 Summit and the British Open to be held at his shitty resorts. Do they use MyPillows in prisons?

Lindell claims he gave this new miracle cure to friends and family members and again, without proof.

Anderson summed it up best and to Lindell’s face when he said, “You really are like a snake oil salesman.” This entire administration and their friends are snake oil salesmen. Usually, they come with lines like, “Make America great again.”

I wouldn’t trust Lindell with any of his products. I wouldn’t put my head on his crappy pillows. I wouldn’t put one of his face masks on my face. And I definitely wouldn’t trust him with medication from a poisonous plant.

Mike Lindell is insane and a total fraud. He’s a conman and a grifter just like the man he’s a sycophant for. And in addition to selling snake oil, he’s selling bullshit.

And if you’re ever unsure if someone is legit or a total fraud, look for the signs. The first sign is they’re a Trump supporter.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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A Mythical A.G.


cjones08012020

The thing that annoys me most about Republicans who have joined the Trump cult is they don’t have principles. They’re all about reduced government spending until Donald Trump runs up the national debt. They’re all about patriotism until Donald Trump insults veterans and allows Putin to place bounties on soldiers’ lives. They used to be about family values until Mr. five-kids-with-three-wives-pussy-grabber came along. They can’t find a principled position to take a stand on. Today, the sycophantic Qanon conspiracy theorists for Trump warns us all about the deep state lizard people, but if Donald Trump appointed a few lizard people to his administration, they’d all be like, “Thank you, President (sic) Trump, for the lizard people.”

And who says Donald Trump hasn’t appointed lizard people? They were all about draining the swamp but didn’t protest against him appointing campaign contributors to ambassadorships. They didn’t protest his cabinet members gifting themselves at our expense. They don’t protest Trump enriching himself on our dime. They don’t protest foreign diplomats staying at Trump hotels. They don’t protest Trump charging the Secret Service for golf cart rentals. Hell, they were even against a president playing golf until Donald Trump spent over $300 million of our money on his golf trips.

Maybe Donald Trump’s deep state lizard person is Attorney General William Barr. Trump sycophants worry about fictional corruption, like Hillary Clinton personally selling our uranium supply to Russia, but they ignore the Attorney General being Donald Trump’s personal goon who has transformed the Justice Department into the Donald Trump Personal Protection and Racketeering Agency.

While testifying before Congress and declaring he wasn’t Donald Trump’s personal poodle installed only to be his Roy Cohn, William Barr repeated several bullshit Trumpian talking points.

William Barr used the Donald Trump talking point that cops kill more white people than black people. There are more white people in the nation than black people. Statistically, cops kill more blacks. William Barr went to college. He has a law degree. He’s smart enough to know the talking point he crapped out of his mouth was pure and total grade-A racist bullshit.

Barr claimed President Obama spied on Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign. No, Obama did not. The FBI tracked a couple of suspected Russian spies who worked for the Trump campaign. That is not spying. If tracking on suspected Russian spies was spying on the Trump campaign, then what does that make the Trump campaign? It’s hard to say you’re not Trump’s personal attorney when your Justice Department, like Donald Trump, is more concerned about the well being of Russian spies than about the people investigating said spies.

William Barr repeated Donald Trump’s accusation that President Obama didn’t restock the nation’s stockpile of PPE, ignoring the fact Donald Trump has been president for over three years. After spending three years staring at your own empty closet, you can’t blame its emptiness on the guy who owned it before you. Again, it’s been three years. Are the salt shakers empty in the White House cafeteria? Are you going to blame Obama for that?

William Barr carried out Trump’s talking point that all Black Lives Matter protesters are violent which is why unidentified secret police are needed to invade American cities and teargas and hit Vietnam veterans and mothers over the heads with billy clubs.

William Barr repeated Trump’s claim he had “no responsibility” for testing failures which extend to Trump having no fault for the lack of any national plan to confront the virus or any blame for the death of over 150,000 Americans.

William Barr carried on the Trump talking point that mail-in voting was ripe for voter fraud…despite the fact he and Trump have both voted through that method.

Barr claimed the clearing of protesters with tear gas and goons on horses in front of the White House and Trump’s visit minutes later through the clearing to visit St. John’s church on June 1 were totally unrelated.

Finally, William Barr said “Antifa” about 98 times during the hearing. Here’s a fact for you: There is no such organization called “Antifa.”

Quite frankly, I’m shocked William Barr didn’t make a pitch to host the G7 at Doral and the British Open at Trump Turdberry.

William Barr can’t defend himself.  The only legal cases he’s personally interjected himself into are those that concern Donald Trump’s goons.

He’s fired U.S. Attorneys investigating Donald Trump’s friends. He overruled his own department’s prosecutors and has asked a court to drop all charges against Michael Flynn (who’s probably a Russian spy). He recommended a sentence reduction for Trump goon Roger Stone before Donald Trump commuted his sentence.

During the hearing, Representative Eric Swalwell reminded Barr that during his confirmation, he said it would be a crime for a president to issue a pardon in exchange for the recipient’s promise to not incriminate him. When asked why he wasn’t investigating Donald Trump for issuing a commutation of his personal goon Roger Stone’s prison sentence, which was granted after Stone didn’t turn on Trump and even bragged that he lied to protect Donald Trump, William fucking Barr said, “Why should I?”. Because you’re the fucking Attorney General, asshole, and Roger Stone told you explicitly he broke the law to protect Donald Trump who then saved him from going to prison.

It was pointed out Barr has never personally intervened in a case involving someone who’s not a Trump goon. He’s never sought to throw out a sentence or have one reduced for anyone who’s not a GOT, Goon of Trump’s. He also pleaded ignorance to knowing any details about why Michael Cohen was sent back to prison for refusing to agree not to talk to the media or write a book on Donald Trump.

William Barr is a Trump goon. He also denied systemic racism exists in America’s police departments. How about the Justice Department? Representative Cedric Richmond pointed out that when Barr came to the hearing, he brought his top staff which didn’t include any black people. Richmond pointed out that’s systemic racism. At the start of the hearing, Barr paid his respects to civil rights icon John Lewis. Richmond told Barr, “You really should keep the name of the Honorable John Lewis out of the Department of Justice’s mouth.” Later, Senator Kamala Harris said, “Bill Barr hasn’t lifted a finger as Attorney General to protect voting rights in America. He has no business speaking John Lewis’s name.”

Even when he was asked if it would be “appropriate for a president to solicit assistance” from a foreign government during an election,” Barr said, “It depends on what kind of assistance” before backtracking and saying no. You know what kind of assistance. The illegal kind. That’s the only kind of foreign assistance to a presidential campaign. I’m not even a lawyer and I know that. Another thing I know that the Attorney General of the United Freaking States doesn’t is that a president canNOT move an election date.

It’s hard to declare your independence from Donald Trump when you repeat Donald Trump’s lying talking points and act as his fat human shield. William Barr is a liar and a Trump goon. He’s as corrupt as Donald Trump.

Quite frankly, we’d be safer with the lizard people.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Dr. Demon Sperm


cjones07312020

Yesterday, during his bogus coronavirus hearings that are actually replacements for his hater rallies, Donald Trump wondered out loud why Dr. Anthony Fauci is more popular than he is. For his answer, maybe he should consult with Dr. Demon Sperm.

Donald Trump pointed out they’re a part of the same team and administration, yet Fauci has better ratings. For starters, they’re a part of the same team but Donald Trump didn’t hire Dr. Fauci. Ronald Reagan did. And despite being part of the same team, Donald Trump has engaged and engineered a smear campaign against the good doctor. As to why their approvals are in different places, Fauci has been honest and direct with Americans. In contrast, Donald Trump ignored the virus, downplayed it, politicized it, and spread lies while it has killed nearly 150,000 Americans and ruined the economy. And finally, a great reason Donald Trump’s numbers are so low when it comes to handling the virus, he’s ignored the very accomplished doctor on his team and has relied on the junk science of conspiracy theorists and loons who are seriously fucked in the head. Yes, that’s a medical term for this blog, “seriously fucked in the head.”

After seeing Donald Trump’s choice for his personal physician, nobody anywhere ever ever ever should listen to him ramble incoherently about anything that has to do with health and medicine (or anything else for that matter). The man actually believes human bodies are like batteries, with energy that doesn’t replenish, and we waste it on exercise. And now, he’s telling Americans to follow the medical advice from Dr. Demon Sperm. What?

Donald Trump retweeted a video of Dr. Stella Immanuel, a Houston doctor from Nigeria who was part of the “White Coat Summit,” a gathering of a few doctors who call themselves America’s Frontline Doctors and dispute the medical consensus on the coronavirus. She and the other doctors gave testimonials on the steps of the Supreme Court in an event organized by the group Tea Party Patriots, funded by wealthy right-wing assholes.

A video of the event went viral as the doctor pushed the drug hydroxychloroquine and claimed people don’t need to wear face masks and that a cure for the coronavirus has been found.

“Nobody needs to get sick,” Immanuel said. “This virus has a cure.” Then she said, “Hello, you don’t need a mask. There is a cure.” Hello? Are you seriously fucked in the head? Yes. Yes, she is.

The video, captured by Breitbart, gained over 13 million views and was shared by Donald Trump and his idiot son number 1, Donald Trump Jr. Later, the video was removed from YouTube and Twitter for pushing junk science. A conservative political cartoonist I know shared the video while declaring them “real doctors,” only to discover it was removed and replaced with a tag saying, “False information.”

Despite being pushed by the Trumps, the conservative student group of idiots, Turning Point, and those pro-Trump medical luminaries (that’s sarcasm) Diamond & Silk, hydroxychloroquine doesn’t help fight the coronavirus. Studies have failed to find proof the drug has any benefit in treating the virus and the Food and Drug Administration revoked its emergency authorization to use it to treat it, saying it hadn’t demonstrated any effect on patients’ mortality prospects.

But, hydroxychloroquine isn’t the craziest shit the Houston doctor is pushing. From her medical office in a strip mall, she’s selling the belief scientists have created a vaccine that prevents people from being religious, the government is run by lizard people, and women have gynecological problems after dreaming they had sex with demons and witches.

She also claims she’s cured over 300 people of the coronavirus without providing any proof…and wait…let’s go back to this demon booty stuff.

Dr. Immanuel has posted videos on YouTube of her sermons where she claims medical issues like endometriosis, cysts, infertility, and impotence are caused by sex with “spirit husbands” and “spirit wives” by having sex with them in your dreams.

She says the sex demons are, “responsible for serious gynecological problems. We call them all kinds of names, endometriosis, we call them molar pregnancies, we call them fibroids, we call them cysts, but most of them are evil deposits from the spirit husband. They are responsible for miscarriages, impotence, men that can’t get it up.” Damn demons.

Now that she’s found the source of impotence, congressional Republicans will push to fund a study on how to purge our nation of these buzz-killing sex demons.

The doctor also claims ailments other than those in the hoo-ha stem from “demonic sperm,” such as financial ruin. It may also lead to one having her license to practice medicine taken away. Demonic sperm is like sand. It gets everywhere.

When asked yesterday about the doctor and her “medical” theories, Donald Trump said she was very “impressive” and “spectacular.” And then that “maybe” the doctor pushing those theories was her or it wasn’t. Then he ran from the room as the next question was being asked.

Donald, it was she. There’s no maybe about it. The real scientific phenomenon here is that we can’t convince 60 million people not to vote for the guy endorsing Dr. Demon Sperm.

The videos were removed from most social media, and Twitter even temporarily suspended Donald Trump Jr’s account. Removing the videos pissed Dr. Stella Immanuel off.

She tweeted yesterday, “Hello Facebook put back my profile page and videos up or your computers with start crashing till you do. You are not bigger that God. I promise you. If my page is not back up face book will be down in Jesus name.”

The last I checked, Jesus has not shut down Facebook. neither have the witches, lizard people, or the demon sperm.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.