Debate

Law And Order President


cjones10042020

During the Republican Convention, which was just a few weeks ago, they spent every night bringing out every single black person who’s ever had a nice thing to say about Donald Trump, like people he’s paid, to tell us he’s not a racist. Then during the very first debate, Donald Trump told us he’s a racist.

When people tell you who they are, believe them. It doesn’t matter how many black friends a person has for a photo-op when afterward, they tell a violent white supremacist group to stand by. Seriously, if Donald Trump is not a racist, then how can he dish out orders to hate groups? Order that they obey? Orders that inspire them create new logos?

Today, the Trump cult and Trump surrogates are telling us he condemned a hate group when he told them to “stand back.” But they’re not finishing the sentence.

Senator Tim Scott, a black Republican, said he believes Donald Trump “misspoke.” How much shit is Tim Scott willing to stand in? Has Trump been misspeaking for years? The leader of your party is a racist. Denial is not a racist river in Egypt. This is the toll for riding down that racist river. This is the toll to be a black Republican. You have to party with Nazis.

House GOP leader Kevin McCarthy attempted to cover up for Trump and said he did condemn and disavow the hate group, despite the fact he did not. McCarthy is a great example of today’s cult that used to be the Republican Party. They have to lie when defending Trump and they have to be comfortable with racism.

Donald Trump encouraged a hate group. He told them to “stand by.” In case you don’t believe me that he encouraged the hate group, then believe the hate group. Within minutes, literally, the hate group addressed, Proud Boys, posted on social media a brand new logo proclaiming…wait for it…”STAND BY!”

Proud Boys is not just a hate group that sits around hating. It’s not like they’re in their treehouse, playing cards, drinking Mountain Dew, complaining about how they can’t get laid while holding a tiniest penis contest, not bothering anyone but occasionally saying, “by the way, I really hate Muslims.” No. This group rolls into cities, armed to the few teeth they have with guns and baseball bats, marching behind shields, saying they’re not there for violence before they all get violent…before going home to conduct another tiniest penis contest.

Donald Trump is a racist. He’s been telling us he’s a racist since day one. Last night, he told us again. He also told the racists he’s a racists. He told them to “stand by” and then he told them to harass and intimidate voters at voting precincts. He’s telling them to fuck with people while they’re voting. Donald Trump needs to go to prison.

And then, Donald Trump told us he’s the “law and order” president. “Law and order” is another racist dog whistle, like “invading the suburbs.” Do you know who else used the term “law and order?” Every southern racist sheriff in the 1960s.

Today, trying to clean it up, Donald Trump told the Proud Boys to stand back and let law enforcement do “the job.” What’s the job? Does he think Proud Boys have been doing the same job as cops? Does he believe Proud Boys have been exercising “law and order?” Does he believe cops have the same priorities as Proud Boys? And if they do, then that may be the problem we’ve been experiencing for decades.

Watching Donald Trump give orders to a racist group like Proud Boys was nothing for American to be proud of. It was an international embarrassment.

As evidenced at last night’s debate, Donald Trump is not presidential. And he’s only president for his base. His base is made up of racists. It’s made up of white supremacists. It’s made up of Nazis. It’s made up of skinheads. It’s made up of Proud Boys. And Donald Trump is a Proud Boy. And being one of them and their leader, he’s probably the winner of the tiniest penis contest.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Debate Drug Test


cjones10022020

And I thought it was weird when he only wanted Russian hookers’ pee.

Ya know, it’s really kinda hard for Donald Trump to put the entire Russian hooker pee-pee tape thing to rest when he’s asking for Joe Biden’s pee. Does Donald Trump want to film Joe peeing? Does he want to take Joe’s pee home for later usage? What will he use that pee for? If Trump is going to take a drug test before the debate, will he be using his own pee or that of a Russian hooker? And…does Adderall show up on a drug test?

Finally, if you pay a Russian hooker to pee in a cup, can you deduct it in your taxes?

But seriously, Donald Trump needs to make the head of his corporation take a drug test, not Joe Biden. Have you heard Donald Trump Jr speak lately?

Donald Trump is doing three things with his call for Joe Biden to take a drug test. He’s gaslighting about who Joe Biden is, he’s distracting from genuine topics, and he’s lowering the bar.

Donald Trump is lowering the bar for his debate performance like he is with his upcoming electoral defeat. After he’s defeated in November, he’ll blame fictional fraud. After Joe Biden kicks his ass tonight in the first debate, he’ll say it’s because Joe is on drugs.

What he’s trying to distract us from is his performance as president and his own faults. Donald Trump would rather talk about some fictional drug Joe Biden is on rather than the 202,000 people who have died from the coronavirus. He’d rather talk about some fictional bullshit than his taxes. And each time he brings up drug tests, which Biden isn’t doing anything wrong by not taking, Biden should demand Donald Trump to release his taxes.

Joe Biden should demand that Donald Trump explain how his daughter is paid as a contracting consultant, for which he deducted taxes for, while she’s also an executive at that company. She was paid for consulting on projects she was managing.

Joe Biden should demand that Donald Trump explain the deductions he used to get a tax refund over $72 million.

Joe Biden should ask Donald Trump to explain how he’s a great businessman when he’s losing millions each year.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain how bankrupted in an industry where customers willingly give you free money.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain why he’s paying lower federal taxes than the illegal immigrants he’s hired.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain why he’s paying more taxes to places like Turkey, the Philippines, Panama, and Indonesia than he’s paying to the United States.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to reveal who he’s in debt to for over $300 million. That last one is really important.

Donald Trump is attempting to gaslight Biden the way he did with Hillary Clinton. During 2016, a majority of those polled believed Donald Trump was more honest than Hillary Clinton. There have been over 20 years of gaslighting about Hillary Clinton, that after over 22,000 lies, polls would probably still show Donald Trump to be more trustworthy than Clinton.

It’s kinda like the gaslighting that Republicans are better with the economy. Republicans always ruin the economy and Democrats always fix it. Right now, we’re at an eight percent unemployment rate and Donald Trump is still graded better with the economy than Joe Biden…who was a part of the administration that fixed the economy the last time a Republican fucked it up. Honestly, American voters are stupid.

Now, they’ve gaslighted that Joe Biden has mental problems. Trump has done this, Republicans have done this, and the Russians have done this. They have taken Joe Biden’s stutter and turned it into a mental problem. Now, they want to create a mythical drug thing with Joe Biden.

What Joe Biden should do each time Donald Trump brings up the drug tests bullshit….demand Sniffy to prove he’s not on Adderall. Also, I think it’d be great if he called Trump “Sniffy.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Nasty Women


cjones10232016

Her name is Hillary. It’s Madame President if you’re nasty. That joke’s been making the rounds on social media since Donald Trump interrupted Clinton during the third debate with “such a nasty woman.”

Much has been made and analyzed from Donald Trump’s strike at Clinton with his “such a nasty woman” remark. Trump was provoked enough to speak out of turn and interrupt (which wasn’t uncommon) when Clinton said “my Social Security payroll contribution will go up, as will Donald’s, assuming he can’t figure out how to get out of it, but what we want to do is …” and then came the nasty “nasty” comment.

A lot of conservatives were bewildered that Trump’s comment has been taken as a sexist remark. The fact they don’t get it should be enough for them to reexamine how they look at the world and people around them. Maybe they can also take the opportunity to reexamine their lives and the choices they made.

Or they could listen to the world react.

While many Trump supporters were quick to don the moniker “deplorable” after Clinton’s “basket full of deplorables” comment, women nationwide are printing up T-shirts with “Nasty Woman” and “Nasty Women Vote.” Someone bought the domain for nastywomengetshitdone.com which redirects to a fundraising page for Clinton. A logo has been created with an “N” replacing the “H” in Clinton’s logo and changing Clinton’s slogan to “I’m With Nasty” (which also became a hashtag). Even streams for Janet Jackson’s 1980’s pop hit “Nasty Girl” increased 250% on Spotify. It does have a funky beat.

While many women have found strength by sharing their experiences of the type of treatment Trump bragged about doing in those leaked tapes, Take Back The Night, a foundation working to end sexual assault and violence against women, is using the slogan to call for safer environments.

Another trending hashtag is “NastyWomenVote.” Trump will definitely be feeling a bit nasty, and perhaps a little chunky, on the night of November 8th. Currently he’s polling 20 points behind Clinton with women. Only 20? Go figure.

Let’s hope Trump’s “poll monitors” don’t attempt any grabbing on election day. And if you are a poll monitor for Trump, don’t forget election day is November 28th, just like Trump said.

Funny story time that digresses:

I have a weirdo magnet. That means freaks find me. They want to talk. It’s brutal. My friends know this and can back me up.

Yesterday a buddy and I went to a bar. Shortly after planting ourselves on bar stools a strange man sits down next to me and wants to talk to me about chemtrails. What? What the hell are chemtrails? Chem trails are the streaks in the sky from planes and according to this goober they’re intentionally loaded with chemical and biological gunk for sinister purposes (science has debunked this but that’s what they want you to believe). This gentleman proceeded to give me a very long lecture about chemtrails and then told me Climate Change and Global Warming were lies.

And then it got weird.

He went on to tell me that the election won’t happen. The “Illuminati,” which is all the world’s billionaires who control the media and Obama, will go to war with Russia, start World War III, declare martial law, cancel the election, and Obama gets to become dictator. The Illuminati has put subliminal junk into the graphics you see in the background on all the news channels (all those spinning stars and stuff) and they hypnotize us to believe facts…I mean stuff the media wants us to believe like “don’t worry about chemtrails” and “you can save money by switching your car insurance,” and “Wolf Blitzer does not suck.” I asked him if Donald Trump is a member of the Illuminati since he’s a billionaire but the guy told me no and Trump is the only one trying to save us and delivering the truth.

I was silent throughout most of this while all my friends bailed on me so I could have this experience all to myself (My friend Cindy said the freaks find me because I have a pleasant face but I think there’s more stock in the chemtrail theory than that bunk). Eventually the old dirt farmer, or whatever he was, decided I wasn’t fun to talk to anymore, or that I wasn’t going to be converted, when my inner smart ass revealed itself. I simply asked him “do they know you’re out?”. He said “what? Do they know I’m out? Who are they?”. I said “the people with giant butterfly nets currently looking for you.” I went home shortly after that. I had my fill of people for the week and returned to my cartoon cave and ate some Doritos.

The moral of the story is: The crazy people are out there. They’re supporting Trump. They can’t be persuaded or reasoned with. Some of them don’t have a reason as understandable as being sexists, racists, xenophobes, etc. They’re just crazy. And they’re still gonna be here after November 8th.

I don’t think chem trails or CNN hypnotized me to believe that.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Bad Hombres, Nasty Woman, Debate Goes Bigly


cjones10222016

Choose your Twitter hashtag for the night. You can choose from #BadHombres, #NastyWoman, or #Bigly. These are contributions from Donald Trump during the third and last presidential debate from the 2016 election.

What’s the biggest takeaway from the last presidential debate for election 2016? Trump having high praise for Vladimir Putin and encouragement toward Bashar al-Assad, but doesn’t have faith in the American election system.

Trump had fewer sniffles and better poise than in his previous two debate performances, but he came off like he was impersonating Alec Baldwin impersonating him.

Spouting off falsehoods such as the State Department losing $6 billion dollars under Hillary’s watch, it’s obvious Trump went to the Breitbart school of debate coaching. How can Trump keep track of how much money the state department loses when he can’t keep track how much his daddy loaned him? He continues the claim it’s $1 million when it’s somewhere between $14-17 million.

About thirty minutes after saying he has the “greatest respect for women” Trump interrupted Hillary Clinton with “such a nasty woman.” He continued to deny accusations from women of his uninvited kissing and groping and claimed he didn’t know any of his accusers, despite there being plenty of tape to prove him wrong in some cases. He even said he didn’t apologize to his wife because he never did anything wrong, though earlier in the week Melania claimed Trump had apologized to her. Maybe her English isn’t so good and she thought she heard “sorry” when Donald actually said “I don’t dig fat chicks.”

Regarding his accusers, Trump claimed they were doing it for the fame of being groped by Donald Trump. Maybe that’s why Bob Dylan has remained silent on his Nobel. He’s waiting to be known for something greater, like being the beneficiary of a Trump grope.

Trump also bombed during the abortion segment when he talked about babies being ripped from their mother’s wombs on the last day before their birth. The segment started about Supreme Court appointments and Trump’s first comment on it, and in the debate, was to whine that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had insulted him. So his answer is he won’t appoint anyone who will hurt his feelings. Shit.

Hillary Clinton was there too and did a fine enough job. Did she put Trump away? Not as much as Trump probably put himself away. At one point moderator Chris Wallace told Clinton to stop talking so Trump could continue interrupting her. I thought she made her best point of the evening when she said “Trump would rather believe Vladimir Putin than 17 U.S. intelligence agencies.” Trump continued to claim the U.S. doesn’t know who is behind the recent hacks, which is like claiming eggs don’t come from chickens. “Eggs come from cows. I’ve seen the cows. They were the most marvelous cows and they’ll be yuge after I’m president. Then I milked the cows, but only the pretty ones and only after given expressed permission.”

When Clinton said Trump would be a puppet for Putin he replied, “uh uh…you’re the puppet.” I was waiting for “I know you are but what am I?”. He also repeated his constant one-word interruptions of “wrong” throughout the night.

To top all that off, he challenged people to prove he made quotes he denied ever making, which of course he has made. Such as when he denied saying Japan and South Korea should have nuclear weapons, which is something he has said.

The most talked about aspect of the debate analysts focused on afterward came near the end. Trump refused to say whether he will accept the results of the election. This is the first time we’ve ever had a major party candidate challenge the results before the actual election.

After the election I’m sure Trump will say it was manipulated by bad hombres and nasty woman but one word will perfectly describe the size of his defeat.

Bigly.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trump Gets A Head


cjones10102016

What’s scarier than Donald Trump not knowing that presidents do not appoint special prosecutors to punish their political opponents? Donald Trump knowing it.

Donald Trump entered Sunday night’s debate with a very low bar and he began the evening by crawling under it. Trump held a news conference before the event with several of Bill Clinton’s accusers of sexual misconduct, a group he once referred to as a “really unattractive” group. His campaign team attempted to put the women into a situation where they could confront Bill on live TV, but the debate organizers blocked it. Trump respects women so much that he uses them as political props.

Using the Breitbart debate strategy, when the issue came up of Trump physically assaulting women and boasting about it, he apologized, then dismissed it as “locker-room talk,” and attacked the Clintons. His main defense is that Bill Clinton is worse, he’s a rapist, and that Hillary attacked and savaged his accusers. I’m shocked he didn’t accuse Hillary of holding the women down while Bill did the raping and then sold pictures of it on the internet through the Clinton Foundation.

Trump said he never forced himself on a woman which means he’s a liar. He’s either lying on the video (which guys often do with locker room talk…when they’re 16), or he lied during the debate. Either way, even thinking that forcing yourself on women is cool, whether you’re 16 or 59, makes one a P.O.S (look that up if you don’t know).

Other interesting points in the debate was Trump admitted he used a tax loophole to not pay taxes and when he publicly disagreed with his running mate on taking out the leader of Syria (a fellow fascist).

Many analysts said if Trump can turn the subject away from his sexual assaults then he wins the debate. With that standard then this cartoon says he won. For as much as I hate sexual assault, the degradation of women, racism, islamophobia, homophobia, and xenophobia, his desire to become a tin-pot dictator scares me more.

For the first time ever in a presidential debate a candidate has promised to use the Justice department to investigate his political opponent and throw her in prison. He also called her the devil at one point. There’s little wonder why Putin (who jails his opponents, including journalists) and Kim Jong un (who kills his opponents) are so fond of The Donald.

One look at Trump’s penthouse in Trump Tower, or his personal jet, tells me he really desires to be a leader in the style of Saddam Hussein. Like Saddam, Trump puts his name on everything in gold. He’d probably create a department in charge of naming things “Trump.” The most frightening part is his desire to silence his critics. I’m a critic. Why in the hell would I want to support someone who wants to throw me in prison?

There may be some Latinos, blacks, homosexuals, and women dumb enough to vote against their best interests, but I’m not. The fact Hillary has a pulse and speaks in coherent sentences makes her a better candidate than Trump.

Many of the commentators in the post-debate analysis said Trump won the debate as Clinton seemed a little defensive and off her game. They were apparently scoring on a low bar as the scientific poll after gave it to Clinton, 57% to 34%. It probably didn’t help that he kept interrupting Clinton, paced, stalked, and hovered over her. She should be glad he didn’t offer her a Tic-Tac.

If we are going with the low bar in that his supporters would love his performance, then yes he wins. All his filth and conspiracy theories is crack to his base. What he didn’t do is build support. You don’t do that by insulting your opponent and threatening to imprison them.

Clinton wasn’t great. She didn’t put Trump away either. But she won the debate, not just by being better and more prepared than Trump, but by Trump not doing so bad. How is that?

Look at it this way: If Trump did so poorly his party would make some serious efforts to dump him. They’re not going to do that. Many will bail on him and a lot of funding might be pulled (the heavy Republicans are meeting Monday morning to talk about it). But if they had actually removed Trump from the ticket (which is almost impossible), that would give the GOP a serious chance of winning the election. The last thing Hillary wants is Trump thrown off the ticket.

For those looking forward to the election bringing an end to the most despicable race in U.S. history, I have some bad news for you. If Trump wins he continues the campaign against Clinton by trying to “lock her up,” which is also a popular chant at his rallies. If Trump loses he continues his campaign against Clinton by claiming the election was rigged (another fascist move). Having to choose between the two I’ll take the latter.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Idiocracy


cjones12142015

The 2006 film Idiocracy is about a future where mankind dumbs down. Society consists of nothing but stupid people. A man from our present is put into a deep sleep and wakes up in this future and he’s persecuted for being smart. Does that sound familiar? Not the waking up in the future part, but the part of being ridiculed for being intelligent.

In this fictional future quantity is placed above quality. Carl’s Jr sells Extra Big Ass Fries and Extra Big Ass Tacos. Entertainment includes an Oscar winning movie titled “Ass”, and that’s all it is. One ass.  The top television show features nothing but hits to the groin (Have you ever seen TruTV? They have shows that revolve around people injuring themselves). People get degrees at Costco (Trump University, anyone?).

Science is disregarded for commerce. A Gator Aid like drink is used to water crops and the government wonders why nothing is growing. Cities suffer massive landslides of garbage.

The film is set hundreds of years in the future but it seems we’re not that far off. We have elected officials that ignore science, even when nearly every scientist in the world tells them Climate Change is a problem. They watch cities and even nations (the Marshall Islands are disappearing) get ravaged by climate and they believe it doesn’t exist because it snows in Buffalo in January. The chairman of the Senate committee of Environment and Public Works is throwing snowballs on the Senate floor. In the movie they don’t want to put water on crops because water is what’s in the toilet.

Republicans refute Bill Nye the Science Guy because his title rhymes with his name and he wears a funny tie. They hate scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson because he puts science over religion and they consider him a geek. In the film they say of the smart guy “he talks like a fag”.

The one area the future in this film doesn’t exhibit is mass racism, which is something today’s Republican party is inviting.

Today we have candidates who lie, and after being caught, defend the lie and their supporters still believe them. They pander to xenophobia and racists and then wonder why their party is full of so much hatred. The top candidates for the GOP nomination has zero to very little public office experience. The top candidate in the polls is running on a platform of replacing Obamacare with “something better.” Voters who don’t like Obama because he’s an elitist with a high opinion of himself love Donald Trump. People believe the answer to gun violence is more guns, which would be like fighting cancer by introducing more cancer. A town in North Carolina has rejected a solar farm because they believe it will “suck up all the sun’s energy.”

I don’t believe the Republican party is stupid. Not all of it anyway. I don’t think all of the candidates are unintelligent. But they are definitely selling policies to those who are. Fear, hate, and dumb solutions are top sellers. They are all in a contest for the stupid vote.

Maybe this cartoon is stupid. If so, it should be a big hit.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms


cjones11042015

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. The starving cartoonist appreciates it.