Cruz Fiorina 2016

Lucifer Cruz


cjones04302016

Nobody likes Ted Cruz, unless they’re creepy and icky also. That would make us very suspicious of Carly Fiorina if we weren’t already aware that there’s something wrong with her. They are both liars without any ethics. Fiorina especially prolonged the lie about the videos of Planned Parenthood that encouraged a terrorist to attack a clinic in Colorado, then justified her encouragement. Today, Cruz continues the lie. Basically, they would be the pond scum of humanity if pond scum didn’t have any morals, somewhat likability and charm in comparison.

I drew this while hanging out with friends and watching the Washington Capitals beat the Pittsburgh Penguins in overtime. While everyone else is drinking and screaming at the TVs, I’m the lame dork sitting at a bar drawing a cartoon.

I really don’t like Ted Cruz. I really don’t like Carly Fiorina. They are a perfect match. They are disgusting and deplorable humans, if they are actually humans. I have about seven more cartoon ideas for these two. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing one.

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner came out and said that Ted Cruz is “Lucifer in the flesh” and that he’s a “miserable son of a bitch.” One of my conservative cartoonist brethren posted a meme of Boehner hanging out with Obama as if that disqualifies Boehner’s judgement. You can disagree with a person’s politics and still like them personally. Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neill figured that out. Conservatives today can’t fathom the idea. John Boehner agrees with Ted Cruz more than he agrees with Barack Obama, yet he doesn’t want to be in the same room with Ted Cruz. That’s not hard to figure out. Have you seen the guy?

Ted Cruz is the one person that has never had the experience of a friend calling him out of the blue in the middle of the week and saying “hey, do you want to go out and get a burger?” He hasn’t had the experience of having a friend.

There is not a person who is rational who likes Ted Cruz or Carly Fiorina. Here’s a judgement of character: Anyone who likes them personally should be ejected out of your atmosphere, unfriended, blocked on your cellphone, email, and just totally disregarded. Don’t talk to that person. That guy probably spent their entire college years in a bathrobe, like Ted Cruz, hanging out by the girls’ shower and freaking them out.

I bought a doggy chew toy of Ted Cruz for my dog. He wouldn’t play with it but he did bury it in the back yard. Now there’s a 30 foot radius around the hole where the grass is dying.

Nobody likes Ted Cruz. I would say he’s “Lucifer in the flesh,” except that might offend Dick Cheney enough to shoot me in the face.

I’m really glad Ted Cruz has the premature condition to choose a running mate, and it’s Carly Fiorina. People like that should be grouped together. It makes it easier to keep an eye on them…and run when they get too close.

If those two are actually the nominees for the GOP, I’m not as much concerned about what they want to DO for America as much as I am for what they want do TO America.

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Carly FoisTED


cjones04292016

Didn’t Ted Cruz lose FIVE primaries Tuesday night? So why in the blue blazes of Hell is he picking a running mate? He referred to her as his “nominee.” I’m not sure she can be a nominee until he’s a nominee. But hey, I’m looking for logic where there isn’t any.

Cruz announcing his veep selection is like bringing office decorations to your job interview. If he loses Indiana next week is he going to start appointing ambassadors?

So why is Ted Cruz announcing a running mate now, before he has the nomination? Probably because he has very little chance of winning the nomination. Maybe this will get more votes. He also wants to talk about something else besides getting his ass kicked Tuesday. He doesn’t want anyone to be reminded that Trump won over 50% of Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Delaware, and Connecticut, a feat Cruz has been boasting Trump could not accomplish in any state. Trump carried every single county in Pennsylvania, a very diverse state. Maybe Ted needs someone on his ticket who’s more delusional, less successful, less ethical, and a bigger liar than he is. After she sang during her speech he might have picked someone creepier. OK, he didn’t..but close.

Maybe he wanted a pretty face. Uhh…..yeah. I shouldn’t go there. Ted went there. He reminded us several times while announcing Carly that a lot of people don’t think she’s attractive.

Ted says we need to select a leader with good judgement. He picked Carly Fiorina. He says A people pick A people and B people pick C people. Ted showed us what a F person chooses.

Carly is more delusional than Ted to accept this offer. Most people won’t accept his phone calls. Ted picked a person who doesn’t have any great accomplishments. She ran a company into the ground, dropped their stock, and fired a massive amount of people. Let’s not forget her highly unsuccessful run for the U.S. Senate in California. As Trump points out, you don’t see her getting any job offers. That is, except from Ted Cruz, and this one doesn’t pay.

Even if this was to be taken seriously, Fiorina does not balance the ticket. She has zero foreign policy experience. No legislative experience. Her hardcore conservatism is a mirror image to Cruz. They both enjoy lying about Planned Parenthood. She’s Cruz without the penis, we think. She can’t even deliver California, where she doesn’t live anymore. Cruz may have tried to pick someone who wouldn’t overshadow him with charisma.

I only have one question for anyone who supports this ticket: Why do you hate America?

Cruz and Fiorina are ugly and disgusting. I’m talking about their personalities, policies, and what they intend to do to this country. So yeah, I made fun of their physical features to express that.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!