Chris Rock

Selective Outrage

The only bright spot for Will Smith from Chris Rock’s Netflix special, Selective Outrage, is that he knows at least one person watched “Emancipation”.

I pulled up Netflix Saturday night without any idea of what I was going to watch, which is a typical Saturday night for me now that I’m old and single. The first thing to pop up was Chris Rock’s live special, “Selective Outrage.” If I heard about this special coming up beforehand, I forgot. Since I didn’t have anything specific in mind to watch (more Community, IT Crowd, The Good Place?), I decided to check out Rock’s special which was coming live from Baltimore. I pulled it up during the pre-show.

The comedians during the pre-show were praising Rock and talking about how he was on fire and bringing his A-game, which to me was like when Trump announced his campaign for the 2024 presidential election, and Sean Hannity and fellow goons were talking about how he was on fire and unstoppable, even though they weren’t actually listening to the speech.

Did Chris Rock bring his A-game? Now take it from a white guy but one who watches a lot of standups and has seen several of Rock’s previous specials, but no. He was not on fire and he didn’t bring his A-game…until the last ten minutes.

Don’t get me wrong. It was good, not great. But everybody’s talking about the last ten minutes.

Rock joked about getting his own daughter kicked out of school, dating women in their 40s and 50s, Meghan Markle’s shock that the royal family is racist, and how black people will look behind a baby’s ears to see what shade of black they’ll be when they’re older.

The ear thing was news to me, but again, I’m white. White people don’t have to look behind a baby’s ears to see what shade of white they’ll be because we know that baby’s gonna be white and won’t be judged by the tone of its whiteness. I was aware of black people being treated differently based on their skin tone, as those with darker skin will deal with more racism, but the ear-check was an education for me.

Another education for me was Lululemon which I had never heard of, but I know about yoga pants. My friends and I have long conversations about yoga pants, and we don’t wear yoga pants.

Some of his observations were funny and honest like if Beyonce wasn’t famous and worked at Burger King, she could still land a millionaire like Jay-Z because of how beautiful she is. But if Jay-Z wasn’t rich and famous, he’d never land a woman like Beyonce (which Jay-Z would probably agree with). And then Rock said, “Last thing I need is another mad rapper,” which was a reference to being slapped by Will Smith at the Oscars a year ago. It was a running joke as he said it again after a Snoop Dog joke.

I was OK with Rock joking that parents should be allowed to kill their children until they’re four because it’s a joke and I had a four-year-old (they’re tiny terrorists), but I didn’t like him saying that every abortion is killing a baby because it feeds into the anti-science fundamentalist zealotry talking point used by Republicans who are banning abortions. But he was right when he said to women, “If you have to pay for your own abortion, you should have an abortion.”

And then he got to the slap.

Rock has said little over the past year regarding the slap. He’s referenced it here and there in his standups that weren’t big specials on a streaming network. But he’s mostly stayed silent. He’s been applauded for being mature and dignified over the entire thing. Not anymore. On Saturday night, Rock slapped back and I don’t think Will Smith will ever recover.

Rock said he loved Will Smith and used to cheer for him but now, he said, “I watch ‘Emancipation’ just to see him get whooped.”

I don’t really care about celebrity feuds or take sides. I’m still on the fence about Van Halen versus David Lee Roth. I honestly don’t know for sure where this one stems from. From what I understand, Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith had an affair. Rock’s theory is that Smith took his anger about the affair out on him. Rock said, “She hurt him way more than he hurt me.”

If you remember, and you should, Rock hosted last year’s Oscars and told a joke about Jada’s baldness which made Will Smith walk onto the stage and slap Chris Rock. Rock said the slap still hurts and that he has “Summertime” ringing in his ears a year later. I got that joke because “Summertime” came out when I was still young and listening to new music.

Rock said there are four ways people can get attention in our culture: Showing your ass, being infamous, being excellent, or playing the victim. Rock said he’s not a victim and you won’t see him on Oprah or Gayle (which is something else I had to look up. Gayle King, right?). But, Rock did play the victim somewhat by claiming Smith took his frustrations out on him after so many other people had called him a “bitch.” But if you want to find a room full of victims, go to CPAC.

CPAC, which was also in Maryland over the weekend, but not Baltimore, is the annual convention of racist Republican assholes so quite naturally, its keynote speaker was Donald Trump. Former Trump fixer Michael Cohen said the room for Trump’s speech was only at 40 percent capacity, and this entire convention was a Trump event. Cohen is a professional liar but a reporter for Vanity Fair who’s been covering CPAC for the past decade said he’s “never seen it more dead.”

Trump read a boring speech off a teleprompter for over 90 minutes in which he tapped into old grievances and told the white crowd exactly what they want to hear, that they’re the victims. He told them, “I am your retribution.”

Retribution for what? Losing an election? Failing at a coup? Liberals making you fat? No, that was McDonalds.

Trump, who plays the victim card daily, told the white audience that they’re victims, which is what they want to hear. White conservatives claim they’re the most persecuted group in world history never mind that throughout most of history, white people were the persecutors. Colonization was started by white people and going back to Rock’s jokes about Meghan Markle when it comes to racism, the royal family is the Sugarhill Gang, the “O.G. of racism.”

“Selective Outrage” could be the slogan for the Trump 2024 presidential campaign.

I’ll give Chris Rock’s special a B while Trump’s deserves an F. At least Rock brought new material. Trump, who told over 30 lies during his speech, played his greatest hits. We’ll keep hearing those “hits” of grievances and lies over the next two years. What we probably won’t be seeing is a lot of new Will Smith movies.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Slappy Oscars

If you told me before yesterday that Will Smith was going to slap Chris Rock, I would have been worried for Chris Rock. If you look at the two guys, you would be forgiven for thinking, “Oh, my god. Will Smith is going to kill Chris Rock.” Will Smith has been cast as a boxer, a superhero, an alien slayer, a zombie killer, a Bad Boy, and a defender from robot insurrections. Chris Rock’s most popular role is probably a zebra.

Fortunately, Smith didn’t hurt Rock much. Did Rock’s feet even move? Sure, Will Smith punches pretty weakly for a guy who once played Muhammad Ali in a movie, but at least he hits harder than Ted Cruz after someone mocks his wife’s appearance.

Will Smith will never be governor of Texas because Texas doesn’t vote for men who defend their wives.

Of course, I did not watch the Oscars. I think I may have watched it a few times with my mom when I was a kid when there were only three channels and nobody except Al Gore had heard of the internet yet. I do root for actors and movies to win these awards but I don’t watch them. I’ll occasionally watch a monologue or acceptance speech when I hear something interesting about them. That’s what happened last night.

I went out last night and watched some basketball while thinking about my next cartoon. I had a couple of things set up in my head, but when I got home and pulled up Facebook, the first story I saw was that Will Smith had won an Oscar for best actor…after punching Chris Rock. That was a confusing headline. So, I went after the story, saw the clip, and knew I had to change course for my next cartoon because at that point, it was the only story on the internet. People in Ukraine are probably talking about it. Then I went to bed.

Unless I’m your only source for information, you’re already aware of the Oscar slap. But in case you’re not, what happened was: Chris Rock told a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith’s wife. He made a crack at her hair or lack of it. She suffers from alopecia, a condition that leads to hair loss. This prompted Will Smith, who seemed to laugh at the joke initially, to get out of his seat, walk up the stage to Rock, and slap the baloney out of him. He went back to his seat and screamed at Rock to leave his wife out of his “effing” mouth. Naturally, Rock was very surprised by this. Shortly after, Will Smith won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in “King Richard.” He apologized for the slap but not to Rock. He compared himself to the character he won the Oscar for, which is the father of tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams.

The mood in the room was silent and awkward after the slap but Smith got a rousing ovation upon winning the Oscar.

My first impression was that Will Smith was right to be angry and stand up for his wife. How dare someone attack anyone’s wife. Go get ’em, Will. You show the world how a man reacts when his family’s attacked. I’ve had very similar reactions at times when members of my family have been attacked, though I never punched anyone for it. But I can relate.

But then I thought about it a bit more and know that assault is wrong. You can’t go around punching people, even if it’s a slap. You can stand up for and defend your family without assaulting someone. And it seems most criticism I’ve heard has been directed at Smith while Rock has received his share as well.

And then I heard that Chris Rock had made a joke about Jada at a previous Academy Awards show she was boycotting because of the lack of diversity. He said, “Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties. I wasn’t invited.” He had also replied to a tweet in the past that Will Smith had sent to his ex-wife, praising her as a mother.

But, I don’t think the past jokes Rock made at Pinkett Smith are very relevant here unless she’s the only person he’s been making jokes about. He’s Chris Rock. He makes a lot of jokes. He once joked that he doesn’t condone O.J. Simpson murdering his ex-wife, but he understands. So, a lot of people don’t condone what Will Smith did with the Oscar slap to Rock, but they understand.

But, Will Smith does understand. He understands better to get all slappy about a joke directed at his wife. Will Smith is the ultimate Hollywood player. He knows the system. He knows the industry. He is one of the biggest movie stars in the world. He knows what happens at award shows because he’s won 84 awards for his acting. This is not the first time a comic told jokes at an awards show directed at the celebrities in attendance. There have been some really mean and nasty jokes performed at award shows. The creator of Family Guy, Seth McFarlane, once opened an Oscars with a song titled, “We saw your boobs,” which was directed at several actresses in the audience. Nobody slapped him but you know a lot of women wanted to.

And then I heard the joke Chris Rock delivered at Jada Pinkett Smith. Rock said, “”Jada, I love ya. G.I. Jane 2, can’t wait to see ya.” G.I. Jane, in case you didn’t see it (I didn’t), starred Demi Moore who shaved her head in the film. Some people believe it was actually a compliment because G.I. Jane is tough. Will Smith initially laughed.

After the slap, which was picked up by the microphones, Chris Rock said, “Oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” Will Smith yelled at him a few times after he returned to his seat and Rock tried to explain it was just a joke. Then, Rock recovered and continued hosting the Oscars. Chris Rock literally rolled with the punch.

You can be a tough guy for giving a punch, but you can be a tougher guy for being able to take it. Chris Rock may not be a danger to anyone physically, but he’s tough. I respect he kept going. I also respect that Chris Rock isn’t pressing charges because he has a case. I also think he’s doing the right thing by not pressing charges and Will Smith should thank him for that.

There’s talk about rescinding Will Smith’s award for best actor but I don’t agree with that. He messed up and shouldn’t have this accomplishment taken away from him. I’m sure Rock agrees. Will Smith should now apologize and thank Chris Rock. What he should have done instead of slapping Rock was to approach him later after the show and tell him how he felt…without violence. You can walk up and tell somebody that something they did wasn’t cool. You can also tell them why. And for all we know, Rock may have apologized. Isn’t that what we want when we’ve been insulted? Isn’t an apology good enough in these situations?

If Will Smith’s going to punch anyone from the Madagascar movies, it shouldn’t be Chris Rock, who played Marty, the Zebra. He should punch David Schwimmer because Melman the giraffe was all over Gloria the hippo, played by Jada Pinkett Smith. I hate to judge but a giraffe and hippo…that’s just not right. And how is the physics required for that coupling even possible? I can’t even figure out how humans do it with other humans in showers. Also, don’t we all want to punch Ross Geller, even just a little bit? Maybe just one slap for each time he said, “We were on a break” or worse, “pivot.”

The Academy Awards have been suffering from low ratings and lack of interest for years and now they’re upset over this attention. I say, revel in it. They should promote next year’s with the question, “Who’s gonna get slapped this year?” Maybe they can outdo the Razzies with a slap award for worst actor. Each year, the worst actor has to be slapped by Will Smith. Of if that’s too much, Jesse Eisenberg. That guy isn’t a threat to anybody. Also, the worst actor gets to slap back. That…I would watch. Who wouldn’t want to see Pauly Shore and Jesse Eisenberg in a slapfest?

There’s also the slap bet from “How I Met Your Mother.” Marshall had won several slaps by betting with Barney, which gave Marshall five slaps to deliver to Barney at any time. The slaps were also transferable so someone else could slap Barney. Maybe instead of taking away Will Smith’s Oscar, the Academy can set up a slap-bet commissioner, (I would nominate Alyson Hannigan, who played Lily in “HIMYM” and was the slap-bet commissioner) who will decide how many slaps Chris Rock gets to give to Will Smith…at any time he wants. Two years from now, Will Smith could be filming a scene for Men In Black 4 when all of a sudden, an alien turns out to be Chris Rock and slaps the crap out of Agent J. Knowing you have a slap debt makes you live in constant terror.

If nothing else, Wrestlemania is approaching. Maybe Vince McMahon can set up a slapping match between Will Smith and Chris Rock. I would watch that too.

Music Note: I listened to Verbena again because it’s great stuff to color to.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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