Chick Fil A

Vax That Salad


Cjones09252021

I had a stop-the-presses moment last night.

Like I do every day, I had jotted down potential topics to cartoon about. Some of the topics are heavy subjects, like immigration, the debt ceiling, Texas abortion, missing indigenous people and Gabby Petito, Haiti, Trump’s lawsuits, etc, etc. As I said before, I like to have a definite idea (not just a concept) for my next cartoon before going to bed. I will toss and turn all night and have nightmares of crosshatching if I don’t. Seriously, I have dreams of crosshatching.

Around 11:00 P.M, I heard the news about disgraced scumbag General and former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. This guy is a piece of work. But, my gears went into motion for a Flynn cartoon. I wrote down three ideas and was giggling with each of them. I cracked open a Blue Moon while amusing myself and kept writing, self-editing, more writing, another Blue Moon, and then at 2:00 A.M, I said to myself, “Oh my god, it’s 2:00 A.M.” I knew I had my idea and I should get some sleep. The debt ceiling can wait. Michael Flynn said something stupid.

Flynn was forced into retirement from the military and there are rumors this is because he’s a raving lunatic. President Obama knew Flynn was a liar and had him removed from his position as Assistant Director of National Intelligence. During Flynn’s tenure, he became the first official from the United States invited into the Russian Military Intelligence headquarters in Moscow, which was seriously frowned upon by our government. He attempted a second visit which was thwarted. Then, he tried to get Russian intelligence officials inside the headquarters for the Central Intelligence Agency, which was knocked down by James Clapper, the Director of National Intelligence. There was concern, and it was reported by other officials that Flynn may have been compromised by the Russians. Ya’ think?

After he was fired, he was paid to speak at a Moscow event where he shared a table with Vladimir Putin. He later argued that Russia didn’t pay him. They paid his agent who then paid him. It’s that kind of logic that’ll get you a high-ranking position with the Trump administration…that and being compromised by the Russians.

President Obama advised Donald Trump NOT to hire Michael Flynn, probably because he’s compromised by the Russians. So naturally, Trump hired Michael Flynn as his National Security Adviser, and once again, proving President Obama is much smarter than he is. Flynn didn’t last a month as he had to be fired, supposedly for lying to the vice-president (sic) over his communications with…take a guess…Russians.

Later, he struck a plea-bargain admitting guilt in lying to the FBI which he later recanted probably because he knew he’d get a Trump pardon. Trump’s Justice Department tried to drop the case that Robert Mueller has already sent to the courts. Later, Donald Trump pardoned Flynn.

Then, Flynn took an oath pledging loyalty to Qanon which supersedes the oath he took swearing loyalty and to protect the United States and Constitution. In the aftermath of Trump losing the election, Flynn, and the attorney they shared, conspiracy theorist Sidney Powell, met with Trump in the Oval Office and suggested he suspend the Constitution, silence the press (people like me), declare martial law, and use the military to conduct a new election. Remember, this fucker took an oath to defend our nation and the Constitution and he’s in the Oval freaking Office, after being compromised by Russians and lying to the FBI, advocating the president (sic) suspend the Constitution and overthrow an election with a military coup. Go to Hell, Michael Flynn.

After Trump left the White House, because he lost the election to President Biden by seven million votes, Flynn voiced support for a “Myanmar-style coup” to restore Trump to power. Then, he got banned from Twitter for life.

Like all Trump supporters, and Trump himself, Michael Flynn was never about loyalty to the United States, patriotism, democracy, the Constitution, or free elections. Remember when we all shared those same principles, no matter our party affiliation? Turns out during all those years, Republicans were lying. Reinstating, or putting anybody in the White House without winning an election is un-American (except you, Gerald Ford, but that was a technicality). Even spreading the Big Lie is un-American.

That was just a brief summary of the lunacy, criminality, and sedition of Michael Flynn. There’s much more. Oh, so much more. There’s a lot about his denial and theories of the coronavirus and vaccines. He’s claimed in the past that the coronavirus is a hoax, was used to destroy Trump and to control us, and that you need a vaccine passport to travel. Now, he should know that’s a lie because he’s been traveling all over the country to speak at lunatic conventions about how you need a vaccine passport to travel. And last night, he supported a brand new conspiracy theory that the vaccine is being hidden in food, specifically salad dressing.

As a reader of mine already pointed out on the posting of this cartoon on Facebook, that dressing would Russian.

Appearing on some internet conspiracy show, Flynn said, “Somebody sent me a thing this morning where they’re talking about putting the vaccine into salad dressing. Or salads. Have you seen this? I mean it’s—and I’m thinking to myself, this is the Bizarro World, right? This is definitely the Bizarro World. … These people are seriously thinking about how to impose their will on us in our society, and it has to stop.” Really, Michael? A “thing?” I got a thing for ya’, you lying disgusting betraying traitor.

What is bizarre is Flynn was actually our National Security Adviser for 24 days. No, not the 24-days part.

There is a study by the University of California researching how vaccines could be grown in food, like plants (in case you’re a Republican, plants are what most salads consist of), so people could ingest their vaccines instead of being jabbed. But this is for the future, not now, and not to trick people. It probably won’t even be for COVID because hopefully, and if idiots like Flynn could stop getting in the way of it, COVID won’t exist anymore by the time we get edible vax.

There are people researching time travel and I know for a fact that doesn’t exist yet because if it did, Donald Trump never would have been president and we’d all be saying, “Michael Flynn who?”. Researching something doesn’t mean we have it. Wilbur and Orville had to research flight before they could actually fly. They didn’t just suddenly put a pair of wings on a bicycle and go, “Wheeee!”

I also know the government isn’t hiding vaccines to the coronavirus in salads. How do I know this? Because if the deep-state government people were hiding the vaccine to trick Trump cultists and Republicans, they wouldn’t be hiding it in salads. That wouldn’t help us stop the virus at all.

How do you trick a dog to eat a pill? You wrap the pill in cheese or peanut butter. You don’t put the pill inside cauliflower. You want the dog to eat it, not just look at with a quizzical expression. And if you give a dog cauliflower, he might run away. I would.

So Michael Flynn is trying to suggest the vaccine is hidden in a patch of arugula? Why didn’t he just claim it’s in sushi? We’d never get the vaccine inside them if they have to learn how to use chopsticks. Fork that!

But, Republicans aren’t eating a lot of vegetables. Look at Trump. He’s never eaten a salad in his life. He thinks the five food groups are, KFC, Big Macs, ketchup, hot dogs, and Arby’s. George H.W. Bush took an official presidential position against broccoli. The entire Republican Party freaked out when First Lady Michelle Obama tried to introduce more salads to America’s schoolchildren. No, if are going to hide the vaccine to trick Republicans, which will be easier than getting dogs to eat cheese, we’ll hide it in some shit they’ll actually eat.

Let’s start with Chick-fil-a. If nothing else, we can scare them from eating there and helping Chick-fil-a finance homophobic hate groups.

Here’s the plan, folks: We hide the vaccine in food the Chick-fil-a menu. We put that shit in their nuggets, their chicken sandwiches, their waffle fries. We’ll even put it in the lemonade. Chick-fil-a has salads but like the ones at McDonalds, I’m sure they’re just for show. Who the fuck goes to McDonalds to eat a salad?

Now, on Sundays, since Chick-fil-a is closed because they’re religious zealots, we’ll hide the vax in food at Cracker Barrel and Cheesecake Factory. Although we’re not actually doing any of this, let’s just say we are…and spread the word.

We, here at Deep-State Incorporated, in conjunction with our reptilian people baby-eating brethren, by praying to Satan, have also created an inhalable vaccine. We’re putting that in MyPillows.

Spread the word.

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Hater Chicken Concedes


cjones11232019

After a brouhaha erupted over Chick-fil-A supporting hate groups, conservatives rallied around the chicken sandwich people.

Conservatives rallied by posting photos of themselves on social media eating chicken sandwiches. That was their idea of sticking it to liberals. It was another form of tribalism.

It doesn’t matter how abhorrent conservatives are, the base will rally. Supporting hate groups qualifies as abhorrent. You would think at least one prominent conservative would have reached out and said, “You make a nice sandwich, but maybe stop supporting hate groups.”

Now, Chick-fil-A is caving. They’ve decided to no longer donate to groups that hate gays, lesbians, trans, etc. And conservatives are flipping out. Remember when they told us to get over it and buy a chicken sandwich, dammit? Yeah, now they’re crying about being betrayed. Betrayed by Chick-fil-A. Now they know how McRib fans feel.

Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas and the man who spawned Sarah Huckabee Sanders, tweeted, “In Aug 2012, I coordinated a national @ChickfilA Appreciation Day after they were being bullied by militant hate groups. Millions showed up. Today, @ChickfilA betrayed loyal customers for $$. I regret believing they would stay true to convictions of founder Truett Cathey. Sad.”

Aw. It sounds like Papa Huckasans doesn’t appreciate Chick-fil-A anymore. Here’s the thing, Huckabee, you don’t support hate groups and complain about being bullied by hate groups. The fact of the matter is, Mike Huckabee is one of the ringleaders of hate.

Drew Anderson, director of campaigns and rapid response for GLAAD said, “If Chick-fil-A is serious about their pledge to stop holding hands with divisive anti-LGBTQ activists, then further transparency is needed regarding their deep ties to organizations like Focus on the Family. Chick-fil-A investors, employees, and customers can greet today’s announcement with cautious optimism, but should remember that similar press statements were previously proven to be empty.”

So all that show of support by conservatives, the “appreciation day,” social media sandwich photos, etc, were to no avail. Did Chick-fil-A figure out that conservatives are a dying species? Did they figure out, even though they’re based in the deep south, that liberals and moderates outnumber conservatives? Or did they just figure out that Popeyes new sandwich is kicking their ass and doing so without hate?

What’s next? Will Chick-fil-A figure out that people like chicken sandwiches on Sundays too?

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Meat Kills


cjones10272015

I’ve drawn too many cartoons on food lately. I’ve drawn two on McDonald’s (one was local for Utah), I drew the Iowa corn cartoon last Saturday and now this. Food is either hitting the news too much or I need to start eating more than one meal a day. I’m hungry.

The World Health Organization issued a report that stated we’re all going to die. OK it didn’t exactly say that but it did give the impression that Birkenstock-wearing vegetarians will inherit the Earth. That’s a serious bummer. The organization believes eating meat, pork and anything that doesn’t taste like a mop will give you cancer. You can still eat fish but the only ones who actually want to eat fish every day of their lives is other fish. Even bears get tired of fish now and then which is why you see them occasionally chasing hikers. You never see bears chasing tofu.

By the way, I just saw this trivia: Did you know the largest toy distributor in the world is McDonald’s? I do recall around 1995 my son pitching a fit if he didn’t get the Power Ranger he wanted. Nobody liked Yellow Power Ranger and I think we accumulated six of those.

Another piece of trivia for you: Most people will not vote for a vegetarian. Vegetarian Ben Carson is promising that if he’s elected he will occasionally eat something killed by Ted Nugent. I also read most people won’t vote for a candidate if they don’t like their pets which explains why Alice Cooper has never run for president.

I don’t mind doing cartoons like this every now and then. When I say “cartoons like this” I mean cartoons that aren’t mean. I can give my clients and editors a day to breathe easy without any angry phone calls…unless there’s some peeved off cows out there who got their udders in a twist.

I’ll do something mean tomorrow. Ben Carson said he wants to kill liberal speech at public universities and that he once tried to stab someone (I wonder if someone rushed him). Jeb Bush said he can do “cooler things” other than run for president and also stated “blah blah blah.” Donald Trump is still freaking out about Iowa. Some cop went out of his way to visit a classroom and beat up a student which was caught on camera. I’ll be busy tomorrow.

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