Cats

Woof Woof, Meow Meow, Spend Spend


Cjones09142021

Nineteen Senate Republicans joined with Democrats to pass a $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill despite Donald Trump loudly screaming against it.

Typically, Republicans are scared to death of Donald Trump and his cult. This is because Republicans are spineless cowards. But they may not have much to fear this time from the Trump cult over this massive spending bill.

One reason they don’t have to worry so much is that spending on infrastructure is good. How dare you repair bridges, fill potholes, and create jobs in my community. Even Republicans who voted against this will receive infrastructure money in their states. And since they are Republicans, they’ll still take credit for it.

But a better reason Republicans who opposed Trump on this don’t have to fear is because this legislation is nuts-and-bolts stuff. Trump supporters don’t understand gritty details. Half of Republicans in Congress don’t understand gritty details and nuts and bolts of legislation. Do you honestly believe Lauren Boebert is doing math? Do you think Marjorie Taylor Green is shouting through a mail slot about a sewage system in Akron? Matt Gaetz won’t even look at the bill unless you draw a pair of teenage boobies on it.

Trump supporters don’t know this shit. They’re idiots who believe he’s going to be reinstated. They only get fired up over wedge issues and three-syllable chants (“lock her up,” “send them back,” “drain the swamp,” “stop the steal,” and a two syllable one as a bonus, “space force”). They don’t even understand the stuff they do get upset about but those things are much easier to get all sweaty over. They want red meat, not deets.

Republicans are not going to get upset over spending on infrastructure. If you really want them upset over spending, tell them it was for allowing trans to play on female sports teams and use public restrooms. Tell them it was for making Cat in the Hat a crossdresser. Tell them it was to remove Mr. Potato Head’s penis and sticking it in his trunk.

Tell them we’re spending $1.2 trillion to rename the Washington Monument “Black Lives Matter Monument.” Tell them it was for Obama’s birthday party (Pearl Jam and balloons aren’t cheap). Tell them it was to put more broccoli and cauliflower into school lunches. Tell them we spent a trillion bucks on public face masks and mandated sleeveless shirts from the Michelle Obama Collection.

Tell them the $1.2 trillion infrastructure is code for repairing Jewish space lasers. Tell them the money is for straight conversion to make daycare students gay. Tell them it’s for microchips in the coronavirus vaccines to track everybody’s porn consumption. Tell them it’s for creating a chemical to place inside school face masks that’ll turn your children into godless socialists and vegans. Tell them the money is ban cow farts. For some weird reason, the GOP is horny for cow farts. Tell them the $1.2 trillion is to tear down Trump’s racist border wall and build open bridges from El Paso to Caracas. Then, tell them were Caracas is.

Donald Trump was all in favor of infrastructure spending when he was president (sic). But now he’s against it. That would be like him being in opposition to us spending $1.2 trillion to buy Greenland.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand infrastructure. He only understands tax cuts for himself and racist dog whistles. The only reason he’s opposed to this legislation is because it’s a win for President Joe Biden.

Now, this legislation is going to the House where Republicans are even shittier and more cowardice than they are in the Senate.

Cats and dogs didn’t really get married. It was just a one-night stand. Today, they’re back at fighting over other infrastructure spending, like creating more internet for rural America where they’re more likely to believe in shit like Trump winning the election, George Soros-funded caravans, deep-state lizard people, and Jewish space lasers. Come to think of it, maybe we should oppose creating more internet for rural fucknuts.

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Trumpy Windy Cats


cjones12262019

I almost feel bad for Trump supporters, or at least the ones cognizant enough to realize their man is a full-blown idiot.

When Trump made his claims about windmill cancer, stupid-ass Trump supporters started sharing his lie. The supporters who are only slightly smarter claimed Trump was joking. That’s easier than trying to defend the “windmill cancer” claim. So, if he was joking then, what was he doing Saturday during a speech in Florida to the Turning Point USA Student Action Summit?

Trump went on a tirade against wind turbines. The guy who promised to restore “clean coal” has initiated a propaganda campaign against clean energy. Naturally, since this is Donald Trump, his campaign isn’t just dishonest. It’s overblown conspiracy-laden, grade-A bullshit.

After hearing his tirade against wind turbines, it’s hard to argue the guy is qualified to be president or even allowed to reach for things on the top shelf without parental supervision. It’s embarrassing that any group has to sit through one of his rants disguised as speeches.

Saturday, he said, “I know windmills very much. I’ve studied it better than anybody I know” which was preceded by, “I never understood wind.” The only thing Donald Trump has probably ever understood about wind if he doesn’t use enough tape, it’ll blow that yellow-pee-stained tribble off his head.

Trump said wind turbines are a “bird graveyard” and that if you “go under a windmill someday, you’ll see more birds than you’ve ever seen ever in your life.” Wind turbines do kill birds. The people who count those kinds of things estimate bird deaths caused by wind turbines to be in the hundreds of thousands a year. But other energy power sources, such as coal, oil, and power lines, kill millions a year. That’s still not as many killed by cats; no, not the Broadway musical or movie Cats, but actual cats. Scientists estimate that cats murder over 4 billion a year. We’re still waiting on the number killed annually by Don Jr. and Eric.

During the defense of birds, Trump claimed windmill turbines kill eagles saying, “a windmill will kill many bald eagles. It’s true. And you know what? After a certain number, they make you turn the windmill off. That’s true, by the way.” It’s not true, by the way. The Fish and Wildlife Service has an Eagle Conservation Plan which suggests “seasonal, daily or mid-day shutdowns” as an advanced conservation practice that project developers could be asked to implement if the amount of post-construction fatalities reaches a concerning level, but this is not a requirement.

Trump said, “They’re made in China and Germany mostly — very few made here, almost none. But they’re manufactured tremendous — if you’re into this — tremendous fumes. Gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe. So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything. You talk about the carbon footprint — fumes are spewing into the air. Right? Spewing. Whether it’s in China, Germany, it’s going into the air. It’s our air, their air, everything — right? So they make these things and then they put them up.”

About the only thing accurate in that word salad is that they make these things and then they put them up. Wind turbines create power with virtually no emission. According to the Department of Energy, they have the smallest carbon footprint of any energy source. As for where they’re made, there are over 500 factories building wind-related parts and materials in 43 states, supporting over 25,000 jobs.

Trump also said, “You know what they don’t tell you about windmills? After 10 years, they look like hell. You know, they start to get tired, old. You got to replace them. A lot of times, people don’t replace them. They need massive subsidy from the government in order to make it.” Again, not true which is probably why “they don’t tell you” that about windmills. There are no subsidies for wind turbines, but there are tax credits. I don’t know if they look like hell after 10 years and have to be replaced like one of Trump’s wives, but the average lifespan of wind turbines is 20-25 years.

Trump also claimed, “If you own a house within vision of some of these monsters, your house is worth 50% of the price.” Wind turbines basically have zero effect on property values. I doubt anyone has the same concerns about living near a wind turbine as they do about living under power lines or next to a nuclear power plant.

The biggest lie Trump told is that he studied wind power. I’m still kinda amazed the guy will spout off about subjects he doesn’t know anything about. When he makes absurd claims like this, I have to wonder, did he get the information from Vladimir Putin like he did with his Ukraine-election-meddling conspiracy theory? Is House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy going to start telling us wind turbines will make your children grow extra limbs? Is Rudy Giuliani going to link wind turbines to Hunter Biden and our former ambassador to Ukraine?

Maybe the most absurd thing about any of this is that Donald Trump, father of big-game hunting and endangered-animal killers Don Jr. and Eric, wants us to believe he cares about birds. That’s about as believable as me wanting to see Cats.

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